Page 18
Author: Nicolette Day
“What do you think? They usually do weddings at the gazebo, but when I saw this…it’s just so beautiful. It just feels right. ”
“I think it’s perfect. ” Knowing Hayden, she’d seen this bridge on location, taken one perfect shot, and had built her entire wedding around it. She ran her hand along the railing and smiled. “The wedding is going to be beautiful. We’ll be able to get some great shots out here of the wedding party. But you knew that already. ”
Hayden nodded. “As long as the weather holds out. ”
“It will. Nothing is going to ruin your day. ”
Lilly lifted her camera to flash a picture of the bride-to-be on the dark, empty bridge, but paused when she spotted her expression through the lens. Hayden sighed and folded her arms across her chest, taking in the surroundings. She looked nervous. Which made Lilly nervous. She lowered her camera. “What’s wrong?”
Hayden looked over at her. “Let’s hope everything is perfect. Because the shots you take are going to be featured in New York Bridal Magazine. ”
Lilly froze. “What?”
Hayden hopped up to sit on the railing, her eyes glittering with excitement. “Apparently they are doing a feature on career-driven women’s weddings and they picked mine to be in it,” she said. “I told them I had already booked the best wedding photographer on the east coast, and they were intrigued. I sent them your portfolio and they think your work is brilliant. ”
Lilly floundered for words, but came up empty. Was this real? It couldn’t be. Nothing ever went this smoothly in her life. Nothing ever came this easily.
She blinked back tears and pressed her hand to her suddenly jittery stomach. “Are you serious?”
Hayden’s brows pulled together, concern shining in her eyes as she hopped down and met Lilly halfway. “Of course I am. You’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever met, Lil. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you deserved it. You do. You deserve to be happy and successful. ”
Lilly threw her arms around her friend’s neck, the weight of the past two days crushing into her. Emotions swirled around inside, filling her with a confusing mixture of hope and uncertainty.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Hayden pulled back to look her in the eyes. “I thought you’d be thrilled. ”
Lilly wiped her eyes and looked away. “I am. This is amazing, and you are amazing. Thank you so much, Hayden. I swear, I won’t let you down. ”
Hayden studied her for a moment and she squirmed under her stare until her friend finally said, “It’s Nate, isn’t it. ” It wasn’t a question. More of an observation, and there was no way that Lilly could deny it. Especially when Hayden saw them in the same room.
Lilly had gone and done the one thing she’d sworn to herself she would never do—she’d fallen for him. And now she was spiraling out of control, not knowing up from down.
This was supposed to feel good, feel life-changing, but all she felt was terrified. Terrified that she’d invested so much of herself in someone who might just walk away. Because he’d done it before.
“Tell me. ”
Lilly choked back the feeling that had been suffocating her for eight hours on the road, and her eyes misted over. “It’s your wedding weekend. I’m not letting my drama ruin your day. ”
Hayden sighed. “All I’ve talked about for a week is this wedding. Trust me when I say, as long as it has absolutely nothing to do with flowers or place settings, I want to hear it. Nothing you have to say could ruin the fact that I’m marrying my best friend tomorrow. Now spill. ”
Lilly twisted the silky fabric of her blouse in her hands. “I slept with him. More than once. ”
Hayden surprised her with a grin. “I figured you might. ”
Lilly glared at her in outrage. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Forced us together to see if something would happen. ”
Hayden threw her hands up. “Is it so wrong for me to want you both to be happy? We all knew you two would be great together. It just took a little nudge to get you guys to realize it, too. ”
“And what if we’d killed each other instead?”
“Oh, please. We both know you were more in danger of losing your favorite pair of panties than you two harming each other. I’ve see the way you look at each other,” she said. “So, does this mean you’re together now?”
That was the question of the day, wasn’t it?
After everything they had been through the past year, did Lilly even want that with Nate?
Yes. She did.
And now that she had him, she couldn’t imagine going back to a life of hating him. She wanted to trust him so badly, but he was making it hard.
“I don’t know,” she finally said. “I hope so. I honestly don’t know what he wants. I do know he’s hurting, and I want him to be happy…whatever that means for us. ”
“You love him. ”
That wasn’t a question, either. Her feelings were obvious—to everyone except the man on the receiving end of that loaded emotion. Despite her best effort, a tear spilled over and slid down her cheek. Damn it. “Yes. I love him. ”
Hayden grabbed her hand and beamed, her eyes glistening. “I’m happy for you, Lil. So happy. For both of you. Maybe this is exactly what he needs to finally pull his head out of his ass. ”
Lilly chuckled, wiping her eyes. “I don’t know. I think it might be shoved up there pretty deep. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. ”
They both laughed, and Lilly thought about the gift she’d brought for Hayden. She was so lucky to have a friend like her in her life. It wasn’t often Lilly let people in, and even more rare for them to feel like family, but Hayden definitely fit into that category. She couldn’t imagine what she would do without her.
“I brought you a present,” she said. “After everything you’ve done for me, I’d really like to give it to you early. ”
“Are you kidding?” Hayden bounced up and grabbed Lilly’s hand. “I would love that. ”
Lilly led them to the truck where she’d left the package, thankful that Nate hadn’t locked the doors. She reached onto the back bench for the present wrapped in silver paper with a blue bow, and handed it to Hayden.
Her friend eagerly tore open the wrapping paper, revealing the book inside. Wide-eyed, she lifted the cover and gingerly touched the pages filled with photo after photo of Hayden and Jace. Some were the posed engagement photos they’d hired Lilly to do. The rest were candids that dated back to when they were just two friends who couldn’t see what was right in front of them.
Hayden brought her hand to her mouth and moisture flooded her eyes. “Oh my God…”
Lilly smiled. “I know what love is, Hayden. I know what it is, because I see it every time I look at the two of you. I’m so happy for you, babe. ”
Hayden looked back down at the book and a smile touched her lips. “You’re going to have it, too, Lil. Just wait. ”
Chapter Sixteen
Empty.
Nate sank down onto a white rocking chair on the front porch of the bed-and-breakfast and tipped a bottle of Jack up, opening his throat to let the bitter liquid slide down. He lowered the bottle to his chest and coughed. That shit burned.
He was going to regret this tomorrow. But not right now. Right now, he was going to put a fucking lid on all the shit that had been building up inside his head for the past two days.
The chair beside him creaked, and he looked over to find Jace watching him. His brother’s blue dress shirt was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing off his ink. Nate was guessing Hayden had gotten him into a tie at one point in the evening, but most likely Jace had ditched it after the first half hour of feeling like he was being choked.
His brother held up a bottle of water and nodded to the Jack. “Want to trade?”
Nate handed him the bottle and Jace took it and set it down on the
porch beside him, out of Nate’s reach.
Nate grabbed the water and scowled at it. “Sorry I missed the rehearsal,” he said. “I just… Fuck. I’m sorry. ”
Damn it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and his head throbbed. Was he ever going to stop fucking things up?
“What are you doing out here getting piss-drunk on these people’s front porch?” Jace asked, his brows raised in amusement. “You realize there’s a party going on right over there?” He motioned to the decked-out barn where music hummed from the open doors and people milled around outside laughing.
“Fuck you,” Nate said. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in there with your bride?”
“She’s been hijacked. She dragged Lilly off a little while ago. Thought I’d come see who was holding you hostage. ”
“You know I don’t like crowds. ”
“I know. ” Jace leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, and glanced over at the bottle he’d just taken from Nate. “I’m guessing it was a rough trip? You look like you haven’t slept in days. ”
Nate shook his head. “You have no idea. ”
Rough trip? More like a complete mind fuck. Nate leaned back in the rocking chair, accepting the dizzy, numbing sensation flowing through his veins. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold chain and locket that had been their mother’s, and handed it to Jace.
His brother studied the piece of jewelry with a wistful smile. “Thank you for this. I know it wasn’t easy for you to go back. I probably shouldn’t have asked. ”
“It was time. ” Nate shrugged. “Besides, I didn’t have to do it alone. ”
Jace nodded. “Speaking of…are you going to tell me what’s going on with her?”
How was he supposed to explain it, when he didn’t even know what the hell to think? The past two days had felt like a damn tornado, spinning him around, twisting him, until he didn’t know if he was coming or going. Everything he’d thought he’d needed and wanted had been turned upside down. He scrubbed his fingers through his hair and shuddered as the memory of Lilly’s nails against his scalp pulled him back under. Fuck. He couldn’t imagine never taking her again. Never making her laugh. Never pissing her off, or making her smile. Being with her the past two days had been the single most satisfying experience he’d ever had.
And now what? He was supposed to just walk away?
“I fucked up,” he choked out.
“Elaborate. ”
Damn it to hell. He’d wanted to wait until after the wedding to do this. He didn’t want a cloud hanging over his brother’s wedding day. But it had to be now. He couldn’t risk him finding out from someone else. Nate owed him more than that. He owed him everything.
He sucked in a deep breath and sighed. “I’m leaving. ”
Jace stopped rocking and gave him his full attention. “Excuse me?”
“I’ve been recommissioned. Paperwork came through last week. I’m shipping out in two weeks. ”
“Shit…” Jace shook his head, staring at him in consternation. “Where?”
“I don’t know. ”
“All right. Then, why?”
Nate didn’t even know anymore. When he’d signed the papers, he’d truly thought there was nothing left for him in civilian life. All he could think about was getting his ass back in combat where he belonged. Saving lives. Making up for the ones he’d lost.
He still wanted that. Needed it. But the idea of leaving Lilly behind made him feel like he was collapsing on the inside. Would she forgive him? Would she wait for him? He didn’t deserve it, that much he was sure of. He had so much shit to make up for with her, he didn’t know where to start.
“You know why,” he finally said.