What she meant was that she hoped it would make us break up.
“Now you’re calling me stupid?” I said. “You didn’t want me to work at the Fish Shack anyway. You’re just trying to screw things up for me!”
“No one’s calling you stupid,” Dad said, “and no one is trying to screw anything up, but when you’re with Ryan, you don’t think things through.”
That stung. “I think about things just fine.”
“We just don’t want to see you do something you might really regret. It will be good for you to have some time apart.”
Near tears, I glanced across the table at Nicole, who was staring down at the floor.
“How come you’re not asking Nicole why she’s lying about where she was Friday night? Or about her boyfriend?”
Both my parents looked at Nicole.
Her face was flushed as she said, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Right.” I almost mentioned the party that Nicole had been at, but when I saw the look of fear on her face I dropped it. If my parents wanted to be blind, so be it, but I didn’t need Nicole to retaliate and throw more fuel on the fire. I was already in enough trouble.
“We’ll talk to Nicole in a minute,” my dad said.
“Are we done?” I said.
“No. You’ll also mow the Andersons’ lawn every week for the next month.”
“Are you kidding me? No way.”
“You’ll do it,” my mom said, “or they’re considering pressing criminal charges against you and Ryan.”
That I hadn’t expected. Ryan had already been in trouble for stealing gas last summer. McKinney wouldn’t let him off so easy this time. I felt a jolt of fear. “That isn’t fair.”
“They’re being more than fair,” Mom said.
My dad said, “You can go to your room now.”
I was still walking up the stairs when I heard them questioning Nicole.
“What’s Toni talking about?” my mom asked. “Are you dating someone?”
“Mo-om. I’d tell you if I had a boyfriend.” Nicole’s voice was sweet.
“What did she mean about you getting home late?” my dad said.
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s confused. She saw me coming out of the bathroom, but I was here all night.” Nicole even managed to sound like it really was a mystery. But I wasn’t confused. I knew exactly what I’d seen.
I went to my bedroom and turned on my music, pulling my pillow over my head. How was I going to survive a whole month only being able to see Ryan at school?
* * *
Later, when my dad was making dinner and Mom was working in her office, I went into Nicole’s bedroom. She was at her desk writing a note, which she quickly covered when I walked in.
“Thanks a lot,” I said.
Her face was flushed and she looked guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie.”
I dropped down on her bed. “You mean you didn’t want to lie about me, but you lied about your own shit.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you’ve been talking to some boy, and you were probably out with him Friday night. You can fool Mom but not me. Why are you hiding this guy?”
She stared at the note, like she was thinking, and for a minute I thought she might tell me the truth. But then she said, “It’s none of your business, Toni.”
“It’s my business when you get me grounded. That was a shitty move.”
“You got yourself grounded by going into the Andersons’. That was a stupid move.”
I wondered if that’s what this came down to. She was just smarter about her secrets. I also wondered if she could be in over her head this time, with this guy. But then I thought of other times, when we were kids, playing with Mom’s things when we weren’t supposed to, how Nicole always remembered to put Mom’s things back perfectly while I invariably messed up and left something out. Nicole was too smart to screw up really bad or fall for some idiot. She’d be fine.
“Well, I’ve got an idea that might work for both of us,” I said.
She snorted. “Your ideas just get you in trouble.”
“Do you want to see your boyfriend or not?”
Her gaze flicked to the door, then back at me. “I don’t have one.”
Sure she didn’t.
“Okay, say you want to go out and see this boyfriend that you don’t have, and I want to see my boyfriend. We can cover for each other.”
“How so?”
“My window makes too much noise—let me go through yours.”
“That sounds like you need my help, not the other way around.”
“All I have to do is check on you one night and see that you’re not here. Or follow you the nights you’re supposed to be at Darlene’s…”
She was glaring at me, but she knew I was right.
“Fine, but I’m not doing any other favors for you. And if you say anything to Mom, ever, I’ll make sure she knows every single thing you’re up to.”
“Same here, darling sister.”
* * *
And that’s how I managed to see Ryan for the next month. We also skipped out of class so we could spend an hour with each other, and after school we lingered until the very last moment before I had to take the bus home. I missed driving home with Ryan, his hand on my leg, roaring down the road and watching him shift the gears, getting a thrill from how easily he handled the big truck. I especially hated standing in the bus line when Shauna drove by in her car, smirking. At least one night a week, usually on weekends, I’d sneak into Nicole’s room and out her window, coming back a few hours later. She’d roll over and look at me, then go back to sleep, and once she whispered, “Be really quiet. I heard someone use the bathroom downstairs a few minutes ago.”
Nicole was sneaking out herself, though not as much as me, and I still didn’t know who she was seeing. But I could hear her footsteps sometimes on the roof outside my room. Once, when I crawled back through her window, she wasn’t home yet, and I didn’t hear her steps on the roof until an hour later. One day at school, I ran into her in the bathroom. She was putting on mascara in the mirror, and her eyes were red-rimmed, her face splotchy, like she’d been crying.
I waited until some other girls left the bathroom, then said, “What’s wrong?”
“None of your business.” She threw her mascara in her purse and pushed past me.
After that, I didn’t ask again.
* * *
Mike at the Fish Shack had said that he’d hold the job for me until the end of March, and I was excited to start work the next weekend. I’d have to work hard that summer to make up the money I’d lost. Ryan was also trying to get some extra work lined up on the weekends, cutting firewood, cleaning people’s yards, painting fences, stuff like that. I only had to deal with crap for another three months, then I’d graduate, and hopefully by the end of the summer Ryan and I could get our own place. Mom had been a little easier on me since I was home more, even took me with her a few times to get some supplies for Dad. It had been fun, but I had a feeling she’d be on my ass again as soon as I started work.
For the last month, I’d been staying clear of Shauna. We cast glares in each other’s direction whenever our paths crossed, but generally we avoided each other. Her dad must have talked to her. Still, it seemed too good to be true, and I had the uneasy feeling she was just biding her time until I lowered my guard.
The Friday before I started my new job, I walked to the park across from school. I was going to cut through to the coffee shop on the other side, where Ryan would pick me up after he finished his shop project. I was making my way down a path, thinking how pretty it was in the park, when I noticed a movement out of my left eye, a flash of auburn hair. I paused. Someone was hiding behind a tree. Shauna? Then I remembered Ryan and me talking in the hall, the group of kids standing behind us, and Rachel hanging out with her boyfriend.
I glanced down the path behind me. Where were the other girls? I
couldn’t see them, but Shauna wouldn’t face me alone—it wasn’t her style.
Shauna stepped out from behind the tree. We stared at each other. Her eyes were narrowed, her face full of hate—and glee.
I took a breath, dropped my packsack, and stepped forward.
“If we’re going to do this, let’s go.”
I saw her motion to someone, and the other girls came out from behind trees. They’d been waiting for me. Rachel was holding something, which she passed to Shauna, who stuffed it in her pocket. Sun glinted on metal for a second. A knife? Shit—that was a game-changer. I tried to think, but I was panicking now, my thoughts scattering in different directions. I had two options: try to fight my way out of it, or run like hell.
I clenched my fists, held them up in the fighter stance that Ryan had taught me, trying to remember some of the defense moves he’d also shown me.
Shauna started laughing. “You look like an angry little cat.”
The girls also laughed.
I said, “And you look like a chickenshit who needs backup because you can’t kick my ass on your own.”
Shauna’s smile dropped. “You bitch.” She reached into her pocket. I held my breath, braced my body. Showtime.
Voices, coming up the trail behind us. My body filled with relief.
Shauna took her hand out of her pocket. I turned around. It was an older man and his wife, walking a little white poodle. They gave us suspicious looks.
I said, “Oh, my God, I love poodles! Can I pet him?” They told me all about Jinx as I started walking beside them, asking questions about the dog while we moved farther down the path. When I turned around again, the girls had left. But I kept close to the couple until I was safely at the coffee shop.
When Ryan picked me up, I told him what had happened.
“Shit, Toni, I don’t like that at all.” He reached under his seat and pulled out a switchblade. As he handed it to me, he said, “Carry this with you—always.”
I wondered why he had a knife. He’d never shown it to me before.
“I could get in big trouble having this at school.”
“Don’t let anyone see it.”
Later that night I was in my room, playing with the knife, running my fingers across the blade. I imagined Shauna coming at me and slashed at the air, pretending to stab her over and over.
My door whipped open. “Toni—” Nicole stopped and stared.
“Close the door!”
She closed it. “What do you have that for?” Her eyes were big and scared.
“Protection, okay?”
She took a step into the room, lowered her voice. “From who?”
Before I could answer, there was a knock on the door.
“Dinner’s ready, girls.”
I called out, “We’ll be down in a second, Mom,” and stuffed the knife under my pillow. I hissed to Nicole, “Don’t you tell anyone.”
“But why do you have it?”
She’d only freak out if I told her about Shauna. Then my parents would get involved, and then Shauna’s dad. Plus, they’d take the knife away.
“It’s Ryan’s,” I said. “He gave it to me for when I work late—in case someone’s waiting in the parking lot or something one night.”
“I guess that makes sense.” She headed to the door, then turned back. “Just be careful, okay?”
That’s why I had the knife.
* * *
I started work at the Fish Shack the next day. It was an old restaurant fixed up to look like the inside of a boat, with wood walls and lots of marine paraphernalia hanging around, nets on the ceiling, antique glass floats. It was down near the wharf and had a killer ocean view of the marina. Mike, my new boss, was really nice. He was a big friendly guy who always wore a baseball cap, backward, and Canucks team shirts. He knew lots of people in town and they’d come in to have coffee with him, his laugh booming out as he told story after story. I liked how it felt at the restaurant, kind of like a family. I got along with the other waitresses too. Most of them were older than me but they were cool, and we’d sit outside on our breaks having a smoke. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Sometimes I’d even go to the restaurant on the days I didn’t work—I only worked weekends and Thursday nights for now. Ryan would come by and we’d order nachos or french fries. Later, the waitresses would tell me how cute and nice Ryan was and that I was a lucky girl.
Then Shauna and her crew started coming into the restaurant.
It was the middle of April, and I’d been there for two weeks. I was joking around with some customers when I heard the door jingle. I looked up, and dread wrapped tight around my chest, squeezing my breath out in a rush, when I saw Shauna, with Cathy, Kim, and Rachel. The Fish Shack wasn’t their kind of place—they hung out at the trendy coffee shops or the burger place downtown. Only one reason they could be there. Shauna gave a friendly little wave of her fingers. The other girls were giggling, but trying to hold it in. I felt hot all over, like I might break into a sweat. While one of the waitresses greeted the girls, I finished taking my customers’ orders, but my hand was shaking.
When I headed to the kitchen to put in the order, I heard Shauna say loudly, “We want to be in Toni’s section. We’re friends from school.”
I considered asking the waitress to switch sections with me, but it wouldn’t be professional, and I had some tables that looked like they were good tippers. I wasn’t letting Shauna screw that up for me. I took a breath, and held my head high as I walked over to their table with some menus.
I stood in front of them and said in a cheerful voice, “Can I get you something to drink to start?”
Shauna smiled, her tongue flicking over her lips for a second, reminding me of a snake. A really poisonous one. “We’d like to hear the specials, please.”
I described the chowder and sandwich of the day.
Shauna said, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
I kept a pleasant smile on my face and recited the specials again.
This time, Rachel said, “Can you tell me how the soup is made? Like, what’s in it, you know?”
The girls started laughing. I could feel my face getting hot. Some of my other tables were glancing around, looking for me. Luckily, I’d been paying attention earlier when the chef was talking about the chowder, and I felt some satisfaction at the look on Shauna’s face when I was able to answer Rachel’s question. But then Cathy said, “What kind of sandwich did you say came with it? And what dressing comes on the salad? Can you list them all, please?”
They were grinning, their faces excited, enjoying their power over me. I wanted to walk away, but I gritted my teeth and calmly repeated that it was a shrimp and avocado sandwich and listed all the salad dressings.
“Now, can I get you some water or a drink to start?”
Shauna handed me the menu. “We’ve changed our minds—nothing looks appealing.” She looked pointedly at me and my face burned hotter. “We just want coffees, please.”
I nodded, my smile now so tight it hurt. “Four coffees coming up.”
The entire time they were there, they only had coffee, ordering free refill after refill, sometimes complaining it wasn’t hot enough, then saying the coffee was too hot. Next, they’d say that it was bitter and tasted old, they wanted a fresh pot. Whenever I had to pass them on the way to another table, they’d snicker and laugh or say “Oh, miss?” until I wanted to kill them.
Finally they left. The other waitress said, “What was up with that table? I thought they were your friends.”
“We’re not friends.”
“Well, you did a good job of dealing with them.” She leaned in. “I had a group of bitches like that when I was in school too. Just ignore them.”
I tried, but they came in every weekend after that, sometimes two days in a row. Mostly they just ordered coffees, sometimes a plate of fries to share. And they’d do stupid stuff, like unscrewing the lids on the salt and pepper shakers so they’d spill when I pic
ked them up. Most of the waitresses knew the girls were giving me a hard time and tried to seat them in another section, but sometimes the restaurant was full and there were no other options. If my side was full, I’d breathe a sigh of relief, but I knew they’d just come back another day.
And then, on the first Saturday in May, Nicole came in with them.
I was shocked to see her there, let alone with them. Mike was running the front and he didn’t know what was going on. I hadn’t wanted to involve him, knowing he was friends with Shauna’s father—Frank McKinney came in sometimes with other cops. Mike sat them in my section.
I went over to their table. “What are you doing here?” I asked Nicole.
Shauna said, “Hey, no one talks to my friends like that.”
Still looking at Nicole, I said, “Since when are you friends?”
I’d never seen them hang out before—I’d never seen Shauna hang out with anyone younger before. Nicole looked up and I noticed she had on a lot of makeup—mascara, shadow, eyeliner, blush, and a bold pink lipstick. I hadn’t seen her wearing that much since the party back in January. I also hadn’t noticed her sneaking out for at least a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and I wondered if she broke up with that guy and was out looking for a new one. She’d done a good job with the makeup but it made her look older, and I felt a sudden stab of fear for my baby sister, who maybe didn’t know how sexy she looked.
“I can be friends with whoever I want,” Nicole said. The words were brave but she sounded tentative saying them, still not used to standing up to me. Shauna gave her a smile of approval, and Nicole sat straighter, smiled back.
I was going to say more but then I noticed Mike watching from the bar.
“Are you going to order anything?” I said.
Nicole ordered fries, and the other girls milkshakes. I could hear them giggling as I walked away.
“Doesn’t she know how awful her hair looks?” Shauna said. “I mean, does she even brush it? Ugh.”
I hated myself for doing it, but I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror and tried to smooth my hair down, fix my makeup, not sure why it mattered but feeling embarrassed just the same. When I came out again, Nicole was watching, but glanced away, smiling at something one of the girls said.