My body is so off kilter. I want the release, but one finger isn’t really getting me anywhere and the way he has my thumb just teases me. Slipping in two more fingers inside isn’t hard, but when I try to add the fourth, it’s tight.
Not sure if I can…
Don’t stop, baby. Rock your hips into your hand over and over again. Push deeper every time. Do it.
I try to do what he says, and rock my hips, pushing my hand in deeper and deeper. Raw sounds of sexual pleasure are pouring from my throat. I’m so slick and it feels so good. Add to the fact that the whole thing is so wrong and I’m euphoric. There’s something so dirty about this, so carnal that lust is making my body feel things I haven’t felt before. My hair tangles around my face as I writhe on the bed, bucking my hips into my hand. All four fingers are inside, stretching me, pushing deeper and making me cry out. My nipples are hard, and ache, wanting to be touched. I wish Sean was here to suck on them, to taste my breasts and tease me into oblivion.
The phone chirps. I want to see you lose it. I want to watch you shove your fist into your tight, wet pussy and see the look on your face when you come. There’s a piece of Velcro in the drawer and another on the ceiling. Switch to video for me baby. My dick is so hard. I’ve been stroking it in my hand, rubbing, imagining you on your knees in front of me. If you could swallow my cock right now… Avery, baby, put me out of my misery. Let me watch you come…
His words shoot through my body, igniting a wave a lust. Anything for you…
My legs wobble as I stand on the bed, and attach the phone to the ceiling. I fall onto my back and say to the camera, “I miss you, baby,” and then my mouth starts uttering phrases I’d never say to anyone. I talk about his dick and all the things I’d like to do with it as I pump my hand deeper into my slick core. Carnal sounds come from my throat as the burning coils of lust tighten inside me.
I fight it, I don’t want to come yet, but my hand doesn’t stop. All four fingers push in deeper, harder as my other hand tugs my nipples. My thumb rubs against my clit teasing me, making me completely out of control. My mouth opens as I gasp for air like I can’t breathe. I don’t think about how I look or what he’ll do with this video when it’s over. I don’t think at all. I act like the animal he wants me to be, hot and wet, purring with desire and continue to beg for his dick any way that he’ll give it to me. I beg him to fuck my face and pull my hair until he comes in my mouth. I start to think about that as my fingers thrust into me harder and faster, and I can feel the beautiful ripples begin. Lust pulls me higher, until I can’t stand it another second. I need the release. My control shatters and the pulsing begins, making me drive my hand in harder and faster.
I scream out his name as I come in front of him, hips bucking wildly, pushing harder and deeper with each thrust. I shatter brilliantly, with ecstasy on my face and my back arched off the bed with my hand nearly all the way inside of me. I hold my body rigid as the delicious pulsing overtakes me, gasping for air between wild pleas.
By the time I still, my heart has slowed. I glance up at the phone with heavy eyelids and grab it. Pulling it to my lips, I kiss the screen and say, “I love you, baby.”
After sending the video, I lay back on the bed with a sated smile on my face. It’s quiet for a little bit before the texts start again.
Holy fuck, that was hot. Next time I see you, you can bet my dick is going straight into that dirty mouth of yours. I mean, Avery… Wow.
I smile and type back, Did you come?
Fuck, yeah. I’m lucky I didn’t get the phone wet. Damn, Avery. That was beyond sexy…
I roll onto my stomach and type, What now?
We do it again. I have a few more positions for you to try and a lot of Velcro.
CHAPTER 6
I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face as I slip into my room early the next morning. There’s no sign of Naked Guy. Bonus!
A squeal has been building in my throat, but I keep swallowing it back. I’m really doing it. I’m going to see Sean and I’m going to ask him to marry me. The thought of actually doing it makes me feel so queasy, but it’s a good kind of sick—like Christmas Eve, can’t-wait-for-Santa kind of sick.
As I shove a pair of socks into my bag, Amber strolls out of the shower with a towel on her head and another barely covering her boobs. Why did I get the exhibitionist roommate? Part of me thinks if the woman dropped her towel that she’d continue to prance around the room like I think she’s hot. Maybe Amber’s a nympho and doesn’t know it. Or maybe she does and I don’t. Whatever. I’m just glad to get out of here for the night.
Amber crosses the room to her closet. Clothes stick out from her drawers and everything is wrinkled. She picks out something and pulls it on, not caring if my back is turned. “So,” she says as she lights up a cigarette. “Where are you off to on this insanely warm Sunday morning? Visiting the dead parents? The dead sea serpents? Or the nasty-ass, but totally fuckable, scary guy?” She lets out a stream of smoke and sits at the window, looking out into the square below.
I glance over at her. “Scary guy.”
“Ah, so he did get to you?”
I’m not sure what she means. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Amber nods and continues enjoying her cigarette like it’s something phallic. The way her lips wrap around it and slip over the tip as she goes to exhale is disturbing. “So the bad boy rocked your socks off and you’re blowing off school a few weeks before finals to have a fun day, is that it? I guess you’re over that good girl act, now.”
“It wasn’t an act.”
Amber laughs. “Yeah right. With the way you’ve been putting out, I think we should both stop pretending and just call the sheep black.”
“What the hell are you smoking over there? You make no sense at all. I’m not sleeping around—”
Amber laughs like a man and rolls her eyes. “Whatever, bitch. We both know you’re lying. Tell yourself anything you want so you can look in the mirror in the morning, but we both know how you’re spending your nights.”
Turning my head, I look over my shoulder—pausing with a shirt in hand, above my bag—and glare at her. I wonder if she knows about my employment, but that’s not possible. A cold feeling snakes down my throat and coils in my stomach. Amber doesn’t elaborate, which makes me think she’s just messing with my head.
I change the subject. “So, where’s Naked Guy? Off fucking some other dorm today?”
“Ha ha. He’s coming by later to show me his anal beads collection and I—”
Oh my God! Spinning on my heel, I snap at her, “TMI! Keep your fucking preferences to yourself. It’s bad enough I know what his thingie looks like. I don’t need—”
“His thingie?” she mocks. “What’s the matter, Avery? Can’t say the real word?” Amber’s eyes glitter. She honed in on my little word and is advancing across the room, cigarette still in hand. “Is it just too much to wrap your little mouth around? Cock, dick, penis? Pick one and say it.” She stops in front of me, looking down at me like I’m a child. One arm is across her chest and the other is holding the burning smoke off to the side. She tilts her head, watching me. “Go on—say it.”
I smile tritely, but she’s unnerving me. The way she looks at me is so smug, with a dash of hostility. Most mornings she spends trying to stay in bed, because she stayed up fucking all night. I glare at her. “I’m not reciting male genitalia for you.”
She laughs lightly and says it again, whispering the word in a creepy way, close to my face. “I bet you scream when you come and say all sorts of dirty shit. It’s the good girls that have the kinkiest stuff going on in their heads.” Amber looks down into my bag and pulls up one of my G-strings. She holds it on her pointer finger and raises a brow at me. “See what I mean?”
I snatch it back from her and shove it into my bag. “At least I wear panties.”
“Ouch.” Amber feigns offense and then snorts and turns away shaking her head. “Me and you could have a lot of fun. Roomm
ates who do three-ways never sleep alone.”
I make a face and look over at her. “If you ever suggest that again, I’ll puke all over you.”
“Whatever. Go on and pretend to be a nun. I don’t care.”
“Nuns don’t sleep with guys.”
She grins, “Well, not all at once, anyway. Maybe I should join a convent.” She taps her front tooth with her finger like she’s thinking about it.
I know what she’s thinking. “Nuns don’t do confession. Priests are the only ones who get to use the box, so think of something else or have someone stab you with a cross. Maybe you’ll turn back into a werewolf and can go hump a tree for the rest of the day.”
She gives me a snotty look and sticks her tongue out. “Bitch.”
“Whore.”
“Slut.”
“Skank.”
“Hooker.” Amber says the word exactly the same way she said the others, but she’s acting so weird today. I lift my chin slightly before throwing another insult her way. Amber is watching, waiting for me to show any sign of weakness. Does she know? Is that what this is about? Did she find out that I’m working for Black? That would suck. She’d tell Black that I’m in love with Sean.
I don’t pause. “Hoe,” I throw back, but our eyes hold a second too long.
“Bitch.”
“You already said that one.” I zip my bag shut and throw it over my shoulder.
“Yeah, but it suits you—a bitch in heat. Am I right?”
“Yeah, okay… I’m only going to say this once. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face, now. I’m not doing this weird shit with you when I get back, so if you’ve got something you want to say to me, spit it out.”
Amber purses her lips and then smiles at me, before rolling back onto her bed. “As if I’d make your life so simple. Catch you later, cock-lover. Make sure you ask him to get your back door really good and hard. You’re in serious need of an alignment. No one should be this bitchy right after sex.” She raises a brow at me and laughs.
I roll my eyes and walk out to the sound of her hollow laughter bouncing off the walls.
CHAPTER 7
Before I get to my car, Mel comes chasing after me. “That was some crazy shit last night. What’d your guy want?” She practically yells as she runs at me and crosses the parking lot. “Where you goin’?”
“To see Sean, and shut up. That was way too loud and I think Amber knows.” I glance around to make sure she didn’t follow us into the parking lot.
Mel waves me off. “Amber doesn’t know shit.”
“Mel, she knows. I don’t know how, but she does. She’s trying to get me to do three-ways with her and say ‘cock.’ Two days ago she would have never suggested such a thing.” I reach for my trunk, open it, and toss in the bag. When I slam it, the lid bounces back up and nearly smacks me in the face. “Awh, damn it!” I slam it down again and it catches this time.
“Amber is just trying to get dirt on you. She probably has some dick that only wants a three-way, and the only person she can offer up is you. You better be ready for her to have some asshole in your room one night, and hope you trip on them coming in the door. By the way, if you do, that doesn’t count as a threesome.”
“What the hell is it with people and three ways?” I stare at her. Mel sounds like she’s had a few and thinks they’re good, like chicken soup.
“You don’t see the appeal? Come on, you have to see it. Two dicks at once…” She gets a funny look on her face, like she’s remembering something.
I look away like I haven’t noticed. “Fine, maybe, but two girls for one guy is a dude fantasy. I see enough of naked Amber without having sex with her.” I cringe and shake it off, but the mental image is stuck. “Oh gross, I’m gonna have to bleach my brain after this conversation.”
Mel laughs. “Clorox hasn’t made brain bleach, yet. Otherwise I’d have a stockpile for you, because have I got stories for you!”
“Mel, I don’t have time. I have a ring.” Taking a deep breath, I smile at her. “I’m going to find Sean and ask him to marry me.”
“No shit? I thought that was all talk. Even after work last night? You sure about this?”
“Work last night was Sean—”
She blinks and leans in like she didn’t hear me. “Come again? I thought Ferro left town.”
“He did, but we, ah… did it anyway.” I give her an awkward smile and hope to God she catches on.
Mel glances both ways and says in a low voice, “You had phone sex?”
“Sorta. Maybe…”
She shakes her head at the same time her jaw drops open. “You did not sext with him. Black will fire your ass faster than a—”
“It’s what he wanted. Besides, it’s Sean.”
“She won’t care, Avery. Damn, you know the rules. What the hell were you thinking?” She glances up at me. “I’m going with you and we’re taking my car.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“And you think I’m letting you go by yourself? Besides, I need to slap that boy in the head. Rules are rules. They’re there for a reason. You know what happens to us if we get caught, right? Those pictures are proof. There’s not supposed to be any proof of anything.”
“Sean isn’t going to report us to the cops. Besides, if he did, he’d get in trouble, too. If you stop lecturing me and can be ready to go in five minutes, I’ll wait for you. If Amber happens on me, I’m running her over.” I shiver. Holy crap she creeped me out.
“Fine, but I’m not done bitching you out yet. How long’s the ride to Jersey?”
“A few hours.”
“Good, that should be long enough to drive into your head how stupid that was, and then you can give me details.” Mel rubs her hands together, grins, and runs back to the dorm.
_____
Mel is in the passenger seat in my car. It runs okay and gets great gas mileage, but the rickety nature of the rusted frame makes Mel jumpy. Plus we have to yell because the window seals are pretty much shot.
“So, I wanna see some pictures of the infamous Sean Ferro in compromising positions… or at least his naked ass.” She holds out her hand for my phone.
“Uh, it wasn’t like that.”
She stares at me for a second. “He didn’t send you any pictures at all?”
“No. Why? Is that weird?”
Mel makes a face and picks up my phone. “Depends on what he said. May I?” She holds up my phone and I know she wants to look at the messages.
My face flames red, but I nod anyway. “Since when do you ask?”
“Since when do I go through your personal shit? Never, that’s since when. I might butt my nose where it don’t go, but I—” Her eyes go big as she reads the screen. “He had you do this shit? Like all of it?” Her eyes continue to read as I answer.
“Yeah…” I’m getting the impression that something is off. “I’ve never done it before.”
“No shit.”
“So, did I do it wrong?”
“I don’t know. To each his own, you know, but it’s weird he didn’t send you some dick shots or something—maybe even record himself jerking off so you can see.” She squints at the screen and turns it sideways like there’s a hidden dick in the letters.
“It sounded like he wanted to do that another time.”
She puts the phone down and looks over at me. “I didn’t picture him as the type. Shows what little I know.” She shrugs. “So, little Miss Chastity Belt, did that get you off? I’m not watching the video. By the way, you should delete that shit. If you lose your phone, it’ll be on YouTube faster than you can say fuck me.”
“I know. I’ll delete it. I don’t like having stuff like that around, at the same time, it was with Sean.” I smile into space.
“You look like you’ve been hit in the head with a brick, Avery. Stop that. Sean is trouble. Like a big fat sack of damaged goods. Marrying him means you’re okay with all his shit—the hookers, his dead wife, and his fre
aky ass family. Did you think this through?” Mel moves her hand to recline her seat. Before I can stop her, she pulls the lever and the seat falls back. She spews some choice words as she flies backwards. “What the fuck?”
“Steve’s broken—uh, the seat.” I reach for the chair back, but I can’t help her fix it since I’m driving. Mel gives me a look, so I explain, “Yeah, I named him Steve the Seat. He does all the way up or all the way down. That chair isn’t really into foreplay—no in the middle. He’s an all or nothing kind of chair.”
She laughs and spews spittle all over the dashboard. “Oh my God. You’ve been hanging out with me way too long! You’ve turned your passenger seat into a personified pervert.”
“Steve thanks you for sitting on him. He hasn’t had this much action since Sean used a screwdriver on his little bits. Steve likes things rough.” Grinning, I look out the windshield and change lanes to take the Tunnel.
Mel cracks up and before too long we’re on the Turnpike, headed straight for Cherry Hill. Peter gave me the information last time I saw him. It’s weird, but I like Sean’s family. Normally, I feel like I don’t fit in—like at all—but Peter was easy to talk to. I didn’t feel like he was looking down at me, even though he knows what I do. Gotta admit, that’s weird—and awesome. Especially since he didn’t proposition me later.
Mel chatters about nothing for a long time, keeping my mind off of Sean, but whenever a lull works its way into the conversation, there he is—Sean Ferro. Mel’s question prompted another one in my mind. It’s not that I can’t accept Sean’s past, it’s more a question of whether or not I can handle what it means for the future. Will his dark side get darker? Will Sean still need the different faces of nameless women to control to forget what he lost? Sean said he doesn’t want that anymore, but what if that need comes back? What happens when I’m not enough? I don’t expect to overshadow his past, and there’s no way to just walk away and forget about it. If that were true, neither of us would be hanging out in graveyards, talking to the dead.