Chapter 27
“Don’t do this, Em,” Rohan pleaded as Emma rolled up her clothing and stuffed it into the old suitcase. “Not like this. Let’s talk about it.”
“I can’t!” Emma flung another jumper into the battered inner, frustrated as it unrolled itself in protest. She thumped a pair of jeans on top, resisting the urge to start again.
“Devotchka, please.” Rohan’s grip on her wrists was strong and halted her progress.
“Don’t call me that!” she snapped. “Don’t ever call me that again! I’m not your girl; Felicity is.”
“What? No! I thought everything was fine. I don’t understand. Nicky’s gone to school ok, hasn’t he? Don’t you like it down here?” Keeping hold of Emma’s slender wrists, Rohan sank onto the bed and pulled her down next to him. “Talk to me, Em!”
Emma looked down at his strong fingers, the knuckles white as they encircled her wrists. Rohan wore a white tee shirt which accentuated tanned biceps peeking from under the sleeves. Emma dipped her head forward, unable to meet his perceptive blue eyes and Rohan rested his forehead against hers. Emma’s speech came haltingly. “How could you get out of my bed and then talk to Felicity as though nothing was wrong? We weren’t just chatting, Ro! What we did was wrong!”
“How can it be wrong when we’re still married?” Rohan settled his rough, stubbly cheek against Emma’s soft skin, enfolding her in an embrace which betrayed his desperation. “You’re my wife and I love you. I lost you once. You’re not leaving again.”
“I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” Tears spilled from Emma’s pretty brown eyes, glistening on her eyelashes like glitter. “I let a desperate need to change my circumstances cloud my judgement and already it’s caused so much damage. I need to go back now before I wreck both our lives.”
“I won’t let you go.” Rohan’s voice wobbled, the first sign of emotion Emma had seen and it rocked her, strengthening her resolve.
“See.” She shook her head. “Now you’re upset. We’ll just end up destroying each other. Like before...”
“We were kids before!” Rohan’s exclamation contained the hint of a sneer. “We were two kids, in love with no support. I’ll talk to Felicity, I promise. I’ll sort this out. I never made her any promises, Em! She just wanted to tell me about some dress she bought...”
“She’ll be devastated! I can’t stay here if you do that! I’ll keep bumping into her in school and it will be awkward and nasty.”
“So what then?” Rohan raised his voice in frustration and his grip on Emma’s wrists increased, digging into her soft flesh. “What do you want from me?”
“Nothing!” Emma shook her head and wrenched her hands free. “I want nothing, Ro.”
“Where will you go? You can’t possibly go back to that shit-hole!”
“Thanks for that!” She stood up, her legs shaking underneath her. Emma took a deep breath and tossed her head in defiance, steeling herself against the mess she made every time she opened her mouth.
“Where will you go?” Rohan repeated, using the bed to stand up. Awareness of his injury made Emma even more attuned to his suffering, the odd wince of pain and the slight imbalance in his movements. I should have been there for you, her heart cried but her brain silenced it with an inner forcefulness.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged and turned, groaning as Rohan wrapped his arms around her from behind. He pressed her shoulders back into his body and pushed his face into her neck, breathing in the perfumed scent of her long hair. “I’ll borrow some money from Allaine maybe and go...somewhere. Nicky and I can start over. Perhaps if it works out, he’ll forgive me for uprooting him and failing again.”
Rohan turned Emma’s body gently, resting his hands on her shoulders and staring into her eyes. His shone with an unnatural sheen, misery causing them to glitter with surface tears. “Tell me what to do,” he asked, his voice level. “What do you want, Em? Name it and I’ll do it. If you stay here, I’ll do whatever you want.”
Emma looked at the luxurious house, its plush carpets and expensive decoration, more opulent than anywhere else she’d ever stayed. “I don’t know.”
“Do you like the town?” Rohan asked, allowing himself a smile of relief when Emma nodded.
“Yeah. It’s lovely and the people are kind,” she replied.
“Nicky likes the school, doesn’t he?”
Emma nodded with enthusiasm. “Yeah. He loves his new teacher.” She bit her lip. “He’s gonna freak when I tell him we’re...”
“Then don’t. You stay here and I’ll find somewhere else to go.” Rohan’s huge blue eyes were filled with sincerity as he laid everything on the line for her. “Or I’ll rent something for you.”
“You don’t owe me anything!” Emma exclaimed. “We’ve been separated long enough for you to divorce me, if you want to.”
“Emma!” Rohan moved in close so their bodies touched. His hands slipped from her shoulders to settle around her waist, his presence intoxicating. Emma felt her head swim with the effort of not reaching up to kiss him. He smiled sadly. “If I wanted to divorce you, I would have.” He plucked at a loose curl and wound it absentmindedly through his fingers, like he used to. Rohan pushed his hands either side of Emma’s neck, trailing his fingers through her hair and massaging the back of her neck. Emma managed to keep the groan of ecstasy to herself. Rohan dipped forward and kissed the end of her nose and she closed her eyes. “I don’t want a divorce. Stay?” he begged. “I’ll be gone again in a few days and you can have the house to yourself. Look after Farrell for me? Please? I promise not to try and seduce you again, I’ll keep my hands...and other parts to myself.” He smiled wistfully and ran a lazy thumb under her eye, feeling the dampness of her tears.
“How long will you be gone?” she heard herself ask.
“I don’t know. I never know. A few weeks, months. I come home when the job’s done.”
Emma sighed. “And what about when you come back? What then?”
“Let’s just cross our bridges one at a time, hey?” He smiled, small crow’s feet appearing at the corners of his eyes. His blonde hair flipped forward into his face and in obedience to a gut reaction, Emma reached up and pushed it back. Rohan closed his eyes and when they opened, agony streamed out. Emma gulped and put her hands by her sides.
“Ok,” she replied. “Thank you. We’ll stay until you get back. But then we should either get our own place or move away completely.”
Rohan smiled a sad little smile and nodded. “Good,” he said and released her. He walked down the hallway towards the stairs, turning his body slightly to deal with the gradient and Emma felt a click in her heart as it awoke and tortured her with her mistakes.
“Ro!” Emma shouted and he stopped, his brow creased as he looked at her. Emma walked to the top of the stairs, seeing him from above, strong, muscular and capable. “About Felicity...she loves you, anyone can see that.”
Rohan’s shoulders slumped and he set off down the stairs, his right foot clumping more heavily than the left. “Well I don’t love her.”