Page 75
Author: Molly McAdams
“I will never forgive myself for the way I responded to the e-mail you sent when you found out you were pregnant. ” Sir whispered, his tear-filled eyes never leaving mine, “It was the exact same thing Janet’s parents told her when we found out she was pregnant with you. They hated that she was with someone in the military, hated me even though I’d never spoken to, or seen them. We hadn’t been together long, but I knew I wanted to marry her, and the only thing that stopped us was her parents. When they disowned her for not aborting you, we married that next weekend and I’d never been happier. We were so young, she was barely eighteen and I was nineteen, but we were on top of the world and I couldn’t wait for you to come along.
“I was terrified for you when I read that e-mail, and I stupidly thought I could keep you safe if I could stop you from going down the same path your mother and I had been on. As soon as I sent the e-mail, I wanted to die. I couldn’t believe I’d done that, I knew you would never do something so heartless, and that you would probably never forgive me either. Claire Grayson called me that day, and to put it mildly, she didn’t hold anything back. I was glad you had a family that loved you the way I’d never shown you, and figured you not forgiving me would be for the best. So that’s why I stayed silent, even after you all tried to reach me before Liam was born and for your wedding. I thought staying away would be the best thing for you and your new family. Brandon’s letters helped me with that; I was able to know more than I probably would have if we’d continued talking the way we always have. But when he said he wasn’t going to continue writing me, I panicked. I thought I was helping you, but I know all I’ve done was hurt you. I do love you Harper, I’ve always loved you. ”
My jaw dropped. That was the first time he’d ever said that to me.
“I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. You have handled everything life has thrown at you in a way not many could, and I’m thankful you didn’t let certain things ruin your life the way I let them do mine. You have a great family, I couldn’t be happier with your choice in Brandon. It’s obvious how much he loves you and Liam, and if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here now. ” He looked over at Brandon, “Thank you son, for everything. ”
Brandon simply nodded and continued making lazy circles on my upper arm. Shifting Liam over to Brandon’s lap, I shakily stood up and walked toward Sir. He stood and stiffened momentarily when I wrapped my arms around his waist, before awkwardly placing his own around me.
“I love you too. ” I said through the lump in my throat.
“Oh Harper,” his own voice was gruff with emotion, “will you ever forgive me?”
A laugh that sounded more like a sob escaped my throat and I stepped back, “This family is all about second chances, you don’t even have to ask. ”
He hesitated a bit, but wrapped his arms around me again and hugged me tight, “I have missed you so much. Nothing was the same after you left. ”
I had no idea what to say. This conversation has been so unlike anything I’ve ever had with Sir, and it changes everything that’s happened over the last twenty years, especially the last two. I couldn’t miss my life with the old Sir, but if the man that just explained his actions throughout my life were to leave, I would miss him greatly. We stepped away from each other after minutes of holding each other, “Would you, uh, would you like to meet your grandson?”
Sir’s eyes filled with tears again as Brandon brought Liam over to us.
“This is your grandpa, little man. ” Brandon said as he held Liam’s squirming body to his chest. “Can you say ‘hi’ to Grandpa?”
“Go bye bye!” Liam said with a toothy, scrunched-up nose grin. Didn’t matter if we were saying hello or goodbye, it was always go bye bye with him.
Sir didn’t respond, his jaw was slack and the corners of his mouth were twitching up.
Liam looked at me and patted Sir’s chest. I nodded and said “Grandpa” again.
Looking back at Sir, Liam patted his chest again and said, “Go bye bye Grapa!”
“He’s waiting for you to say ‘hi’ back to him. ” I explained.
“Oh!” Sir huffed, “Hi Liam. It’s good to finally meet you. ”
“He wants you to hold him,” Brandon said awkwardly, “is that okay with you?”
“Of course, uh –” he held his arms like he was going to cradle him and I laughed.
“Sir, you can hold him differently, he’s not an infant anymore, just hold him like this. ” I demonstrated without actually taking Liam.
Sir carefully took him from Brandon and a large smile crossed his face when Liam started talking non-sense a mile a minute and looking at Sir like he was speaking English and carrying on a well thought out conversation. My heart warmed and squeezed watching Sir hold him. I never thought I would see this, never thought I would introduce Liam to my cold, distant father, and definitely never thought I’d see Sir act like this. I didn’t know he even had the capability of smiling, hugging or crying. And now all of the above had happened within twenty minutes. I couldn’t be more dumb-founded, or happier.
Figuring Mom was more annoyed than I had been that Brandon went behind our backs, I left the three men in the house and went out back to explain everything that had just been said inside. Like I knew they would, because my family was just amazing like that, everyone agreed happily to make Sir feel like he was welcome. As the people I loved started heading back inside, I grabbed Dad’s arm and made him stay back for a second. When we were alone I hugged him tight and didn’t let go.
“You will always be my dad. You may not have raised me, but then again neither did Sir. You and Mom have shown me love like I never knew, and took me in as another daughter without question. Because of that, you are my dad. ”
“Oh baby girl. ” He laughed once and kissed the top of my head, “You really are precious to us. I love you. ”
“Love you too. ” I squeezed him once more and let go to walk back inside.
“Was my jealousy that obvious?” He mock whispered. “That why you’re giving your old man some peace of mind?”
I winked at him, “Not at all. ” Yes it was. “Just wanted you to know how I felt before you could start to have any doubts. ”
***
“What a day. ” I said with a sigh as I curled into Brandon’s side that night.
“I second that. ”
Just throwing a birthday party for my little monster was hard work, but having Sir show up had taken me on an emotional ride that left me feeling drained yet strangely alive. The whole family stayed well past midnight and after hours of just talking with everyone, I think Sir was finally feeling a little more comfortable with them. His tense shoulders had shown his worry about their judgments of him, but holding and playing with Liam all night, and my family’s ability to love everyone, had him relaxing and laughing as the night wore on. He was sleeping in our guest room now, and we were going to talk in the morning about the possibility of him moving here. Apparently he had retired from the Marine Corps a few months ago after twenty two years of service, and with how the day had gone, wanted to be closer to us. I still couldn’t believe that this wasn’t a dream.
“Are you still mad at me?” Brandon pulled away slightly so he could face me on his side.
“No, I’m not. I’m glad you did what you did, I just couldn’t believe you’d kept something like that from me. ”
“I know I should have told you about the letters and his coming, but I was afraid I would get your hopes up and he wouldn’t ever respond or show up. I thought it was better to deal with you angry for having not told you, than watch you be crushed if he let you down again. ”
“You really are too good to me Brandon Taylor. ”
Shaking his head, he brushed some hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek, “All I want is to make you happy. I’ll do anything for you Harper. ”
“I know. Thank you. ” I
kissed his lips softly and held his gaze, “I love you so much. ”
“And I love you. ”
23
Two and a half years later.
“Come on guys, it’s time to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s. ”
Liam and his sister set down their flowers and rushed back to Brandon and me.
“Bye Unca Chase!”
“See ya Uncle Chase!”
It was the fourth anniversary of Chase’s death, and like every month, we were here to say our hellos and leave orange lilies on his grave. Brandon and I still told stories of him all the time, and though Liam and our daughter Kristi didn’t fully understand what we meant when we told them he was gone, or that he was Liam’s father, they loved hearing his stories. Trying to explain that he was Liam’s father was even worse than explaining they wouldn’t meet him, so for now they affectionately knew him as Uncle Chase and looked forward to our visits every month.
I hitched Kristi up on my hip, grabbed Liam’s hand and watched Brandon as he said a few quiet words to Chase. He did this every time, and I loved him for it. I’d asked him a while ago what he always said, and he simply explained he was thanking Chase for his part in our family and letting him know he would always take care of us.
Brandon took Kristi and wrapped his other arm around me as we walked back to the SUV. “How are you holding up Sweetheart?”
“I just can’t believe it’s been four years. ” I smiled softly at my husband and rested my head against his shoulder. “It feels like it’s been longer, but at the same time like it just happened. ” My body shivered as a flash of that night played through my mind.
He rubbed his hand up and down my arm and kissed my forehead, “I know baby. ” He responded to both my statement and remembrance of that night, “I miss him too. ”
We drove to Mom and Dad’s for our annual night of celebrating Chase’s life and I took a deep breath before we walked in. Our crazy family was all already there, as well as the new additions. Kristi and Liam tried to tackle Sir, who actually preferred to be called Papa now, and he gladly went down and let them jump on him. He was a completely different man from the Sir I’d grown up with, but he was great with the kids, and Brandon and I spent a lot of nights with him. He’d moved to California just as soon as he’d left from his first visit and after a lot of pushing on Carrie and Mom’s part, was now dating a great lady named Veronica.