CHAPTER FIFTY
FATHOM SHIFTS THE SCENE, AND APPEARS IN A NEW CHARACTER.
Fathom's expectations with respect to the fair orphan having thus provedabortive, he lost no time in bewailing his miscarriage, but had immediaterecourse to other means of improving his small fortune, which, at thisperiod, amounted to near two hundred pounds. Whatever inclination he hadto resume the character he had formerly borne in the polite world, hedurst not venture to launch out again into the expense necessary tomaintain that station, because his former resources were now stopped, andall the people of fashion by this time convinced of his being a needyadventurer. Nevertheless, he resolved to sound the sentiments of his oldfriends at a distance, and judge, from the reception he should meet with,how far he might presume upon their countenance and favour. For herightly supposed, that if he could in any shape contribute to theirinterest or amusement, they would easily forgive his former pretensionsto quality, arrogant as they were, and still entertain him on the footingof a necessary acquaintance.
With this view, he one day presented himself at court in a very gay suitof clothes, and bowed, at a distance, to many of his old fashionablefriends of both sexes, not one of whom favoured him with any othernotice, than that of a quarter curtsey, or slight inclination of thehead. For, by this time, the few that remembered him knew from whatretirement he now emerged, and avoided him accordingly as the jailinfection. But the greater part of those who had cultivated him in thezenith of his fortune were now utter strangers to his person, which theyhad actually forgot, amidst the succession of novelties that surroundedthem; or, if they did recollect his name, it was remembered as an oldfashion which had been many months out of date.
Notwithstanding these mortifying discouragements, our hero, that sameevening, effected a lodgment in a certain gaming-house not far from St.James's; and, as he played pretty high, and made a parade of his readymoney, he was soon recognised by divers persons of consequence, whocordially welcomed him to England, on pretence of believing he had beenabroad, and with great complacency repeated their former professions offriendship. Though this was a certain way of retaining the favour ofthose worthies, while his finances continued to flourish, and hispayments were prompt, he knew the weakness of his funds too well, tothink they could bear the vicissitudes of play; and the remembrance ofthe two British knights who had spoiled him at Paris, hung over hisimagination with the most frightful presages. Besides, he perceived thatgaming was now managed in such a manner, as rendered skill and dexterityof no advantage. For the spirit of play having overspread the land, likea pestilence, raged to such a degree of madness and desperation, that theunhappy people who were infected, laid aside all thoughts of amusement,economy, or caution, and risked their fortunes upon issues equallyextravagant, childish, and absurd.
The whole mystery of the art was reduced to the simple exercise oftossing up a guinea, and the lust of laying wagers, which they indulgedto a surprising pitch of ridiculous intemperance. In one corner of theroom might be heard a pair of lordlings running their grandmothersagainst each other, that is, betting sums on the longest liver; inanother the success of the wager depended upon the sex of the landlady'snext child; and one of the waiters happening to drop down in anapoplectic fit, a certain noble peer exclaimed, "Dead for a thousandpounds." The challenge was immediately accepted; and when the master ofthe house sent for a surgeon to attempt the cure, the nobleman, who setthe price upon the patient's head, insisted upon his being left to theefforts of nature alone, otherwise the wager should be void. Nay, whenthe landlord harped upon the loss he should sustain by the death of atrusty servant, his lordship obviated the objection, by desiring that thefellow might be charged in the bill.
In short, the rage of gaming seemed to have devoured all their otherfaculties, and to have equalled the rash enthusiasm of the inhabitants ofMalacca in the East Indies, who are so possessed with that perniciousspirit, that they sacrifice to it not only their fortunes, but also theirwives and children; and then letting their hair down upon theirshoulders, in imitation of the ancient Lacedaemonians when they devotedthemselves to death, those wretches unsheathe their daggers, and murderevery living creature in their way. In this, however, they differ fromthe gamesters of our country, who never find their senses, until theyhave lost their fortunes, and beggared their families; whereas the Malaysnever run amuck, but in consequence of misery and despair.
Such are the amusements, or rather such is the continual employment ofthose hopeful youths who are destined by birth to be the judges of ourproperty, and pillars of our constitution. Such are the heirs andrepresentatives of those patriots who planned, and those heroes whomaintained, the laws and freedom of their country; who were the patronsof merit, the fathers of the poor, the terror of vice and immorality, andat once the ornaments and support of a happy nation.
Our adventurer considered all these circumstances with his wontedsagacity, and, seeing upon what precarious footing he must stand, shouldhe rank himself with such society, he wisely came to the resolution ofdescending one step in the degrees of life, and of taking upon him thetitle of physician, under which he did not despair of insinuating himselfinto the pockets of his patients, and into the secrets of privatefamilies, so as to acquire a comfortable share of practice, or captivatethe heart of some heiress or rich widow, whose fortune would at oncerender him independent and happy.
After this determination, his next care was to concert measures for hisfirst appearance in this new character; well knowing, that the success ofa physician, in a great measure, depends upon the external equipage inwhich he first declares himself an adept in the healing art. He first ofall procured a few books on the subject of medicine, which he studiedwith great attention during the remaining part of the winter and spring,and repaired to Tunbridge with the first of the season, where he appearedin the uniform of Aesculapius, namely, a plain suit, full trimmed, with avoluminous tie-periwig; believing that in this place he might glide, asit were, imperceptibly into the functions of his new employment, andgradually accustom himself to the method and form of prescription.
A man so well known in the gay world could not be supposed to effect sucha transformation without being observed; and therefore, in order toanticipate the censure and ridicule of those who might be tempted to makethemselves merry at his expense, he, on his arrival at the wells,repaired to the shop of an apothecary, and calling for pen, ink, andpaper, wrote a prescription, which he desired might be immediately madeup. While this was doing by the servant, he was invited into a parlourby the master, with whom he entered into conversation touching theproperties of the Tunbridge water, which seemed to have been hisparticular study; and indeed he had perused Rouzee's treatise on thatsubject with indefatigable assiduity. From this theme, he madedigressions into other parts of medicine, upon which he spoke with suchplausible elocution, that the apothecary, whose knowledge in that art wasnot very profound, looked upon him as a physician of great learning andexperience, and hinted a desire of knowing his name and situation.
Fathom accordingly gave him to understand, that he had studied physic,and taken his degrees at Padua, rather for his amusement, than with anyview of exercising medicine, as he then could not possibly foresee themisfortunes which had since happened to his family, and by which he wasnow compelled to have recourse to a profession that was very much beneaththe expectations of his birth. Yet he bore his disappointments withresignation, and even good-humour, and blessed his stars for havinginclined him to the study of any branch of knowledge by which he might beenabled to laugh at the vicissitudes of fortune. He then observed, thathe had practised with some applause at the hot well near Bristol, beforehe thought he should be ever reduced to the necessity of taking a fee,and that, in all probability, his metamorphosis, when known, wouldfurnish matter of surprise and merriment to some of his old acquaintance.
The apothecary was equally struck with his polite address, and pleasedwith his agreeable discourse. He consoled him for the misfortunes of hisfamil
y, by assuring him, that in England nothing could be morehonourable, or indeed profitable, than the character of a physician,provided he could once wriggle himself into practice; and insinuated,that, although he was restricted by certain engagements with otherpersons of the faculty, he should be glad of an opportunity to show hisregard for Doctor Fathom. This was a very effectual method which ourhero took to intimate his new character to the public. By the industryand communicative disposition of the apothecary, it was circulated inhalf a day through every family in the place; and, next morning, whenFerdinand appeared, the company forthwith assembled in separate groups,and from each knot he heard his name reverberated in a whisper.
Having thus announced himself to all whom it might concern, and allowedthe ladies two days to discuss the merit of his transfiguration, togetherwith the novelty of the case, he ventured to salute, at a distance, alady and her daughter, who had been his patients at the hot well; and,although they honoured his bow with the return of a slight curtsey, theygave him not the least encouragement to make a nearer approach.Notwithstanding this rebuff, he concluded, that, should the health ofeither come in question, they would renew their application to his skill,and what was refused by their pride would be granted by theirapprehension. Here, however, he happened to be mistaken in hisconjecture.
The young lady being seized with a violent headache and palpitation, hermother desired the apothecary to recommend a physician; and the personwith whom he was contracted being at that time absent, he proposed DoctorFathom as a man of great ability and discretion. But the good ladyrejected the proposal with disdain, because she had formerly known him inthe character of a Count--though that very character was the chief reasonthat had then induced her to crave his advice.
Such is the caprice of the world in general, that whatever bears the faceof novelty captivates, or rather bewitches, the imagination, andconfounds the ideas of reason and common sense. If, for example, ascullion, from the clinking of pewter, shall conceive a taste for theclinking of rhyme, and make shift to bring together twenty syllables, soas that the tenth and last shall have the like ending, the composition isimmediately extolled as a miracle; and what appeals to the admiration isnot the wit, the elegance, or poetry of the work, but the uncultivatedtalent and humble station of the author. A reader does not exclaim,"What a delicate sentiment! what a beautiful simile! what easy andmusical versification!"--but cries in rapture, "Heavens! what a prodigy apoet from the scullery! a muse in livery! or, Apollo with a trowel!"--Thepublic is astonished into liberality--the scullion eats from thosetrenchers he scoured before--the footman is admitted into the coachbehind which he was wont to stand--and the bricklayer, instead ofplastering walls, bedaubs his illustrious partner with the mortar of hispraise. Thus, lifted into a higher sphere, their talents receivecultivation; they become professed bards, and though their subsequentworks bear evident marks of improvement, they are neglected among therest of their brethren, because that novelty, which recommended them inthe beginning, no longer remains.
So it fared with our adventurer in his new occupation. There wassomething so extraordinary in a nobleman's understanding medicine, and souncommon in a physician's prescribing gratis, that the curiosity andadmiration of the company at Bristol were engaged, and they followed hisadvice, as the direction of some supernatural intelligence. But, nowthat he professed himself one of the faculty, and might be supposed tohave refreshed his memory, and reinforced his knowledge for the occasion,he was as much overlooked as any other physician unsupported by interestor cabal; or, at least, the notice he attracted was not at all to theadvantage of his character, because it wholly regarded the decline of hisfortune, which is a never-failing fund of disgrace.
These mortifications did not overcome the patience and perseverance ofFathom, who foresaw, that the soothing hand of time would cast a veil ofoblivion over those scenes which were remembered to his prejudice; andthat, in the meantime, though he was excluded from the private parties ofthe fair sex, in which his main hope of success was placed, he should beable to insinuate himself into some degree of favour and practice amongthe male patients; and some lucky cure, properly displayed, might be themeans of propagating his fame, and banishing that reserve which atpresent interfered with his purpose. Accordingly, it was not long beforehe found means to break that spell of universal prejudice that hedged himin. At the ordinary which he frequented, his polite carriage, facetiousremarks, and agreeable stories soon conciliated the regard of hisfellow-guests, among whom he sometimes rallied his own transformationwith singular good-humour and success. He was even witty upon his wantof employment, and used to observe, that a physician without practicehad one comfort to which his brethren were strangers, namely, that theseldomer he had occasion to prescribe, the less he had upon hisconscience on account of being accessory to the death of hisfellow-creatures.
Nothing so effectually blunts the shafts of ridicule, and defeats theaims of slander, as this method of anticipation. In spite of the arrowsthat were levelled against his reputation from every tea-table atTunbridge, he made his party good among almost all the gay younggentlemen that frequented the place. Far from avoiding his company, theybegan to court his conversation, and he was commonly seen in the walkssurrounded with a group of admirers.
Having thus paved the way for a total removal of the invidiousprepossession that obstructed his views, he, one night, while everyperson was lulled in the arms of repose, and universal silence prevailed,tuned his violin, and began to play some masterly airs, in a tone souncommonly expressive, and with such ravishing dexterity of execution,that a certain lady, who lodged in the same house, being waked by themusic, and ignorant of the source from which it flowed, listened withrapture, as to the harp of an angel, and, wrapping herself in a loosegown, rose and opened her chamber door, in order to discover in whatapartment the musician resided. She no sooner entered the passage, thanshe found her fellow-lodgers already assembled on the same occasion; andthere they remained during the best part of the night, transported by theharmony which our hero produced.
Doctor Fathom was immediately known to be the author of thisentertainment; and thus retrieved the benefit of that admiration which hehad forfeited by appearing in the shape of a physician. For, as peoplehad formerly wondered to see a count skilled in medicine, they were nowamazed to find a physician such a master in music.
The good effects of this stratagem were almost instantaneous. Hisperformance became the topic of discourse among all the fashionablecompany. His male friends complimented him from the information of theother sex; and that lady whom he had regaled, instead of that shyness anddisdain with which she used to receive his salutation, at their very nextmeeting in the thoroughfare, returned his bow with marks of profoundrespect. Nay, at midnight, she, with the rest, took post in the sameplace where they had been stationed before; and, by frequent tittering,and repeated whispers, gave intimation to Fathom, that they would be gladof a second serenade. But he was too well acquainted with the humanpassions to indulge this their desire. It was his interest to inflametheir impatience, rather than to gratify their expectation; and thereforehe tantalised them for some hours, by tuning his violin, and playing someflourishes, which, however, produced nothing to fulfil their wishes.
At the ordinary, he was accosted by a gentleman, a lodger in the samehouse, who assured him, that the ladies would take it as a great favourif he would let them know when he intended to amuse himself again withhis instrument, that they might not, by falling asleep beforehand,deprive themselves of the pleasure of hearing his music. To this messagehe replied, with an air of consequence and reserve, that, though musicwas not the art he professed, he should be always complaisant enough toentertain the ladies to the utmost of his power, when their commands weresignified to him in a manner suited to his character; but that he wouldnever put himself on the footing of an itinerate harper, whose music istolerated through the medium of a board partition. The gentleman havingreported this answer to his constituents, they emp
owered him to inviteDoctor Fathom to breakfast, and he was next morning introduced with theusual ceremony, and treated with uncommon regard by all the females ofthe house, assembled for his reception.
Having thus broken the ice of their aversion in one part, so as that thebeams of his personal accomplishments had room to operate, he sooneffected a general thaw in his favour, and found himself growing oncemore into request amongst the most amiable part of the creation. Hiscompany was coveted, and his taste consulted in their balls, concerts,and private assemblies; and he recompensed the regard they paid to himwith an incessant exertion of his agreeable talents, politeness, andgood-humour.