Marquez whisked dirt into a dustpan with frantic little strokes. “This is different. There are three of us slobs now. Although, to be fair, Diana is truly the queen of crap.” She pointed toward a pile of cardboard boxes stacked against one wall. “Look at all that stuff. She’s just waiting for the maid to show up.”
Summer smiled wryly. “You’re the next best thing.”
“I work cheap, that’s for sure.”
“Are you okay, Marquez? You look kind of rundown.”
“Did you and Diana get together and decide to gang up on me?” Marquez demanded, hands on hips. “Because I really do not need two extra mothers, thank you very much.”
“Why? Did Diana say something?”
“Something along the lines of ‘Stop working so hard, stop exercising and dieting so much,’ which is way easy advice, coming from a rich, lazy, skinny person.”
Summer could tell she’d hit a nerve. Maybe she’d back off, talk to Diana about it when she got back. She could even talk to Diver, although that would be kind of awkward. One thing was sure: There was no reasoning with Marquez when she got like this. It would be better to let her cool off, then try her again on a calmer day.
Summer made a space on the couch. “Come sit with me, Marquez. You could use a break. And I need advice.”
“No offense, but I’d rather clean the sink.”
“Okay, compromise. You clean the sink and give me advice.”
Marquez grabbed a sponge and a can of Comet. “Does this have something to do with that phone you’ve been flirting with all day?”
Summer nodded. “I’ve been thinking about switching colleges. Going to Carlson instead of UW.”
Marquez dropped her sponge, blinking in disbelief. “But that would be fantastic, Summer! Diana and I would be just down the street at FCU, and maybe we could even keep this place! And we’d all be together this fall—” She stopped in midsentence. “Uh-oh,” she said, her voice hushed. “Seth.”
“Seth,” Summer repeated. She closed her eyes and groaned. “I feel like such a ditz, Marquez. I mean, I made a commitment to UW. And Seth and my mom and Jennifer and everybody back home, they’re all counting on me. But when I visited Carlson yesterday, I realized how special it was. And the only reason I didn’t pursue going there was because Seth didn’t get in.” She sighed. “No, that’s not the only reason. I was afraid I couldn’t cut it there. It’s really tough, and I was sure I’d fail.”
“And now you’re not so sure?” Marquez asked.
“Now I’m starting to wonder how I’d feel if I never even gave it a chance. But I don’t know how to choose, Marquez. If I was wrong about UW, I could be wrong about everything.”
Marquez picked up her sponge and occupied herself with the sink, scrubbing diligently. After a while she turned to face Summer. “This isn’t about Austin, is it? About being close to him? I mean, you are doing birthday lasagna tonight.”
“Platonic birthday lasagna,” Summer corrected. She hadn’t told Marquez about the unfortunate kiss incident. She was trying to convince herself it hadn’t happened.
“Whatever kind of lasagna,” Marquez said. “The point is, does this change of heart have anything to do with him?”
“No. I asked myself that, but no. It isn’t even about you and Diana, or about staying here in Florida. I’m starting to realize I have to make decisions based on what I feel in my heart, not what will make everybody else happy.” She clutched one of the stained old couch pillows. “Besides, no matter what I do, it’ll be a mess. It’s too late to make everybody happy. So that kind of just leaves me. But I’m not sure I have the guts to go through with it. Assuming, that is, Carlson will even consider my application this late.”
“Well, how will you feel if you don’t do it?” Marquez asked gently.
“I’ll feel like I was afraid to do the hard thing. Like I was afraid of failing. And that feels awful. But disappointing people because I’m confused and stupid and indecisive and idiotic, that feels awful, too.”
Marquez set her sponge aside. “You are none of those things. Well, except maybe indecisive. And confused.” She retrieved a small framed picture off the counter. “Here’s my advice,” she said, handing it to Summer. “Me and e.e., whoever he is.”
Summer stared for a long time at the poem Austin had given her. “If I say yes to this, I’m saying no to so many other things.”
“Like Seth. What will you do about him?” Marquez asked gravely.
Summer swallowed. Her throat was tight and dry. “Hope he understands? Visit him on holidays?”
“And what will you do about Austin?”
“I don’t need to do anything about Austin. There’s nothing that needs doing where Austin’s concerned.”
Marquez shook her head. “Sometimes I’m really glad I’m me and not you, Summer. Not usually. But sometimes.” She hesitated for a moment. “Listen—” She hesitated.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“What, Marquez?”
Marquez shrugged. “I was just wondering if you knew that Diana called Seth yesterday.”
“Yeah, she mentioned it this morning, when she was leaving.”
“Oh.” Marquez looked relieved. “Good.”
“Why?”
“No reason. Just wondering, is all.” She motioned to the phone. “Go ahead. Call the college before you lose your nerve.”
Summer took a deep breath, then called information. “Could I have the number for Carlson College?” she asked.
She punched in the number. “Why does it have to be so complicated, Marquez?” she asked as the phone rang.
Marquez gave a dark laugh. “Girl,” she said, shaking her head, “you are most definitely asking the wrong person.”
Diana parked the rental car in front of a nondescript apartment building on the outskirts of Newport Beach. She checked the directions Seth had given her when she’d called him from her hotel room. Yep, she was in the right place. So why did she feel so wrong?
She checked herself out in the rearview mirror. A little more lip gloss, a touch-up with her brush. She was stalling, and she knew it. She wondered if Seth was watching her from one of the windows. He’d sounded neutral on the phone. Not encouraging, exactly, but not as though he was sending her definite “back off” signals either. He’d sounded like she felt: unsure.
Diana dropped her brush back into her purse. The packet of pictures was tucked inside. So was Summer’s ring, in a little zippered pouch. Diana opened it and felt a shot of courage. Her secret weapon.
Summer’s disloyalty was the reason this was okay. Summer didn’t deserve Seth. Summer didn’t want Seth.
She’d had her chance. Now it was Diana’s turn.
Slowly Diana got out of the car. She looked good in her black mini and the shoes she’d borrowed from Summer. That was something, anyway. It should have given her confidence. Usually she approached guys with the secret knowledge that they were silently swooning over her. But with Seth, she couldn’t be sure.
Before she could even knock, he appeared behind the screen door. She couldn’t quite read his face through the screen.
“Diana,” Seth said softly.
He opened the door, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss—on the lips, yes, but nothing to scare him off. Just a taste of the possibilities, a reminder of what he’d been missing. His arms were harder than she remembered. He seemed taller, too.
Seth pulled away awkwardly, leaving her dizzy and disoriented. He took a couple of steps back. “I, uh, I thought we’d maybe go get something to eat. You hungry?”
“Starved. That sounds great.”
“I just need to grab my wallet and some shoes.” He combed his fingers through his thick chestnut hair. “Did you have any trouble getting here?”
Diana clutched her purse a little tighter. “If you only knew, Seth,” she said lightly. “If you only knew.”
19
You Learn the Most Inter
esting Things When You Clean House.
“You’re late,” Austin admonished as he held open the door. He had a kitchen towel draped over one shoulder and a wooden spoon in his right hand. “I was starting to worry.”
“Sorry.” Summer slipped inside. “I was debating whether to come.”
Austin frowned. “Scared of my cooking? Or of me?”
“Both.” Summer handed him the envelope she was carrying. “Happy birthday.”
“It’s either a check or a gift certificate. Just the right thing to send the message ‘I care, but not a whole lot.’”
Summer headed for the kitchen, which smelled of tangy tomato sauce and garlic. “It’s from the bookstore. I thought you could pick out a book you really wanted. You’ve got so many, and I didn’t want to get you something you already had.”
“Thanks,” Austin said, sounding genuinely pleased. “It’s the perfect present.” He grinned. “Even if it is cold and impersonal.”
Summer peeked in the oven. “Looks good.”
“And only slightly burned.”
As she stood, Austin slipped his arms around her. “Austin,” Summer said firmly, “this is a platonic birthday meal, remember?”
He looked at her incredulously. “And was that a platonic kiss yesterday?”
“Look, I think we need to talk. How about a beach walk?”
Austin hooked his thumbs in his pockets. “Sure, why not? We’ll work up a big appetite, which might not be a bad idea, given my culinary skills. Just let me go throw on a shirt without tomato sauce on it.”
While Austin was changing, the phone in the living room rang. “Want me to get it?” Summer asked.
“Naw,” Austin called from the bedroom. “Let the machine do the dirty work.”
A moment later his answering machine clicked on. A soft voice, an older, more muted version of Austin’s, filled the room. Summer felt uncomfortable listening, but there was nowhere to go to avoid it.
“Hey, it’s me, your much older, much wiser sibling. I hope you’re not picking up ’cause you’ve got better things to do, hopefully better things involving someone of the female persuasion. Let’s see, what’s up…I talked to Mom last week. Dad’s worse, no surprise, but enough of that. Seriously, give me a call sometime, okay? I’m worried about you. The news hits hard for a while, I know. Let me know how you’re holding up, Austin. It gets easier after a while, really it does. Anyway, have a good one. Happy nineteenth. There’ll be many more. Believe me, there will.”
The room went quiet. Austin appeared in the doorway, his face expressionless.
“Was that your brother?” Summer asked.
“Yeah.” Austin brushed past her toward the door. “You ready?”
“What did he mean, ‘Let me know how you’re holding up’?”
“Who knows?” Austin held open the door. “He downs a couple of beers, he gets sentimental.”
“And when he said it gets easier—”
“You know, my dad. He was talking about my dad, Summer. Now can we go already?” Austin snapped.
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Austin rubbed his eyes. “It’s just birthdays. They give me the creeps. I always feel like I have to live up to the high standards of happiness set by society.”
“A walk on the beach followed by lasagna,” Summer said, heading out into the soft night air. “That’s not so bad for your nineteenth birthday, is it?”
Austin closed the door behind him and gazed up at the sky. “Platonic lasagna,” he corrected. “Technically, it could be better.”
Marquez grabbed the last two cardboard boxes and carried them into Diana’s bedroom. The slob. It was a good thing Marquez had energy to burn. It was her day off, and she’d spent it in high gear, scrubbing and dusting and rearranging. The amazing thing was, she still had energy left. Maybe it was the pills. Or maybe it was because she’d eaten virtually nothing all day. No fat calories or carbohydrates to drag her down. She was practically floating around the apartment. If it weren’t for her megabutt, she’d quite possibly be flying.
Near Diana’s bed, she felt a little dizzy. The ceiling swirled and the floor buckled. She let the boxes tumble to the floor and dropped onto the edge of the bed.
Letters and papers covered the floor like snow. Damn. Now she’d have to clean up even more of Diana’s mess.
She put her head in her hands and waited for the dizziness to pass. It wasn’t the first time. It had been happening more and more. At first it had scared her. But soon Marquez had realized it was a sign she was being good. It meant she was really accomplishing her goal. She could feel herself getting lighter. If her head felt light, could her body be far behind? She almost liked the dizzy feeling, the way it passed through her like a shimmering white wave of pure energy.
Out in the backyard, she could hear people splashing in the pool. Blythe and some friends. They’d asked Marquez to join them, but she’d lied and claimed Diver was coming over. The truth was, he was working late that night, but Marquez was okay with that. Lately she didn’t much care about being around other people. They just got in the way, asked questions, gave her disapproving looks.
Marquez paused for a minute to count up her calories for the last twenty-four hours. She’d never been good at math, but somehow she’d developed the ability to compute calories down to the last piece of gum or carrot stick. It was a weird skill. It was a shame there weren’t more career opportunities in calorie counting.
She tallied up the day and considered. Not bad, not great. If she didn’t eat anything that night, she’d be doing okay.
Slowly Marquez got on her knees to scoop up the letters and papers she’d dropped. What a pack rat Diana was! Like anyone cared about her junior-year essay on Silas Marner. There were endless postcards as well, all from Diana’s mother on her book tours, scribbled illegibly in red pen, not that Marquez cared what they said.
Marquez’s mother had written her just once since moving. It had been on a piece of plain white paper in pencil, a busy note full of anecdotes about the family. At the bottom she’d written,
Are you eating enough and taking your vitamins? Remember how much your mama loves you, Maria. Marquez had tucked the letter inside her pillowcase. When she tossed and turned at night, she liked knowing it was there.
As she piled the last of the letters into their cardboard container, an odd return address on an envelope caught Marquez’s eye. Why would Diana have kept a letter she’d written to somebody else?
Then Marquez saw the intended recipient: Seth Warner.
Marquez withdrew the letter from its envelope, feeling a weird mix of curiosity, indifference, and guilt. Her hands were trembling, the way they always seemed to lately. It was really annoying when she was trying to pour coffee. She’d come close to scalding several customers at Jitters.
The date at the top of the letter made her blink. January fourteenth of that year. Just a few days after Marquez and Diana had visited Summer and Diver and Seth over winter vacation.
She started to read. The handwriting was precise and feminine, but the letters kept blurring together, and Marquez had to stop and close her eyes several times.
1/14
Seth:
This is my fifth letter to you. You haven’t received any of them because I haven’t sent any of them, and I probably won’t send this one either. I’m not used to embarrassing myself, and I’m not used to being the one doing the chasing. Face it, I’m used to guys coming after me. This is a new experience. I’m sure you’re smiling to yourself right now in that smug way you sometimes have.
But anyway, here goes. I know you think what happened between us New Year’s Eve was a terrible mistake. I did too, at first, because like you, I care about Summer. But now that I’m back in Florida and my head has cleared, I’ve started to realize something. It wasn’t a mistake, Seth. Those feelings have been there between us for a long time, just waiting in the shadows. And if it took breaking down on some icy highway in Minnesota f
or us to figure that out, then maybe it was fate.
The point is, I’ve always been in love with you, Seth, and I just never had the nerve
The letter ended there, abruptly. Marquez stared at the words pitching and rolling on the page and tried to make sense of them. Diana and Seth? New Year’s?
Diana, in love with Seth?
Diana, who was in California with Seth at that very moment.
She’d betrayed Summer during the winter. And she was about to betray her again.
Marquez rubbed her eyes. She threw the letter into the box with a groan. It was too much information. She couldn’t cope. She didn’t like other people’s problems, and these were other people’s problems with a vengeance.
What was the etiquette when Friend A stole Friend B’s boyfriend and you knew about it? Would it be better to tell Friend B and hurt her? Or to keep your mouth shut, like a sensible human being?
She remembered how grateful Summer had been over spring break when Seth had forgiven her for her indiscretions with Austin. No wonder Seth had been such a saint! And Diana…Diana had actually tried to get Seth and Summer back together. What had that been about? Guilt? No, Diana wasn’t the type to feel guilty. She wasn’t even really the type to feel, but maybe there was another side to her that Marquez didn’t see. After all, Diana had been feeling something when she’d written that love letter to Seth.
Marquez clenched her fists. She felt angry for Summer, who’d been lied to and betrayed by Seth and Diana. It wasn’t fair. Whatever her faults, at least Summer had tried to make things right with Seth and to keep Austin at bay. Meanwhile, Diana was busy doing her very best to seduce Seth away.
Marquez stood slowly. The world spun for a moment. She needed to clear her head before she decided what to do about this.
Exercise. She would exercise for a while. That was easy, this wasn’t. She would ride her bike. She would not go anywhere near the fridge. She would ride longer and faster than she had the day before.
Later she would decide what to do about Diana and Seth and their betrayal. But first things first.