“You are so beautiful,” he said kissing her on the lips. She wasn’t sure why Bob was completely enamored with Elizabeth. He took her hand closing the front door behind her and began kissing her again, this time more passionately. He leaned down and kissed her neck. Elizabeth closed her eyes and pretended it was Jack. She began getting dizzy, letting her mind drift back to the night in her bed, when she gave herself to him. She longed for another passionate night with him, another night that would lead to the rest of their lives together.
“Do you want to go upstairs?” asked Bob still kissing her neck. She quickly snapped out of her fantasy and shook her head. Bob grabbed her waist and pulled her towards the stairs. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” It was the same fight, just a different day and Elizabeth was so tired. She slowly followed him to the second floor. At the top of the stairs he pulled her to the left, to his bedroom.
Bob leaned forward, knocking Elizabeth backwards onto his bed, quickly climbing on top of her. He was kissing her fast as he unbuttoned her sweater. Embarrassed about how she might look without clothes on because of her scars, she turned her head away from him and put her hands up defensively. Jack had never been rough with her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought this is what you wanted.”
She shivered. “Can you…I need you to…I don’t want to do this.”
“But I want to see you,” he said. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.” He started kissing her again, this time even harder. Elizabeth tried her best to slow things down but Bob was too strong for her. He started rubbing her body. “Relax,” he said. “This is no big deal. We both like each other.”
“Bob, stop. I don’t want to do this.”
“This isn’t your first time. I know you did Jack. It’s not that big of a deal. I won’t tell anyone.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. Bob reached under her dress and yanked her cotton panties off. “I know you want me,” he said smiling. Elizabeth thought about Jack, again. Jack would have stopped; he would make her feel safe. “Damn, why aren’t you into this?” Elizabeth shuddered in pain as Bob began rubbing faster. She turned her head and refused to kiss him back. This wasn’t at all what she expected. Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to go back to that night Jack made love to her. Suddenly, she felt Bob push inside her.
“That hurts,” she cried. “Please stop. You’re hurting me.”
“It’ll feel better in a minute, baby,” he said trying to push deeper. Tears fell down her face.
She thought about Jack’s brown eyes, envisioning she was in his bed. She could feel the warmth of his body surround her like a cocoon. She instantly smiled thinking about Jack Bennett, the love of her life. Why couldn’t he just love her the way she loved him?
When it was over, Elizabeth told Bob she was going to the bathroom. She ran out of the house and drove. She had no place to go, no friends to tell. It happened, in the spur of the moment, she made a decision based on her emotions for someone else rather than her intellect. She purchased a pack of cigarettes and drove to her house. Instead of getting out of the car, she packed her cigarettes and lit one. She closed her eyes and looked up at the stars in the clear night sky. She loved spring in Charlotte. She loved North Carolina.
“Elizabeth,” she heard Jack call. She opened her eyes, took another hit off her cigarette and then closed her eyes again. She could hear him talking. It was getting closer and closer. “Yeah, I’ll talk to her. Later man,” he said hanging up his cell phone. Jack got in the passenger seat of her Jeep and closed the door behind him. “Can I have one?”
He was sitting next to her. Was this the first step to heal their wounded friendship? “Help yourself,” she answered.
Jack lit the cigarette and extended his feet out the open passenger window. “Your ass of a boyfriend just called me.” Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked out her window. “He said you freaked out on him.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried not to acknowledge the inquisition she was facing. Jack didn’t know what he was talking about. Bob had crossed the line but was she at fault for going to his house? “No offense, but it’s personal.”
“When did you guys get back together?”
“What?” she asked confused. “We’re not together”
Jack pursed his lips. “Good because last week he was with…”
“Does it honestly matter? It’s not like I ever…we never had a…just leave me alone!” she screamed after fumbling with her words.
“What now, you just start taking your clothes off for anyone that wants you?”
Elizabeth was furious. “I took my clothes off for you and you didn’t want me. What I do is really none of your business.”
“You made it my business when you wrote me that e-mail out of nowhere telling me you liked me.” Elizabeth didn’t know how to respond. “Look, you confuse me.”
“Yeah, well you break promises!” she screamed shoving Jack with all her might.
“Did, he do something to you? What happened?” he grabbed her arm.
“Nothing!” she screamed pulling away from him. She got out of the car, slammed her door and made a run to her house. Jack cut her off, before she could get far. He wrapped his arms around her as she tried to fight for her freedom. She was panicking. She couldn’t breathe. It was the second time in the same night that Elizabeth could not fight to break free. They both fell to the ground. Her arm broke free and she took a swing at his face. He avoided her fist and pinned both arms to the ground.
“Stop,” he urged her. “Elizabeth, just stop I’m not going to hurt you. You can trust me.”
“Get off me!” she cried. “Don’t touch me!”
“Did he make you?”
“It’s my fault! I went over there! What did he think I wanted to do? I told him to stop. I told him it hurt. But, I went to his house. So, he didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Yes, he did. You told him to stop! He should have stopped, Elizabeth!”
“Get off me!” Elizabeth tried to push him off of her. He was more than twice her body weight. He reluctantly backed off and sat on the grass next to her as she held her hands over her face.
“I’m staying with you tonight,” said Jack.
“No, you’re not. I’m not your problem. I’m fine. I’m not going to cut myself,” she mocked standing up, brushing the grass off her dress.
“You’re not my problem, you’re my friend. I don’t think you’re going to hurt yourself. I just don’t think you’ll sleep and I know Bob, he’s not going to stop tomorrow until you talk to him. Don’t shut me out right now.”
“You’ve been shutting me out!” Elizabeth picked her purse off the front lawn. She pulled out another cigarette and lit it. “You have until I finish this cigarette to tell your mom and get anything you need from your house. And, you’re sleeping on an air mattress.”
Jack ran to his house and was back in less than two minutes. Elizabeth wasn’t sure if she was thankful or upset. The last thing she needed was to be more confused about her emotions. All she wanted was for him to hold her, to make her feel safe again. But, if Jack, her knight in shining armor saved her every time she needed saving, she would become more attached than she already was. How long could she keep him at her side? There would always be other girls and boys getting in the way. How would she ever learn to survive on her own without him always saving her?
He went up the stairs to her bedroom, while she said goodnight to her parents. She closed the door behind her. He was sitting on the chair at her desk with his elbows resting on his knees. “The air mattress is in the basement.”
“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor,” he said.
Elizabeth changed into her black pajama pants and a green tank top in her closet. Jack was still sitting in her chair when she came
out. “Do you want to use my computer?” she asked.
He shook his head. She grabbed her cigarettes, a clean coffee mug from her desk and sat down under her window. “You smoke in your room?”
“No, not usually,” she answered. “It would be rude if I left you up here and since you’re insisting on staying here tonight I don’t want to risk sneaking you up and down the stairs again.” When she was done smoking, she washed her face and brushed her teeth in the bathroom. She rubbed lotion over her arms and legs before climbing into bed. Jack grabbed a pillow off her bed and lay down on the carpet next to the side of the bed where Elizabeth was sleeping.
“I’m sorry about Bob,” he said.
“I was a fool to think I could ever keep up with the A-listers,” confessed Elizabeth. “I should have never gone out with him to begin with.”
“I’ve gone out with a lot of bitches,” said Jack. “You don’t know they suck until you’re with them. If you knew who he really was you would have never gone out with them to begin with.” Elizabeth rolled over and started crying softly. Why was she prone to make poor choices? Her life was getting back on track. Graduation was around the corner. Her friendship with Jack seemed to be dissipating, but tonight, out of nowhere, he was her friend again. Was it fate that she went to Bob’s tonight because it brought Jack back in her life? Or was Bob just a colossal mistake that should have never happened to begin with? “Are you crying?” whispered Jack.
“I fucked up everything,” she sniffled. “I fucked up our friendship. And, I fucked up tonight, and I’ve just been so stupid.”
“I’m coming up,” Jack said quietly. He got in bed and held out his arms. “Come here.” Elizabeth put her arm around his chest and squeezed him tightly. She rested her head against his arm. “I’ll take care of Bob tomorrow.”
“No, it’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” he answered calmly. “Get some sleep.”
“Jack?” she called into the darkness wiping a tear from her face.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry I fucked up our friendship.”
“You said it, not me.”