Chapter Fifteen
I had settled on a decision with a heavy heart. I had no choice but to put Gran’s needs before mine. I closed my eyes for a moment before I walked over to Ben, heavy in spirit.
He inhaled deeply when I moved closer to him. Worry was etched over his face. I moved my eyes from his when I placed my unsteady hands on his stomach. I ran them upwards slowly and lightly, passing over his defined chest muscles. He closed his eyes and drew his brows together.
I continued to move my hands up and around to the back of his head, and entwined my fingers gently through his hair.
He opened his eyes and connected them to mine.
I could feel his heart racing. He stood still, like he was waiting for impact.
‘I have chosen to put the ring on to fulfill Gran’s final wish. I need you with me,’ I whispered.
‘Your Gran said that you wouldn’t get hurt,’ Ben said, but his brow was wrinkled.
Gran said that I wouldn’t get hurt. But what if I put the ring on and my relationship with Ben is torn apart?
‘She also guaranteed that something will happen once I put the ring onto my finger. It will scare me, and challenge me…’ I swallowed, hard.
Ben looked at me and ran a hand through his hair, tearing at my heart. With his hands on the back of his head he walked around the room before he returned to me. His reaction to the ring was enough to cause an emotional storm inside of me.
‘Ultimately, this is about you and Gran. I happen to be present, and that is all, like a spectator,’ he said quietly before he blew a sharp breath out between his lips.
‘You know I have to do this for Gran. If I don’t, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I would become a miserable soul and then you won’t want to be around me anymore. I want to know for me, that I made the right decision, so I won’t be chained down to guilt for the entirety of my life.’
Ben blinked, then pressed his lips into a hard line before he nodded.
We both knew what would happen next.
I would read the second part of the letter from Gran. Then, I would put the ring on. I knew that he could only watch on as an onlooker, as he had said. And somehow I felt that he would be unable to save me, if it should all go wrong.
But, I had to trust in Gran’s words.
I took a deep breath then breathed through my lips in a controlled slowness, trying to dull the nervous energy that bounced around inside of me.
‘Shall I read the second part of Gran’s letter now?’ I asked in a gentle voice.
‘Yes,’ he agreed in a quiet, nervous voice, and bowed his head.
I pulled my eyes away from him and set them on the handwritten letter from Gran that I held in my hands. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I read it to myself.
Dear Cate,
You will be greatly rewarded in your journey to fulfill my final wish. You must know though, you will learn of things not seen on Earth.
You will learn of my past, which led to the discovery of my secret place, and hence, the secret in the drawing room.
You will find answers to questions that you have about me that have been unanswered. And your life will become enriched.
To fulfill my final wish you will intuitively know what to do as you complete parts of the journey. You will need to use some of the items you discovered in the drawing room.
You won’t make any mistakes, so don’t be afraid. You will be guided again by who has helped you through the journey to this point in time, Ben. He is a gift to all of us.
I cannot find the words to tell you how deeply I appreciate what you are doing for me, Cate. You are truly a reflection of myself. I love you, my sweet, sweet grand-daughter.
Till we meet again,
All my love,
Gran
x x x x x x x
P.S. Once you have fulfilled my final wish, you will know what to do with the ring.
I held my breath. My lavender rose heart pounded in my chest, shaken in its foundations. I could not believe Ben had been part of the plan.
How could he be?
Did he know about this?
Had we not met and fell in love by our own choice?
Or had it all been planned to happen?
Had I been set up?
Surely his love for me was real?
His love … for me … was real … wasn’t it?
I looked up at him. He stood stock still, his head tilted forward.
‘Ben...’ I started to say, but I couldn’t finish my sentence. I needed to get out of this room. I felt as if I had been chewed up and spat out.
Would Gran truly do something like this to me?
I had been betrayed! I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
I should have run from the room. That was what my head was telling me to do. But instead of running I moved closer to Ben and stopped in front of him.
Rage brewed inside of me. I pushed him on the shoulder in anger. ‘You knew all along didn’t you? This has been a set up. You and Gran caught me in the net and gullibly, I went along with your stinking plan, not knowing what was really happening!’ I shouted at him. I gave him another hard shove and looked into his eyes with loathing. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me! I truly believed that he loved me.
I truly believed … he ... loved me.
An uncontrollable heavy sob escaped from me as my lavender rose heart was starved of its oxygen, its water. Its sun was sucking the life out of it. It had been burned.
How could I have been so stupid?
I dropped the letter from my hand and turned away, shaking my head. I felt so worthless, so low.
Overcome with a gut-wrenching grief I left the drawing room. But I did not head out to the swing under the Magnificent Tree as I always did. I turned left and went out through the front door to Katie’s Gate and sat on the seat, filled with deep grief at what I had discovered.
I wanted to walk out of my life. It was so broken now, and I couldn’t repair it.
I closed my eyes and released a deluge of tears, imagining they were filled with the poison that had invaded my life. I wiped the poison off my face with my fingers and flicked it away from me. Far, far away.
How could I have been so stupid?
How could I have believed in the lie that Ben actually loved me?
I heard his voice then. I didn’t even know he was here with me.
Stupid, stupid again!
‘Cate ... I had absolutely no idea about any of this!’ he said.
He was lying to me again, I was sure of it. I opened my swollen eyes and looked at him.
He was sitting on the seat opposite me, holding the letter in his hand. He rubbed his hand over his forehead, his eyes wide. ‘Please believe me, Cate. I love you. I would never, ever hurt you. Please examine my life ... where is it that I have lived a lie? Name one day where I have treated you as though this entire saga was a concocted plan. It is far too complex and strange. And Gran ... Gran—she would never hurt you like this—you know that. She wasn’t that type of a person. She loved you with her life ... I love you …’ His voice was raw. He dropped his eyes from mine and looked to the ground for a moment. Then he held a deep breath, stood, and walked away.
I had never seen him this way. It was like a light in his life had been turned off, and he was walking, lost in the darkness.
He never looked back at me. He just kept walking. He placed his hands behind his head and bent over as if in pain, then straightened and continued to walk, stretching and clenching his hands by his side.
What if I was wrong?
What if he had spoken the truth about Gran. I had known her all of my life, and I knew it was out of character for her to deceive me.
What if he did not have any idea about what was happening?
What if, I had taken parts of the letter out of context?
What if I was wrong?
I had never doubted Ben’s love for me before. In fact, I couldn’t beli
eve that he would wait so long for me to tell him that I loved him. And when he kissed me—he truly loved me—a kiss never lies—does it?
What had I done?
I covered my face with my hands and screamed into them. I needed to tell him I was sorry. I had made a mistake.
I walked the path to the house with urgency. I entered the front door and found him sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, leaning forward with his head in his hands.
I walked over to him and knelt in front of him. I placed my hands on his thighs.
‘Ben,’ I whispered, ‘I’m so sorry.’
I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. He turned his face into my hair and inhaled, but hesitated before he wrapped his arms around me.
I felt him catch a short breath. I had hurt him. And it tore at my singed lavender rose heart. I stroked the back of his neck and moved my fingers into his hair. ‘I’m sorry. Please forgive me,’ I whispered. ‘I love you.’
He pulled away from me and stood. He stared at me for a moment before he blinked, and then held out his hand toward me. He was distant. ‘Let’s get it over and done with,’ he said without emotion.
I looked at him and cleared my throat. I was having trouble reading his mood and I felt highly uncomfortable. I didn’t know where I stood with him.
However, he was right. We had to get the ring saga over and done with. After the turbulent emotional upheaval though, I felt less confident about continuing to fulfill the final wish. But, it must be done.
It was time … I placed my hand in his.
He pulled me to the drawing room and stood in front of the white Georgian fireplace. I picked up the seven jeweled ring and gave it to Ben while I removed my diamond promise ring from the fourth finger of my right hand.
I really didn’t want to take off the ring that Ben had given me, but I had no other choice.
Ben lifted my right hand and the electricity flowed between us. With his free hand he placed the ring onto the top of my fourth finger. As he slowly pushed the ring further onto my finger, he connected his eyes to mine in a powerful intensity that changed the atmosphere in the room...
My destiny had shifted, or was it my fate?