dad’s lackeys. As much as I tried, it was getting harder to maintain that wariness.
There was just something about being here, away from everything, that made me feel safe. It was peaceful here. But I didn’t know how much longer I could trust myself to be here, laying in bed at night, knowing that Blaze was just on the other side of the door.
I pulled a pair of panties from the bureau drawer, still so lost in thought I never even heard the bedroom door open. I turned to see Blaze standing there, and my heart stopped. “What the hell are you doing?” I grabbed for my bath towel.
There he stood, shirtless and sweaty from exertion. For a moment, I thought about dropping the towel and pressing my naked body up against him, leading him to the bed, and riding him hard until he came. I had to will myself not to move. Don’t do it. You don’t want to do it.
“Oh my God. Sorry.” But he didn’t seem that sorry. He stood there staring at me.
I pinched the towel around my breasts, holding it closed tightly so I wouldn’t drop it. But I wasn’t worried about him seeing me naked. I was more worried that if I dropped it, there would be no barrier between us, nothing to keep me from throwing myself at him. “What are you doing, barging in here like that?” I tried to sound indignant, tried hard to mask my arousal.
“I thought you were down by the lake. I was just coming in to use the shower. Didn’t you hear me come in the house?”
“No, I was in the shower.” I was careful not to say what I wanted to say, which was that I had to take a shower because I had gotten so turned on by watching him.
“I mean, I’ve already seen you naked. I’m just saying.” Blaze grinned at me, and I felt my stomach somersault. This man was going to be the end of me.
“Go. It’s all yours.” I couldn’t help but smile, and he apparently took that as an invitation to linger. I needed to get him to leave before it was too late, so I swatted at him. “Get out! And don’t even think about peeping.”
Not that I would mind, I thought.
“I’m not as free as you think I am,” he said. The way he said it, regretfully, made me think he meant it, not that it was some bullshit he was saying to get in my pants. I had the sense again that we might be kindred spirits after all. It was the same feeling I’d had when we were fishing earlier today, hearing him talk about his childhood and about how he’d lost his foster mother.
“No, I guess not. Do you think people like us are ever free?” The wine was going to my head, making me wish for things I shouldn’t wish.
“You mean freedom, like work a regular job, with the white picket fence and two kids?” Blaze asked.
I laughed, choking on my wine. Even when I was a kid, I knew that life would never be mine. “No, I don’t mean that. I don’t think I really believe in all that shit. No, I just - sometimes I want to be rid of all this, that’s all. Run off somewhere, hang out in a hammock on the beach. No ties to anyone from my life. Sometimes I just want to disappear.”
“This place is my way of doing that,” he said.
“We’re a lot more alike than I thought, you and I,” I said. I was starting to believe that, and that surprised me. Maybe there was an optimist inside me after all.
Blaze didn’t say anything then, but I felt something start to shift between us. I was beginning to feel something more than just at ease with him, sitting here in this cabin he had built with his own two hands, in front of the fireplace that helped take the edge off the evening coolness. I felt content.
“It feels nice, here, you know?” It sounded lame, too underwhelming for how I actually felt. I was realizing I didn’t want this protection detail to end. I wanted to stay here in a little cocoon with him.
“It’s not how I thought it would be, up here with you,” he said, smirking.
“Oh yeah? How did you think it was going to be?”
“Well, I thought we might end up killing each other.” Blaze paused, a sly smile crossing his face. “Or we’d end up fucking each other’s brains out.”
“And now, what do you think?” My words practically dripped with the suggestion of more. Arousal coursed through me, hearing him talk about fucking my brains out.
His eyes were trained on mine, burning into me. I wanted to hear Blaze say he wanted me.
“I can’t stop thinking about what I want to do to you,” he said.
“Oh?” I asked casually, but what I really wanted to do was rip off his clothes right then and there. We were only a couple of feet apart, sitting across from each other. But the distance between us felt immeasurably far.
“Your father would kill us,” Blaze said. My father. It always came back to my father. He was everywhere, like some ghost that constantly haunted me.
“He would kill you if he found out,” I agreed. “He would destroy your club.”
Blaze never took his eyes off me. “It’s what I keep going over in my head. Your father is dangerous. Touching you is dangerous.”
“It is.” It’s a bad idea, I thought. A very bad idea. You can stop this now, before it starts. I willed myself to stand. I could walk back to the bedroom; shut the door behind me; and close him off. If I did that, I could save him, and avoid the destruction I’d inevitably bring to him and his club. It's what I needed to do. It's what I would do.
I made it two steps across the living room before he grabbed me and pulled me against him.
“Being with you is going to be trouble,” Blaze said, his eyes locked on mine, the heat of his grip on my arm. My heart was racing, threatening to beat through my chest.
“It is,” I whispered. “You should let me go.” I could go. I could walk away right now. I could end this, before it went any further. Before either of us got hurt.
“Do you want me to let you go?” I felt this magnetic pull to him, like I could not possibly turn away if I tried.
“No,” I said, my traitorous voice barely croaking out the word before his mouth was on mine, his need apparent as he pressed his hardness against me. I moaned, melting into him, and he gripped the back of my head, as if he were afraid I would disappear if he didn't hang on to me tightly.
I ran my hands over him, over his hard chest, his shoulders, his arms. Every inch I moved along his body reminded me of the last time I touched him, back in the hotel. He groaned, this deep sound that seemed to rise from the depths of him, and then we were pulling off clothes, throwing them on the floor. Everything faded away as he kissed me, kissed my face, my neck, the places where Billy had put his hands, the bruises faded now.
I didn’t care what might happen if my father found out about Blaze and I. I didn’t care who Blaze was, or what he did. Everything was lost in him. Everything was lost in us.
Blaze’s hand was on me, guiding me to the soft carpet in front of the fireplace. The heat from the fire radiated onto my skin. Or maybe it was Blaze’s heat. I couldn’t tell anymore. Desire clouded my perception, confusing me, dizzying me. His lips were on my neck, my shoulders, my collarbone. I threw my head back, reveling in the feeling of his mouth on my skin. Then his mouth was on my breast, tongue swirling my nipple until it was hard, and I felt a gush of wetness between my legs. I needed him. My body craved him.
“Blaze,” I moaned.
His hand roamed over my body, but it was too tender, too gently. I wanted him hard, rough. My palms against his chest, I pushed him back on the carpet.
"Dani! What are you - " His eyes were wide.
"Shhh," I said, swinging a leg over him. I looked down at his dick below me, his erection begging for my attention. I salivated at the thought of taking him in my mouth, but that would have to wait. Right now, I wanted him to fill me up. I lowered myself to him and he groaned. Then he put his hands on my waist, stopping me from going further.
"Dani."
"What?" I could barely speak, drunk with lust.
"The condoms. Where are they?"
"Are you clean?"
"What?"
"I'm on the pill," I said, my words rushed. I couldn't think like this, sitting here against him, wanting him. My heart was pounding. "I'm clean. Are you?”
“Yes. But are you sure you want to do this?" Was I sure? I’d had lots of sex, but never like this, never unprotected. Was I sure? Yes. "I think unprotected sex is the least of our problems. You know, since we might not live through next week." With that, I gripped the base of his shaft and guided him against my opening, watching the expression on his face change from one of anticipation to unbridled lust.
“We’re going to be fine,” he said, his voice thick. Then he pulled me down on his cock, hard, hands on my waist. He ran his hands all over me as I began to ride him, gathering momentum. I didn’t care about anything else anymore. I just wanted to be here with him.
"Dani," he moaned, his hands on my face, pulling me down to him, kissing me before letting me go. Letting me go wild, riding him like I wanted to do the past few days. The way I wanted to do since I met him.
I rode him for what seemed like forever, heat flowing through my body, radiating to the tips of my fingers and toes, augmented by the warmth of the fireplace. His hands roamed over my back, slick with sweat from the fire and the heat between us. It was not slow, languid love making, the stuff of romance novels. My movements were hard and fast, his hands fumbling and grasping.
I arched my back as he rocked into me, pushing deeper and deeper, lifting me lightly off the floor with each thrust into my depths. I pushed back, dizzy with arousal. Nothing else mattered right now. Nothing mattered but us.
“Dani,” Blaze said, his voice thick. “Oh my God, Dani.”
“Blaze.” I looked at him, eyes trained on his. This time I wouldn’t look away. Not like the last time. Not like all the times with other people, the times I couldn’t meet their gaze for fear they would see me, the connection too intimate. He would see me, this time.
Blaze’s hand was on my face, as if he knew I would try to turn at the last minute, turn away and try to deprive him of that piece of me, that connection with my soul.
“Dani,” he said. “I - oh, God, you feel so good.” He grabbed at the nape of my neck, pulling my hair, pulling my head toward him as he thrust into me harder, and I ground against him, feeling the waves of pleasure as I moved closer toward climax.
“Yes, yes, yes,” I gasped. “I’m so close.”
“Wait.” He reached for my breast, pulling on my nipple as he squeezed my flesh.
Hearing him tell me to wait nearly pushed me over the edge. “No, I can’t.” I could barely speak.
“Wait,” he said. “Wait.”
“No, no,” I couldn’t think. I had no control over my body. I was on the verge.
“Wait for me, Dani,” he said. “Oh God.” Hearing him pushed me over the edge. From somewhere outside myself, I heard myself scream as he pulled me down hard on him, making one final thrust into me, and the sensation of him pressed tightly against me made me crazy.
It seemed like time slowed down as he came inside me, his hands gripping me with such power I thought he would crush me. My eyes remained locked on his. I was lost. It was just us, him and me, and everything else melted away.
When I finally came down, I looked at him, sweat beading on my forehead and running down my face. I wiped my brow with the back of my hand, and Blake laughed.
“It’s warm, right?” he said.
Never expect meaningful post-coital chit-chat from a biker, I thought, trying to hide a smile.
“What did I say?”
“Nothing,” I said, a giggle escaping, despite my best efforts. I’m punch drunk, I thought. Drunk on sex. Drunk on him.
“What?” He thrust with his hips, pushing against me, despite being soft now.
“Nothing!” I laughed, throwing my head back, shaking out my hair. “I just didn’t expect commentary about the weather after screwing you.”
“What am I supposed to say?” He grabbed my breast, traced his fingers playfully over me, and I swatted him away, my skin sensitive to his touch.
“I don’t know,” I said, laughing. I realized I didn’t have a clue. “What the fuck do normal people talk about after sex?”
Blaze smiled. “Going to Home Depot in the morning.”
I giggled, my index finger pointed against his chest, a mock stern look on my face. “You need to clean the gutters, mister. Wash the car.”
The edges of his eyes wrinkled. “You have a PTA meeting on Monday.”
“The kids have a field trip next week.”
“I got a promotion at work- sold fifty reams of paper yesterday!”
“No!” I said, laughing, my whole body shaking. “That’s fantastic, honey! Next year, you’re going to be manager at the factory, I’m telling you!”
“Sally needs braces,” Blaze said, arching up to press his lips against mine. I felt a tingle in my belly, spreading through me. Why the hell was role-playing normal people making me hot? I was sure it said something fucked up about my psyche.
“Johnny has football practice next week,” I said, gasping as Blaze cupped my breast with his hand, lifting himself up to take it in his mouth. Then he drew back, just barely, his breath hot on my skin.
“I’ll drive him in the minivan,” he said. I clenched down around him, involuntarily, and felt him hardening inside me again. This is some fucked-up sex talk, I thought.
“I’ll bake cookies for the parents!” I said, grinding against him.
“We’ll put Bob in the Boy Scouts,” he groaned.
“Johnny,” I said, rocking on him again.
“What?”
“His name is Johnny,” I said as I rode him. “Our boy. Johnny. Not Bob.”
“Oh, Christ,” he said, his hands on my waist again. “Boy Scouts. Johnny.” He paused as he thrust into me. “I always get the oldest one confused with number seven.”
“Number seven?”
“Yeah, the youngest one.” He smirked.
“Hilarious,” I said. “If you weren’t-” I moaned as he moved. “Doing this- oh, God- I’d be running for the hills.” I stopped. “In fact, maybe I should.” I pretended I was about to climb off him.
“Oh yeah?” Blaze grinned. “That’s how you want to play?”
I laughed. “Maybe so.” I climbed off him, and he scrambled after me, grabbing for me but missing me by inches as I ran toward the bedroom, giggling hysterically, the built up tension and the craziness and the sex making me euphoric.
“Run, little girl,” he said.
I squealed, collapsing into laughter on the bed as Blaze caught me, his hand on my waist, and pulled me to the edge of the bed, until my ass hung over the side. My giggles turned to soft moans as he gripped my thighs, teasing my entrance with his cock. He pressed against me and I gasped, letting out a “yes.”
Blaze entered me, filling me up with one swift movement. Pulling my knees up against either side of him, he held them as he fucked me, thrusting into me hard.
“Yes, yes,” I urged him. It was no longer funny, and I was no longer giggling. Instead, I was falling into him, wrapping my legs around him, pressing my calves into the small of his back, pulling him deeper inside me. I wanted him more and more.
“Dani.” I felt myself going higher and higher as he whispered my name, over and over. He held my hands, and I dug my fingers into the back of them as he rode me, all the while whispering. Then he pulled my hands up above my head, pinning them to the bed, and suddenly, unexpectedly, fear washed over me like a wave. The momentary loss of control reminded me of the night with Billy, when Billy's hands were wrapped around my neck.
“No, no, no,” I said, struggling against him.
Blaze froze. "What's wrong?"
“No, stop.” I yelled this time, pushing hard against his hands. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?”
“Get off me. Get off me.” I couldn’t see his face as I scrambled up, running to the bathroom and emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet, but I could hear the bewilderment and distress in his voice. Breathe. Breathe. I choked, gasping for oxygen, and then dry-heaved, the bitter taste of vomit in my mouth.
I felt Blaze behind me. Then he crouched down beside me. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t think.”
I hunched over the toilet, my breathing slowing, my heart rate decreasing, more humiliated than anything. “You didn’t know,” I said. “I didn’t know.” I knew it wasn’t my fault for remembering what Billy had done, but I felt weak and irrational all the same.