Some of the jocks and CCPs are so IMMATURE!
The good news is that we got one new volunteer, Jenny Chen.
I suggested that everyone ask a friend or two to help out since we are superdesperate for people.
Brandon stopped by again to take our official Halloween dance committee picture for the yearbook.
After our meeting was over, I planned to surprise Chloe and Zoey with the exciting news that Brandon asked me to the dance.
So I guess that means we’re official !
I had been dying to tell them since yesterday, but I was waiting for the perfect moment.
I was all set to break the news when we saw their crushes, Jason and Ryan, in the library flirting with two CCP girls.
If Chloe and Zoey had been wondering if those two guys were going to ask them to the dance, they definitely got an answer.
A big fat NO!!
I couldn’t believe that Jason and Ryan asked two cheerleaders, Sasha and Taylor, to the dance right in front of Chloe and Zoey like that.
Well, maybe not exactly in front of them since the three of us were kind of spying on them through the bookshelves. But still . . . !!
It was suddenly VERY obvious to me that the two hours Jason and Ryan had spent dancing with Chloe and Zoey at MacKenzie’s party meant nothing at all. Those guys had tossed them away like two used pieces of Kleenex and asked CCP girls to the dance.
Chloe and Zoey were heartbroken.
But they said having a supportive BFF like me made it a lot easier to deal with the emotional wretchedness of their failed romances.
After that there was no way I could bring myself to tell them about Brandon and me going to the dance together.
I felt SO sorry for them.
But I’ve also got my own problems to worry about. I’ve been so OBSESSED with the Halloween dance that I TOTALLY forgot we were having a geometry test today.
The teacher gave us a complicated problem, and we had exactly forty-five minutes to find X, Y, and Z.
At first I just stared at the page and started to panic.
Then I realized I was making the problem way more complicated than it really was.
I must have turned into a math genius or something because suddenly it was like I totally understood what I was supposed to do.
I ended up completing the test in no time at all.
Then I took a short nap while the other slowpokes tried to finish before the time was up.
When everyone was finally done, the teacher collected our tests, graded them, and handed them back to us.
I took one look at mine and was absolutely
CONBAFFLELATED!!
Which, BTW, means confused, baffled, and frustrated.
That’s when I totally lost it and yelled at my teacher, “Excuse me, but what’s with all the red ink? It looks like you had a really bad nosebleed and used my geometry test as a tissue or something!”
But I just said that inside my head, so nobody else heard it but me.
Although, I have to admit, my geometry teacher WASN’T the first person to criticize my math skills.
Last year I signed up to be a math tutor for the sixth graders.
I was really happy because it paid a whopping $10 per hour.
And if I put in 100,000 hours of tutoring by the end of the school year, I could make enough money to actually become a millionaire!
With that kind of cash, I could buy vital personal necessities like an iPhone, a designer wardrobe, extra 0art supplies, AND a private helicopter to fly me to and from school every day.
I mean, like, how COOL would it be if I actually owned a helicopter?!
Chloe, Zoey, and I would have the best carpool in the entire school.
And MacKenzie and the rest of the CCPs would be SUPERjealous of us.
Anyway, my first week as a math tutor went really well. I was going to LOVE my exciting new life as a self-made millionaire.
Unfortunately, when everyone got their math homework back, the complaints started to pour in.
I felt REALLY horrible about the whole thing.
So I tried to say something really positive that would help rebuild their shattered self-esteem.
But I don’t think my positive outlook on the situation made anyone feel any better.
So I resigned from my tutoring position and refunded all the money I had been paid.
Mainly because it was the right thing to do.
Plus, I’m VERY allergic to angry mobs.
OMG!! I had such a severe reaction, I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance or something.
Thank goodness my geometry teacher drops our lowest test score before she calculates our final math grade for the semester.
But still! If my parents find out I just failed my geometry test, they’re going to
KILL ME!!!!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 25
ARRRGGGGGHHH!!
I’m so FURIOUS with MacKenzie Hollister, I could . . . literally just . . . SPIT!
Not only did she totally RUIN the chances of the school having a dance by quitting at the last minute, but she made sure everything was left in total CHAOS.
I had no idea the situation was so bad until I asked each committee member to present a status report at our meeting this morning.
Zoey went first. She said MacKenzie had arranged for the parents of some of the CCPs to cover the expense of having the dance at the same country club as her birthday party.
However, when Zoey called to find out the set-up time, she was told that our reservation for the dance had been CANCELED by the previous chairperson.
Since the CCPs were no longer involved with the dance, their parents were no longer paying for it to be held at the country club.
Which meant we didn’t have a location for the dance !
That’s when I suggested that Zoey ask Principal Winston about using the gym or the cafeteria.
But Zoey said she had already checked.
The cafeteria wasn’t available because the Junior League was having a UNICEF fund-raiser, and the gym wasn’t available because the floor was scheduled to be refinished for basketball season.
“Basically, we don’t have a place for the dance. And we don’t have any money to PAY for a place for the dance. That’s the end of my report. Any questions?” Zoey said, and collapsed into her seat.
Nobody had any questions. Which, BTW, was a good thing, because Zoey was NOT in a very good mood right then.
I thanked Zoey for sharing her very thorough and informative report.
Violet’s report for the entertainment committee was next.
She said the band for the dance had also been canceled by the previous chairperson. The band was no longer available, but their manager was giving us a full refund. In ten days.
“So far I haven’t found any bands that are available next week or willing to work for FREE. Which means we don’t have any music for the dance.”
I thanked Violet for sharing her very thorough and informative report.
It was the same story with decorations and food.
Chloe said that the order for Halloween decorations had been canceled, and Jenny said the caterer had been canceled. And both Chloe and Jenny were expecting refunds. AFTER the dance.
Theo added that IF there was a dance, he was definitely willing to clean up after it.
I had my entire reputation on the line as chairperson of the Halloween dance. But thanks to MacKenzie, we had no location, no band, no decorations, and no food.
And to ensure that the dance was a total FLOP, she had arranged it so we wouldn’t have a single dime to PAY for a location, a band, decorations, or food.
We took a vote and it was a unanimous decision. The Halloween dance was officially
CANCELED!
It got really sad and quiet in the room, and I felt like crying.
And even though all of this WASN’T our fault, I couldn’t help but feel like we had let down the entire school.
Th
e worst part was that I was the one stuck with announcing the bad news to the student body.
Which I decided to put off until Monday.
Very soon the black slime mold in the locker room shower was going to be more popular than me.
After school my dad told me to take care of the leaves in the backyard. I was supposed to rake, and Brianna was supposed to put them in plastic trash bags.
I HATE, HATE, HATE having to do chores with Brianna !!
It took me HOURS to get those leaves into a big pile, and Brianna was no help WHATSOEVER!
Thanks to Brianna, I ended up with leaves, twigs, and other crud stuck in my hair. I actually looked like I had a new afro hairstyle or something!
I was so MAD! I wanted to stuff her inside a trash bag and set her out on the curb to be hauled away with the leaves.
But, of course, you can’t do that kind of stuff to your little sister or brother, even when they really deserve it. Plus, it probably won’t go over that well with your parents.
WHY, WHY, WHY was I not born an ONLY child???!!!
!!
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 26
I have a terrible headache, and I’ve been feeling superdepressed all day .
I’ve pretty much given up on the Halloween dance.
Short of a major miracle, it’s NOT going to happen.
Plus, I have more important things to worry about.
Like, for example, my nutty sister, Brianna. Her fairy phobia seems to be growing worse.
I think Mom and Dad should seriously consider getting her into some type of counseling or therapy.
Every single night for the past week Brianna has woken me up to go to the bathroom with her because she’s afraid.
The fact that she was waking me up in the middle of the night WASN’T the thing that was really bothering me.
It was HOW she was waking me up that was driving me NUTZ!
I considered myself very lucky that Brianna hadn’t POKED my eye out yet.
So I did what any perfectly normal, sleep-deprived, raving MANIAC would do in my situation.
I promised Brianna I’d KILL—I mean, get rid of—the tooth fairy so she could start going to the bathroom by herself. Then I could start sleeping nights again.
So in the wee hours of the morning, Brianna and I snuck downstairs to the kitchen so we could make up a special spray that would keep the tooth fairy away.
NIKKI’S HOMEMADE FAIRY REPELLENT
1 cup bottled spring water
3/4 cup vinegar
1/2 cup strained tuna fish oil
1/2 cup strained sardine oil
1 teaspoon ground garlic
1 teaspoon onion powder
Pour ingredients into bottle and shake vigorously for 1 minute or until mixed. For best results, spray liberally in areas where fairy is not wanted. Will repel fairies and most flying insects for 23 years. Excess can be refrigerated and stored for up to 7 days for use as a zesty vinaigrette salad dressing.
Okay, I admit I just made up the recipe right there on the spot to trick Brianna into believing the fairy repellent would actually work.
I poured the liquid into an empty spray bottle, and it actually looked pretty real. The only small problem was that the spray SMELLED a lot like a dead walrus. On a hot summer day. In Phoenix, Arizona.
Brianna was nervous about the whole thing and was afraid the fairy might get mad at us if I sprayed her.
Kind of like that time Dad sprayed those hornet wasps and they chased him around the yard for five minutes until he hid behind some garbage cans.
It was my brilliant idea for me to wear protective gear. I didn’t have a choice but to play along to get Brianna to believe the fairy spray would actually work.
After rummaging through her toy box, Brianna handed me her blue plastic diving mask with a snorkel attached.
She said it would help keep the spray out of my eyes and prevent the fairy from gouging them out if she got, like, REALLY violent.
Although, to be honest, I was more worried about Brianna gouging out my eyes than some fairy.
Then Brianna gave me her toy tennis racket with a busted string to use as a fairy swatter.
Unfortunately, as soon as I put on the face mask, it started to fog up.
And I was having a hard time breathing through that snorkel.
I felt like the
SPRAY-ER-NATOR!
HASTA LA VISTA, FAIRY!
I sprayed Brianna’s bed, desk, lamp, and chair with the fairy repellent.
Then I sprayed behind her curtains and inside her toy box.
I was just about to call it a night when Brianna started pulling stuff out from under her bed so I could spray under there.
Then she began tossing junk out of her closet so I could spray in there, too.
And she insisted that I spray her Hello Kitty backpack, Barbie CD player, and Tickle Me Elmo doll, just to be safe.
I tried to convince Brianna that she had absolutely nothing to worry about.
Because IF the tooth fairy WAS in fact hanging around her room, she was probably totally dripping in stink by now. That poor fairy was going to have to rush back to fairyland and soak in a tub of Mr. Bubbles, tomato juice, and Lysol disinfectant for at least a week.
But Brianna started whining really loud and saying we needed to spray her sock and underwear drawer.
I was like, “Shhhh! You better quiet down before you wake up Mom and Dad! Or we’ll BOTH be in big trouble!!”
Soon the spray bottle started making gurgling sounds because it was empty.
I was trying to get out the last few drops when suddenly the doorknob clicked and the bedroom door sloooowly opened.
Brianna and I both stared at the door and then each other.
I was like, What the . . . ??!!
“Oh no! It’s the F-F-FAIRY!” Brianna stuttered in horror.
Then she dived into her closet and slammed the door behind her.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the fairy.
I almost wish it had been.
Instead, it was . . .
MOM and DAD!!
And I could tell that they were NOT happy.
But what really weirded me out was that my dad’s right eye started twitching.
I guessed that it was probably because the room reeked of sardines, tuna fish, and vinegar.
Okay. I could understand why my parents might have been a little upset.
It was 2:00 a.m. and we had just totally trashed Brianna’s room.
And sprayed enough repellent to fumigate two small, very smelly, fly-infested pig farms.
That’s when it occurred to me that, just maybe, I had taken the whole fairy prank thing a bit too far.
To make matters worse, I think the spray was starting to make me feel light-headed and dizzy.
Or maybe I was suffering from oxygen deprivation due to breathing through that snorkel for fifteen continuous minutes.
I thought about hiding the bottle of fairy repellent and the toy tennis racket behind my back and trying to act natural.
As natural as I could considering the fact that I was in my pajamas wearing a blue plastic diving mask with a snorkel.
My parents were still just standing there with shocked looks on their faces.
Unfortunately, that snorkel thingy made my voice and breathing sound just like Darth Vader’s.
But with a really wicked lisp.
“Hi, Dag! Hi, Mog! Cheee-whoooo. Whath up! I’m willy berry thorry I woke you up. Cheee-whoooo. I wuz justh working on my scieneth project and Brianna’s room got a bit methy. Cheee-whoooo. LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!! Cheee-whoooo.”
Lucky for me, Mom and Dad laughed at my joke.
Then I explained that I was just testing out a new homemade insect repellent/vinaigrette salad dressing/air freshener called Sardine Summer Splash.
And that it was an extra-credit homework assignment.
For gym class.
And extra credit is a good thing!
Whe
n Brianna came crawling out of the closet, I knew I was dead meat. I was going be grounded forever if she spilled about my little prank.
But she totally backed me up and told Mom and Dad she had helped me make a special spray to get rid of a little pest in her bedroom.
Thank goodness she didn’t tell them the pest was the tooth fairy!
My parents just assumed it was a bug or something and believed the whole story.
I just hope Brianna has finally gotten over her fairy phobia.
One thing is for sure . . .
It’ll be really nice to start sleeping again without having to worry about waking up to find one of my eyeballs lying on my pillow looking at me.
EWWW!
HOW GROSS WOULD THAT BE!!
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 27
It’s the wee hours of the morning and I’m so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Mrs. Hargrove stopped by this evening to drop off the face-painting supplies for the ballet class Halloween party next Thursday.
She also gave me a garbage bag that contained a “supercute costume.”
She said her niece bought it especially for me to wear to the party and they just knew the kids were going to love it.
That’s when I started to get this really bad feeling about Mrs. Hargrove’s niece.
I was like, “Oh, by the way, I don’t think you ever told me your niece’s name. Since she goes to WCD, I probably know her.”
“Actually, she’s one of your good friends. MacKenzie Hollister! She said you guys have lockers right next to each other and you came to her birthday party last week.”
“MacKenzie?!” I gulped.
For a split second it felt like I was going to lose the meat loaf I had eaten for dinner.
“Um . . . yeah. I guess you could say MacKenzie and I are really good . . . locker neighbors.”
I vaguely remembered overhearing MacKenzie mention an aunt Clarissa back in September.
My head was spinning as I thanked Mrs. Hargrove and trudged upstairs to my room.