Chapter
27
Equanimity
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It was quite a walk deep into this forest...
My brow was drenched with sweat, my legs felt weak, and I felt due to tumble over.
I groaned, “Becca, how long until we get there?”
“Tired already Sam! Come on, you’re a boy, you’re supposed to be more endurance friendly than we females… do you see me whimpering at all?”
I sighed.
“It’s true! Now,” she got closer to me and pulled the envelope from my pocket, “Now let’s see what we’ve got here!”
“And where’s this place you wanted to show me?”
“Mind me!” She skipped and hopped a little bit further and slit through some thick shrubs, “Here it is, Sam.”
I followed through the prickly and scratchy shrubs and starred at this, small, and quite pleasant to my eyes: an orchard house. The place was like a small square box: a window, a door, and a dirt path, quite plain, but, still a bit, spooky and cozy all at the same time.
I watched her stroll through the front door, “Come Sam, there’s actually food in here too… and of course I brought some.” Rebecca grinned meticulously.
The inside was just as plain as the outside. Just a small kitchen on one side, a full sized bed on the far end, and a small closet, that was probably the bathroom.
“Who lived here?” I asked.
“Who knows, Sam?” Rebecca giggled, her eyes just embracing mine, “But when I found it… it was abandoned, nothing left inside. Just what you see here, and,” she took the envelope and slapped it on the counter, “Of course the additions I’ve added.”
“And what is that?”
“The food and um… some utensils.” She laughed and then lolled on a chair, “Time to open this envelope!”
“You’re more eager to read it than me.”
“I am.”
Her smile took my breath away.
I took a seat on the bed, “Go ahead and read it.” I said, “Out loud, may you please?”
She nodded, enthusiastically ripping the seal. There was only one sheet of paper inside.
“Dear Sam. Thank you. Thank you, thank you for everything. The little time I got to spend with you, enjoying my time with you, I was happy, truly happy. I am glad Ms. Johnson and Ms. William introduced me to you, I knew it was one of Ms. Johnson’s and Ms. William’s clever games, but I was truly grateful, I was thanking them for this… the isolation nibbled on my patience until I had no more and you, you were my light at the end of the tunnel Sam you, kept me sane and I loved you for that…”
Rebecca stopped reading; she glanced at me, her eyes scarlet, and glistening like the ocean’s millions of sparkles: she took a breath and sniffled lightly.
“Perhaps,” her voice cracked, “You can read the rest Sam… I don’t have enough,” she giggled and hesitated, holding her breath, “I don’t know Sam, you can read the rest, here.” She came over and sat next to me on the bed and set the letter on my lap.
I took it and held it out in front of me: I saw the streaks of tear shed smudging some of the words. This almost spearing sentimental pain hit me so hard that I too couldn’t bear to even look at the words.
Woe, this unrelenting woe crippled me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I felt regret, pain, anguish, all sorts of little things, reminding, remembering her… I couldn’t take it, knowing, knowing that I’ll never see her again: ever, but she left me with one last piece of artifact to know that she is out there, and she was thinking of me.
My jaw tightened, “I can’t read this.” I sniffled and stuff the piece of paper in my pocket, and as I dug it in there, gently, I remembered something awing… the flower I gave Amy, when we first met.
“You know that,” I closed my eyes, envisioning it as I recalled, “I uh, in my first year I saw this beautiful flower on the ground near Ms. William’s townhouse… this was my first time ever you know witnessing anything so real: so by seeing this real flower, I had an urge to pluck it from its home. So I did and stuffed it my pocket. Little that I know that I was going meet her, meet Amy… out of all the people, out of every other girl that had that identical look, yet her aurora was different. But she was my first female interaction, besides Ms. William and I just gave her the flower.” I smiled warmly, my face hot.
“What do you think of me?”
“You’re like her, but this time you seem to have your own unique look…” She got closer to me, her warm breath, and her hair’s smell of tropical fruit: she smiled and then pressed her lips against mine.
“I know,” she pulled back a tad and giggled beneath her gasp, “I guess personalities are contagious.” She smiled again and pressed her lips to mine again.
I gently pushed her away and stood, quickly making my way to the door.
“Becca we better go, I don’t know-but I don’t feel safe in this place.” I said.
“What’s wrong Sam?”
I opened the door, “Nothing is wrong Becca, but this abandoned house out here deep in this place.” I hesitated and faced her, “I mean, before we both get into anymore trouble with John, I say we just head back now.”
She took a deep breath and grinned: she seemed a tad disappointed. She nodded at me and rose.
“Ok, ok, let’s go.” Rebecca said a bit monotonously.
Before she made her way towards the door, she quickly turned and embraced me tight.
"Sam, even if our time is short, just know that you'll always be in my mind." Rebecca whispered.
The walk through Monarch’s Reach was devastatingly quiet, yet it went by faster than it felt going in. We appeared behind, what seemed like, my townhouse backyard.
“This is your stop Sam.” Rebecca said.
“Thanks Becca… uh by the way, what’s your townhouse number?”
She grinned, “I’m not too far from yours Sam. I’m 253, come by any time ok. My mother is really sweet and is friends with Ms. William and Ms. Johnson.”
I couldn’t help but smile, “I’d love that Becca.”
“Awesome, I’ll catch you a bit later then.” She said and disappeared into the forest’s shadow.
I felt happier. Even though I did still feel sorrow for losing Amy, Rebecca was sowing the vacant space that appeared when Amy disappeared from my life. Perhaps this new friendship is a good thing: I was afraid that I’d be all alone this new year too… well of course, there are now congregated classes now, or so Ms. William said, perhaps that will also burn a bunch of my free time.
I took a deep breath, dug my hands into my pocket, and past through the alleyway making it into my front yard. The gate was locked. I thought for a second and the only rational explanation could be is: Ms. William has finally come home.
I rushed inside the house and saw Ms. William sprinkling seasoning inside a large steaming pot. Her same upright posture, beautiful blond hair, glazing with the sun’s beams stripping through the windowpanes: it was her, she was back, my random spur of paranoia was but a ploy.
She cleared her throat, “Ahem, and where have you been young man?” She said.
“Ms. William!” I bellowed. “I came home earlier and you weren’t here!”
“Well I took a detour and went ahead and met your two new teachers.”
“Two?” I said as I took a seat on the chair.
Ms. William nodded, “Yup, and…” she faced me, “I took the liberty and placed you with my friend’s daughter…”
Rebecca: I thought.
“Becca, Sam. She’s in both of your classes."
I smiled and didn’t reply; I was too overjoyed to say anything: I mean what more can I ask for?
“I also went to Amelia Malcolm’s, Becca’s Caretaker, house after I left you… asking her if she’s heard any word of Ms. Johnson. Nothing, not a trace Sam.” Ms. William said disarrayed.
“I bumped into Rebecca and she has also been worried… she said that Amy or Ms. Johnson didn’t even say a f
arewell before they left.” I said.
“You had a chat with Becca?”
I nodded, “Yup and I ate with her in some Italian restaurant.”
“Aw how cute Sam!” Ms. William said overly energetic, “I noticed she wasn’t at the house when I went to Amelia’s house... I bet she’s gotten more beautiful than the last time I saw her.”
I conquered to her comment, she did get more beautiful than I could even describe with words, my face reddened in embarrassment, “I uh… wasn’t expecting her to change all that much, it was like I don’t know, a woman took her place.”
Ms. William placed the top on the pot and wiped her hands with a kitchen towel, “If you think about it Sam, you’ve changed quite a bit too.”
Ms. William grabbed a glass from the cupboard and set it on the counter. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a jug of water, pouring it inside the glass, and then setting the glass in front of me.
“Don’t forget your pills dear, Jane has them out of the catch for you to take.” She said, “Hurry on and take them so we can have some supper, mm`k?”
I nodded, “Ok.”
I took a detour and slipped into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, something I’ve averted, and something I felt afraid to do: I didn’t know why. I did change, exponentially.
My hair was a lot shaggier now, slightly passing my neck, and my eyes are a lot more hazel, outlined in a green, olive shade. I also had this prickly hair grazing over the surface of my face; I rubbed my hands and it felt like sandpaper.
I gasped, “Wow, I barely recognize myself… I still remember myself as that boy in the Consolation Chamber-thingy.”
I stood there wondering, thinking: What if, those pills that I’ve been taking for so long have caused this rapid transformation. I mean the doctor said that they’d lower my dosage as my time here extrapolated, but I visited the doctor and she didn’t even mention the pill intake: they just handed me another pair to sooth my ill-feeling blah that I felt.
After grabbing the pills I returned to the kitchen. The table already neatly tucked and ready for supper. Both bowls of soup smoldering with a steamy delightful fragrance, a loaf of sliced bread on the center of the table, and a stub of butter next to it.
I hurried to the counter where my glass of water sat and gulped down the pills.
“Dinner is served.” Ms. William said in her usual delightful manner.
I sat down and began to munch. All that traveling I’ve done today left me famished. The thought of all the places I wandered to today had me grinning, because I couldn’t believe this was happening: discovering my new friendship with Rebecca; panicking about Ms. William, and reading the final harmonic farewell Amy left me… wow, what a day.
I knew the perfect spot for the letter Amy left me; it will be tucked safely in between my mattress.
“So, what new stuff did you get to buy today? I am sure the new shopping district was more than a delight for you and Becca’s eyes.” Ms. William said.
I winced, “Um…” a series of laughs blurted out of my mouth, I couldn’t control it, “To be honest Ms. William, I was panicking about you… so I took Rebecca with me on my way back here, and you were gone. I had this worry that you were taken away like Ms. Johnson had.” I grimaced at that thought and set the spoon gently on the bowel.
Ms. William took my hand, “Sweetie I will always be here ok, and when you’re all grown up you better not forget me like my others have.”
“Only an absentminded person would forget your kindness Ms. William.” I said.
She smiled warmly, “Thanks honey. But let me tell you something, the moment I quit being kind, generous, and loving... Sam... it's the moment I erase myself from you life."
Her words left me breathless...
"Anyways, get back to your supper; don’t want it to get cold now.”
I continued munching, dipping the bread inside the hot soupy liquid from the stew. And during the course of this, I couldn’t help but wonder: How did Ms. William get to know these other Caretakers? Did she meet them during her course through the LCP, or did she meet them beforehand?
“Ms. William, how do you get to know Ms. Johnson and Ms. Malcolm?”
“They were colleagues of mine during our LCP… they were the only two that weren’t stuck up, Sam.” Ms. William said, “I believe they’re designing the new batch of classes taken by pre-LCP recipients to be hosted like LCP classes so that you and others can feel accustomed to having company during lectures.”
“But didn’t you share the same congregated class structure back in your pre-LCP?”
She nodded, “Yeah, and now they’re going back to the old way of things I guess.” Ms. William giggled, “Which isn’t exactly all that bad.”
“But why go back to the old ways if they left it in the first place?” I said.
Ms. William smiled warmly, “Freedom became a bit taken advantage of,” Ms. William took her empty bowel and dumped it in the sink, “Well it’s getting late go ahead and wash up and get ready for bed. And you can leave the plate there dear, I’ll clean it.”
I stood and sulked, “Um, Ms. William, what happens once this last year is ends?”
“You’ll be introduced to a spectacular new world, sweetheart… one I truly do miss a lot.” She sighed as she picked up my dirty dishes, “And I truly wish with all my heart I could go with you.”
I grimaced, “So you’re never allowed to return there?”
Ms. William shrugged, “Well, I don’t know.”
I had this feeling that Ms. William couldn’t say no more: I knew it had something to do with Jane; that was the cause of all the seclusion and silence: that it is monitoring us.
“I am headed to bed Ms. William.” I said.
“Ok sweetie, sweet dreams.”
That night, I had another strange dream:
I was standing all by myself in front of this very house that was burrowed deep within Monarch’s Reach. The front door opened, Dr. Harris Brown stepped out, a big smile in his face, and then a lovely and elegantly dressed woman I recall seeing before: she almost looked exactly like Ms. William, followed him out, their hands intertwined.
That woman there, she was the only woman admits the clutter of men that were soon to be executed back in that nightmare I had: that’s where I remember her from. But I can’t reimage the exact recollection.
There was something different about this woman too, her stomach was bloated: like a balloon. She smiled at me too; both of their heads nodded at me.
I felt a hand grasp my shoulder; I gasped, turned and saw it was Rebecca…
“This was their home.” She said, eyeing both Dr. Harris Brown and the woman standing next to him, “And look, look Sam,” her voice became a whisper, “She’s pregnant, that’s prohibited by the Council.”
I turned back to the house and they were gone, the door left open, and this thick smog releasing out of the house.
“Ugh, where’d they go?” I said as I turned around and almost tumbled over with shock at the sight of Oliver.
“Shocked are we?” He said coldly.
My heartbeat thumped against my chest, “Oliver!” My voice cracked with my bellow of frantic alarm.
He grinned, “Ms. Rebecca I’m not here to play a petty hide-and-seek game: I know you’re right there behind that bush.” He snapped, “I’d suggest you come here, now.”
I faced that way and saw Rebecca come out of hiding. Her eyes, squinted, and face cold.
“Thank you. Now, why is it that two students are wandering about in this prohibited area?” He said, “Haven’t you both gotten into enough troubling as is?”
Rebecca cleared her throat, “If it’s so prohibited then why is it free to roam about without any restraint?” Rebecca said irritated, “I see no banners, or-or signs implying that you’re not to trespass?”
He mocked her with laughter, “Curiosity, of course.”
“Curiosity?” She replied.
&
nbsp; Before could reply, a growl came from the bushes.
Oliver grimaced, his eyes squinted, “Oh, how interesting is this… bring the two of you out and the fiend comes too.”
The clacking snarl and intense panting intensified… I was petrified; I couldn’t budge an inch of my body.
“Don’t move.” Oliver said.
I was fine with that: it wasn’t like I could anyways. I had to glare down at my feet for a second to make sure they weren’t attached to the ground.
From the corner of my eye I noticed Rebecca ease her way to me.
“Sam, let’s run.” She whispered.
I felt her hand take a hold of mine.
“Come Sam.” Rebecca urged, “Please…”
Oliver remained attune to the gurgling growl… perhaps there was no better time to run then now. But then again, what’s there to run from? What did he mean by Rebecca and I provoking this fiend…? I wanted to find out; I didn’t want to scurry away now. Rebecca continued pestering.
“No.” I muttered.
Oliver turned, and as he made eye contact with mine, this strange, wooly mammoth-sized fiend leaped forth from the bushes. This thing pointed its long snout in the air and yowled ferociously… the howl rang in my ear with such intensity that my body...
I leaped out of bed drenched in sweat at the sound of the boisterous alarm consuming my room. I switch the alarm off and stamped my head back on the pillow… I felt clammy and too hot. I groaned and rolled off the bed landing face-flat on the floor.
Why was my alarm on? Why would it even be activated since classes have yet to begin? It’s 8:30 A.M… ugh.
“Jane, what’s the point of the alarm.” I said.
I was truly angry, I normally never get angry, but right now my blood boiled… the best part of this odd nightmare was about to begin and some damn random alarm rages and wakes me. Come on!
“I’m sorry Sam, there is no data implying the reason for the activation of the alarm.” Jane answered.
I groaned as I rose and turned to Jane’s idle monitor.
It flickered; Loading… on the bottom right.
“You have a text message waiting for confirmation.” Jane said.
“From whom?”
Who could possibly be text messaging me this early? And who… and then her name sprung to mind: Amy? Could it be her, perhaps giving me some sort of insight on her whereabouts?
“From: Rebecca.” Jane replied.
Rebecca?
“Yeah patch it through.”
The monitor turned white: the text message typed itself on the screen.
“Hey Sam! My mom invited you to have dinner tonight with us! Oh please, please Sam, come.”
-Message End-
I scratched my head… I kept on having déjà vu: like somehow things were repeating themselves but with Rebecca being in Amy’s old position.
I heard a knock, and Ms. William waltzed in, dancing happily for some unapparent reason... this early in the morning. She was all dressed up in an unfamiliar manner I’ve never experienced her in: thigh-length short-shorts, a purple spaghetti-strap, and golden hair tied in a ponytail.
“Morning sweetie! Hurry and get dressed we’re heading to go meet your teachers and then off to the Market District.” Ms. William said, “I’ll go prepare some breakfast and then get dressed.”
She left.
And I still felt very oblivious to every single thing occurring. I checked my temperature to make sure I wasn’t sick. I lolled back on the bed and stared at the calendar… it was August 21.
The hatch near Jane opened. A glass of water and three red pills: oh how wondrous, I was already lamenting about taking these things constantly. I’ve been meaning to ask Ms. William why my dosage hasn’t been decreased since my last visit to the doctor… and I should ask Rebecca if she’s taking these too.
I gulped the pills and left the room. I stopped and stared at the beautiful painting of the horizon. I wanted to go back over there and witness it again; witness a sunset and a sunrise: I chuckled, since it was a bit odd that there wasn’t a night, the sun sets but then goes right back up!
I followed Ms. William towards the Jefferson Building. She was dressed more like her normal self: short skirt, a nice flower-blouse, and her face as lush as normal: beautiful.
“Ms. William, Rebecca invited me to have dinner tonight.” I said.
Ms. William gasped and turned around, “Oh how lovely sweetie! Becca is a big sweetheart and her mother, Mandy, is just as lovely too.”
“Will you be accompanying me?”
I felt an obligation to be courteous and ask. It was a dear old friend of hers why wouldn’t she want to accompany me.
She smiled, “I can only take you there and stick around for a bit, but I have to do some late work today. I don’t even know what time I’ll get back so you just hang around with Mandy and Becca for a bit and then just head back whenever ok.”
I nodded.
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