Elizabeth didn’t recognize the long dark hallway she was walking down. The white linoleum floor was soft beneath her oversized boots. She continued to walk towards the light, passing wooden doors on both sides of her.
Elizabeth pushed open the door at the end of the hallway, walking out into a courtyard. The cold air immediately hit her face, but the first thing she noticed was the snow blowing around the air. A couple sat on a metal bench straight ahead. “Where am I?” she asked the couple. They didn’t respond or seem to notice her so she continued to walk as the snow crunched below her feet until she came to an archway. Every bone in her body was now chilled as the inches of snow multiplied around her. People walked by with white sweatshirts and backpacks.
She continued to walk until the snow came up so high she could no longer move. Elizabeth tried to wiggle free, but the more she moved the higher the snow piled. “Help!” she called out. People continued to walk right by as though she was invisible. She started shoveling the snow away from her body with her hands. Elizabeth’s fingers were freezing as she dug.
“There he is,” someone called out into the snowy storm. Elizabeth squinted her eyes trying to see through the falling snowflakes. It the distance, Jack Bennett stood holding a football as a crowd began to form around him chanting “Heisman”. The wind whipped against her frozen face. She moved her arms to start shoveling again but she couldn’t move. The snow was up to her shoulders. Elizabeth screamed for Jack to help her but he couldn’t hear her. The icy snow crept up her face until she was completely buried.
“NO!” she screeched sitting up. Her blanket completely surrounded her head and Elizabeth tore it off in a fury gasping for air. Dreams can take people anywhere. They allow people to be anybody. They give people the ability to do anything, yet
Elizabeth was unable to control the actions or choose the surroundings because in her dream the mind completely takes over. Elizabeth moved to the front of her bed and reached down to pull an unopened bottle of water out of her backpack. The water was room temperature, but just as quenching as she swallowed. She could feel her hair sticking to her face and beads of sweat developing from her forehead.
Elizabeth opened her window to take in the cool January air. She slumped back onto the edge of her bed and stared at Jack’s room through her open window. The fading sun reflected on the glass window. Elizabeth was drawn to its orange glow. She noticed Jack roll over on his bed. She wanted to talk to him but he looked so peaceful. Her friendship with Jack was like a drug addiction. Kate and Angela were her longtime friends. They would do anything for her. But, it wasn’t the same as having the security that Jack provided her. The depth of their friendship existed in a world that nobody else could enter or possibly understand. Elizabeth ran her fingers through her hair and smiled to herself.
She had been staring at him for so long that she barely moved when he woke up, turned on his lights and opened his window. “Earth to loser,” he shouted out his window. “Are you creepin’ on me?”
Elizabeth laughed. “Yeah, so what?”
“That’s weird, that’s what.”
She wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed. “I was bored.”
Jack smiled. “It’s still weird. You should make it up to me.”
Elizabeth bit her lower lip and smiled back. She walked over to the window. “How so?”
“I’m hungry,” suggested Jack. “What’s for dinner?”
“Honestly?” asked Elizabeth. “P.B. and J.”
“With strawberry preserves and crunchy peanut butter?”
She shook her head. “Grape jelly and creamy peanut butter.”
“That’s disgusting. You’re eighteen and you don’t know how to make a proper basic sandwich.”
“Your idea of a basic sandwich is crap.”
“I want pasta. Can you boil water?”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Yes. You’re a little demanding.”
“You were staring at me in my sleep!” he laughed. “I think a big bowl of chicken pasta will make me forget about that. I’ll get the stuff and you cook.”
“Elizabeth.” Bob was walking up the driveway. “Can I talk to you?”
She looked over at Jack. He took a step away from the window and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” answered Elizabeth.”
“I just want to talk to you and apologize for what happened at the party.”
“Bob, there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Can you just please come down and talk to me?” She looked at Jack again. He was still standing a foot away from the window staring at her. “Why are you looking at him?”
“I’m…”
“I get it, Jack,” said Bob now looking at him. “She’s beautiful, smart, funny and loyal. I know that you want to protect her but I also know that a part of you wants to keep her for yourself because she’d do anything for you.” Jack was still staring at her. “We both know that you’re being selfish. The problems between you and me have nothing to do with her. We both care about her but only one of us loves her. And, that’s me. Stop trying to control her life.”
Elizabeth could see it in Jack’s eyes. He was agreeing with Bob. There wasn’t sadness or darkness. There was no happiness or joy. He was apologetic. But, for what? Why did Jamie and Bob question Jack’s friendship with her? She was determined to get some answers. “I’ll be right down,” said Elizabeth. She walked to the front door. Bob was waiting for her on the porch when she opened the door. He walked in and headed straight to the family room.
“I’m sorry I interrupted your conversation about dinner with Jack,” he said standing in front of the fireplace. He picked up a picture of Elizabeth off the mantel. “I know how much he means to you. Anyways, I owe you an apology. I assumed that you would have come to the party earlier, as my girlfriend. It should have been us going to dinner, before the party. I thought that night was going to be really special for us.”
“I wasn’t going to have sex with you. You knew that.”
“Fine, I knew that. It’s not just about sex, Elizabeth. You won’t let me in, physically or emotionally. I try. It’s like you’re holding out for something better.”
Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest. She was holding out for something better. She wanted someone who listened to her, not someone who talked over her. She wanted someone who supported her, not someone that tried to change her future plans. “That’s not true,” she lied. “I just don’t feel that we’re good together. We don’t have anything in common and…”
“What do you have in common with Jack?” interrupted Bob.
“Bob, this has nothing to do with Jack. You can’t compare a relationship to a friendship.”
“I can when the friendship is getting in the way of my relationship.”
“Just leave,” she said frustrated. “We’re never going to see eye to eye on this.”
“I need to tell you the truth and I think you’re going to be mad.”
She shook her head. “Tell me the truth about what?”
Bob sighed. She noticed his hands trembling slightly. “It’s not a coincidence you became friends with Jack after all this time.”
Elizabeth swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
“I asked Jack to become friends with you so I could get to know you. It was the easiest plan. He needed help with Calculus. I knew you’d help him because he’s popular and good looking and quite frankly, you’re too nice. He woke you up that night so you would start to trust him.” Elizabeth stood up abruptly and Bob grabbed her by the arms. “I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I’m so jealous of your friendship to him. I just need you in my life. Please, just give me another chance. You won’t regret it.”
“There’s nothing to be jealous of,” mumbled Elizabeth.
“Y
ou’ve got someone here, Elizabeth,” said Bob. “I’m someone who wants to make things all right and someone who loves you more than life, standing right here.”
Elizabeth sighed. Relationships were complicated and Elizabeth was no expert at making them uncomplicated. She pulled herself free from Bob’s grip and walked around the room in a circle as he stared at her. So what if Jack had initially started talking to her as a favor to Bob, they were certainly friends at this point. Bob had done both of them a favor. If it wasn’t for him, Elizabeth and Jack may have never developed a friendship. Elizabeth continued walking. Bob was wrong for her. He was selfish, impatient, and most of all, he wasn’t capable of listening to her. She began to bite on her fingernails while she thought. Bob was also safe because she knew she could never stand to really like him.
“Okay,” she blurted out suddenly wondering if she was still going to cook dinner for Jack. “I’m really tired and I’m sorry I don’t feel like talking about this right now. But, you should know that I listened to everything you said and I do forgive you but I’m not...”
Bob leapt over the coffee table and pulled Elizabeth close, harder than she had ever been held before. Bob leaned in and she slowly gave in as he kissed her passionately. “That was the most perfect kiss,” he admired before kissing her again. Elizabeth didn’t feel a hint of electricity, an ounce of enjoyment, or a flicker of excitement. He ran his hands over her body as she tensed up. “Just relax,” he whispered kissing her neck. “Can we go upstairs?”
“No!” she answered pushing him gently away from her. “You didn’t let me finish. I don’t want to get back together with you.” Bob stood there dumbfounded. “And, I have plans.”
“Can’t you cancel them? We just need to keep talking and kissing and this will all work out for us.”
She turned her face away from his. “I didn’t know you were coming over. I’m not cancelling. We can maybe talk another time if you still want to.”
“Promise you’ll call me tomorrow?” he urged.
Elizabeth nodded. Bob kissed her good-bye on the cheek and headed out the front door. She ran to the living room window to watch him leave and waited a minute after he left before running next-door. Elizabeth rang the doorbell and patiently waited for an answer. Mrs. Bennett opened the door smiling.
“Come in,” greeted Latasha. Elizabeth followed her and stepped inside the well lit home. “Jack stepped out to get something to eat but he should be back soon if you want to wait.”
“Thanks,” she said trying to hide her disappointment. “I actually came over to see if he wanted to get food. I’ll talk to him later.”
“You’re welcome to have some leftovers. I made Roger some roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans. We have plenty.”
Elizabeth forced a smile. “That sounds good but I don’t want to impose.”
“You’re not imposing,” admitted Latasha. “Jack said he wanted chicken and pasta. In two days when the roast beef is gone, he’ll say he wants roast beef. I just cook what I want and if he doesn’t want to eat it, he can figure something else out. Come on, I’ll fix you up a plate and you can take it home and sit in front of the television like all you kids do these days.”
Elizabeth turned on the television in the family room and sank into the leather couch. The thick paper plate Mrs. Bennett had given her felt like it weighed a pound. She had a small bowl for salad, a full plate of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and cornbread. She picked at the delicious home cooked meal while flipping through the channels looking for something that would hold her interest for more than a few minutes.
She finally got up after eating a quarter of the meal and headed to the refrigerator for mint chocolate chip ice cream. Elizabeth wasn’t a big eater but she could put down ice cream, powdered sugar donuts, cheese pizza and corn like a world champ eater. She carried the gallon tub back to the couch with a silver spoon sticking out of her mouth.
Just as Elizabeth was shoveling a spoon full of ice cream in her mouth, she was startled by the site of Jack Bennett taking a seat on the couch next to her. He reached over and slowly pulled the spoon out of her mouth and ate the rest of the ice cream off the silver utensil.
“That’s disgusting,” frowned Elizabeth. Jack smiled, dipped it in the container and shoved it back in her mouth. She swallowed the large bite. “Now, that’s really disgusting.”
“Is that my mom’s dinner?” he asked pointing to the coffee table.
She nodded. “I thought I was cooking dinner for you, so I came over. Your mom said you were out and gave me some food.”
Jack scratched is head. “You were with your boyfriend.”
“I had plans with you first,” she defended. “Besides, he’s not my boyfriend.”
“It’s all good. I had Wendy’s,” said Jack changing the channels on the flat screen television.
“Oh,” she answered knowing that fast food was better than anything she could have cooked. “If you thought I was with Bob, why did you just walk in my house?” Jack tapped the remote against his knee and glanced at Elizabeth grinning. She was instantly frustrated. “Tell me,” she demanded.
“I wasn’t thinking,” he sneered.
“That’s crap. Were you scared there was something he was going to tell me?”
“Like what?” he questioned.
“Like, why we’re friends?” Jack’s smirk disappeared. He looked at her, expressionless. “Is there anything you want to say about that?”
“What’s to say Elizabeth?” he stood up abruptly. “How many times are we going to keep going through this? We should have been friends sooner, but maybe we wouldn’t have appreciated each other as much if we were. There is no definition to our friendship. I think you’re cool. I like talking to you. I enjoy your company. That’s all there is.”
“Please don’t get all defensive.”
“How can I not be defensive when you’re coming at me like that?”
“Bob said…”
“What did he say?” interrupted Jack. “Actually, I don’t care what he said. If you want to take the word of an arrogant asshole over me, be my guest. I have nothing to prove. I’m outta here.”
“Wait!” Elizabeth leaped off the couch after him. “That’s not fair!’
Jack turned suddenly. She ran into him and fell to the floor. “I’m sorry,” he said reaching down to help her up. Tears filled her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m not coming after you,” she sniffled. “I did believe him, but it didn’t make a difference. I just wanted to hear you say it.”
Jack squeezed Elizabeth tightly against himself. “Don’t you see what they’re doing? They hate our friendship. Jamie, Bob, all of them. They don’t understand it and they make up all these excuses so they can sleep better at night. It’s just like when your mom thought you were pregnant. It was the only reason she could come up with as to why you would possibly be talking to your black neighbor after all these years. I don’t want to have to come up with explanations about our friendship. There doesn’t have to be a ‘why’ to this equation. You plus me equals friends. That’s it. Period. End of discussion.”
Elizabeth buried her head against his black Pittsburgh Steelers sweatshirt. Jack was right. He shouldn’t have to defend their friendship to his friends and certainly not to her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“You’re so fragile,” he said before kissing the top of her head. “And, you smell like sun tan lotion.”
“Coconut shampoo and pineapple and hibiscus lotion.”
“I take that back. You’re fragile and weird.” She laughed into his sweatshirt. “And, that tickles,” he lightly pushed back.
Elizabeth looked up at Jack, her green eyes glowing. “Will you stay with me?”
He took a step backwards and turned his back to her. “I
can’t.”
“Why not?” her voice cracked.
Jack put his hands on the front door and leaned into them. He became motionless, a human statue molded into the rectangular frame of the door. Elizabeth, feeling alone and defeated slowly walked into the dark living room and sank into the floral sofa. She wasn’t sure if he was waiting for her to speak again or if he was struggling to find the right words to her answer. The silence was unbearable.
After several minutes, she quietly made her way to the stairs, paused, hoping he would stop her, and then continued, determined to not be crying when he decided to walk out the door. Leaving her door cracked, she climbed into her warm bed without changing her clothes, brushing her teeth, washing her face, or closing her curtains. Clutching her duvet cover, she listened for any sign of the front door opening and closing. Several minutes passed before she heard movement on the stairs. Confused she slid deeper into the safety of her bed.
The door creaked open. She felt herself holding her breath. He was probably coming to tell her he was leaving so she could lock the door behind him. Instead, she felt the comforter move off her shoulder, the mattress vibrated under her and his warm body came together with hers, his hand moved across her hip until it rested on her stomach. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his breath warm against her ear. His nose grazed her neck and her pulse quickened. “I just don’t understand why you’re with someone that isn’t capable of taking care of you, that isn’t giving you what you need. I don’t understand why you’d ask me to stay. What do you want from me?”
Jack’s question was valid. She needed him because she loved him. “I..I trust you,” she admitted.
“You shouldn’t trust me, Elizabeth. I’m not this great person that you think I am.”
“Yes you are!”
Jack rolled her over until she was facing him, side by side, their faces an inch from one another. “You really think so, don’t you?” he questioned.
Elizabeth nodded. She could feel his heart pounding through his chest, against hers. Her entire body was searing with electricity. He reached down and lifted her cotton shirt above her head revealing her lilac lace bra. Elizabeth could barely breathe, the intensity of what was about to happen weighing on her chest. Jack pulled his Steelers sweatshirt and undershirt off and dropped it on the floor. He slowly traced her bra strap from back to front, then underneath her arm, down her side, and across her lower stomach until he stopped at the button on her jeans.
Elizabeth bit her lip. Part of her wanted to stop him not knowing what tomorrow would bring. But, if any part of Jack wanted her, she was fully prepared to let him take her. Hesitating a moment, she put her hands over his as he opened the button. “No,” she mumbled.
Jack gently lifted her hand off of his and placed it on the mattress next to her. She could feel his eyes concentrating on her, sending her a vibe that everyone would be okay. “Do you really trust me?” She nodded. “I won’t hurt you,” he reassured. She felt like she was flying through the air.
He unzipped her jeans and tugged them off her hips revealing white nylon boy hipster panties. Elizabeth closed her eyes. Her stomach was doing back flips. She was on her bed, exposed, with a boy that wasn’t her boyfriend, yet she wasn’t afraid. She wanted to be close to Jack in the most intimate way possible, even if I it was only for a short period of time. Jack placed his hand on her thigh and softly moved his thumb back and forth over her scars. Elizabeth tried to imagine how that could be considered sexy. He moved his hand to her other thigh and repeated the moderate movement. She wanted to open her eyes but she was afraid to ruin the moment.
She felt his hot breath travel back to her stomach, her legs trembled with anticipation. He softly kissed her stomach and she suddenly realized that his mouth was on her scars. Elizabeth shot up and leaned against her headboard quickly covering up her body.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked surprised.
“You can’t do that!” she shouted. “You can’t touch my scars and act like it’s…”
“Like it’s what?”
“Like it’s a way to get me to have sex with you!” Jack let out a roar. Elizabeth was surprised that he could find anything to laugh at. A minute ago she believed they were going to have sex and now he laughing. Jack ripped the blanket out of Elizabeth’s hands. “Stop!” she screamed.
He pulled her legs until she was on her back, climbed on top of her and pulled her hands above her head. “If I wanted to have sex with you, I could,” he boasted. “You trust me. And, I think you trust me enough to have sex with me.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” she defended, embarrassed, trying to free her hands.
“Your scars aren’t that bad,” he confided. “You have a beautiful body. Don’t be ashamed of it.” Nobody, besides Bob had ever called her beautiful before.
Elizabeth turned her face way from Jack. He humiliated her. How could he have led her to believe he actually wanted her? A tear streamed down her face. She wanted him to leave. Jack released her arms. She tried to roll away from him but he pulled her close against his body, again. “You’re like my best friend. I’m sorry; I really just wanted to show you that you’re beautiful.” Before she could respond, he unhooked the clasp of her bra, removing it until she was bare. She tried to cover herself but he once again repositioned her hands off her body. He swept her dark hair behind her ear, and moved the back of his hand down her neck and over her exposed breast. She took in several shallow, nervous breaths as he caressed her. “I don’t want to blur the lines here.” She could feel the excitement build in the lower half of his body against her. “We’re just friends, right?”
She slowly nodded. Jack immediately pressed his hips against hers. Elizabeth wrapped her arms under his, pulled down on his shoulders bringing him closer. He moved his lips against hers touching every inch of her body eagerly and passionately. Suddenly he stopped; his body was shaking as he held his Elizabeth’s fragile body in his strong arms. “Are you sure?” he cautiously asked breathing heavy.
“I trust you,” she confided.
He kissed her again, this time much slower. He removed her boy shorts and then his own pants. “You don’t have to do this. We don’t have to do this. The last thing I want to do is lose your friendship.”
Elizabeth looked deep into Jack’s eyes. She wasn’t thinking about their friendship, or about Bob. The only thing she knew for sure was that somewhere between school, friendship and the complex intensity of their lives she had without a doubt fallen in love with Jack Bennett and her heart and body wanted him more than anything.