No! she thought wildly as every embarrassing or awful incident in her life was taken out and examined with cold, dispassionate eyes. No, you can’t look at that—it’s private!
She wanted to fight, wanted to struggle especially when the rape was revealed but the Priestess held her until absolutely every awful thing that had ever been done to her was completely looked over. Only then did she release Emily from her heartless grip.
“So…” She said drawing back and giving Emily a look that was half pity, half disgust. “This is why your Tenrah was so late in coming to you.”
“No…no, please—don’t say it,” Emily begged, her throat tight. Admitting what had been done to her to Tragar had been hard enough and he had been understanding and supportive. She didn’t want a whole roomful of strangers to know her pain and shame as well. It was too much—too awful!
“I am sorry, Khalla-to-be,” the High Priestess said loftily. “But I must inform the candidates of your past—they have a right to know you are damaged before choosing to tie themselves to you.” She sniffed. “You could have avoided all this if you had allowed the lisix to do its work. Now, I fear it is too late and you must suffer the consequences.”
“Please—” Emily began again but the High Priestess raised her voice and began speaking to the assembled candidates.
“Candidates, be aware that the Khalla-to-be has not undergone the required cleansing before the ceremony as she should have. There is pain and hurt in her past that might hinder bonding. She—”
“No!” Tragar roared angrily, glaring at Mother Chundra. Emily thought he would have jumped on her but he was still being held by the Temple Guards who were struggling to drag him out of the room. He wasn’t making it easy for them, however, and they still hadn’t managed to remove him.
“She was taken against her will and violated by an alien male the first time her Tenrah came upon her,” the High Priestess continued dispassionately. “This wrongful and premature breeding delayed her Tenrah for some years and it has left a scar upon her that cannot be healed. So…” She looked around at all the candidates, still standing in a semi-circle in front of her. “If you still wish to be considered to be the chosen mate to this Khalla-to-be, stay where you are. All others, take a step backwards.”
All but one of the males stepped backwards, most of them giving Emily side-long looks of pity, disgust, and horror.
Emily wished she could sink through the floor. God, to have her secret shame revealed to so many people at once was awful. And the looks on their faces said they didn’t want to have anything to do with her now that they knew. Damaged Goods might as well have been stamped on her forehead in blood-red ink.
Mother Chundra crooked her finger at the one male who hadn’t stepped backwards.
“Daro,” she called, raising an eyebrow at him. “You are willing to be chosen mate to this Khalla-to-be despite her soiled past?”
He nodded grimly. “I am willing to take this challenge, Mother Chundra.”
“Very well, your bravery is noted. And as no one else wants this Khalla-to-be, is decided.” She looked at Emily who was fighting not to cry, holding the tears of shame back grimly. “Meet your chosen mate, my dear. You will have one night to prepare and tomorrow your bonding ceremony will take place before the Visage of the Goddess.”
“No!” Emily cried, curling her hands into fists. “No, you said my wishes would be considered and I don’t wish for—want—anyone but Tragar! I mean, I’m sorry,” she said to Daro who was standing there watching her with an uncertain look on his handsome face. “You seem like a really nice guy and all but you’re not my guy. Tragar is and he’s the only one I want!”
“You cannot have a blasphemer and assassin for your chosen mate,” Mother Chundra said sternly. “The candidates who are called to the Temple study and strive all of their lives to remain pure of heart, mind, and body—to be worthy of a Khalla’s affection.” She nodded at the Temple Guards who were still barely holding Tragar back. “What’s wrong with the two of you? Get help if you need to but take him away!”
“No—Tragar!” Emily sidestepped around Daro and the High Priestess and went running to throw her arms around his neck. The two guards on either side of him had his arms so he couldn’t hug her back, but she felt his big body trembling against hers.
“Emily,” he whispered hoarsely. “My Khalla…”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” she begged him, seeing the hopelessness in his eyes. “Don’t leave me. Give me a chance and I’ll get away and come to you. Just wait for me.”
“I cannot.” He looked sad now—a terrible pain filling his golden eyes. “You heard the High Priestess. Though I do not agree with all of her reasons, I do agree with her assessment—I am not worthy of you. I never have been.”
“Who cares what she says?” Emily demanded. “We just met her today—she doesn’t know us!”
“It was not just her judgment that let me know I was unworthy,” Tragar murmured. “You know of my past, Emily. You know how I failed Landra and Jalex. I could not even fulfill a Kindred’s most sacred task—to protect the ones I loved. I do not deserve a second chance. Especially with a female as beautiful and rare as you.”
“So what?” Emily couldn’t help herself—she had started to cry. “So you’re just going to give up on me? On us?”
“I cannot do otherwise. Try to understand, I am stepping aside for your own good.”
“No, you’re being pushed aside. And you’re letting it happen!” Emily stepped back, her eyes hot as fire as the other stirred within her. “Don’t do this, Tragar! Don’t just give in. You said you loved me—now fight for me!”
“My Khalla—” There was a stricken look in his eyes but before he could finish his sentence, two more burly Temple Guards came to help the first two. Between them, they were finally able to haul the big Kindred away.
Emily watched him go, her eyes burning so fiercely the tears that she would have shed dried in the heat before they reached her cheeks. The other was restless inside her, pushing forward, demanding that Tragar was theirs and should not be separated from them.
Emily wanted to push the other back down but she seemed to lack the strength. All the pain and rage and sorrow inside her seemed to feed the other, making her stronger, readying her to come out.
Soon she’ll take over, Emily thought dully. She’ll come forward and won’t go back again. I’ll be gone. And I won’t even have Tragar to help me. He’s gone…gone and he’s never coming back.
* * * * *
“You saw what happened.” Y nodded at the monitor where the scene at the Temple was being played out before them. Truly, his Master was a wizard at knowing where to place his small, scuttling, furry spies. They had come with Tragar and Emily aboard the Kindred assassin’s ship and then into the Temple. They were so silent and stealthy that no one had noticed so much as a whisker twitching while their red eyes recorded everything and relayed it back to Master Two.
“I saw.” Master Two did not sound pleased, which confused Y.
“What is the matter, Master?” he asked, frowning. “The matter appears to be resolved. The girl is forever separated from her Kindred lover and given to another—so the matter should be resolved.”
“No, you fool—it is not resolved,” Two snapped. “The Seeing foretold she would bear the mother of a new race—it never said who the father of her child would be. If she is allowed to live, she may breed with another and still propagate the new race of Kindred.”
“Master…” Y could keep silent no longer. “May I point out that this whole scenario could have been avoided if you had simply let me kill the girl when we had her in our power? But no, instead you wanted to play games—wanted to toy with your prey’s emotions like a sadistic predator. So you had the witch give her those star-silver devices to wear which were supposed to kill her painfully and slowly—but the Kindred male removed them and cured her of her affliction. And now the girl is healthy and fertile and gone beyond re
ach. It is too late.”
“Silence!” Master Two’s voice was an angry roar inside his head. “Do you think I did not anticipate this possibility? It is not too late! Have you forgotten the call we placed to the assassin’s Verrak commander? He or another of his order will be coming to kill her soon.”
“Unless her Kindred Warrior kills himself and voids the contract that way, as he threatened to do,” Y pointed out. “Which I believe to be very likely now that the girl has been taken from him. He literally has nothing to live for.”
“Then he must believe that the contract has been dropped,” Master Two said craftily. “You will call him, Y—tell him you are my emissary and that I put the contract on the wrong Earth female by mistake. Tell him that his superior has already been notified and the contract is void. That way he will be taken completely off guard when a second assassin swoops in to kill the girl.”
“But what if the new assassin cannot get to her?” Y argued. He had found his voice now and he was unwilling to be silenced. “You saw that temple—it will be very difficult to breach and the girl will be surrounded by guards.”
“True…true…” Master Two sounded like he was thinking hard—the chip in Y’s head, which was located just under his left ear, throbbed and grew warm. “Well, we must have a backup plan…I have it!”
“What is it, Master?” Y asked.
“The old woman—we must go see the witch who fitted the girl with the star-silver devices in the first place. She still has a lock of the girl’s hair—it should be enough.”
“Enough to do what?” Y protested but his Master refused to answer.
“Take us back to the old witch—to Grandy See-er, Y,” he demanded. “And do not disturb me again until we are there. I have much to do. I am making plans within plans within plans. The girl shall not elude my grasp, no matter what. She will die and if her Kindred warrior is there to see it happen, so much the better!”
Chapter Twenty-six
“You cannot go to bed now, Khalla-to-be. There is much to do to prepare you for your bonding ceremony tomorrow. And after that, your becoming.”
“I don’t want to be bonded to that guy,” Emily turned her head away, refusing to look at Turra who was trying to reason with her. She was back in the fairy tale suite of rooms only this time the lovely décor looked bleak and ugly to her—no better than a prison.
“But you must be bonded,” Lit’aal said gently. “I am sorry, my Khalla, but once your mate is chosen, your body accelerates the Tenrah considerably. You may go into the fourth stage or Hel as early as tomorrow evening. When that happens, you must have a male to help slake your lust after your Kit’tara emerges or you could die.”
“I’ve told you—I don’t want her to emerge!”
It was true that the other had been slightly more helpful since she had reawakened and she felt different in Emily’s head—like a child that has matured overnight. She had even given Emily courage to face down the High Priestess—not that it had done any good. In the past, the other would have simply tried to take over instead of helping. Now, Emily could feel her hovering quietly in the background of her brain, like a polite guest, waiting to be called to supper.
Emily might have been willing to share her body with someone like that—someone patient and kind who would help out in a tight spot instead of just taking over and pushing her to act on her most reckless impulses. But polite and helpful or not, she was damned if she’d completely give up her entire body and existence to the other. Now that Tragar was gone for good, all she had was herself and she wasn’t going to give everything up just because everyone at this stupid Temple was telling her she was supposed to.
“At least come and walk in the gardens with your chosen mate. Daro longs to get to know you before the two of you are bonded,” Lit’aal said softly. “He’s very handsome, you know. And he’s a medic that specializes in the ailments of children—you will not find a kinder heart or a more gentle male.” She sounded wistful, as though she had a crush on the handsome, dashing Daro herself.
Emily gritted her teeth. “I don’t care if he’s a freaking model slash pediatric specialist slash saint. He’s not Tragar and Tragar is the only one I want.”
“Face it, Khalla-to-be, the one who brought you here finally recognized his own unworthiness. Now he is gone and he’s not coming back,” Turra said flatly. “And good riddance—I was shocked to learn of what he’d done to you while he had you in his clutches.”
“In his clutches?” Emily glared at her.
“What else would you call it?” Turra put her hands on her bony hips. “He was sent to kill you and then he kidnapped you.”
“He rescued me,” Emily protested.
“So that he could imbibe of your nectar.” Turra looked scandalized. “I know you are very ignorant of the correct procedures, Khalla-to-be, but what he did to you was no better than rape.”
“How dare you speak to me about rape?” Emily’s voice was trembling now. “You heard what Mother Chundra said when she told everybody my life. What Tragar did to me was not rape and I think I would know.”
“You know nothing.” Turra didn’t even try to hide her scorn. “But you will learn as soon as your Kit’tara emerges. I only hope she will be more reasonable than you are. I feel sorrow for poor Daro—it is amazing to me that he was willing to take on a damaged Khalla-to-be but perhaps completing your Tenrah will change you. One can only pray to the Goddess it may be so.”
“That’s it—get out.” Emily’s eyes were burning again and she knew it was the other coming forward but for a moment she was so angry she hardly cared. She stood up and pointed at the door. “I mean it, I’ve had enough of your crap—get out.”
“I am the Khalla-to-be’s personal attendant, appointed by Mother Chundra herself,” Turra said huffily. “You cannot simply dismiss me!”
“Oh yeah? Watch me.” Reaching up, she seized the taller girl by the back of the neck and started propelling her towards the graceful white door. Turra gasped and struggled but though she was taller by far, the other was lending Emily strength. She shoved the tall priestess out the door and glared at her. “And don’t come back.”
“You…you cannot do this!” Turra was rubbing the back of her neck and glaring at her. “I will speak to Mother Chundra of it at once.”
“You do that,” Emily snapped. “And when you do, tell her that she might be able to separate me from the man I love but I refuse to put up with a skinny bitch like you on top of it. I’ve had enough of your attitude—now go!”
“Why…you…I…” Turra gave her one more frightened, angry look and then turned and stalked away, her bare feet slapping against the marble floors of the Temple.
“Do you wish me to go as well, my Khalla?” Lit’aal was suddenly at her elbow, looking at her fearfully.
Emily sighed and her eyes stopped burning quite so much.
“No, Lit’aal—you’re actually a decent person. I don’t know what Turra’s problem is though. She’s on some kind of a power trip or something. I just couldn’t deal with her anymore.”
“She is a relation of Mother Chundra,” Lit’aal said in a low voice. “Rumor has it that she will take her place as Head Priestess when the time comes for Mother Chundra to retire.”
“Well, that explains it,” Emily muttered, glaring resentfully at the skinny priestess’s retreating back. “They certainly have the same attitude.”
“I know you are unhappy but will you not at least consider coming to walk in the gardens with Daro?” Lit’aal asked pleadingly. “He truly is the kindest and most handsome of warriors.”
Emily looked at her sharply. “It sounds to me like you have a crush on him yourself. Why don’t you date him or bond with him or whatever?”
“Oh, no! I could never do that—he was picked to be a chosen mate to a Khalla. I could never aspire to such greatness.”
Emily sighed. “I am so tired of hearing people say they aren’t worthy. Why shouldn’t you date him if yo
u want to? I certainly don’t.”
“You might feel differently if only you knew him,” Lit’aal said earnestly. “He is so kind and good and his eyes are the most beautiful shade of gold. He…” She broke off blushing.
Emily raised an eyebrow.
“You sound like you know him pretty well.”
“We walk and talk sometimes in the gardens at night,” Lit’aal confessed. “I…I told him about you last night. How frightened you were—how all our ways were strange to you.”
“So that’s why he stepped up when everyone else backed down,” Emily mused. “Was it because he felt sorry for me? Or because bonding to me was the only way to be near you?”
Lit’aal’s lovely face went pale.
“Daro is an honorable male, my Khalla! He would never dream of dishonoring you with another. Still, we did think…”
“You thought what?” Emily demanded.
“We thought we might still see each other…still talk even if no other contact was permitted between us. You see, the chosen mate of a Khalla is not the same as a bonded mate of any other common female,” Lit’all explained carefully. “She does not truly love him, for one thing—he is only there as part of her retinue to provide support and encouragement and to fulfill her needs if she ever has them.”
“So he’s just another part of the entourage,” Emily said dully.
Lit’aal nodded. “Indeed—it is believed that if a Khalla truly loved her chosen mate, it would be a great detriment. You see, her focus must be ever outwards, touring the lands where she is needed, bringing health and hope and healing to the people.” She looked sad. “My good friend—the one I told you of who became a Khalla—was not allowed to bond with the male of her choosing either. It…broke her heart.”
“No wonder that old bitch doesn’t want Tragar and me together.” Emily crossed her arms over her chest. “Because we love each other! And that would get in the way of her plans.”