Chapter 8
The rain was coming down in buckets that afternoon, it seemed, and due to that and the heavy traffic at the time, I was forced to take a slightly longer way home as I walked back from the coffeehouse. I decided to take a larger, looped route that was about three quarters of a mile longer than the way I had come, but it had sidewalks so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cars not seeing me alongside the busier roads because of the heavy rain. I had the hood up on the oversized sweatshirt, but since I was still in my running shoes and shorts, I was getting soaked to the bone. It was all I could do to protect my cell phone, underneath the sweatshirt, so that it wouldn’t get too wet. As I got about halfway home, I felt it buzzing under the sweatshirt, so I peered down underneath it to see if I had gotten a message. Tony was calling me again. I had forgotten all about calling him back before I had left the coffeehouse. I carefully transferred the phone up to the hood and pulled the hood all the way over my head, planning to answer it really quickly just to let him know I’d call him back as soon as I got home.
“Hey, Tony.” I said somewhat loudly, so he’d hear me over the background noise of the wind and the rain. “I’ll call you right back in just a few minutes!”
“What?” I heard him ask.
“I said I’ll call you back!” I repeated, nearly shouting this time.
The line went dead, so I figured he had heard me. I stuffed my phone back under my sweatshirt and gripped the hood over my head, though I was starting to wonder what the point of it was, considering I already looked like I had just been through a car wash. My running shoes were sinking, with each step I took, deeper and deeper into the mud and water that collected on the roadside. Then, over the sound of the rain and the cars, I heard a voice behind me yell, “Get in the car, DUMBASS!”
I was surprised to see the familiar blue of Tony’s truck pulling over to the side of the road, right next to where I stood on the sidewalk. The passenger side window was opened just a crack and I could hear Tony telling me that the door was unlocked.
I swung the door open and attempted to wring out my clothes a little before getting all the way in.
“Don’t even bother.” he laughed. “Nice day for a walk, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes.” I replied as I shut the door behind me. “Just wonderful.”
“I saw those jogging shorts a mile away, so I said to myself, there's a hooker with some style. Thought I'd get a good deal, till I realized it was just you. So I figured while I was headed to your house, anyway, the nice thing to do would be to pick you up. So I watched you struggle for a minute or two for my own entertainment, then decided to let you know I was behind here to the rescue.” He said.
“Well thanks, buddy.” I laughed. “What a gentleman.”
“What can I say? That’s just the kind of guy I am.” He replied with a sly smile as he checked his mirror before pulling back out into traffic. He turned the heat on low and then he reached under the bench seat rifling for a second before pulling out a red IU sweatshirt.
“Here,” he told me as he set it in my lap, “just don’t get your cooties on it.”
I rolled my eyes, “It’s an IU sweatshirt. I should be worried about it getting cooties on me.”
I had stolen that sweatshirt from him so many times though, I didn’t know why he even bothered calling it his anymore. I had just returned it to him a week prior, only to be making off with it again.
We took the longer, more scenic route back to my house to avoid the busy traffic. It was a quiet drive with very few words. The mix of the cold wet clothes and the warm air from the vents hitting me was making me shiver a little and every now and then Tony would look over, amused, taunting me with his mischievous green eyes.
“Cold? I can't believe you would pass up the opportunity to ride home with your lover, sweet Danny.” He stated at one point, failing miserably at hiding his smirk.
I just shot him a dirty look, “Haha you just keep laughing.”
I gave him the two minute run-down of my rocky relationship all the way through the traumatic break-up. When I finished, the only words that came out of his mouth were, “What a shame, that Danny. He was a real catch.”
“Only Tony,” I thought to myself, smiling as I stared out the window contemplating the rhyme and reason of my day.
When we finally pulled into my neighborhood, about ten minutes later, the rain was down to just a drizzle. The truck crept along the line of trees on the far side of my backyard, before rounding the corner and coming to a stop at the edge of the driveway. I shivered one last time as I started to take the sweatshirt off over my head and hand it back to him, to prevent myself from stealing it again, but before I got both of my arms out of it, I heard him say,
“Just get it back to me next time.”
“I guess it would be decent for me to wash the cooties off and throw it in the dryer for awhile,” I said, my mind drifting off to the hot, three hour shower I was about to take.
“Yeah, just maybe,” He laughed. “I’m sure I’ll get it back some time in November.”
I nodded. It was probably true. “I’ll just wrap it up and give it back to you for Christmas.”
He ran his hand over his dark hair and rolled his green eyes.
“Knowing you…” He trailed off. “It looks better on you, anyway.”
“I know, right!” I said sarcastically. I reached for the door and slid out of the truck. “Thanks, buddy. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again at some point in my life.”
“I’m sure you will be.” He nodded. “Hell, there’s nothing to do in Muncie.”
Sweat was literally clinging to his forehead and he reached over to turn the heat off.
“Oh, so you don’t come back to Indy because you miss me?” I said, reaching for my heart. “Cut me deep.” I was still standing in the drizzle with the truck door partially opened.
“Later, Hewitt” He laughed.
“Ciao!” I said in an exaggeratedly squeaky voice.
He scrunched his face up and cupped his large hand as small as he could make it, making a sarcastic waving motion. “Smooches!”
I laughed, closed the truck door and turned to trot up to the front door of the house. Tony could always make me laugh.
I made it all the way to the door, my fingers gripping the handle of the storm door, feeling closer and closer to that hot shower, when I heard Tony yelling my name.
“Hey Hewitt!”
I looked back. He was waving my cell phone and walking toward the front porch. I hadn’t even realized I’d left it.
“Oh, thanks!” I said surprised, as I turned to meet him on the first step of the porch, but as I did so, I fumbled on the corner of the welcome mat and fell right off the step and into Tony. Shaken from the fall, I tensed up and grabbed Tony’s shoulders. He looked mildly surprised as well, as he managed to keep his grip on the cell phone and catch both of my arms with a tight enough grip to stop my fall. My right ear brushed his and I could feel both our hearts pumping from the adrenaline of the motion. Tony was warm and I could feel his breath on my shoulder. It all happened so fast. Still gripping tightly to my forearms, just beyond my wrists, he pulled away, slightly to see my face. We were now almost eye level, as I now barely stood on the step, but more leaned on him for support. I forgot sometimes how tall he was. His green eyes looked right into mine as he asked,
“You alright, there?”
Still stunned, looking right into his eyes, it took me a second to register that he had just asked me a question. “Oh,” I started to answer, “yeah, I just slipped I guess.”
I didn’t even have to look into a mirror to know that my face was now as red as his. My cheeks and ears were burning.
“I swear, Hewitt, sometimes I can’t tell if it’s drugs you’re taking or drugs you need to be taking.” He laughed nervously, as if trying to fill the empty silence. I don’t think he even realized that he was still more or less supporting most of my weight. When he finally did seem t
o notice a few seconds later, he moved slightly closer to the step, which allowed me to set both feet down more firmly on the ground. For a moment, I couldn’t tell if it was his heart or mine that was still pounding. We were standing just inches apart.
His grip on my arms loosened, yet remained, and then without warning, it all happened so quickly, but felt like slow motion. The next thing I knew, Tony’s face was approaching my own and then his lips were on mine. The warmth of his skin seemed to cover me like a blanket. It couldn’t have lasted more than about five seconds before I was looking back into his eyes again. I had no idea what to say and I could tell that he didn’t either. No urge to vomit had come over me, but I thought my head might explode. I stood there looking at Tony for one more second before the words,
“Um….thanks for saving my life,” fell out of my mouth. I thought I could fall over at any point. Like my legs would just give out and I’d have to crawl through the front door. Tony had let go of my arms now and as we both turned around to walk away in our opposite directions, we were so silent it was terrifying. We didn’t even take a second look back. We made our getaway with such urgency that not another word was said. I made my way through the front door with not so much as a glance back behind me. Walking down the hallway toward the bathroom, I could hear Tony’s truck starting outside. I cut the bath water on to drown out the sound and walked around the corner to steal a fresh towel from the laundry room. I must have stood there for a long time, because when I got back to the bathroom, the tub was nearly full. Even though it had just happened, I could hardly remember how the events had played out. The stupid phrase “Uh…thank you for saving my life,” kept replaying like tape recorder. What a dumb thing to have said!
I stripped away my soaking clothes and hung them on the shower rod, just above the tub. I sat on the edge of the tub just letting my thoughts wander. Before I knew it, I was naked sitting on the edge of the tub, sobbing as hard as I could. Everything in my college education, not to mention my common sense, had told me not leave the garage that day. It was almost as if divine intervention had been screaming it in my face and I had disobeyed, only to face cruel and unusual consequences.
My mind flashed back to one summer day, four years ago when I was still fifteen. I’d gotten out of the bathtub only to find one of my step-brothers, standing just beyond the curtain. He’d been watching me all that time and I hadn’t even realized it. I felt the shock and the embarrassment for a moment, as if it was happening again. I felt rattled when I recalled the urgency with which I wrapped the towel around me just as fast as I could and screamed for him to get out. My hands got clammy as I felt him grab my arm all over again and rip the towel out of my hands. The horror of the moment never faded from my mind. He’d pushed me up against the tiled bathroom wall with such force that I had hit my head. He had grabbed me and began forcing the weight of his body upon me, trying to kiss me in the process. I was so disgusted. I’d gotten away from his grasp finally and made my way past the living room and down the stairs, straight to my basement bedroom. I knew the creeper had been looking at me strangely since we’d moved in, but I never could have imagined anything like that. I remember the feeling of never wanting to come out of my room ever again. I’d called my father bawling on the phone, doing my best to tell him what had happened. I was so ashamed and could barely form my mouth to speak the words to utter them into the phone. He seemed upset at first, swearing he’d do something about it immediately, that he was coming right home. I guess he consulted Kathleen before he handled it, though. I could hardly believe my ears as he came downstairs and explained to me that boys would be boys. It was the final straw for me. I remember calling Tony right after it happened. I don't know why I did. I still recall the softness that seeped into his tone as he asked me if everything was okay, but I couldn't bring myself to endure the humiliation all over again. So, I just asked him to stay on the phone with me. I held the silver key to my heart and tried to hold back the tears. I hoped he couldn't hear the lump in my throat that just grew bigger every time he asked if I needed him to come get me. It was a tempting offer, to escape my prison, even for just a little while. But the idea of him seeing me that way was more than I could bear. He stayed on the line with me for hours that night until I was almost sound asleep. That very day, at that very moment in time, I had no family anymore.
I was a pathetic girl with wasted sentiments. I had slipped through the cracks and dad had watched me fall. Somehow, my friends had all gotten parents who cared about their well-being and safety, parents who loved them with all their hearts, even if they showed it in the strangest of ways. And my dad had once again chosen his new family over one of his own. The words “boys will be boys,” echoed in my mind long after that night , and many nights to come, as years of nightmares and deep remorse for being alive lingered in my mind and on my heart. That was how they had decided to explain away what had happened to me. Boys would be boys.
And why did this keep happening to me? Why did it seem that suddenly people wanted to put their tongues in my mouth? I was a decent person. I had never really hurt anyone. I was a good kid. I went to school. I had a job. I was sort of religious…I was certainly starting to believe in karma anyway. Why did the thought of getting close to anyone make me physically ill? Why did it make me hurt? My mind just continued to flutter back and forth between Tony and “why me?” At least, I hadn’t thrown up this time. I thought to myself amused, “Isn’t your life sad when that’s the basis on which you judge all kisses?” I was fairly certain that whatever higher power watched over things hadn’t intended for it to go quite like that. I forgot to stick my toe in as I usually did, to test the water before hopping in and was slightly surprised by the almost scalding water. So, I turned the handle on a slightly cooler setting and edged in slowly. Before long, I was all the way in, lying down completely in the water, attempting to soak away the horrors of a life gone so completely wrong.