“Lanie?”
“Oh, sorry. Um, well—wait, didn’t you say you had something to ask me too? You go first. I insist.” Good thinking. Buy some time.
“All right, if that’s your preference. See, the thing is, I’ve been working for your friend Maddie now for almost two months. And I’ve noticed, no matter what time of day or night I’m there, she never seems to have—well, what I mean is—is Maddie seeing anyone?”
“What?” Lanie blinked.
“Is Maddie dating anyone right now? Because if she’s not, I was thinking about asking her out.”
“Maddie? You want to ask Maddie out?”
His smile vanished. “Why? Is there something wrong with that? Is she married or something?”
“No! Maddie’s not married!” Lanie heard the harsh response leave her lips. Deep breath. Think. Think! He’s not interested in me. He likes Maddie. How could I have been so blind?
“So . . . is there some reason I shouldn’t ask her out? Do you think she’d go if I did?”
Lanie stared at him. Same beautiful brown eyes. Same masculine jaw line. Same kind smile. What an idiot I am. To even think he might go for the plain and simple. Oh no! Someone with looks like his? Of course he’d fall for someone beautiful. I’m such an idiot!
Lanie stood up, grabbing her purse from the table. She forced a smile. “Yes, Brad. I think Maddie would love to go out with you. In a heartbeat! But I just remembered I, uh, I left a candle burning in my apartment. Don’t want to burn down the building.” She swallowed a sob. “Thank you for the cappuccino. Really.” She dashed for the door, biting her lip to hold back the dam inside.
“But Lanie, wait! What did you want to talk to me about?”
“He WHAT?!”
Maddie jumped to her feet. Lanie’s words slammed into her like a freight train. “You can’t be serious! He asked you about me? Oh no, no! This is all wrong!”
Lanie collapsed on the sofa, burying her face in her hands. “This is all your fault. I knew better than to listen to you!” She looked up, her tear-streaked face breaking Maddie’s heart. “All these afternoon teas together, all these coincidental encounters and—” She blew her nose into her tissue.
“Oh Lanie, I feel terrible!”
Lanie honked again into a fresh tissue. “You feel terrible? Oh, please. Pardon me if I have no sympathy for you right now.”
Maddie slid beside her on the sofa, wrapping her arm over her shoulder. “No, Lanie, I didn’t mean that. Well, yes, of course I did! This is all my fault. I should never have pushed you into something you weren’t ready for.”
Lanie pushed away from her. “Something I wasn’t ready for? No, Maddie. I will never be ready for someone to manipulate my feelings like that. I came so close to spilling my guts, asking Brad if he’d like to go out some time. Asking him if he would consider dating me. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that would have been for me? I never ask guys out! You know that. But because you kept pushing and arranging all these happenstance meetings, and telling me how even a gorgeous man like that ‘can see a good heart’ like mine—wasn’t that how you put it? Because we both know a guy like that could never be attracted to a wall flower like me, right?”
“Lanie, no! I never said that. You’ve got it all wrong!” Maddie cried openly, her own tears spilling done her cheeks. “You’re my best friend in the whole world! I would never do anything to hurt you! You must surely know that?”
Lanie stood up and stomped across the room. “Never hurt me? Well, let’s see. If I have my accounting correct tonight, this makes two relationships you’ve ruined for me. Not just Brad, who was obviously never interested in me in the first place, but let’s not forget Jeff. Maddie, you may think he’s some computer geek, but the fact is, I care for him. And up until tonight, he cared for me. In fact, I hadn’t told you this because I knew you didn’t want to hear it. But last week, he told me he loved me. Imagine that. Some guy out there—loves me!” Lanie sobbed. “At least he did until tonight.
“So excuse me, Madeline Cooper, if I take a permanent pass on your so-called friendship. I’ve had just about all of you I can stand! I am DONE with you!” She slammed the door, rattling the windows and pictures hanging on the wall.
“Good heavens! What happened?”
The whir of Nana’s wheelchair rounded the corner. “Oh Nana, I’ve made such a horrible mess of things. Lanie will never speak to me again as long as she lives.”
The whole miserable story spilled out through Maddie’s tears, her grandmother listening patiently until there was nothing left to say. She reached for Maddie’s hand, brought it to her lips and kissed it gently.
“Madeline, it’s time you and I had a little heart to heart.”
“I’m such a wretch!”
“Yes, you are. We all are from time to time. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Will you keep making the same mistakes over and over, or will you learn from them?”
“But all I ever meant to do was help Lanie find happiness. She’s never been in a serious relationship before. Doesn’t she deserve a little happiness?”
“Did she ask you to find happiness for her, dear?”
Maddie wiped her eyes with the embroidered handkerchief her grandmother had loaned her. “No, but she never would.”
“And correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t I recall Lanie lighting up like a Christmas tree each time she mentions this fellow she met on her computer? A fellow Jane Austen admirer? Why, they must have so much in common. So many things to talk about.”
“You don’t understand. She’s never met him. He’s probably some ugly, wimpy little nerd who can’t find love any other way.”
“Oh, so you’ve met him?’
“No, of course not.”
The silence passed between them until Maddie finally looked up at her grandmother, realizing she was trying to make a point. “What?”
“Sweetheart, the Bible says, ‘Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.’”
“But that’s just it! I felt God calling me to this ministry, helping people find love. And I’ve prayed every step of the way. We’ve had a partnership, of sorts, me and God.”
“Have you now.” It wasn’t a question, but a spoken doubt.
Maddie thought back through the past weeks, remembering her talks with the Lord. She quickly realized that’s all they were. She talked to God, mostly telling Him what her plans were, rarely asking about His.
Nana reached out to push back the dampened hair from Maddie’s face. “I’ll leave you to think about that awhile. And let me suggest one more thing. Perhaps you need to give Lanie a little credit. She’s a bright girl. She’ll know love when she finds it. Without your help.”
Chapter 9
Ian slapped his alarm clock, groaning at the red digits. Six o’clock. Suddenly he remembered why he’d planned to get up so early. He jumped out of bed and dressed quickly in his sweats and running shoes. After a swig of orange juice, he headed for the front door, anxious to stretch out his muscles and commence his long-awaited run.
Just inside the door, a large manila envelope rested on the floor just below the mail slot. Ian clenched his jaw, seeing his name in the familiar script. Can’t you just leave well enough alone?
He tore open the envelope, dumping its contents onto the table beside the door. Two identical FOB keys on a BMW key ring fell out. “What in the . . . good heavens!” He opened the door, stunned to find the black Beamer he had bought Melissa as a wedding present sitting in the driveway. “Now I know she’s lost her mind.”
Unfolding the letter, his eyes raced through the paragraphs.
Dear Ian,
I had hoped we might find some peace at long last, but I’m afraid I’ve only caused you more unhappiness. Unfortunately, we have unfinished business and I know no other way to handle it.
Once I heard you’d returned to England after I called off the wedding, I had no idea how to return
the car. When you refused to answer my letters, I finally decided to put the car in storage back in Nashville and deal with it later. There it remained until our recent move here. My husband never understood why I didn’t just sell it, but I knew it wasn’t mine to sell.
The enclosed papers make it yours again, along with the keys. If you’ll do nothing else, please accept the car that rightfully belongs to you.
There’s something else I must tell you. Not long ago, I gave my heart to the Lord, Ian. It has made all the difference in my life. But one thing I have learned is that unforgiveness will destroy you. As the saying goes, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
I pray you will find it in your heart to forgive me, Ian, whether we ever speak again or not. God alone can help you let go of the bitterness you hold against me and learn to love again.
As God is my witness, that is my prayer for you.
Melissa
Ian dropped the letter on the table and stepped outside. Taking a seat on top of the porch stairs, he stared at the pristine automobile. A rush of memories coursed through his mind tugging his emotions along for the ride. The internal battles he’d fought. The mind games. The burning heat of bitterness poisoning his every thought.
So many years. So many wasted years.
And then Melissa’s words repeated themselves. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. And without a moment’s hesitation, he knew. He just knew. The time had finally come.
As his feet pounded the sidewalks of Hyde Park, Ian reflected on those lost years. The blasted restlessness that forever ate away at him. The hopelessness that covered him like a hot blanket on a blistering summer’s day. And the brusqueness for which he’d become known, a characteristic so utterly unfamiliar to his personality—at least until Melissa so publicly humiliated him. It had settled upon him so completely, he’d been unable to shake it. All these years later, it still plagued him, like the all-encompassing role of an actor playing the part of an ill-tempered grouch. But unlike an actor merely playing a part, he couldn’t let go of the stranger he’d become.
As he turned the corner and trekked his way through the quaint neighborhood, Ian realized something was going on inside him. Quite an odd feeling, actually. He pushed himself harder, ignoring the slight remnant of pain in his foot, and allowed himself to search his heart for answers.
Could it be Melissa was right? Had theirs had been an engagement of social peer pressure and not a legitimate result of true love? No, of course not. I loved her dearly. With all my heart.
But even as the thought marched through his head, he knew it wasn’t completely true. He cared for her. Deeply. There was never any question of that. And perhaps at some point that affection grew into love. But was it the kind of love that would have lasted a lifetime? Was it worthy of the vow he nearly took—til death do us part?
A strange ache washed over him. He slowed to a trot, wondering why he felt this way. Then it hit him.
Good heavens. It’s true.
And just that fast, he knew. Without a trace of doubt, he knew Melissa was right. They had almost married for all the wrong reasons.
If she hadn’t been the chancellor’s daughter, I never would have asked her out in the first place. If we hadn’t dazzled the university community as the “perfect couple,” I would never have proposed.
Ouch. The realization smarted like a slap in the face. Sure, Melissa was beautiful. And smart. And funny. But she was also a daddy’s girl. And Daddy still ruled, no matter where she might have roosted. At the time, the attention and notoriety made it all intoxicating and appealing. At least on some level. And if he was completely honest, he’d fantasized about climbing the academic ladder and one day succeeding his father-in-law as chancellor of prestigious Vanderbilt University.
But now, with the cleansing clarity of unabashed truth rushing through his veins, he knew he never could have lived in Dr. Halston’s domineering shadow. Perhaps the marriage would have lasted a year or two. But only if he became a dutiful, family puppet.
He slowed, coming to a stop, more winded than he’d been in years. He leaned over, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He closed his eyes, imagining Melissa in her wedding gown that fated day. He pictured her in the bridal suite at the church, standing before a full-length mirror. He watched as her eyes, hidden beneath the veil, slowly tracked upward until she faced herself directly in the reflection.
She knew. She knew . . .
And she couldn’t do it to me.
She loved me enough to let me go.
Ian stood, then stumbled against a nearby tree as a sob escaped from his throat, catching him completely off guard. Dear God, she knew. She did it for me. And all these years I’ve hated her, despised her for embarrassing me. Oh God, forgive me. How did I get it all so wrong?
He slid down the tree, landing in a heap on the dying grass. He dropped his head in his hands and felt the tears fall. He couldn’t find the words, but somehow he knew God heard his heart. Filled with shame, he could only ask for forgiveness, over and over. For hating her. For wasting so many years of his life filled with that hate. And for spreading a little of it on everyone he met.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. The words echoed through his soul again. But this time, they felt less like an indictment and more like a soothing balm.
He leaned his head back against the tree, looking up through the almost-bare branches. A breeze danced through the remaining leaves, seeming to shake them just for good measure. As he squinted against the morning sun, he watched one of the shriveled, surviving leaves give up the fight and let go. It floated downward, first this way then that, finally coming to rest just beside him.
A sign. A vivid picture.
He’d let go too. After all these years, he’d finally let go. He was no longer a prisoner of his own making anymore.
He was free.
He picked up the leaf and twirled it by the stem, uttering a prayer of thanks. It had been a long, long time since he’d prayed. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time. But in his new-found freedom, he felt surprisingly close to the God he’d ignored for so many decades. As if the Almighty Himself was listening to every word he prayed. Especially the ones he eventually whispered as he invited God back into his life.
Half an hour and a phone call later, Ian Grant experienced the incomparable sweet release of complete forgiveness and a new beginning.
Maddie and Lanie kept a cool distance in the days following their heated exchange. Maddie tried several times to apologize, but Lanie always cut her off. “We can maintain a professional partnership, Maddie, but our friendship is over. I’ll do whatever you need me to do for the grand opening. But please honor my wishes and don’t confuse our professional relationship with our former friendship.” They had slid into an odd place, one Maddie could barely tolerate. But with only four days left before they opened, it would have to do.
Late one afternoon, Brad hung around the kitchen. “Maddie, do you have a minute?”
“Sure,” she answered, pushing the curls out of her face and tucking them back under her bandana. “What can I do for you?”
He leaned against the island, running his hand along the smooth granite edge. “I was just wondering if you’d consider having dinner with me sometime. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, and I thought maybe—”
“Oh, Brad, that’s really sweet.” She turned her back to him, busying herself with the dirty stack of cookie sheets in the oversized sink. “But y’know, with the opening coming up, and everything I still have to do, I just wouldn’t possibly have time.”
“Oh,” he said, then paused. When he didn’t say more, she turned her head to see what he was doing. He shuffled his feet then folded his arms across his chest. “Well, I can understand that. In fact, I assumed you’d need some time. Of course, I meant after the opening. I suppose I sh
ould have said that, huh? Once you’ve had some time to get used to your new routine. No rush.”
Maddie dried her hands on her apron and turned around to face him again. “Well, uh . . . the thing is . . .” She stopped cold, her eyes glued to his lazy smile that warmed his brown eyes. She caught herself staring, studying the tiny flecks of gold in those brown eyes. What is wrong with me?! She coughed, continuing to mentally scold herself.
He reached across the space between them, brushing the same renegade curl out of her eyes. When his fingers touched her brow, a shot of electricity bolted through her. Where did THAT come from?
“Maddie, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you. In fact, I’ve been trying to get the nerve to ask you out for quite a while now. Guess I’m just a little slow when it comes to that sort of thing.”
She closed her eyes and sighed. “But Brad, I just thought maybe you and Lanie—”
“Me and Lanie? What gave you that idea?”
She opened her eyes again. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I just fancy myself a bit of a matchmaker.” She grabbed a hand towel, absently wiping a phantom spot on the counter. “I just thought the two of you might have a lot in common. Or something. And Lanie is such a sweetheart, I just thought maybe—”
He scratched a spot above his right eyebrow. “Wait a second. Did you . . . was that night Lanie met me at Starbucks—was that your doing? Did you put her up to that?”
She focused on another spot on the countertop. “Well, see, I thought—”
“Oh no,” he groaned. He let his head fall back, shaking it. “She said she had something to ask me. She was going to ask me out, wasn’t she?” He leveled his gaze at her.
“Um, well actually—”
“Maddie?”
She dropped the hand towel and stuffed her fidgeting hands in her apron pockets. “Yes. Yes, I suggested she talk to you. But all I did was give her a little nudge. Brad, she was really hoping you’d agree to start going out with her.”