“I’m going to marry you one day, you’re going to be the mother of my children, and I’m going to love you forever and never let you go. You’re mine, Brooke, just mine.”
I smiled at the thought.
“I want to try something. Do you trust me?”
“Yes…” I breathed out, getting lost in him, exactly as I always had. He lulled me in with his deep breaths and sighs all over, with his movements and caresses. He played me like his favorite instrument he never wanted to put down. He knew my body better than I did. I learned so much about myself with him. What I liked, what I loved, and what I couldn’t ever get enough of.
My wants, my needs, my everything.
All at the hands of a married man.
“I want to make you come; do you want to come for me?”
I sucked in my bottom lip and he groaned, making my pussy melt with anticipation. My eyes were closed and I didn’t want to open them. Sometimes, when I looked at him, I saw the truth staring back at me, and it was much easier to pretend. To live in the world that I created in my mind, where it was only he and I and nothing else mattered.
He kissed and licked the nook of my neck—the spot that drove me crazy and made me quiver all over. His fingers kneaded my breast, gently at first and then more demanding, urgent and insistent. My body felt warm all over, it spread fast like wild fire, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.
He was everywhere, embedding himself deeper into my heart and soul.
“Your skin is turning red everywhere I touch you, baby. Do you know what you do to me? Do you know that you own me? That I’m yours?”
I moaned in response.
He placed his fingers on my lips, beckoning me to open, and I did. He moved them in and out in slow, delicious torture, and once they were moist enough, he removed them and circled them around my nipple; it became hard for him in seconds. He proceeded to do the same with the other and then leaned forward and blew on them, enticing my nerve endings and driving me wild with desire.
I squeezed my thighs together to relieve the ache and he made a disapproving sound from deep within his throat.
“I can see your pussy glistening, waiting for me to touch it. Should I take mercy on you and give you what you want, or should I make you beg for it? You know how much I love the begging,” he tormented me with a tone that I was very familiar with.
His fingers found their way to my mouth again, but this time, he placed them directly on my clit, slowly moving them in a side-to-side motion.
“That feel good, pet?”
Just like everything he did to me, it was precise and calculated.
“Come here.”
I opened my eyes and watched as he sat back on the headboard of the bed, nodding his head for me to sit between his legs with my back to him. He spread my legs open and I relaxed into his firm, muscular form. When he felt like my body was lenient enough for him, he proceeded to continue his back and forth motion on my clit.
My head fell back on his shoulder and my mouth parted slightly. He kissed down my neck and angled both my legs upward, causing my hips to move backward, further onto his hard, awaiting cock.
With one hand, he played with my clit, and with the other, he glided up and down my opening, spreading around the wetness that was seeping out.
“You have no idea how bad I want to taste you. I can actually feel your salty sweetness on the tip of my tongue.”
He stopped playing with my clit and effortlessly pushed his way into my opening. His fingers curved directly toward the spot inside me that he always seemed to find on command. He massaged it in a circular rhythm, like a ferris wheel, going up and then down. It felt swollen within minutes and I wanted to explode, shatter on him, for him. My legs trembled and my head spun.
This orgasm felt different than others I had experienced from other skilled partners, including him. My stomach tightened and my breathing labored instead of escalated. It was suffocating and engulfing and his heartbeat mimicked mine. They produced the same pitter, patter, back and forth, talking to one another.
“That’s it… you’re almost there. I can feel you pushing me out.”
He pushed in another finger and I felt full to the hilt, except this time, he thrust in and out of me in quick, steady motions, hitting my g-spot with a force that only his cock produced.
“I can’t… I can’t… please...” I begged for I don’t know what.
“Shhh… just let yourself go; just let it happen. I want to see you come apart.”
My hips matched the pace of his thrusts and my pussy quenched for a thirst I didn’t understand or recognize. I had no control over my body and it moved on its own accord. I could physically feel myself pushing his fingers out; I needed release and it made me hold in my breath.
“Yes… yes… yes…” he groaned into the side of my face. I didn’t have to see him to know that he was just as turned on as I was, maybe more if that were possible.
I couldn’t take it anymore and I screamed out, and that’s the exact moment he removed his fingers. My pussy squirted come across the bed. And it didn’t stop, he shoved his fingers back in and fucked my g-spot while his other hand manipulated my clit.
My body shook and I couldn’t stop coming. It was one right after the other; hitting me with rapid speed. I had no time to stop and collect myself, nor did he want me to. I couldn’t control the emotions from the passion he was igniting and producing, and for the first time, I yelled out, “I love you,” over and over again, repeating it as if it were the easiest words in the world. They flowed out of me with no cause of concern for the repercussion.
Nothing but I love you.
And a huge part of me knew…
That’s what he wanted all along.
“Oh my God, Mom, I am not dating her; she’s not my girlfriend. Can you please stop!”
She rolled her eyes. “Devon, she lived with you.”
“For a few months.”
“And she works for you.”
“Yes for about a year and a half now.”
“So…”
“So… what?”
“That makes her something and I really love her, Devon, and so do your sisters.”
“Why are we talking about this again? Ysabelle and I are just friends. That’s it. I love her, but not in that way.”
“Ugh! You’re so frustrating. When am I going to be a grandmother?”
“Well you already are; you have Deahna and Lauren is engaged and Alexis isn’t that far behind, so I’m sure you have lots of babies coming soon. Now can you please get off my ass?”
“Uncky Dev.” Deahna came barreling through the garage door, right into my arms.
“Hey, little munchkin,” I said, kissing all over her face and making her giggle.
“Not munchkin, big girl,” she replied through a fit of laughter.
“Yes… yes… I know, such a big girl.”
“Oh Lord, she is driving me insane,” Liv said, running in after her. “Do you want to keep her for a few days? I’m serious. I have finals that I still haven’t cracked a book open for and John is working overtime.”
“I would love to keep her.”
She smiled. “Are you sure? Ysabelle won’t mind? Every time she is around her, she gets all antsy and nervous. She has yet to hold her and kinda avoids her like the plague.”
I laughed. “She just doesn’t understand kids, she’s fine. And why does everyone think that Ysabelle is my girlfriend?” I questioned, annoyed, placing Deahna on the ground.
“Well you’re always together… so…”
“Momma, I like Bell,” Deahna babbled.
“I know, baby; Beauty and the Beast is your favorite.”
She happily nodded.
“For the hundredth time, she is not my girlfriend; we’re friends.”
“Whatever,” they said in unison, not believing me.
“Well I like her and she seems good for you,” Liv added.
“Will you please s
top?”
“I can’t hear this anymore; I’m going to shower. You talk some sense into your stubborn brother,” Mom chimed in, walking away and Deahna following closely behind.
Lauren and Alexis walked in together and I had a feeling this was about to get worse.
“Hey, big brother,” Lauren greeted, kissing me on the cheek and then Alexis pulled me into a tight hug.
“Why do you guys look like something bad happened?” Alexis asked, smiling.
“Because, our dear older brother is yet to settle down. Tell him how much you guys like Ysabelle and maybe it will help.”
Their eyes widened. “YES!” They both screamed together.
“So what? This is gang up on Devon day?”
Lauren cocked her head to the side. “No, not at all; it’s just that we want to see you happy, Devon. You can’t enjoy not coming home to someone. All you do is work and that’s not healthy.”
“Please don’t psychoanalyze me. Not right now.”
They sighed.
“Dev, we lived through it, too,” Liv announced, catching me off guard.
“What?” I retorted.
“I mean, I obviously don’t remember as much as you guys do, but I remember enough. Dad… Dad was… he was… I mean, you know,” she mumbled, not able to say the words.
“We never talk about it, ever,” Alexis confided.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I declared.
“Are you serious? Come on, Devon, we lived with you; we’ve all spent nights at your apartment, several times. We know the nightmares, and we’ve seen the medication you were on. You got the brunt of it more than any of us, other than Mom,” Lauren proclaimed, letting her words sink. “I remember everything. I hated him, I hate him, just as much as you do, and even though he never put his hands on us girls, it didn’t matter because we felt every strike and scream. So please… we get it, okay… but you can’t keep hiding and not letting anyone in. We all want to see you happy. You’re almost thirty-one years old. We don’t want to see you die alone. You have done everything for us and none of us can ever even come close to repaying you. You stepped into being a father for us, Dev. One we never had. I know you’re my brother, but sometimes I see you as my dad; we all do.”
Her words nearly brought me to tears. I never knew any of them felt that way. I had assumed, but hearing her say the words and having them all agree was hard but comforting to hear at the same time. It was a conflicting emotion that I hadn’t expected to feel. Ever.
“Girls, I love all of you and you know that. I’ll always be here for you, but there are things that I won’t discuss with you or Mom. I can’t… so please try to understand.”
They nodded in agreement, but their faces read otherwise. I recognized it immediately. They were sad for me.
“Just keep in my mind we’re here. Whenever you need us,” Liv asserted, pulling me into a hug, and all of them quickly followed suit.
I held the women I loved more than life itself in my arms.
And that was good enough for me.
Two plus signs.
A smiley face.
One plus sign.
Two pink lines.
One pink line.
And then the word…
Pregnant.
Clear as day for me to read. I took six different pregnancy tests and they all reported back the same exact thing.
Pregnant.
Knocked up.
With child.
Bun in the oven.
Bastard.
Two more years went by. I was twenty-two years old and had been with VIP for almost four years. I had been with Jaxon for a little over two years. I used the word with loosely, because we were never really together. At least not in the way I wanted, not in the way he promised. Every time he left me it became harder, and more difficult for me to function. My mind became consumed with the promises. I borderline obsessed when it would happen.
So I came up with my own plan… I decided to get pregnant. I didn’t do it to trap him… I did it to speed up the process of us being together. To give him the ammunition he needed, the push we deserved. He took me away on a business trip and I told him that I had forgotten my birth control pills, but it was a lie. I had stopped taking them. It was a test, so to speak. We were careful, but not entirely.
A huge part of me believed that he wanted it as much as I did. He just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. It was much easier to pretend like we were being careful… and there I was, six weeks later, taking positive pregnancy stick, after positive stick.
Thankful.
Delighted.
Comforted.
In ways Jaxon never produced.
“Hey there, pretty girl,” he greeted, answering his phone.
“Hi,” I replied, barely containing my excitement.
“You sound chipper.”
I smiled. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted.
He was silent on the other end, but I knew he was still on the phone; I could hear his breathing. However, I didn’t comprehend the silence.
“Is everything alright?” I asked, sitting down on my couch and looking at the sticks, displayed all across my coffee table.
“Are you sure?” he answered in a neutral tone.
“I haven’t been to the doctor, but I have six sticks in front of me that have confirmed.”
“Six?” he replied taken back.
“Yes… six.”
He was quiet again and it made me nervous. “I thought you would be happy.”
“Brooke… I am… I am happy… it’s just very unexpected.”
“You said you wanted babies with me. I believe your exact word you used was four.”
“I know, baby,” he paused for a few seconds. “I’m just surprised. Does Madam know?” he questioned out of nowhere.
“No…”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“Of course, but I wanted to tell you first.”
“How do you think she will take it?”
My eyebrows lowered and my lips pursed. “Jaxon, why are you more concerned with Madam than our baby? Am I reading this wrong, because that’s how it feels.”
“I’m sorry. Can we meet at our place tomorrow at noon? So we can talk.”
“Okay… what exactly do we need to discuss?”
“Brooke, we need to figure everything out. For the future.”
“I thought I was your future?”
“Of course. You are. We’ll talk about it all tomorrow, alright?”
I nodded, unable to reply.
“Brooke… I love you. You know that. Please tell me you know that.”
“I do.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” I stated, meaning every word. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I spent the rest of the day on pins and needles, rubbing my belly for the endless possibilities.
I waited for him in our suite at The W, dressed in a red nightie. He loved me in red. When the door opened and I saw his face, I knew that this wasn’t going to be what I had prayed for, what I had wanted for so long. It was when I saw the dozen red roses that he held in his hands, that my mind went back to another place in time.
“What?” I questioned, with my nerves a jumbled mess and my heart beating out of my chest.
He sat down next to me and pulled my hands up to his face, kissing them all over. “You look gorgeous.”
I smiled and my nerves subsided a little. But I couldn’t stop staring at the roses he placed on the table, next to the pregnancy sticks I had brought for him to see.
“I love you. I never thought I would… I could… love someone as much as I love you.”
I grinned, trying to keep my gaze on him. “The feeling is very much mutual, Jaxon.”
He paused for a minute, to look over the sticks that shared our hopeful future. Together. As a family.
He looked at them like I looked at the roses and I should have known…
??
?But baby, we can’t do this,” he informed me, with little to no reserve or compassion for what he was declaring.
My mouth immediately went dry. “What do you mean? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we need to take care of the situation. Do you understand?”
My eyes widened and I forcefully removed my hands away from his loving grasp. “An abortion? You want me to get rid of it?”
He licked his lips and lowered his eyes. He didn’t want to look at me, like it caused him pain to say what he was saying. I didn’t understand why he was even expressing it, if he didn’t mean it.
Nothing made sense.
Not his actions.
Not his stares.
And especially…
Not his words.
I didn’t recognize the man sitting before me. It was as if he were a stranger, not the person who I had given my heart and soul to.
He looked back up at me with sad, almost regretful eyes. “Yes, that’s what I’m asking. That’s what needs to be done.”
“Why? You said! You promised! You told me… you told me you loved me! That you wanted this! That you wanted us!” I screamed not being able to control my emotions and anger.
“I do, baby, I do. Please calm down,” he coaxed, trying to grab me again. I roughly pushed him away and got off the couch.
“You lied to me! You have done nothing but lie to me and play me for a fool, haven’t you?”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
“Really? Then why are you asking me to kill our baby? Why are you telling me to do this?” I pleaded, needing to understand.
“Because it’s not the right time,” he simply stated.
“Not the right time? When would the right time be? It’s been over two years and you’re still with your wife. I’m still your mistress. Is that all I am, your whore? Your VIP? Is that the way you see me?”
“Never.”
“Bullshit.”
He was over to me in three strides. “I fucking love you! Do not ever doubt me or that,” he emphasized, grabbing the sides of my face.
“Then please don’t ask me to do this. I can’t. I don’t want to. I want to be with you. This baby came from our love, Jaxon. Don’t make me get rid of it.”