“I can talk to Matty about letting you get in the kitchen sometimes,” I offered.
A genuine smile rose on his lips and he thanked me, but declined the offer, saying he would figure it out on his own. He pushed himself to a standing position. “Well, this is getting a bit too Dr. Phil for my liking, so I’m going to head over and get me some more catfish. Do you need anything?” he asked. I shook my head and watched him walk away.
“Oh thank God, you’re still alive,” muttered a voice next to me. I turned as Tristan slid into Sam’s seat.
“What are you doing here?” I’m so happy you’re here. I like when you’re here. Ask me the kissing question again.
“Well,” he began to explain. “When a friend goes on a date with Stalker Sam, it’s your responsibility to check in on that friend.”
Friend.
I’d been friend-zoned. Ask me the kissing question! Please.
“And since when are you the responsible friend?” I asked, playing nonchalant about the fact that my stomach was doing cartwheels and somersaults while unicorns and kittens danced around inside of me.
“Since about…” He glanced down at the invisible watch on his right wrist. “Five seconds ago. It sounded like fun to come and watch you and Sam make complete fools of each other.” He tapped his fingers against his kneecaps, avoiding eye contact with me.
Oh my gosh…
He was jealous.
I wouldn’t mock him about it, though. “Dance with me?” I asked.
When his hand reached out for mine, my heart skipped a beat. I placed my hand in his and he led us to the dance floor. He spun me around once before pulling me closer to his body. My breaths were short and fast as I stared into his eyes. What are you thinking, stormy eyes? He stood inches over me, never letting his hold on me falter. I could feel the eyes of every person in the place staring at us. I could almost hear their judgments, their whispers.
My head lowered, my stare falling to the ground. I felt his finger lift my chin and he forced my stare to meet his, which was fine. I liked looking at him and I liked the way he looked at me. Even though I wasn’t certain what it meant—the two of us staring at each other the way we were.
“You lied to me,” I said.
“Never.”
“You did.”
“I’m not a liar.”
“But you lied.”
“About what?”
“The white feathers. I saw the receipt for them. You said you found them at Mr. Henson’s shop.”
He chuckled and frowned. “I might have lied to you about that.”
I leaned in closer to his lips, seconds away from kissing him, seconds away from our first kiss where he was him, and I was me.
My hands fell against his chest and I could feel his heartbeats against my touch. I could almost see his soul within his eyes. The song stopped, but we stayed close, our breathing patterns matching each other’s. Our breaths heavy and nervous. Excited and scared. His thumb ran alongside my neck, and he stepped in closer. I liked how close he was. I feared how close he was. He tilted his head slightly as he gave me the smallest crooked smile, staring at me as if he was promising to never look away.
They all warned me about Tristan, begging me to stay away. ‘He’s an asshole, he’s wild, and he’s broken, Liz,’ they would say. ‘He’s nothing but the ugly scars of his yesterdays,’ they swore.
But what they didn’t see, what they chose to ignore was the fact that I was also a little wild, a bit crazy, and completely shattered too.
I was damaged goods at best.
But when I was with him, at least I remembered to breathe.
“Mind if we switch partners?” A familiar voice interrupted me from falling into Tristan’s taste. I looked up to see Tanner smiling toward me with Faye in his arms.
I smiled, even though I kind of wanted to frown. “Of course.”
As Tanner took my hand, Tristan took Faye’s. I missed him even though he was only a few steps away from me.
“Don’t look so disappointed,” Tanner said, pulling me close to him. “I know I have two left feet, but I can still move my hips pretty well,” he joked.
“I happen to remember a certain holiday party where you won the award for the best worst dancer.”
He crinkled up his nose. “I still think that my shopping cart dance should’ve won the best dancer, but with your husband as the judge, I knew I would be screwed over.”
I laughed. “The shopping cart. How did that one go again?”
With two steps back, Tanner started pretending that he was pushing a shopping cart and placing items into said shopping cart. He then started to invisibly place his items on a check-out lane where he scanned his food and bagged it up. I couldn’t stop laughing. He smirked and moved back to me, falling into our much slower and easier dance routine.
“Perfect. You really should’ve won the best dancer that night.”
“Right?!” He bit his bottom lip. “I was screwed.”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure there are plenty of holiday parties in the future that you can reclaim your victory.”
He nodded in agreement and combed my hair behind my ear. “God. I missed you, Liz.”
“I missed you, too. Gosh, I’ve missed everyone. It just feels good to…feel again.”
“Yeah. Man, that has to be great. So this is the point where I clear my throat and take a leap of faith, asking you if you want to maybe get dinner with me at some point.”
“Dinner?” I asked, taken back by his question. “Like a date?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tristan dancing with Faye.
“Well, not like a date. But an actual date. Me and you. I know this probably seems weird and all but—”
“I’m kind of seeing someone, Tanner.”
His face dropped, confusion in his stare. “Seeing someone?” He stood straighter, uttering his fogged mind. “Are you seeing Sam? I know you two came together, but I didn’t think he was your type. I didn’t think—”
“It’s not Sam.”
“It’s not?” His stare moved across the room, landing on Tristan and Faye. When he looked back at me, the playfulness I’d seen moments before was gone. All color was drained from his face, where a new vibrant irritation now existed. “Tristan Cole?! You’re seeing Tristan Cole?!” he whisper-shouted. I cringed. I wasn’t exactly seeing Tristan. I truly had no clue how he even felt about me, but I knew I had these feelings for him—and I couldn’t ignore them much longer.
“You come back to town and you pick the absolute worst person to start dating.”
“He’s not as terrible as everyone thinks.”
“You’re right, he’s even worse.”
“Tanner.” I placed my hands against his chest. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t mean to feel whatever it is I’m feeling for him, but you can’t help who you fall for.”
“Yes. You can. Tristan and Mr. Henson are not the kinds of people you want to be associated with.”
“What’s your problem with Mr. Henson’s shop anyway? Mr. Henson is one of the kindest men I’d ever met.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re wrong, Liz. And I’m terrified that Tristan is going to hurt you.”
“He won’t.” He didn’t believe me. He somehow convinced himself that the idea of me and Tristan was a terrible thing. Just like the rest of the town. “Tanner, he won’t. Now, come on,” I said, pulling him closer to me, feeling how stiff his body was. “Just dance with your friend and stop worrying so much about me.”
“I’m worried about your heart, Liz. After Steven, you were destroyed. I don’t want your heart to get broken again.”
Oh, Tanner.
I lay my head against his chest, and he combed his fingers through my hair. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“And if you’re not?”
“Well, I guess I’ll just need you to hug me sometimes.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tristan
“I do
n’t think we have properly met,” Faye said as we danced together. “So you’re the penis that’s been inside my best friend’s vagina.”
Well, that’s one way of putting it. “And you’re the highly inappropriate best friend.”
She smiled wide. “That’s me. So listen, this is the part where I tell you if you hurt Liz, I will kill you.”
I laughed. “She and I are just friends.”
“You’re kidding, right? Jesus. The two of you are two of the dumbest human beings on the planet. You honestly can’t tell that my best friend is falling for you?”
“What?”
“Look at her!” Faye said, glancing at Elizabeth. “She can’t take her eyes off of us, because she’s terrified that you might make me laugh, or I might touch your balls, or the wind might blow your penis into my mouth!”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh my freaking gosh, do I really have to spell it out for you? She’s jealous, Tristan!”
“Of us?”
“Of anyone and everyone who looks at you.” Faye grew sober. “Just, be easy with her, okay? Don’t break her heart. It’s already in a million pieces.”
“Don’t worry.” I shrugged. “So is mine.” My eyes locked with Tanner, who was giving me a hard stare. “What about him? Is he jealous and secretly in love with me too?”
Faye stared at Tanner with a look of distaste. “No. He just hates your guts.”
“Why?”
“Because for some reason Liz chose you over him. Can you keep a secret?”
“Probably not, no.”
She smiled. “Oh well, I guess I can’t either because I’m about to tell it to you. The night before Liz and Steven’s wedding, Tanner came stumbling over to Liz’s place. Luckily I answered the door and Liz was sleeping, but he told me that Liz was making a big mistake, that she should’ve been marrying him and not Steven.”
“He’s been in love with her all this time?”
“Love, lust, I don’t know, wanting what you can’t have? Anyway, it’s probably killing him that when she finally came back to town, she didn’t even bat her eyes at him once. He probably had his mind made up that Liz would finally pick him; what a blow to the ballsack when she came back and picked the biggest asshole there was.” She paused and smiled. “No offense.”
“Some taken.”
I swung her around once and pulled her close to me. “For the record, though.” Faye’s grin switched wider. “I don’t think you’re a complete jerk anymore, so in a few weeks we are having a birthday party for Liz and you’re invited. It’s just going to be about getting her to dance on bar counters and be free from the mind demons that take over her for a little while, and I am giving you full permission to touch her vagina that night.”
I laughed. “That’s really kind of you.”
“What can I say?” She smirked. “I’m a solid friend.”
After the dance with Faye, I found a seat in the back corner of the room and tried to absorb everything I’d been told. I watched Elizabeth talking to Sam before she hugged him and he headed out of the building. I guessed their night together was over. Good. When Elizabeth walked over, I couldn’t even deny the way my heart skipped.
“It looked like you and Faye were getting along well,” she said, sitting beside me.
“The same could be said about you and Tanner,” I replied.
“That’s not the same. Tanner and I are just friends. So what… Did she ask you to have sex with her? I bet you said yes. But I don’t think you should with all the issues you’re dealing with.” She bit her bottom lip. “But did she ask you?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her sassy expression. “Is that a real question?”
“I’m just saying, I don’t think sticking your penis inside a woman is a great way to cope with the stress of your life.”
“But isn’t that what you and I were doing?” I argued.
“And it didn’t work out too well, did it?”
Faye was right. Clarity filled my head as I took in Elizabeth’s features. Her face was flushed and she kept running her hands against her legs. Our gaze met. I edged my chair closer to her and placed her legs in between mine. Leaning in toward her, I whispered, “I get it now.”
I watched a sigh roll from her lips as she studied our proximity. “Get what?”
“You’re jealous.”
She huffed loudly and laughed. “Jealous? Don’t be ridiculous, Narcissus.”
Giving her a soft, therapist tone, I took her hands into mine. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s completely normal to at some point develop feelings for one’s neighbor. Why would you think that’s ridiculous?”
She yanked her hands from mine and it took everything in me to not crack up laughing in her face at how red she was turning. “Why? You want all the reasons why? Well, for starters, lately you haven’t shaven and you look like a lumberjack, which is repulsive. With your beanie hat and your thick beard, I’m semi-surprised you’re not wearing plaid. Do you even shower?”
“I shower. If you want, we could go back to my place and shower together to save water.”
“Look at you being an environmental activist and all.”
“Not really. I just love making you wet.” Her cheeks blushed as I studied the few freckles dappling her face. She was so damn beautiful. “Plus,” I said, trying to break my thoughts away from the fact that I was feeling for her everything I hoped she was feeling for me. “I saw the Timber app on your cell phone. You don’t have to hide your love for lumberjacks. No one’s judging you out loud. Mostly it’s silent, side-eye judgment, but really, that doesn’t even count.”
“The app was a trending topic on the side of my Facebook page, Tristan! Faye made me get it, and I was curious, that’s all!” She was getting redder and redder by the second, and my body was starting to react to being so close to hers. I wanted to press my hands against her heated cheeks to feel her warmth. I wanted to lay my fingers against her chest and feel her heart pound from nerves. I wanted to taste her lips…
“What’s the deal with you and Tanner?” I asked once more.
“I told you, he and I are just friends.”
“It looked like more from the way he held you.”
She laughed, looking at the ground. “Who’s jealous now?”
“I am.”
“What?” Her head rose, and she met my stare.
“I said I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the way his hand lay against your back. I’m jealous of the way he made you laugh. I’m jealous of the way his words filled your ears. I’m jealous that for those few moments he got to stare into those eyes, and I had to stand back and watch it all unfold.”
“What are you doing?” she said, her breaths short, confused. My lips were lingering inches away from hers. Her hands were resting against my jeans. My hands were lying against her fingers. We were so close I was almost certain she was sitting in my lap and I could hear her heartbeats.
The room around us was loud as always. People were getting drunk, people were eating, and people were discussing mediocre shit in a mediocre way. But my eyes…they were trained on her lips. On the curves of her mouth. On the color of her skin. On her.
“Tris, stop,” she whispered against my skin, but she inched her body closer. It seemed she was as confused as I was, her body going against what her mind was demanding she do.
“Tell me you don’t want this,” I begged her. Turn me away.
“It’s…I…” She was stuttering, her eyes on my mouth. Her voice was shaking, and I could hear her fears loud and clear, but somewhere within those fears and doubts was a small whisper of hope. I wanted to hold onto that as long as I could. I wanted to feel the hope she kept locked away deep in her soul. “Tristan… Do you…” She chuckled nervously and ran her fingers back and forth against her forehead. “Do you ever think of me? I mean…” Her tongue stumbled and she went silent. Her nerves were eating at her thoughts, jumbling them. “Do you ever think of me in a way that is more than
a friendship?” When she looked into my eyes, she had to see the answer. I felt her soul staring deep into mine. Her eyes were full of wondering interest and her beauty was softened by an air of mystery.
I blinked once. “Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day.”
She nodded, closing her eyes. “Me too. Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day.”
Pull away, Tristan.
Pull away, Tristan.
Pull away, Tris…
“Lizzie,” I said, pulling her closer. “I want to kiss you. The real you. The sad you. The broken you.”
“That would change things.”
She was right. It would be crossing that invisible line that was dangling right in front of us. I’d kissed her before, but that was different. That was before I started falling for her. Falling and falling hard. I exhaled the breath I’d been holding and felt her do the same against my skin. “And what would happen if I didn’t kiss you?”
“I would hate you a little,” she said softly as I rested my lips millimeters away from hers. “I would hate you a lot.”
My lips pressed into hers as she arched her back and grabbed my T-shirt, pulling me closer. A light moan left her as I slid my tongue into her mouth and made love to her tongue. She kissed me hard, almost sliding into my lap, almost giving me all of her. “I want you to let me in,” she muttered against me. It took everything in me to not wrap my arms around her and take her back to my house and explore every inch of her body. I wanted to feel her wrapped around me. I wanted to feel myself deep inside her. I tugged on her bottom lip and she kissed me gently before pulling away. “I want to know who you are, Tristan. I want to know where you go when you get lost in your mind. I want to know what makes you shout in your dreams. I want to see the darkness in you that you fight daily to keep hidden. Can you do something for me?” she asked.
“Anything.”
Her hands fell to my heart, and she watched my inhales and exhales against her fingertips. “Show me the part of you that you try to keep buried. Show me where it hurts the most. I want to see your soul.”