I tossed and turned throughout the night, disturbed by the circumstances since moving into Gran’s house. This … all of this … felt like an insurmountable burden. But mostly, my lavender rose heart ached for Ben. I had hurt him. I had pushed him away once too many times, and my sun had left. There was nothing for my lavender rose heart to bloom for.
I fell into a deep sleep after I ran out of tears. When I woke in the morning it was raining, my lavender rose heart drenched and weighed down, drowning in sorrow. I looked out the window and watched the water cascade from the heavens to the ground. It could be the last day of my life as I knew it. I had no way of knowing how my life would change, or could change, once I connected with the rock.
I was only certain of one thing; I had to do this alone.
I wiped away a tear that had slipped from my eye, angry with myself for my weakness. I took a deep breath and released it through my lips then looked at the seven jeweled ring on my finger.
What could possibly happen?
Everything will be fine, I told myself to believe the lie. And then I found the will to get on with the day, and to prepare for the journey ahead.
Before I entered Gran’s drawing room, perhaps for the last time, I walked about the house. I went from room to room admiring the way I had decorated each one, and how each room had come to life.
I grabbed my umbrella and went outside into the pouring rain. I walked through the backyard and front, admiring the beauty of each plant, and how they all worked together to enhance the façade of the house. I smiled at the memory of the forget-me-not flowers.
I stopped and looked up at the house. Raindrops dripped in slow motion from the umbrella as I said goodbye—just in case; goodbye to the house; goodbye to my life; goodbye to Ben ... my lavender rose heart collapsed and fell to the ground. Hard.
Logically, it was all so stupid. As if this damn ring and ridiculous rock were going to change my life!
It didn’t even make sense that I would think I was about to be devoured by the rock, or die—I sucked in a sob and dropped my eyes to the rose and forget-me-not flower lined pathway and followed it to the front door.
I closed the umbrella and left it there, leaning up against the brickwork.
I entered the grand old house, but I did not lock the front door. If something was going to happen to me, I wanted to be found.
And Ben … at the very least … he deserved closure on our relationship so he would be able to move on and find happiness in his future, with a beautiful woman who deserved him, and would love him without hurting him as I have done.
I sucked in a sob…
In the kitchen I made one last cup of tea and sipped it slowly, appreciating it as though it were my last. I found the photograph of my family and kissed the face of my mother, father, brothers and sister. It was my way of saying goodbye. I wished I could say goodbye in person, but I couldn’t. Gran had entrusted me to keep all of her secrets. If they caught on to an inkling to what was going on, they would be over at the house in an instant, and I did not want that. They would not approve of the so-called risk of the unknown I was about to take, even though it was Gran’s final wish.
I cleaned my tea cup and put it away before I made my way to the drawing room door.
I hesitated before I entered.
I had to be absolutely sure that this was what I had to do—what I wanted to do.
For a short moment in time I questioned my decision to continue the quest of fulfilling Gran’s last wish. Possibly, I could lose everything that meant something in my life. An image of Ben flashed through my mind and my lavender rose heart straightened for a moment in time seeking its sun.
He would be my biggest loss.
My lavender rose heart twisted and wilted in my torment. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to stop the pain that crushed me.
But ... Ben had left me. He was no longer to be part of this.