CHAPTER 24
“No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.” Francois Mocuriac
Elizabeth stood at her locker wondering how she was possibly going to cram her textbooks and notebooks from every class in her backpack. She had been back at school for one full week, a review week before finals.
“I need a coffee,” blurted out Kate stopping at Elizabeth’s locker.
Elizabeth zipped her backpack, picked up the rest of her books and slammed her locker shut. “We go through this when finals come around every year. No food or drink in the library.”
Kate frowned holding her new Michael Kors leather bag. “I always drink coffee in the library.”
It was only Monday and Elizabeth was starting to feel the stress of finals. She was already accepted to Duke, but she knew slacking off was not an option. “You get kicked out every time you sneak it in. Everyone can smell your coffee. It’s so obvious.”
“I need it though. I get bored studying; guys don’t talk to me when we’re there. Besides, you drink water at the library.”
“Water doesn’t smell.”
“Yeah it does. It smells like water.”
Elizabeth looked at Kate, confused by her friend’s sudden stupidity. Coffee was Kate’s thing, like food was Angela’s thing and water was Elizabeth’s thing. “If it makes you feel better, you should get your coffee. I’m gonna go straight to the library so I can start studying and Angela doesn’t think we’ve been kidnapped.”
Elizabeth pulled into the crowded library parking lot a few minutes later. She cursed herself for taking so long after school as she drove up and down the full aisles looking for a space to park in. After finding a spot in the last row, Elizabeth trotted across the parking lot with her backpack and books in tote. She headed across the library to the study tables trying to locate where Angela was. The tables were full, with high school students getting a head start on exams.
“There you are,” said Angela. “I was getting worried.”
“I was having a silent meltdown at my locker. Where are you sitting?”
“I actually found an empty study room. I got here a minute before the crowd.”
“You’re a genius,” complimented Elizabeth. She followed Angela around the corner to the first study room, set her books and back pack on the brown wood table and sank into the black high backed desk chair. “How is the studying coming?”
“Don’t stress me out,” warned Angela. “I just sat down like ten minutes ago and got up three minutes ago to go to the bathroom.”
“That bad?”
“At what point are we supposed to begin to suffer from senioritis? I swear I’ve had it all year. Combine that with the ever confusing process of choosing an institute for higher education and a major to determine a career for the rest of my life and I’m stressed to the max.”
“That’s a lot to consider,” said Elizabeth. “I’ve always known what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go to college. I just worried about getting in. I’m sorry that you feel so stressed out.”
“Do you think that people from North Carolina automatically apply to schools in North Carolina?”
“Well, I think that’s probably true because we hear more about schools that are close to us. I would think that’s true about most people in any state, though, considering the size. California has the most colleges of any state. Vermont has the most colleges per capita. Cambridge has the most colleges per city.”
“That’s great,” said Angela rolling her eyes. “I’ll be sure to remember the answers if that ever comes up in Trivial Pursuit.”
“I’m sorry,” apologized Elizabeth. “North Carolina isn’t just Charlotte. Heck, we’re practically in South Carolina. Just promise me that wherever you go you’ll come home for all major holidays.”
Angela began reading her notes. Elizabeth opened her Government text book and started on Chapter one. Three pages in, Kate bounded into the study room with her coffee. “They still have peppermint mocha!” Neither Elizabeth nor Angela responded to Kate. “Did you hear me?”
“Yes,” snapped Angela. “But, we’re not drinking coffee, so clearly we don’t care.”
“That was rude,” Kate said.
“Kate, I’m glad they have your favorite flavor,” Elizabeth calmly said to her friend. “Please take out your books or sit quietly because we are trying to study.”
“Fine. And, pumpkin spice is my favorite.”
Elizabeth put on her headphones, turned her iPod on to Young Jeezy’s “The Inspiration” album and buried her head in her Government textbook. When she finished reading Chapter three and looked at the time. She had been there a little over an hour and had rolled through the first three chapters of the text. She opened her notebook to review her notes, when she noticed both Angela and Kate were no longer sitting at the table. She stepped out of the room visually searching for her friends, when she noticed Jack sitting at one of the tables with some of his friends. Elizabeth waived at him and walked back into the room, this time taking a seat on the edge of the wooden table.
Elizabeth stretched her arms high above her head and then to each side. Her neck was sore from reading for an hour without moving. The room suddenly became hot. Elizabeth took off her navy V-neck uniform sweater unbuttoned the top two buttons of her white polyester blouse. The top of her white tank top was now visible. Jack walked into the private study room smiling.
“What?” she asked smiling back.
“We’re alone,” he whispered standing directly in front of her. He rubbed her leg as he moved closer, their bodies touching.
Elizabeth’s could feel her stomach somersaulting as Jack brushed her cheek with his hand and held her waist with his other hand. “We’re alone a lot,” she mumbled.
“It’s different this time,” he responded leaning towards her neck. Instinctively, Elizabeth turned her head allowing him to continue teasing her. She wrapped her legs high around his waist. Jack lightly began kissing her neck. His lips were electric, sending a shock through her body. He moved to her ear. Elizabeth moaned for more.
“I love you,” she exhaled leaning back on the desk. She reached up to pull him on her but instead hit the floor hard.
“I love you?” laughed Kate. “That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”
Confused, Elizabeth looked up from the floor. Angela and Kate were sitting at the table laughing. “I…I…”
“You fell asleep and had some sort of X-rated dream,” laughed Angela. “We know who it was about to, you little denier.”
Elizabeth shook her head in embarrassment. “No…no…you don’t know…”
“Jack,” said Kate.
“So what?” defended Elizabeth.
“No, he’s here,” mumbled Angela.
“Am I interrupting?” asked Jack, standing in the doorway. Elizabeth jumped up. Her face immediately blushed. Her knees shook as she tried to find the right words to say. “What were you doing on the floor?”
“She was tired,” said Kate coming to her rescue. “We were just giving her crap about sleeping on the floor.”
Jack nodded. “I see.” He turned towards Elizabeth. “When do you want to study for Calculus?” Elizabeth couldn’t stop herself from staring at him. Jack’s lips were smooth, full and perfect. “Are you okay?”
Her trance was broken. “I probably need to eat something. We can study for Calculus any time this weekend. I’ll either be here or at home.”
“Your face is really red,” noticed Jack. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Nick and I were just about to leave to get something to eat. Why don’t you guys come with us?”
“I really should get back to studying,” Elizabeth said promptly.
“I’m starving,” Angela said over her. “We’re coming.”
“No,
” Elizabeth blurted out. Her friends all turned towards her. She could feel the palms of her hands begin to sweat. There was nothing worse than trying too hard to hide feelings that were suddenly becoming overly obvious. “I didn’t mean that.”
“I’m gonna go talk to Nick,” said Kate, on her way out of the room.
Elizabeth sat down and started packing her books up. Jack took a seat in the chair next to her. She could see him watching her out of the corner of her eye only it felt as though he was examining her through a microscope. Elizabeth willed herself to stop thinking about Jack. She tried to shove another text book into her already full back pack causing her notebook to slide off the table.
“I got it,” Jack said leaning over to pick it up. Elizabeth’s hands were shaking. Jack put the textbook next to her backpack. “Is this weirdness about Bob?”
Elizabeth saw Angela look up from her Spanish book and she inhaled deeply. “Is what about Bob?”
“This. You’re acting nervous. I heard he was going to try to get back with you after finals and knowing Bob he probably said something already.”
“I haven’t talked to him since the party,” responded Elizabeth. “I’m not getting back together with him.”
“I wouldn’t judge you if you did.”
“Good because friends shouldn’t judge each other.”
Kate walked back in the study room. “Nick wants steak and I want a burger.” Angela grabbed her backpack and darted out of the room. “Yeah, so, just come out when you’re ready,” said Kate following Angela out of the room.
“Are you tripping because of finals?” Jack asked.
Elizabeth felt like her head was going to explode. “We can tell each other stuff, right?”
“You already know you can tell me anything.” Elizabeth wanted to tell Jack about her bizarre dream. The very room they were sitting in had been the scene of a romantic encounter she had unintentionally imagined, vividly. She tried to come up with the right words to tell him, so he would know there were no feelings behind the dream but when she looked deep in his eyes, she was hardly convinced that was true anymore. “Are you still cutting yourself?”
Elizabeth shook her head. “No, not for a while.”
“Look, I know I didn’t really say anything at the party or after about the head banging thing but you just can’t go around hurting yourself when you’re upset.”
“I know,” agreed Elizabeth. “I don’t expect you to understand. I’ve really been doing well. I promise. It’s just that party was supposed to be fun and Bob was just a jerk from the minute I saw him. And, then, I saw him with Jamie and I just did it.”
“I don’t think that most people go around doing things to intentionally hurt someone else. I just think that most people make choices based on what they want because we can all be selfish, some more than others. The hurting people, that part is just an unfortunate consequence. Bob didn’t cheat on you to hurt you. Bob cheated on you because he wanted to hook up and you wouldn’t do it. Jamie was his best option. Hurting you was a result of his selfishness.”
“Have you ever cheated on someone?”
Jack nodded. “I cheated on Jamie last year with a freshman.”
Elizabeth wasn’t surprised to hear Jack be so candid. Jamie Johnson didn’t seem like a girl most guys would consider cheating on. “Did she find out?” Jack shook his head. “Why’d you do it? Do you think cheating is okay?”
“Wow, slow down,” he laughed. “I think cheating’s wrong. I believe that people should embrace being single and live it up. We’re too young to be tied to down one person. If we really like someone, then giving up freedom is a choice we make. With me, when it came down to it, I didn’t really care about Jamie enough. Obviously, I didn’t want to get caught, but if she would have found out, I wouldn’t have cared. She doesn’t know and I didn’t do it to hurt her. I wanted two hot girls because I could have them.”
Elizabeth knew the key word that Jack used was “hot”. Physically, Jack was a ten plus. He could have any girl he wanted. The color of her skin or his skin didn’t matter. She could be tall or short, thin or muscular. Jack Bennett had the type of eyes a girl could get lost in. He was able to make a girl feel safe with his strong arms. He could make her feel loved with his smile.
“I’ve never.”
“Never had sex?”
“No, I’ve done that. Well, not really. I mean I have but not with Bob. Or really anyone since the first time, well it was more than once, but it was one person, one guy, and it’s just…”
“You don’t have to explain,” he interrupted. “Explaining sounds like you’re justifying your choices and you don’t need to do that with me. It doesn’t matter if you’re slept with one person or one hundred people. It won’t change the way I feel about you or our friendship.”
“It’s just that I don’t think it should define a person or a relationship.”
“But it’s fun.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Yeah,” she agreed. “It’s fun.”
“Come on,” said Jack standing up. “Let’s hug it out.” Elizabeth smiled as he pulled her out of the chair and wrapped his arms around her.
“Are you guys okay?” asked Nick now standing in the doorway. “You’ve been in here forever.”
“Yeah,” Jack answered letting go of Elizabeth. “We’re good. Just give us a minute.” Nick nodded and stepped away. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “I’m good.”
“Look, this is gonna sound bad and I don’t mean it to sound bad but it’s the truth.” She cracked a smile not wanting to hear what came next. “I don’t give a shit. I don’t care about people and I don’t care what they do.” Elizabeth swallowed hard. “People’s business is of no concern of mine and my business is of no concern to them.” Jack was right, it was harsh. Elizabeth took a step back and reached down for her back pack. She wanted to run out of the library as fast as she could and scream. “But if I care…when I care…I’m gonna do what I can for my friends because I care what happens to them. That’s the difference between you and Jamie. I don’t give a shit about Jamie and I could care less about what the hell she does. People might think I’m a jerk or whatever because of it. But, you’ve been a good friend to me and I’m gonna show you the same, because I do care. People like Jamie won’t understand that. So, don’t worry about her or Bob or anyone else. Worry about yourself. You need to stop. You need to do whatever you need to do to stop. If you need to talk to someone, like a professional person, then you should do it. But you have to stop.”
“Okay,” she agreed without giving it another thought.
“Really?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’ll stop. I promise.”
“So, we can throw away all your pencil sharpeners, band aids or anything you use to harm yourself or fix yourself?”
“Yeah. We can throw it all away.”
“Elizabeth, I’m serious about this. You can’t hit yourself or smash your head against any walls.” Jack hugged her again, this time harder. “Promise you’ll tell me if you can’t do it. We’ll get help. We’ll figure this out.” She nodded against his chest, the beat of his heart drawing her in. Out of nowhere, Jack whispered something that she never expected to hear. “If we ever dated, I’d never cheat on you. You deserve so much better than that. Bob is a fool.”