“Crazy isn't broken. It's just you ... or me ... amplified.” Girl Interrupted
“Hello?” called Elizabeth after walking through the front door.
“We’re in here!” her sister Olivia called back. Elizabeth walked into the living room where her mom had pulled out her fine china for afternoon tea. Olivia stood up and squeezed her younger sister in excitement. “You look great, Liz! Mom made it sound like you were a pale ghost from all the blood you lost.”
“It was just a few drops,” mumbled Elizabeth frustrated that her mom had already given her skewed version of the story to Olivia. Elizabeth was hoping to be able to talk to her sister about it before her mom could get to her.
“Well, if you would wear a little blush or some bronzer then it would look like you had a little color in your cheeks.”
“Mom, come on,” urged Olivia sitting down on the couch. Her older sister was a few inches taller. She was lean but had curves, like Leighton. Her green eyes sparkled, even in a rain storm. “Liz, do you want some tea?”
“Yes, please,” she answered. The last thing she wanted to do was be anywhere where her mom could criticize her. Olivia was in town. It was something she would have to endure.
Leighton poured a cup of tea. Elizabeth sat on the floor next to the coffee table holding her teacup. “How’s school Liv?”
“It’s really good. I like all my classes and … “
“Elizabeth, put your cup on the table.”
“Mom, it’s fine, I’m not going to drop it.”
“I can’t trust you anymore. You’ll probably try to drop the hot tea on your legs to burn yourself,” her mother shuddered. “Last night your father and I had to stay up to Elizabeth proof this house. Then I had to finish alone today what we didn’t get done last night. You would think we would be toddler proofing because of Colby, but instead we have to hide all sharp objects from our eighteen year old daughter.”
Elizabeth set her tea down on the coffee table, stood up and slowly walked out of the living room. “Mom, she’s obviously under a great deal of pressure and she needs our help not our opinions right now,” she heard Olivia say as she picked up her backpack and climbed the stairs to hide in her room. She walked into her room to find that every drawer in her desk had been dumped on the floor; every nightstand drawer was dumped on her bed. Her clothes were taken out of her drawers and closet and left on the floor. She stood in the middle of her room and turned in circles assessing what her mother had done. Everything was gone, scissors, rulers, her old Geometry compass, her Swiss Army knife and her memory box with all her wound supplies. She picked up her pillow. Her muffled screams couldn’t be heard beyond her room.
Suddenly, Elizabeth charged for her door. The razor blade was in the tampon box. Her mother wouldn’t have looked there. When her hand touched the handle, she realized she had to be patient. She had no Band Aids, no gauze pads, no gauze tape, and no Neosporin to stop the bleeding. Her mom would know she was upset and would most likely listen for Elizabeth’s reaction. She quickly picked up a Lladro off one of her shelves and smacked it against her upper right arm. She bit her lip as the pain seared down to her fingers.
Elizabeth got on top of her bed still holding her arm. Hitting herself didn’t have the same endorphin release as cutting did. She buried her head under the pillow and screamed into her mattress. She kicked her legs, punched the mattress with both fists and screamed over and over again. Eventually, the screaming turned into crying until her body was so physically exhausted, she fell asleep.
It was dark by the time she woke up. “Elizabeth,” she heard Leighton call. She pulled the pillow off her head and looked at the doorway. Her room was completely dark. She could barely make out the silhouette of her mother standing in the bright hallway with her tired, puffy eyes. “We’re going to dinner now.”
Elizabeth had forgotten that they always went to Olivia’s favorite restaurant when she came into town. “I’ll be ready in five minutes.”
“Actually,” her mother said seriously. “You’re still grounded and your father and I think it would be good for us spend time with Olivia without any distractions. She didn’t come home to have her sister’s mental problems take over her weekend.”
Elizabeth grabbed her comforter with her right hand and squeezed as hard as she could. Somehow, someway, she almost thought that her mother would embrace her or stop being so hard on her. It was obvious now, that her mother was distancing herself from her second, less perfect daughter.
“I ordered you a pizza. Eat it while it’s hot. After our dinner, we’re going to drop Colby off at your Uncle Jeff’s house and then catch a late movie and then maybe a drink or dessert. We’ll be home late. You are not to leave this house or have anyone over, do you understand? You’re grounded.”
Elizabeth was hurt and confused about why she was not babysitting Colby. “Mom, Uncle Jeff is a stoner. What if he gets high and forgets about Colby?”
“You’re a cutter. What if you cut too deep and pass out again? I think I’ll take my chances with Uncle Jeff.” Her mother flipped on the bedroom light. “Get up and take off your clothes.”
“What?” Elizabeth was scared.
“The doctor said to search you for new…you know…”
“I didn’t do anything else,” cried Elizabeth. She pulled her sweater and blouse over her head together and unzipped her plaid uniform skirt, leaving her socks, and heart patterned panties and bra on. She lifted up her arms and spun in a slow circle so her mom could get a look at her small frame.
“Why is your arm red?” questioned Leighton.
“I don’t know. I didn’t do anything to it.”
“Spend this time to yourself thinking about what you’ve done and how you’ve hurt this family.” Her mother closed the bedroom door behind her.
Elizabeth pulled on a pair of rainbow colored pajama pants and a red tank top. She pulled her hair in two buns, one on each side and put on flip-flops. She removed the screen from her window and hung out until she could see her parents black Audi Q5 pull out of the driveway and out of sight. When they were at a safe distance, she grabbed her purse and ran out of the house to her car. She had to replenish her supplies and fast.