Read Tandoori Texan Tales Page 13

or plundered palaces and mausoleums of precious jewelry

  to be shipped back home?’

  No Sir. He was a solid chap, a folk hero. That is what he

  was. He knew the terrain of Kumaon like the back of his

  palm, better than his back-yard in Shropshire, Yorkshire,

  Brookshire or any other ‘shire he came from in the Blity.

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  I could think of him as a Lone Ranger riding along the hills

  and valleys of Kumaon. When confronted by a big wild cat,

  Jim would look straight into his eyes and tip the hat. In

  return the beast would curtsy him and they would wander

  off in their different directions. Jim would do the same with

  local humans. ‘Mutual Respect’ was the key word that

  pervaded when he was around. He believed in treating the

  Wild Life and the Humans with an even hand.

  Though there was a section of tiger population that would

  disagree with that.

  They are called man-eaters. They believed that Jim was

  definitely slanted toward the humans.

  Tigers like politicians start off as pretty decent fellows. As

  they go through the rough and tumble of life, some of them

  may be thrown to a corner and forced to make hard choices.

  Like whether to die of starvation or eat human flesh.

  Instincts of self-survival would generally override. Once

  they taste human flesh and blood, like politicians tasting

  intoxication of power, they get hooked on to it. There is no

  turning back. Gourmet food is what they want always; rest

  of the stuff is bland meat. They would not settle for

  hamburgers and French-fries any more.

  That is when Mr. Jim Corbett would step in and cry foul.

  He would get his shotgun or whatever he could grab and go

  after these renegade erstwhile friends. He bagged a couple

  of dozen of these in his lifetime and also wrote very

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  interesting books about these escapades. The scourge to

  human population was brought under control.

  But after Jim Corbett vanished into eternity, poachers and

  hunters (of human species) abounded. Local taxidermists

  made record profits. Movie stars and celebrities vied with

  each other wanting to wear skins that would bring the

  ‘Animal’ out of their men folk. Tiger population started to

  dwindle. Tigers had to be declared as endangered species.

  The benign apparition of Jim Corbett still pervades on the

  Hills of Kumaon in the form of this National Park. It is a

  game sanctuary where all these wild life are protected.

  Again, you may only shoot them with your camera.

  You may drive around with windows of your car rolled up.

  Remember these lands belong to those members on a

  different rung of the Evolution Ladder. You are an intruder.

  There is a road sign that clearly says ‘Leopards have a right

  of way’. So if you find them climbing on top of your car’s

  hood and making faces at you through the windshield, it is

  their prerogative.

  Do not call the Highway Patrol. These are the Highway

  Patrol.

  However you have a better alternative. You can whistle and

  hail an elephant. Unlike your car they have a trunk in the

  front, you may not be able to load your travel bags in it

  though. But sure you can let it siphon a lot of water and

  give you a fine shower. After you climb on top of it you can

  generally take a supercilious and condescending view of the

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  rest of the world. At some 25ft above the ground you are

  also quite safe from rest of the wild life. Breathe fresh air

  and wander around the whole place for as long as your

  bottoms can take the bumps.

  When I tried to get into Jim Corbett Park, I saw a “Do Not

  Disturb” sign at the entrance. Tigers were busy propagating

  and preserving their species. It was breeding time and they

  do not like voyeurs. The Park was closed for the season.

  I had to catch a plane back for London. So I came back to

  the real world from Shangri-La. My brother asked me if I

  did not want to go visit Udaipur.

  For a fleeting moment it seemed pointless. I had heard that

  one person I needed to impress most and make proud of my

  parallel parking skills had been taken away by upper

  respiratory ailment.

  I told my brother, ‘May be next time’. I still had to recover

  those five marbles for winning in the game of Gulli-danda.

  Airlines announced my flight was ready for boarding. I

  headed to the gates. For the flight to Texas was beckoning

  me.

  THE END

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  POTSHOTS AT HOTSHOTS

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  Southern Methodist University, Dallas, Texas, conducts

  Distinguished Lecture Series where people that have

  achieved distinction in their field are asked to share their

  wisdom with the general public. Between 1986 and 1992, I

  became an avid participant of these Lecture Series. There

  used to be about 4 to 6 such lectures in a year. At the end of

  each lecture, the audience was allowed to ask questions of

  the Lecturer. I rarely missed an opportunity of jumping

  from my seat and running up to the microphone and throw a

  question. A thrilling experience at getting 5 minutes of

  fame! As a front seat ticket holder (that did not come very

  cheap), I also got to hobnob with the Distinguished Lecturer

  at a small reception at the end of the evening. Getting heady

  and intoxicated by rubbing shoulders and pumping hands

  with the mighty and powerful over some punch and

  cookies, was an educational experience.

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  Following are some of the questions that I asked along with

  the responses that I got. While the questions are reproduced

  verbatim, the responses are paraphrased as what each said

  in ‘essence and effect’. You may not always agree with

  some of the ‘tongue in the cheek’ responses, but the

  exchange of words would definitely provoke some

  thoughts. You may even come out with some of your own

  views and reactions to these questions. If so please do not

  keep them to yourselves and share with your friends.

  Dr. Christian Barnard (Surgeon from South Africa that

  performed the first heart transplant).

  Question: As technology to transplant organ progresses, it is

  conceivable that all organs of a person could have been

  transplanted including brain cells. Then what would it be

  that would make that person still himself or herself?

  Response: We will not transplant human mind.

  Edwin Newman (NBC News).

  Question: If you were a nominee for the Supreme Court,

  how would you balance the values of Individual Liberty on

  the one hand and needs of National Security on the other?

  Response: Very carefully, of course.

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  Charlton Heston (H
ollywood Actor).

  Question: Do you have any political ambitions?

  Response: A good politician needs to be a good

  Communicator and Motivator. That is why an actor can be a

  good politician as well. I have been approached by both the

  parties to run for Congress.

  Sam Donaldson (ABC News).

  Question: It took a small nondescript newspaper in Iran to

  break the story of Iran-Contra deal. How come the multimillion

  dollar newsmen not excluding yourself could not do

  it? How many such scandals are going unreported as we are

  speaking now?

  Response: I wish I could have laid my hands on the story

  first.

  Dr. Robert Ballard (Maker of the underwater Robot that

  explored the ‘Titanic’)

  Question: Do you see a parallel between the ‘Titanic’ and

  the ‘Challenger’ disasters?

  Response: Yes. In both the cases people were a little over

  confidant about their technology’s infallibility.

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  Edward Heath (Former British Prime Minister).

  Question: Civilizations seem to rise and fall in cycles. Do

  you think Europe has reached its plateau and will slowly

  start declining as a cradle of civilization in the coming

  decades?

  Response: No. European Civilization will revive itself.

  Elli Wiesel (Holocaust survivor and Nobel Peace Laureate)

  Question: In this age of a possible Nuclear Holocaust, do

  you believe the instinct of self preservation will prevail over

  the instinct of self-destruction, in human species?

  Response: Even though it may seem that the people in

  power have their priorities all lopsided, we have survived so

  far have we not?

  Caspar Weinberger (Former Defense Secretary)

  Question: What is ‘State Sponsored Terrorism’ and which

  state does not sponsor terrorism?

  Response: It depends upon who does it and doing it in a

  way that it cannot to be found out.

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  Tom Brokaw (NBC News)

  Question: TV and Radio networks are basically in the

  business of peddling popcorn and Pepsodent. If they also

  provide news, it is only as a means to that end. Why should

  one not doubt your objectivity?

  Response: We are not influenced by our Sponsors.

  Robert MacNeil (MacNeil/Lehrer News Hour)

  Question: If one needs to listen to standard Queen’s

  English, one would probably listen to the BBC. How would

  you compare that with the standard of English spoken on

  the American TV and Radio?

  Response: Who speaks Standard English? We conducted a

  survey and found that most people even in Britain did not

  speak that way anymore.

  Robert Bork (Nominee for Supreme Court that could not

  get Confirmation from the Senate).

  Question: There seems to be some controversy over your

  role in the Nixon White House when he fired the Watergate

  Independent Prosecutor. Would you like to comment on

  that?

  Response: I was just following orders. If I had not done it

  some one else would have. Things would have happened

  just the way they happened regardless of what I did. My

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  only mistake was not having immediately called a news

  conference and told the public about what I was made to do.

  Dr. Henry Kissinger (Politician of repute)

  Question: You have had an admirable life but there is

  something about it that is enigmatic. You know the pain and

  suffering under the Third Reich and Gestapo from your own

  childhood. But when you were in a position of power and

  influence you collaborated with some of the most brutal and

  suppressive regimes in the world. How do you explain that?

  Response: What regimes?

  Question: Iran, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Philippines,

  Argentina and Chile?

  Response: The United States is not the Policeman of the

  World. We have to do what is in the best National Interest

  and we cannot tell our Allies how to run their countries.

  Alistair Cooke (Masterpiece Theater on PBS)

  Question: Your talk about American Humorists was most

  interesting. But you left out my favorite Humorist, P.G.

  Wodehouse. How come?

  Response: P.G. Wodehouse was not American.

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  David Brinkley (This Week on ABC)

  Question: You newsmen report on other public figures. But

  after all you are yourselves products of the same system and

  capable of similar behavior. Who reports on your conduct?

  Response: Our lives are an open book.

  THE END

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  TRYST WITH A MYSTERY

  WOMAN

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  INTRODUCTION

  Hindu society is patriarchic. Ancestral worship has been

  practiced in several societies and at several times in Human

  history. In the Hindu society it is practiced even today and

  is taken very seriously, especially in the Brahmin

  community of the Southern India. A ritual called

  ‘Shraddham’, is performed that offers prayers and food to

  the departed ancestors. It is the ardent wish of millions that

  they have a male progeny that would perform this ritual for

  them when they have died.

  On a lighter vein, while we proudly trace our ancestry to

  several generations, can I be totally sure there had never

  been any outside intrusions in our supposed lineage? Also,

  just as I invite my ancestors to my house for food and

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  prayers, how about if the role should be reversed and I go

  back in time and visit them?

  I was looking at the Genealogical Tree of my Family. Then

  I started wondering what would it be like to meet the lady 6

  rungs above my generation. A good portion of my genetic

  makeup comes from her, right?

  Is it not such an accidental quirk that I am what I am and

  that I am here at all? What if that Lady there, or for that

  matter any body in between her and me had made a

  different choice of mates? Would I still be there as I am

  now?

  Read this fictional journey back in Time and Space through

  the Genealogical Tree of my family.

  I was travelling from Bangalore to Madras. We were

  driving down this hilly dusty road as night began to fall and

  all of a sudden there was a thunderstorm. It started pouring

  like one big dam must have burst overhead. There was

  lightening and thunder.

  As we approached a curve, the car gurgled a few times and

  came to halt beside a large Banyan tree. Driver Murugan

  got out of the car. He opened the front hood holding an

  umbrella over his head. After peering into the car a little

  while he came back. I rolled down the glass to hear what he

  had to say. The carburetor had some problem. He had also

  inquired of a
passing Villager about the condition of the

  road ahead. It was quite a hopeless task of making to the

  next town at this dead at night. He asked me if I would like

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  to take shelter in a nearby temple until the morning. There

  seemed little choice.

  I collected my essential belongings and slowly made to the

  temple, which was half in ruins. I went in. With the help of

  torchlight I started looking around. The carvings under

  thick layers of cobwebs seemed ethereally bewitching.

  I could not imagine ever seeing any one so enchanting as

  that Apsara who was beckoning me with her finger tips.

  Yes indeed she was calling me toward her. I heard a

  mystical voice singing a most lyrical melody. This

  voluptuous danseuse was seductively and gracefully

  moving her limbs to that tune. How could I resist, as she

  held my finger tips and gently pulled me toward her? She

  smiled flashing her teeth like a string of pearls and pealed

  out laughing. I was completely beyond myself. I could

  barely muster enough courage to ask her who she was.

  She said ‘Don’t you know me? I am Parvati’. She had such