“Mad?” She clenches her jaw. “Mad is an understatement, Ethan. I’m furious.” Fresh tears start pouring from her eyes. “Do you have any idea what you did? I thought you were dead.” Her voice cracks and she buries her face in her hands. “I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself. I can’t … I can’t really object to what you do after a show, but before our biggest gig? You had to get wasted? Did you for even one second think about the rest of us before you did such a stupid thing? How much more do you think any of us can take?”
All I could think of was Tyler kissing Emme. An image I wanted to get out of my head as quickly as possible.
“I’m sorry.” That’s all I can think to say, but I know it isn’t enough. Nothing I do will ever be enough. Especially now.
Emme sits there with me for the next few hours as doctors and nurses come in. She has tears in her eyes the entire time. But neither of us says another word.
“Ethan!” My mom breaks the silence when she opens the door and runs to my bedside. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry we’re just getting here now. We came as quickly as we could.” She looks up and sees Emme. “Thank you so much!” She gives Emme a hug, but Emme doesn’t respond. She just heads for the door.
“John!” Mom nudges my dad. “You’d better make sure she gets home okay. It looks like she hasn’t slept in days.”
I want to run after Emme, call after her, do something. But instead I lie here. In the bed that I made for myself out of self-pity and self-destruction.
One week.
That’s how long I’m away from school. Away from the band. Away from Emme.
Everybody comes to visit me — Jack, Chloe, Ben, Mr. North, even Kelsey — but I don’t hear from Emme.
I head into class with my arm in a cast and sling.
“Welcome back, Mr. Quinn,” Mr. North says to me as I settle into my seat.
“The prodigal jackass returns!” Jack says with a laugh.
Jack and Ben both seemed to have accepted my apologies for my behavior. I know Jack likes to have yet another thing to pick on me for.
“Oh, nice sparkly white teeth, Toothy McGee.”
My tongue runs over the caps that were put on the teeth that I broke. If only there were caps to fix everything in life.
Emme walks into class and gives me a halfhearted smile as she sits down.
“Hey,” I say to her.
She nods at me.
Mr. North gives us the hour to go over our pieces for next week’s concert. The one where I’m supposed to do a killer guitar solo.
Jack gets right to it. “We obviously have a problem with old gimpy here.”
Mr. North pulls up a chair beside us. “Listen, guys, we still want you to perform. I discussed with the other department directors, and we are fine if you want to pull a guitar student from the junior class to perform with you.”
Jack and Ben start going over different guitarists to fill in for me.
Emme speaks up. “I’m going to do the solo.”
“What?” Jack looks surprised.
I smile.
“Find someone to fill in for my rhythm part. I’m going to do the solo.”
“Red! That’s my girl! Although, I don’t mean to doubt you, but it’s pretty hard.”
Emme glares at Jack. “I can do it.”
And the way she says it, there is no question at all that she can.
I’m waiting for Emme at her locker after class.
“I’d say that I don’t mean to stalk you, but …”
She doesn’t look surprised to see me, but she doesn’t look pleased, either.
“What’s up?” she asks.
I didn’t think she was going to acknowledge my existence, so I don’t really have a plan.
“We still need to record some more songs for our thesis projects. I wanted to see when, ah, you wanted to come over.”
She stares at my sling. “Can you really work the soundboard with your arm?”
“I’m willing to try.”
She lets out a small sigh. “I don’t know….”
“Please.” I feel the desperation seep into my voice and I don’t care. I need to fix this. I need Emme. I hate myself so much right now, probably more than she hates me. If that’s even possible.
She nods to herself a bit, apparently weighing the pros and cons.
“Hey, guys. Welcome back, Ethan!” Tyler approaches us and I try to look happy to see him. Okay, maybe not happy, but I try to push down the murderous rage I feel inside.
I hold Emme’s gaze as Tyler stands between us, looking back and forth, waiting to be acknowledged. Then the corner of Emme’s mouth turns up slightly and she tilts her head at me. She looks at Tyler and grabs him by the shirt and kisses him. Hard.
I’ve never been so jealous of a person (or shirt) in my life.
“Hi,” she says as she pushes him away.
His eyes are wide. Clearly not the hello he was expecting.
She can hardly look me in the eye when she finally addresses me. “Yeah, I guess I could come over later. I’ll call you.”
She and Tyler leave hand in hand.
I feel sick to my stomach.
But I deserve that and so much more.
Emme does come over as promised. But instead of heading to the studio, she sits down on the couch in our living room.
“I’m pretty mad at you, Ethan.”
“I know.”
She starts playing with the tie that’s on her shirt. “But that doesn’t excuse me from not returning your phone calls or visiting you while you were out.”
I don’t even know what to say.
She continues. “I don’t know. I felt like I needed to get back at you for what you did. Which is why I made a total fool out of myself today with Tyler in front of you. But I don’t really think there is anything that I can do to make you realize what you’ve done. I want to move on from all of this.”
“I’ll do anything to make you not hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
Part of me doesn’t believe her, although I desperately want to.
I sit down next to her and take her hand. “Emme, I will do everything possible to make this up to you, I promise.”
She doesn’t respond. She slowly pulls her hand away. “There’s something I want to show you.” She takes out her phone and hands it to me.
I see an e-mail from Juilliard telling her she’s been invited to audition in February.
“You did it!”
She gives me a weak smile. This is something she’s dreamed about for so long. The old Emme would’ve been ecstatic, and a feeling creeps up inside me that makes me wonder if I killed that part of her.
“Emme!” I jump up on the couch. “You got invited to audition at Juilliard. JUILLIARD!” I jump right next to her so she starts to shake around.
She stands up. Her eyes get wide. “Flippin’ Juilliard!” She jumps up on the couch and lets out the most glorious laugh I’ve ever heard.
I lose my balance and fall backward onto the couch.
“Ethan!” She lets out a little scream.
“I’m okay!”
She jumps off the couch, slightly out of breath, and sits back down. “I really needed this.”
I nod at her. Happy to have Emme back, even if it’s temporary.
She turns to me. “I’m sure you’ll hear any day.”
I pause for a second. “I did hear back.”
She swats at my good arm. “You were supposed to tell me!”
“You were the first person I called, but, um, you weren’t returning my phone calls.”
“Oh.” I didn’t want to remind her of why she wasn’t talking to me. “Well?”
I jump back onto the couch. “Flippin’ Juilliard!”
She cheers for me and jumps back on with me to celebrate. We bounce around like idiots for nearly half an hour. I didn’t want this moment to end. I’m afraid that the second our feet touch the floor (literally), she’ll go back to Upset Emme.
But truthfully, I’ll hold on to whatever part of her I can.
Alumni night.
Jack is uncharacteristically pacing around backstage. He finally pulls me aside. “I’m not cool with this. Emme hasn’t run through her solo once.”
Every time we’ve practiced, she’s stopped playing when the break came for her solo. She’s simply said that she’s been practicing and knows what she has to do.
I don’t doubt for a second that she’s ready. Although there’s a small part of me that’s nervous for her, worried that she might freeze up. I don’t know if it’s because she got into the Juilliard audition, or she’s becoming more comfortable singing her own songs, but Emme’s starting to get this quiet confidence about her. I’m more excited for her than anything. I want to see her perform her solo, to finally be the center of attention.
“I don’t know, man.” Jack folds his arms. “I don’t like this. It’s like she’s suddenly become the unpredictable one. Look at me! I’m a nervous wreck. My hot girlfriend is standing over there in a ridiculously short flapper dress and I can’t even enjoy it!” Jack motions toward Chloe, who is getting ready for her twenties dance number.
Jerry Shan, the junior who’s playing Emme’s part, comes over to me. “Emme looks freakishly calm.”
Emme’s been standing in a corner, staring at her guitar.
I have no idea why this isn’t freaking me out. I, more than anybody, want to see her succeed. Maybe I’m just in denial about how much is at stake once we get on that stage. If it goes poorly, her confidence will be shattered.
Ben joins us. “What’s making me nervous is that you are calm. That’s unnerving to me.”
“Can everybody relax?” I plead. “Emme is going to rock this out. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
Okay, maybe there’s a tiny fraction of doubt, but I don’t think it would help Emme if she saw everybody in the band freaking out.
Jack throws his hands up. “Okay, is this some kind of a joke? Seriously, you are being the voice of reason here? I can’t handle this. Please start freaking out.”
My laughter just makes Jack more agitated. So I laugh even harder.
Emme walks over. “What’s going on?”
“I have no idea. It’s like an episode of The Twilight Zone over here!” Jack walks away.
“What?” Emme looks confused.
“Nothing.” I smile at her. “You’re going to be brilliant.”
She shrugs. I start to get that familiar nervous feeling I get in the pit of my stomach before we go onstage. But for the first time, it isn’t about me. I so desperately want this to go well for Emme.
She gestures at my black long-sleeve shirt. “You can hardly see the sling with that thing on.”
I decide to not hold back anymore. I grab her by the waist with my one good arm and kiss her on the forehead.
Before she can respond, we’re told to take our places.
Emme is up front with me. Ben is to my right, and Jerry is to Emme’s left. Dr. Pafford introduces the eighties by showing famous alumni from that decade. Once the lights come up, I start the opening notes of the song on the keyboard with my one good hand, then Jack comes in with a harder beat than the original.
Emme begins to play the opening riff with such force it feels like the entire audience has been awakened after boring concertos and period dances.
As I start to sing and the crowd begins to move to the beat, I hear cheering from the current students standing in the back. I take the microphone out of the holder. I can’t dance and there’s no way that I’m going to even attempt it on a song by such an iconic dancer as Michael Jackson, especially with a sling on. I’m doing it because when Emme does her solo, I want her to be alone at the front of the stage.
We come to the break. Jerry plays a few notes as an intro and then it’s Emme’s turn. I look to her and see her completely calm and composed. And then she starts.
There are no words.
Okay, there are a million.
I see most of the front few rows with their mouths open. Because Emme, the petite redheaded girl of the group, the one who is happy to be background, completely and utterly rips that solo up and throws it on the ground.
I was doing some complicated moves in mine, but she …
I’m frozen, transfixed as I watch her fingers move so quickly up the neck of the guitar, hitting notes that I can only imagine in my dreams. I glance back at Jack, whose eyes are practically bulging from his head.
Her guitar screams out for two minutes and it isn’t nearly enough. Everybody wants more. I hate it when I come in with the chorus at the end. But nobody can hear me anyway.
Because once Emme hits the final note of her guitar solo, the entire audience erupts in a standing ovation. For prestigious alumni, they sure are one rowdy bunch.
I look over at Emme, who has a small smile as she keeps playing. Her cheeks flush.
I have never been more in awe of her than I am right now.
We finish and I stand near Jack so she gets every ounce of admiration she deserves. She looks back and motions for me to come forward, but I’m not going anywhere.
The lights go down and we all run off the stage. Jack picks Emme up and swings her around.
We hear Dr. Pafford clear his throat. “Well, everybody should be awake now.” There is some laughter in the audience. “That was Emme Connelly. Needless to say she is one of our top music students. My sincere apologies to the students who have to follow that.”
We all start cheering and celebrating. That is by far the greatest compliment anybody has ever heard from Dr. Pafford.
Emme keeps shaking her head.
“Tell me this, Red.” Jack wraps his arms around her. “Why on earth are we letting this one play lead when you can play like that?”
I can’t take my eyes off of her. “I totally agree.”
Emme stays silent as we’re surrounded by dozens of students wanting to congratulate her.
Chloe comes up to me, shock on her face. “Did you have any idea that she could play like that?”
“Yep.”
Ben’s hands have been over his mouth since we got off the stage. He finally removes them. “Good Lord, Emme. That was seriously hot. I’m sincerely debating changing sides because I want to kiss you on the mouth right now.”
Emme laughs. She turns to me. “Ethan, I did it.” Her voice is so soft. She almost doesn’t believe herself.
In that second, everybody else disappears. I see only her. She is looking at me like she used to when she was happy. Before I screwed everything up.
I know I do stupid things. I do them all the time. I even know when I’m about to do something completely and utterly idiotic. Most of the time I care. But not now. There is only one thing in the world that I care about.
Emme.
I go up to Emme, put my one good hand on her face and kiss her.
On the mouth.
It’s amazing how quickly people forget an inspired performance. I got attention from A Little Night Music for less than a week. And now all anybody can talk about is Emme.
She plays the guitar for a song and it’s like nothing else happened that night. Of course, I was relegated to the choir for a Motown medley, so I didn’t even get the opportunity to do anything.
But not Emme. It’s like no girl has ever played the guitar before. And of course Ethan shoving his tongue down her throat afterward, and Tyler running out of the auditorium, gave people even more to talk about.
And do I get any recognition? Of course not.
I just went up to her when we were little and encouraged her to write. And then attend CPA. So why would anybody give me any credit for what’s happening to her?
I stare out the window of our practice suite as Emme plays around on the piano. I’ve been sure to spend more time with her lately. At least maybe she’ll remember I exist.
“Hey, Sophie,” she says quietly. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Of course
, Emme. Anything!” I run over and sit next to her on the piano bench.
“It’s about Ethan…. I don’t really know what to think about what happened.” She looks down and studies her hands.
“I’m sure it was the adrenaline after the performance,” I assure her. “I wouldn’t make too big a deal about it.”
“Really? I guess. Although he’s never done anything like that to me before … but I don’t know….”
“How’s it been since after the concert with you two?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “Normal, I guess. I was so shocked about what happened. He quickly apologized and neither one of us has mentioned it since. Jack, of course, gives Ethan grief about it, and then teases me for playing favorites and encourages me to spread the love among the other members.”
“And what about Tyler?”
“Oh, well … he’s pretty mad, but it wasn’t like I kissed Ethan. I mean, I don’t feel he really has a right to be upset with me.”
“Well, you did humiliate him in front of the school.”
She looks up at me. “Really? We only went on a few dates, so I didn’t think people knew….”
I shake my head. “Emme, people talk. They knew. Poor Tyler. You should really apologize to him. He’s a pretty good guy.” Even though he helps Sarah Moffitt. But if Emme is going to be with either Ethan or Tyler, I vote for Tyler. He’s truly the lesser of two evils.
“He’s really mad. I don’t know….”
Gee, Emme is unsure of something? What a shock.
This conversation isn’t going anywhere. I pick up the piece of sheet music she’s been working on. “What’s this?”
“Oh.” She takes the paper out of my hand. “Just something new I’ve been working on.”
“For the showcase?”
She bites her lip. “Ah, so nobody knows this …”
“You know you can tell me anything, Emme. You’re my oldest friend.”
She hesitates for a second. “I know. Dr. Pafford called me into his office today.”
“What did you do?” This is huge. Dr. Pafford rarely calls students into his office. If he does, it’s usually to tell them they didn’t pass the audition to attend the next semester.
“He told me that he’d like to see me do a solo audition for the showcase.”