“Fuck you,” I snapped at the nasty black bird. It squawked again and apparently captured the attention of Krazy Katie.
“The birds of leaving call to us,” she sang down at me. “Yet here we stand endowed with a fear of flight.”
I glared up at her.
“Shut up, you crazy bitch.”
She just laughed in response and then continued with her babble.
“The winds of change consume the land, while we remain in the shadow of summers now past.”
Raising both hands, I flipped both her and the bird “the bird” before stomping back into the apartment building. I got up to my front door and hesitated, realizing immediately that this was exactly what I didn’t want to have happen.
I was hesitating because she was in there, and I didn’t know if I should go in or not. I wasn’t sure just how pissed off at me she was going to be, and rightly so. I mean, I yelled at her, kissed her, dry humped her, and then ran out on her.
She probably already had her bags packed.
She wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me traveling with her. She would end up going back to Douchebag, and she wouldn’t finish school. If that were the case, it meant I had pretty much fucked up her entire life because I was horny.
What an asshole.
I leaned against the wall just beside the door and held my face in my hands. My head was getting a little swimmy, and I realized my impromptu run had also left me dehydrated. Growling at myself, I straightened up and turned to open the door.
It was quiet inside.
It only took a second to see she wasn’t in either the kitchen or the living room, which didn’t leave me many more options. Though I would rather have hidden behind a beer at the kitchen table, I had to fix this.
How?
Convince her it was a joke? A mistake? I didn’t mean it?
I wasn’t completely sure I was going to be able to do that and decided maybe a bit of a stall tactic was warranted—at least long enough to grab a glass of water. Once in the kitchen, I downed it quickly, half hoping she would just appear behind me so I didn’t have to walk back into the bedroom.
Maybe she left while I was out.
I glanced over at the suitcase that still sat, partially open, at the end of the couch, and found myself annoyed she still hadn’t bothered to put anything into the dresser drawer I cleared out for her.
Because she knew she wasn’t going to stay long.
I wanted to slam my head against the wall a few times but figured if she was still here—and she probably was—the noise would just scare her. I took a long breath to prepare myself and pushed forward. I turned the corner slowly and found Tria sitting at the edge of the bed. She looked up as soon as I came into view, and I could see redness around her eyes.
I’m such a fucking asshole.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.
Tria looked away, wiped at her eyes, and then looked back at me with a fierce glare that almost sent me stumbling backward.
“For what?” she demanded. “What exactly are you sorry for?”
“For…um…for the uh…”
“For what?” she yelled louder. She stood up and walked toward me. “Tell me right now, Liam Teague! What exactly are you apologizing for because I need to figure out whether or not I’m going to slap you!”
I gulped but couldn’t come up with what I should say next.
“Is that all you want, huh?” she asked as she took another step closer. She came right up to me and shoved me in the center of my chest. “Are you just hoping the convenient roommate and cook would become a convenient fuck, too? Is that it?”
I had to take a step back from the words she was hurling at me. Of all the reactions I was expecting, this wasn’t even on the list.
“What…um…no!”
“So then what is it, Teague?” she said, her voice sounding like a snarl. “What are you sorry about?”
“Because of…of what I did?” I didn’t mean it to sound like a question, but I wasn’t really sure myself.
“Tell me!” she screeched, shoving me again. She didn’t actually move me back, but I could tell she was trying to put some force into it. “Are you sorry you kissed me or sorry you ran out on me afterwards?”
Tears began to stream down her face.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I told her the truth.
“I don’t want to fuck up your life,” I said. “I don’t want you to leave because I’m an ass.”
She looked up at me, and her expressive brown eyes seemed to be searching right through me and into my soul. Something told me she was going to find more there than she ever wanted to see.
“So what is it, then?” she said. Her voice was still strained but had lost its venom. “What are you so sorry about?”
“I’m not sorry I kissed you,” I admitted. “I just didn’t mean to—”
I couldn’t finish the sentence because her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled my mouth to hers.
I was lost.
Completely and totally lost within her.
I was fucked.
I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me as she pulled my head down toward her roughly. She pushed her tongue into my mouth, and I welcomed it. She moved one of her hands from my shoulder to the top part of my arm, and then to my chest. She grabbed at the material of my shirt as she pressed her mouth against mine again.
There were so many unfamiliar emotions going through me, I didn’t know what to do to comprehend them all. There was lust and desire—without a doubt—but that was expected…normal…welcomed. It was the other shit I didn’t know how to process.
The fear.
Her grip on me relaxed slightly, and I held her close as my mouth moved across her jaw and down her neck. Her breath came in short gasps as her fingers tried to latch onto my hair.
“I don’t do this,” I whispered against her ear. “I’ll just screw it up, Tria. I don’t want you hurt because of me. I’m not worth taking the chance.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that?” she replied, and her mouth was on mine again.
I have no idea how long we stayed there, standing in the doorway, making out between the hall and the bedroom, but we were both out of breath by the time we stopped. Tria pulled away first, because I might never have, and then she looked at me for a long moment.
I couldn’t decide if her gaze made me feel uncomfortable or not. Eventually she sighed and then placed her cheek against my chest, leaning against me.
“I had given up, you know,” she said.
“On what?”
“I didn’t think you…you know…”
Pulling back a little, I looked down at her.
“I didn’t what?”
“That you just weren’t interested,” she said with a shrug.
I let out a short, humorless laugh.
“I just didn’t want to be a dick,” I told her.
She tilted her head up and pressed her lips softly to the base of my throat.
“Don’t run out on me like that again,” she said into my neck.
“Okay,” I said.
“Promise.”
“I promise.” My arms went around her back, and I pulled her closer against my chest. “I thought you were pissed.”
“I wasn’t pissed,” she told me. “I just…wasn’t ready for that. I can’t go from roommate to lover in thirty seconds.”
“Oh…um….” My voice trailed off with no direction or purpose.
“Are you going to be okay with that?” Tria asked in a small voice.
“With what?”
She let out an exaggerated sigh before looking up into my face.
“I’m not ready to have sex with you.”
“Oh! That.”
“Yeah, that.”
I trailed my fingers down the side of her face.
“Whenever you’re ready,” I said, and I hoped I wasn’t lying to her. “I’m not in any hurry.”
&
nbsp; She raised an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged in response.
“How long do you need?” I asked. “Ten minutes?”
She laughed and leaned against me. I held her tightly and rested my cheek on the top of her head, wishing I had been joking so we could both laugh. There was no doubt that I would wait, but I didn’t have to like it.
“I can keep kissing you, right?” I asked for clarification.
“That sounds like a good plan,” she said with a nod. “I just don’t want to…”
“What?” I asked when she didn’t continue.
“I know you’ve…been around.”
I had to laugh at that one.
“Have I?”
“Well, um…I think so.” She looked up at me with her eyes full of concern. “I mean, you’re just so…so…”
I had to prompt her to continue.
“You’re about the best looking, most built guy I have ever seen in my life!” she finally blurted out. “You have to have had hundreds of girlfriends! You could have anyone!”
More laughter. I took her hand and brought her back into the living room, figuring the bed wasn’t the best place to have this sort of conversation. We sat next to each other on the couch, and I reached over to put my arm around her and bring her back to me.
Now that I had her close to me during the daylight hours, I didn’t want to let her go again.
“I have only ever been in one relationship,” I told her, “and that was years ago. I just…don’t really do well with them. Yes, I’ve had hookups but no girlfriends. Not in ages.”
“Why not?”
All of Yolanda’s words flooded back through my head.
“Yolanda said I didn’t give anyone a chance,” I finally said. “I don’t know if that’s true or not. I just…fuck.”
I unwrapped my arm from her and stood up again.
“I can’t do this, Tria…I just…I’m not cut out for this!”
“For what?” she asked, and the innocent and understanding look on her face was enough to bring me down.
“I fucked up once,” I said quietly. “This is where it got me. I don’t give a shit about anyone or anything. I’m just…here, Tria. What can you possibly see in that?”
“Why?”
Even if she could have convinced me she would listen without judgment, I couldn’t have told her.
“I’m not going to tell you,” I said bluntly. “That’s part of the shit you’d have to deal with.”
She stared at me for a good long time, then reached out and pulled me back to the couch beside her. She slid her hand up my arm and reached out to touch my face.
“You don’t see yourself very clearly, Liam,” she told me, “but it doesn’t matter, not right now, at least.”
“What does that mean?”
“You tell me,” she said. She focused on my eyes and didn’t waver. “Do you want to try to do this?”
“What if I fuck it up?” I asked.
“How about we deal with the present first and worry about shit that might happen later?”
I licked my lips and tasted her on them.
“I guess so,” I said.
“Very convincing.”
“I told you I don’t know how to do this shit.”
“I’m not so sure I know how to do ‘this shit,’ either,” Tria said, “but I’m willing to try. Are you?”
I nodded.
“And as much as I would like to spend the next few days figuring it out with you, I have to figure out how to get home. Nikki needs me there.”
“First things first, huh?”
“Something like that.”
“So, when is all this shit supposed to go down?” I asked.
“The day after tomorrow,” she said. “Actually…um…there is a bit of a problem.”
“What? Just one?” I said with a halfhearted laugh.
“Well, one big one,” she said. “The bus fare.”
“What about it?”
“Um…I don’t have it,” she replied quietly.
“Oh…um…shit.” I lay back on the couch cushions.
“I’ve got about four dollars at the moment,” Tria clarified.
“I don’t have much more than that,” I admitted. “I had to get an advance from Dordy yesterday to cover rent. I ended up bringing in about fifty bucks last night.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“The ticket to get here was a hundred and seventy-five dollars.”
“Now we need two,” I reminded her.
“You don’t have to—”
“Shut it!” I rolled myself closer to her and covered her mouth with my hand. “I’m going. We’ll figure it out.”
She mumbled against my fingers until I moved my hand.
“How?” she asked.
“I’ll ask around,” I said. “I know a few people who have cars. Maybe I can find one who would let me borrow theirs for a few days.”
“That’s a big favor,” Tria remarked.
“I’ve got a few people who owe me.”
“I owe you,” she said quietly. She kept her gaze on mine as she reached up and touched the edge of my jaw. I could see the beginning of a tear in the corner of her eye, and I leaned down to kiss it away.
“You cry too much,” I told her.
“I can’t help it,” she said with a shrug.
The salty liquid on my lips was quickly covered by her mouth. She gripped my shoulders, and I ran my hand up her side. I felt her shiver under my touch and wondered if this could be enough for me.
I was never one to take it slow, but Tria might be worth the restraint.
Chapter 18—Take the Trip
I dropped the phone back down and sighed.
“Any luck?”
I glanced up at Tria, paused for a second, and then shook my head.
“People who say they owe you one later are full of shit,” I told her. “I got three flat out no ways, two offering to let me borrow a car next week, and one who just laughed. The best I got was from Dordy himself, who has an old motorcycle he said I could use.”
“Well, let’s do that!” Tria said.
I huffed out a breath.
“To be completely honest, I have never ridden one—not even on the back. I haven’t even been on a bicycle since I was a kid. I don’t think I’ve got time to figure it out before we have to leave, and I don’t want to splatter us both all over the highway.”
It was a little embarrassing to admit it, but it was better than a remake of Blood Runs Red on the Highway.
“Oh!” Tria said with widened eyes. “That’s okay—I can ride.”
A deeper glow of sex appeal surrounded her as those words left her mouth.
“You can?” My arms and legs tensed, and for a moment I knew exactly what it felt like to be a cat ready to pounce on its prey.
“Yes, I can,” she said, and her cheeks reddened as she looked away. “I had a motorcycle back in Maine. A snowmobile, too. In the winter, it’s the only way to get around.”
Between her words, the blush, and the sheer amount of testosterone coursing through my system, I couldn’t take any more. I lowered my eyes as I moved across the room toward her. Tria glanced back at me and took a slight step backwards as I approached. She opened her mouth slightly as I grabbed her, lifted her up, and pressed her against the wall. I crushed my lips to hers.
“You have any idea how hot that is?” I asked against her mouth.
“Do you have a thing for this wall?” She giggled.
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I didn’t before, but it’s definitely growing on me.”
Tria chuckled against me, causing her to shake a little in my arms. She reached around my neck and used her index finger to brush the hair on the back of my head up in a little line. She tilted her head to see her fingers better as she repeated the motion, causing the short hairs to fan out backwards. I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I’ve wanted to do that since you got your hair cut,” sh
e said with a blush.
“Why?” I gave her a look.
“I don’t know,” she said. “It just looked like it would feel cool.”
“Does it?”
“Yes,” she said with a wide grin, “it does.”
After we collected the bike from Dordy, we decided on an early morning start. As if going to sleep with her hadn’t already been awkward enough, the tension was about ten times greater as we climbed into the bed, facing a completely new situation.
I just wanted to fuck her hard and fast and then roll up against her and go to sleep, and I was pretty sure that wasn’t what she had in mind.
Like we did on most nights, we came together in the center of the bed and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. After that, it was like we didn’t know what to do next. A few hours ago, I had her pinned down against the very same mattress and was seriously considering popping her cherry.
Fuck! There had to be something wrong with me.
The problem was, I wasn’t sure if there was something wrong with me because of what I had done or what I hadn’t done. In all actuality, I had completely forgotten her lack of experience. I hadn’t been with a virgin since I was one myself, and I knew I couldn’t push her too hard or too fast. I was going to have to let her set the pace.
“Tria?” I said softly into the darkness.
“Hmm?”
“I…um…shit,” I muttered. “I don’t know how to say this.”
“Just say it.”
“Okay.” I huffed through my nose. “I want you. I want you now.”
I felt her stiffen a little.
“I know you’re not ready for all that,” I added quickly. “I just want to be clear. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as you want, but unless you set the ground rules, I’m going to fuck up because I…well…I want you as soon as you’re ready for it. Shit, this isn’t coming out right.”
“I think I know what you mean.”
“So…ground rules?”
“In the morning,” she replied with a yawn. “I have to sleep on it.”
I wanted to sleep on it. Or in it.
Instead, I just nodded. Eventually, I closed my eyes, and before I even realized I was asleep, the alarm was going off, and Tria was jumping out of the bed to shower and make breakfast. I had to jerk off quickly and quietly while she was in the bathroom because the very thought of her naked body so close to me, combined with the remembered taste of her mouth, drove me up the fucking wall.