Chapter 22
It’s funny the things you think you’ll never do. I had decided I would not put myself in a situation where I was alone with Nikolas again, ever.
How little I knew.
What a foolish girl I was.
Because…here I stood in Nikolas’ private parlor…alone with him. Again. I didn’t make it four hours. I had the power to stop a weapon en route to Liam’s skull in mid-air. I had the power to conjure a portal I didn’t even intend to. But the power to stay clear of Nikolas clearly eluded me.
“Will you have some tea?” Nikolas stood by me, offering a delicate teacup.
I took it not because I was thirsty, but it would occupy my hands. “Thank you.” I said automatically.
“Sit, please.” Nikolas gestured to a puffy green sofa.
I obeyed and he took one of the chairs across from me. “Thank you.”
“I am so sorry for Liam’s behavior, as well as my own.” His eyes roamed my face like he was checking for damage…the internal kind.
I shook my head. “You don’t need to apologize for him and you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I should not have—“ Nikolas began to argue.
I cut him off. “If you hadn’t leveled him, I probably would have.”
A grin crept across his face, lighting his eyes. “I would like to have seen that.” He paused to study me. “What reason did he give for this particular visit?”
That question could have offended me, I could have told him it wasn’t his business…but I wanted it to be. I wanted him to ask, wanted him to care. I was beyond idiotic. “He asked to escort me to the ball.” My words came out with a hint of shame, like I was wronging Nikolas. I knew technically that wasn’t true, but then, it’s not really the technicalities that twist your heart.
“Yes, of course.” Nikolas looked to the floor, seemingly calm, save for the skin stretched thin and blanching white across his knuckles from the fists he was forming. I would have missed it, he looked so casual with elbows propped on knees, forearms dangling in front of him, but there was a slight movement of his hands that caught my eye as they pulsed from loose fists to tight fists repeatedly. He took a deep breath and asked an unexpected question. “Do you miss where you came from?”
I was instantly confused, not sure what he meant, though I felt like I should. “Where I came from?” I repeated.
Brows knitting, Nikolas leaned closer. “The other realm? Where you were?”
That rung a bell, though it was a faint one. “Oh. Well, not really. You see, the thing about crossing realms is that you lose the memories of the place you left behind.” I shrugged. “It’s just hard to miss a place you can’t remember.”
Nikolas looked genuinely troubled. “How awful for you.”
I shrugged again. “I guess, but I don’t remember, so how would I know?”
“Yes, I suppose so. What about the people you knew?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. The price you pay for passage I guess, your memories.”
Nikolas stood and crossed over to sit next to me on the sofa. He was too close to me and too far away simultaneously. “I am so sorry.” He took my hand and ran the pad of his thumb gingerly along my knuckles as he searched my eyes.
It was a strange thing that he was more upset about this than I was. But I didn’t feel upset at all now, just kind of indifferent. You can’t miss what you didn’t know you had.
I slipped a little deeper into his eyes. “I think it’s worth it.” Blowing out a breath I looked away from him before I gave away too much. “Anyway, what is this induction thing Liam spoke of?”
“Ah, yes. He was referring to his induction into the Knights of Castle Lux.” Nikolas looked less than amped about it.
“He not a knight though.” I stated as captain obvious.
Nikolas gave a minimal shake of his head. “No, he will be knighted during the ceremony.”
“I see.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. “I should leave, get ready for dinner.” Standing to go, I turned my back on Nikolas and walked towards the door.
“Let me walk you, it seems this corridor is unsafe.” Sarcasm filled his tone.
I turned to face him. “Do you feel compelled to cut off the corridor’s head?”
The corners of his mouth pulled up, dimples peeking out from his cheeks. He leaned in close to whisper his words, looking around as if an invisible villain may hear him. “If it comes to that I shall not hesitate.”
I chuckled. Letting out a dramatic sigh, I laid the back of my hand against my forehead. “You are the very bravest of knights, Sir.”
A wicked grin curled his mouth now, charm oozing from his pores. “Oh, there’s none like me, Princess.” He said as he pulled open the door.
We bantered back and forth as we made our way to my door. Liam had vacated the floor and hallway when we arrived and someone, hopefully Liam, had cleaned away the blood drops spilled on the flat stone floor.
As I pushed my door open, Nikolas caught me by the arm. When his fingertips connected with my arm, my stomach dropped and twisted excitedly, sparks skittered just beneath my skin. Turning, I slowly pulled my arm from his grasp, not trusting myself to be in direct contact with him. “Yes?” I asked.
He looked to the floor, considering, dark lashes brushing his cheeks. “I just want you to know,” he raised his lashes to look at me, “you have only to say the word and I will ensure he bothers you no longer.”
I felt cold suddenly. “You mean kill him?” My outraged whisper carried through the hall.
Nikolas cocked his head to one side and chuckled. “No, no. I only meant I would see to it that he stays away from you. Do you think me so cold?”
I huffed out a breath in frustration at my own stupidity. “Of course not, I don’t know why my mind went there. And no, you don’t need to keep him away from me. I think he’ll calm down, I would probably be a little bitter if I wore his shoes as well. Scratch that, I’d be a lot bitter.”
Nikolas nodded. “Wouldn’t we all. I do not envy him his life, I cannot imagine the pain he has endured and I understand it would affect him, but we cannot spend our lives excusing our actions with pain from our past. I will not stand by and allow him to act in such a way in your presence, or that of any lady.”
“Obviously.” I said dryly, mouth quirking at one corner. “Anyway, I can take care of myself.”
Chuckling, Nikolas nodded again. “Yes, yes you can.” Laughter dying, he pinned me with a look that reached my toes. “Forgive me, but I will always try and save you, just the same.” Before I could take a breath, he’d lifted my hand to his lips and placed a light kiss there, never breaking eye contact. Then he turned and walked away.
I was going to have to locate the sign around here that said, Please do something really romantic and walk away without another word.
When Nikolas rounded the corner, I flew into my room and pushed the door shut. Turning, I put my back to the door and slid into a puddle at the base of it and stayed that way for a while. I jumped when a knock thumped against my back.
“Your Highness?” Came the timid voice from the other side of the door.
I ran my hands over my face and breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes?” I called as I stood.
“We are here to dress you, Your Highness.” The timid voice advised.
That’s odd.
I opened the door a slice and peaked through. “But, I can dress myself.” I counted two of heads, girls around my age or perhaps slightly older, just outside the door.
Giving a slight bow, the one who’d been doing the talking spoke again. “The Queen has sent us to attend you, Princess.”
“Right, okay.” Opening the door wider, I gestured for them to enter.
They both passed into the room, stopping and dipping into brief bows.
The timid voice from the door introduced herself f
irst. “I am Leyona, Princess, at your service.” Mousy brown strands of hair framed her face in tight curls, but the length of it was wound into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. Pock marks littered her face, maybe from acne or some childhood illness. Wide, brown eyes stared out of a face that seemed a bit too small to hold them. Despite features that were less than stellar, there was a beauty about her. A sweetness to her face that the scars could not hide. Honest eyes and a kind smile could go such a long way.
The other girl was an effortless kind of beautiful. Silky black hair hung stick straight down her back, gathered with a ribbon between her shoulder blades. Hazel eyes glowed against her honey colored complexion, framed in sooty lashes, set deep in her heart shaped face. She refused to look me in the eye so Leyona elbowed her gently, prompting her to speak. “Begging you pardon, Your Highness, my name is S-Sin.”
I felt my forehead crinkle in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?”
“S-Sin, Your Highness.” She repeated, full lips trembling.
I was still confused. “Your given name is Sin? Does that mean something different than I think it does?”
Leyona answered. “No, Your Highness, I imagine your thoughts are spot on to its meaning.”
Sputtering, the girl who’d called herself Sin provided explanation. “It’s what me father named me. He said, he said that’s what I was, the product of sin.”
“Your father said this to you?” I whispered, more to myself than anyone.
The girl shook her head quickly at the floor. “He wasn’t really my father, my mother was his wife. I don’t know who me real father was.”
Oh, wow.
I took her by the hands and she flinched at my touch, but then let me lead her to a stool where I convinced her to sit. I squatted in front of her and looked her in the eyes. “Well, then. We will give you a new name. What would you like to be called?”
The girl blinked at me, like I’d spoken a language foreign to her, then understanding dawned in her eyes. “You, you mean…do you mean that?” I nodded. “I can choose a different name?” She gripped my hands tighter.
I squeezed back. “Absolutely.”
The girl smiled, tears still tracking down her cheeks. “I think me name should be Mattie.” Eyes wide and shinning, she nodded to herself. “Yes, Mattie is a very nice name.”
Smiling back, I nodded my approval. “I think it’s an excellent name. It suits you.” I pulled her to her feet and the sleeves of her dress slipped back enough to reveal deep red scars about her wrists. Without thinking, I pushed back the sleeves. The scars stretched several inches along her arms, angry and red and puckering her perfect skin. I knew what the color and texture meant. They were new scars and I felt like molten lead had been poured into the pit of my stomach. “Who, who did this to you? Did someone here do this?” The switch in my brain had been thrown to the kicking ass and taking names position.
Mattie began sobbing immediately, so Leyona stepped in to explain and from the look in her eye, to keep me from going into full battle mode. “No, no Your Highness. Sir Belmont discovered her father dragging her with his horse through the fields. He brought her here to be healed and asked that they find a place for her if she elected to stay.” Leyona was speaking quickly, as if she were being timed. “They say Sir Belmont even suggested she be put on your service. They say he seemed to think you would like her.”
I’d been staring into the fire, nostrils flaring until she mentioned Nikolas, at which point my eyes snapped to her face. I breathed in and out, still angry and outraged that she’d been treated so unspeakably. I was more unnerved by what she’d been named than even the rope burns on her arms. The mental damage done would never heal so well as the scars on her skin would. “What happened to her father?” I asked.
Mattie had stopped crying and was staring at me like I’d grown a second head.
Leyona appeared less nervous as a small satisfied smile played around her lips. “Your Highness, Sir Belmont put him to the sword.”
I blinked at her a few moments, then I felt tugging at the corners of my lips as my own smile appeared in approval.
Closer inspection of Mattie revealed faint lines of white scattered over the skin of her neck and arms, old scars. She’d no doubt endured years of physical and verbal abuse. I probably would’ve done the same as Nikolas had to this man. I think there’s even a good likelihood that I wouldn’t even have felt bad about it. I know that sounds like an awful thing to say, but I never claimed to be a saint.
It appeared Nikolas was no saint either and I liked him all the more for it.