I didn’t have an answer to that. It was the truth. Since I first started working for him as a kid, there was always some drama around me.
“You’re a good worker,” Mike said. “One of the best I’ve had. I hate to do this.”
He was going to fire me. I distanced myself, accepted the hit that was coming. “Just say it, Mike.”
“We’ve got to let you go.”
I nodded once, twice, taking in the words. “That it?”
“Your last check, I’ll drop it off.” So I wasn’t even allowed back on the premises. He added, “Patty … she also called your parole officer.”
“Mike, you know my parole officer can send me back to prison if she believes one second of this bullshit.”
“I’m sorry.” I could see that he was, but it didn’t mean anything now. He was letting me down. I fought tears as I stood up. I wanted to leave with my head high, but I couldn’t resist a parting shot when I walked by Patty at the door, her face scared like she thought I might hurt her.
“You’re wrong about me,” I said. “I’m going to prove you wrong.”
* * *
I grabbed Captain from Mike’s yard, taking a moment to give the other dog a good-bye kiss. Captain was thrilled to see me, but I was fighting tears. Who had taken the money? Was it Ashley? I was sure Shauna had set me up somehow. I just prayed that Suzanne wouldn’t believe Patty and that they didn’t have any evidence other than the asshole witness, but this all felt too familiar. The crazy-making feeling of knowing you’re innocent with no way to prove it, the awful shamed feeling that you’ve done something horrible even when you know you haven’t, and the terrifying feeling that your life has slid totally out of your control.
I made it back to my boat, sat down at my table, still jittery and on edge. I tried to focus on practical matters. Would I be able to get another job? Who would hire an ex-con who just got fired for theft? The best thing to do would be to face it head-on. After a sleepless night, I called Suzanne first thing in the morning.
“I didn’t steal the money, Suzanne.”
“I’m listening.”
“There’s no way I’d risk losing a job I like over a few bucks.”
“It was almost a thousand dollars.”
“That’s still not worth the risk.”
“It might be if you wanted to help someone else.” It was back to Ryan again. I was so angry I couldn’t speak. She continued, “Maybe he’s in trouble or something, but do yourself a favor and tell the truth. Don’t cover for him again.”
I caught the slip. “I’ve never covered for him, ever, because he’s never done anything wrong.”
“I could suspend your parole right now,” she said, her tone firm, angry herself now. “You’re hanging by a thread, Toni. If the police find one scrap of evidence that you’re responsible for that theft, you’re out of here.”
“I’d like to say they won’t find anything, because I didn’t do anything, but that didn’t help me the first time around. Someone wants me gone, Suzanne. They’re setting me up to look bad.”
She was quiet for a moment, then said, “That may be, but you need to come in for a disciplinary hearing so we can sort this out.”
I closed my eyes. Damn. “When do you want me there?”
* * *
The police called next and I had to go into the station. The officer was decent, polite, but I was on guard as I walked him through my actions the night of the theft. At the end, I said, “Look, I know there’s been a witness, but it’s just someone out to get me. A lot of people in this town hate me for what they think I did to my sister. But you won’t find one camera in that complex that saw me, one other person, or one fingerprint on that safe. I finished my shift downtown and went home. There’s no way I’d lose my job over a thousand bucks.”
All the officer said was, “We’ll be in touch if we have more questions.”
Outside the station, I saw Frank McKinney getting out of his patrol car. He stopped when he noticed me. I was frozen, suspended in time, remembering how I’d liked him as a kid, his eyes watching me in the rearview mirror the night we drove to the lake, how he wouldn’t look at me at the trial. Another person who thought I was a murderer, who was disappointed in me. He looked different, still handsome but worn down somehow. His mustache was mostly dark, with just some streaks of silver, but his hair was almost fully gray. He wasn’t that old, only his early fifties, but his face was heavily lined now.
He walked toward me, said, “Toni.”
“McKinney,” using only his last name, unwilling to put him above me.
“I heard you were out on parole.” He glanced at the station behind me, no doubt wondering what I was doing there.
“Yeah, and I’m trying to keep it that way but your daughter’s making it difficult for me.” I held my breath, pissed at myself for letting my anger show.
He looked at me. “What’s going on?”
“Ask her. And while you do that, tell her I’m not going anywhere.”
I walked away, my back stiff and my face hot. I sat in my truck for a moment, trying to calm down. I glanced over. He was standing on the front step of the station, watching me. Toni, that was really stupid. Way to draw attention to yourself. I pulled slowly out of the parking lot, praying I hadn’t just started a shitstorm.
* * *
In the morning I met with Suzanne and her supervisor. I went over everything again, careful to keep a polite tone though I was angry I was even in this situation. “I have no priors for theft and I had a good prison record. There’s no evidence I did this—just a witness who wouldn’t give a name, and if it’s who I think it is, she hates me and wanted me to get fired. I think I’ve proved that I’m trying to get my life back together and complying with all the conditions of my parole.”
Suzanne made some notes, then held my gaze, her eyes revealing nothing as she said, “You can go now, Toni. We’ll be in touch if we need anything else.”
I drove back to Campbell River wondering if this was it for me, if I was going back to prison. For a moment I was tempted to pull a runner, flee for the border or up north, get lost in the woods where no one could find me. But then I thought of Captain, waiting for me to come home. I had to suck it up and wait.
I was on the boat, trying to come up with a list of places where I could apply for work, assuming I wasn’t going back to prison, when Suzanne called.
“We’re not going to suspend your parole right now, but if anything else happens…”
My body filled with relief. “Nothing will happen—I swear.”
“And you need to find a job where you aren’t near any cash.”
“Seriously? That means I can’t work in any restaurants.”
“There are lots of other jobs.”
I gritted my teeth. Just agree, don’t argue. “Okay, I’ll get on that right away. Thanks, Suzanne.”
“Stay out of trouble—and stay away from anyone who’s going to get you in trouble.”
Easier said than done.
* * *
I was upset that I couldn’t work as a cook but tried to think positive. When this shit blew over and I proved myself again, I could be back working a grill. Then I thought of Cathy. Had she been found yet or were my days numbered? I turned my mind away from the terrifying thoughts. I had to focus on finding a job. I looked online for some sort of manual labor. If I didn’t get a job soon my savings were going to disappear, plus I didn’t have the luxury of goofing around—one of the conditions of parole is that you have to show you’re trying to get a job. I tweaked my résumé and decided to go into town and get some printed off. It was getting warm now that it was the middle of June, so I left Captain on the boat.
The rest of the afternoon I dropped résumés off around town, but no one seemed to be hiring. Later, back on the boat, I wondered if Ryan had gotten a job. I wondered what he was doing in general. I remembered, when we were kids, if one of us was having a shitty time we’d go to the lake or the pier
or anywhere and just feel better because we were with each other. I didn’t think I’d ever have that feeling with anyone again. I reached over and scratched Captain—not human, anyway. I also wondered who Ryan had been talking to. Was he getting closer to the truth? Was that why Shauna got me fired? She obviously didn’t like me working with her daughter and one way of solving that was to get rid of me, but I was sure she had a bigger motive. I thought of Ryan’s words: She’s got all the players back in town, so she can keep an eye on them and fuck us over.
I hoped she’d be satisfied that I lost my job and leave me alone now. But if the past had proven anything, Shauna didn’t give up that easily.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CAMPBELL RIVER
JUNE 2013
That night I was lying on my bed, Captain’s big head weighing down my arm. I didn’t want to disturb him, so I was using my other hand to turn the pages of my book. I heard some soft footsteps coming down the dock. I set the book down, listened. Captain’s head also lifted, his ears alert. The footsteps stopped near my boat. I sat up and reached for the baseball bat I kept near the door. Captain rolled over in bed, his body tense, a low growl in his throat, then a woof. I silenced him with a look. He paused, his mouth still open in an O, ready to bark.
I heard a light knock. Captain barked louder now. I let him for a moment, so whoever was on the other side got the idea there was a big dog in there. Then I silenced him: “Captain, enough.” He stopped, his eyes intent on my face. I tiptoed through my galley kitchen. The curtains were closed, so I couldn’t see who was outside. Captain followed, his toenails tapping on the wood floor.
“Who is it?” I said at the door.
“Ashley.”
What the hell? I opened the door. Ashley was standing on the dock, a hoodie pulled over her head. She was chewing on her lower lip, her face tense and pinched. I glanced up and down the wharf, making sure she wasn’t with anyone. Captain jammed his head through the door, sniffing at the air, breathing it in with big chuffs. He recognized Ashley’s scent and started a full-body wiggle, his tail slapping against the table.
“What are you doing here?” I said.
“I need to talk to you.”
I opened the door and motioned for her to come in. “Watch your head.”
She ducked down and entered the boat, looking around curiously, then sat at my little table. “This is cute.”
“It’s a boat.”
“It’s a cute boat.”
I grabbed a sweatshirt off a hook by the door, pulled it over my tank top, and sat down across from her. Captain had his head resting on her knee, eyes closed, and she was scratching behind his ears.
“I heard you got fired.” Her tone was a little higher-pitched than normal, anxious, her eyes roaming my face, checking to see how I was feeling.
“I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of stuff.”
“I know you didn’t do it.” She said it emphatically. Was she just trying to show loyalty or did she know something? If she was working late that night …
“What’s going on, Ashley?”
She stared down at Captain for a moment, then back at me. “Jeremy was finished in the kitchen, and Hannah wanted to meet her boyfriend, so he said he’d give her a ride. They left and I was still doing the count. I was going to call Aiden to pick me up, but then my mom came by.…”
Shauna had been in the restaurant that night? I sat up straight, my spine stiff.
“She said she was worried because I hadn’t made it home yet. I told her she shouldn’t be there, but she said she wasn’t letting me be in that building by myself at night, it wasn’t safe. She sat up at the bar while I finished counting out the till. Normally I take the money bag straight to the back, but we were talking, so I got distracted and I left the bag on the counter until I’d finished mopping the floor behind the bar. Then I went into the back and dumped the water out.”
She held my gaze, making sure I got what she was saying. I did—loud and clear. Shauna had been in front of the till with the money. Alone.
“When I came back, I put the bag in the safe. I was tired and wanted to go home, so I didn’t notice the cash was gone. I just locked it up. When we left the restaurant I double-checked that I had my keys—I told Mom another waitress had lost hers recently.”
So Shauna knew that there was a loose set floating around out there, a set that someone might now think had been stolen.
“A witness left a message that someone who looked like me was loitering outside the restaurant late that night.”
“I don’t know who called.…” But she also thought it was her mother. I could see it on her face. The fear, that she was being disloyal, like she was walking the edge, breaking some secret code. “I told Mike and the police that I didn’t think you did it, that I didn’t see your truck outside or anything.”
“Why are you telling me this, Ashley?” I was surprised she was ratting her mother out, even if she was dancing around it, and wondered at her motive. She’d clear my name of the theft if I let her film me? Something else? She had an agenda, I was sure of it.
“It’s not right that you got fired. I feel really bad.” She did look upset, near tears. And her face was blotchy, like she might have been crying before. “I had a huge fight with my mom tonight because I said I was going to tell Mike she was at the restaurant. She said she couldn’t believe what I was insinuating, that if I didn’t trust her then maybe she shouldn’t help me pay for the Vancouver Film Festival this year. And there’s more.…”
“More about what?”
She dropped her voice, her eyes big. “I heard her talking on the phone. She sounded really angry about someone, which isn’t unusual—she’s always complaining about something—but she was saying they had to make sure the person they were talking about couldn’t cause them any more problems.”
“That could have been about anything.” But I felt my pulse speed up, my nerves alert and on edge. The same feeling I’d get when I was inside, right before a big fight broke out.
“I know, but she was acting weird. She didn’t know I was watching but she was still quiet and looking around, not saying names. And she’s been snapping at me over nothing. She and my dad had a screaming fight.”
I was silent, thinking over everything. My fear was obviously accurate. Shauna might have more planned for me than a simple theft. I flashed back to high school, how Shauna had wanted to destroy my life, how she had succeeded.
As though Ashley had read my mind, she said, “Why does she hate you so much?”
Her face was serious and scared. I sensed she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know, like she was aware she was opening a door that she might not be able to close. But she couldn’t stop herself, had already gone too far. I felt the same way. I wanted to tell her to leave, but she was a key. I might not know which lock she fit yet but I wasn’t ready to let go of her either. We held gazes, the only sounds now the ticking of my clock and Captain’s breathing.
I decided to follow Ashley’s lead and shoot straight from the hip. “It started in ninth grade. She liked some guy, and when he talked to me one day she flipped out. She made my life hell, spread lies, and made sure I had no friends. She forgot about me until high school, when she got a crush on Ryan and he picked me instead. After that, she made it her mission to destroy my life.”
Ashley was nodding. “My mom comes across tough, but she’s actually really insecure. She wants—needs—everyone to like her, and she’s super-competitive. Like she wants all my friends to think she’s the coolest mom. It’s probably because my grandpa was always busy when she was a kid, and now he spends more time with me. But I don’t care—she shouldn’t take it out on me.”
A surprisingly insightful comment, but I didn’t see how it was going to help my situation any. I felt tired, worn-out. I thought things had changed, had actually dared to believe I could finally have a normal life. Now the noose was closing around my neck again, and Shauna was holding the end of the ro
pe.
“I’m going to do it,” Ashley said. “I’m going to tell Mike that Mom was at the restaurant.” She was scared to death, you could see it in her face, but she also had a fervent energy, high on the idea of doing the right thing.
I thought over her statement, feeling relief at first: Mike might let me come back; Suzanne would see that I was telling the truth. Then I wondered what Shauna’s next step would be. If she was gunning for me, it might be better to let her think she’d won. She might back off for a bit, give Ryan a chance to find out more about that night at the lake.
“Don’t,” I said. “I don’t want you to get in shit with your mom, and Mike will be pissed that you let her in. You need the money for school.”
She looked shocked. “You got fired.”
“Patty wanted me out of there anyway. She was just waiting for an excuse.”
“But it’s not fair.”
I remembered being shocked when I was arrested for Nicole’s murder, thinking how unfair that was, how unfair everything felt when I was a teenager. But it’s an imperfect system and I learned that most things in life weren’t fair.
“Fair or not, it’s the way it is. Look, if the shit really hits the fan and it looks like I might get sent back to prison over this, then I might ask you to step up, okay? Meanwhile, let’s just see how everything unfolds.”
She nodded, pleased that we were in this together, our little secret. I’d known she’d like that. But I still wondered at her motives. Was she really doing the right thing or just trying to get back at her mother for something?
There was another knock on the door.
Both Ashley and I jerked back. Captain started barking, his hackles up.
I motioned for Ashley to stay still, called out, “Who’s there?”
“It’s Shauna. Open the door, please. I know my daughter’s in there.”
Ashley’s eyes widened. We stood up at the same time. I held Captain back by his collar as I opened the door. Then we stepped out and I closed the door behind us, blocking Captain, who’d started growling the minute he glimpsed Shauna.