Every time I closed my eyes and began the slow descent into suspended consciousness, I saw the old oak door and the shiny brass door knob. The stupid, stupid shiny brass door knob! It grew larger and larger until it exploded in my nightmare. The shrapnel became deadly projectiles filled with poison, and as a piece of door knob was about to pierce my heart I woke in horror, dripping with perspiration, my heart thumping.
And so I was up early, out of the house, jogging to clear my mind.
He sat there when I returned, brooding.
I sat down beside him. ‘Hi,’ I said, and gave him a gentle smile.
He turned his head towards me, looked at me and hesitated, ‘Hi.’
I put my hand on his bicep and rested my chin on his shoulder. ‘Tea or coffee?’ I asked.
‘Either is fine, thank-you,’ he replied when I stood.
‘Are you coming inside or what?’ I asked when he remained sitting on the steps.
He looked down for a moment in thought. ‘What … I want to see the sun kiss the flowers.’
I gave him a shove, remembering the same conversation we had had before. He smiled at me then, and I disappeared into the kitchen to make tea for two.
‘You are blocking my view!’ I said to Nic when I returned.
He turned and winked at me before he took the tea cup from my hand. He moved his mouth as though he was about to say something, but he didn’t.
I wondered if Ben’s surveillance team could see Nic and I sipping our cups of tea as the sun rose. I wondered if Ben would suddenly arrive unannounced to rescue me from Nic.
Strangely, I didn’t care.
The moment I finished my cup of tea I held on to the tea cup for dear life. I knew that when it was empty Nic would lead me to the drawing room; the source of my fear.
I held my breath for a long moment when Nic took the tea cup from me and placed it on the steps. He looked down at my hand and took it in his. It scared me how comforting it felt to have my hand wrapped in his. I followed along behind him up the steps and through the front door, where he stopped before the drawing room door.
He turned to me then and looked over me from head to foot, making me feel self-conscious.
‘Take a warm shower to calm yourself, Cate. I can hear your heart thumping from here.’
I dropped my hand from the safety of his and did as he asked.