She smiled. “It doesn’t matter, Thomas. Please. We have enough to worry about.”
“Here,” Dr. Pierce said. He took a letter opener from Thomas’s desk and handed it to Sarah.
“Thank you.” Sarah carefully slit open the envelope.
She began to read.
Then she began to scream.
Chapter
7
Dr. Pierce rushed to her side.
Thomas struggled to sit up in his sickbed. He reached toward her.
Sobs welled up from deep inside Sarah. She couldn’t control herself.
No! No!
Through her tears, she could see Thomas staring at her in alarm.
She stumbled to a chair and sat down. She rocked back and forth.
No, it couldn’t be true!
And yet it was.
Thomas and Dr. Pierce waited for her to explain. She forced herself to sit up straight.
She clutched the letter to her chest, as if for comfort. She bit her trembling lip.
“I have often told you about my best friend … Jane Hardy,” she began. “Jane set sail for Europe at the same time I came to Shadyside.”
“The woman to whom you have been writing,” Thomas said.
“Yes. And from whom I have never had a response. Well, this letter is from her stepbrother,” Sarah said in a tiny voice she barely recognized as her own. “It seems that my friend, my dearest friend—”
She began to cry all over again. Thomas put his hand on hers.
Sarah knew she must be strong. For Thomas. Thomas was so sick. Thomas needed her.
She wiped her face with the back of her hand. Fresh tears wet her cheeks an instant later.
“Jane never got to London,” she told her husband. “The ship sank. Everyone—”
She felt her face crumple.
“Oh, Thomas. It is too horrible. Everyone drowned.”
“I’m so sorry,” Thomas said softly.
Sarah wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand again. “Thomas! It is too awful. And just think. This happened while you and I were on our nuptial journey to Niagara Falls. While we were being foolish and carefree.”
“You mustn’t think that way,” Thomas said. Then he began to cough.
But Sarah couldn’t help feeling a horrible stab of guilt. Niagara Falls. She had been so incredibly happy then. While her best friend—
There was a knock at the bedroom door.
Sarah looked at Thomas in surprise. Dr. Pierce had ordered Thomas not to see any visitors until he was stronger. The servants had been instructed to stay away unless she called for them. Who could this be?
The knock came again. Louder this time.
Sarah felt her body tense.
“Come in,” Dr. Pierce ordered.
The door swung open.
A man entered the room. Tall and stern-faced. With a black mustache that was waxed so stiffly it stuck out like a bird’s wings on either side of his face.
Sarah’s jaw dropped.
The letter fell from her hand.
“You!” she gasped.
Chapter
8
The man stared at Sarah. His eyes widened.
“This—this is Jason Hardy,” Sarah stammered. “I hired him this morning. Uh, Phillip hasn’t been feeling well, so I thought we should have another driver.”
Sarah glanced at Thomas. Could he tell she was lying?
No, she decided. He didn’t appear to think there was anything odd about her hiring another servant without consulting him.
Jason continued to stare at Sarah. His eyes burning into hers.
I have to get away from Jason, Sarah thought. She didn’t know what to say to him. She needed time to think.
She stood quickly and started toward the door. But she couldn’t think of an excuse to leave the room. Couldn’t think at all.
“I’m afraid that Mrs. Fear has just gotten some very shocking and terrible news,” Dr. Pierce explained. “About a close friend.”
“Excuse me, I must be alone for a moment—” she mumbled. Sarah hurried from the room.
She could feel Jason watching her. She could feel his eyes on her back.
She was halfway down the hall when another one of Thomas’s horrible coughs ripped through the air. It felt like a bullet striking her.
She flew down the stairs.
Jason!
Jason Hardy here in Shadyside! Here in her house! Why did he follow her here? Now of all times! She couldn’t bear it.
She banged out the back door. Clutching her skirts with both hands, she ran across the lawn. Up into the woods.
She had to get away. Away from everyone.
Sarah pushed her way through the trees. Branches slapped at her face. She paid no attention.
At last she found herself in the family cemetery.
She fell to the ground.
She leaned back against one of the headstones. Breathing long and slow and deep. Trying to collect herself.
A shadow fell across her face. She looked up.
Jason Hardy stared down at her.
He had followed her into the woods.
“Jane,” he said, his voice catching. “I thought … I thought you were dead.”
She couldn’t speak. She shrugged helplessly.
“Oh, Jane,” Jason said. “You don’t know what this means to me.”
He knelt beside her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that his presence would only cause her problems. It only mattered that he was here when she needed him most.
They hugged each other hard. “Oh, Jason!” she cried. “Dearest Jason!”
All her fears disappeared. Relief and excitement took their place. Her darling stepbrother!
“But my head is spinning,” he said. “Jane, you have to tell me what is going on.”
“Stop calling me that,” she said, suddenly horrified. “I am not Jane. I am Sarah Burns. No, no, I am Sarah Fear.”
She shook her head. “I think I am losing my mind. If I have not lost it already.”
“Tell me what happened. You must tell me everything,” Jason demanded.
Jane took a deep breath. “We switched places,” she said.
She felt shocked herself, as she spoke the words out loud. It was really too incredible what she and Sarah had done.
“You did what?” Jason cried. He appeared stunned.
She nodded somberly. “Sarah and I, we switched places. We switched lives. Names. Identities. Everything. It is almost as if we switched souls. She became Jane. And I became Sarah.”
“Why would you—why would anyone do such a thing?” Jason asked.
“Well, you know Sarah,” Jane said. Her voice caught. She realized she was talking about Sarah as if she were still alive. But Sarah had drowned on a ship to London. Her best friend was dead.
Jason reached out and clutched her hand. After a moment, Jane was able to go on.
“Sarah was like me,” Jane continued. “She never liked to be told what to do.”
“That is certainly true,” Jason agreed.
Jason had once courted Sarah Burns. But they were both so stubborn that the match had not lasted a week. It had ended with a horrible screaming argument, and they had not spoken again since.
“You remember when Sarah’s grandmother arranged a marriage for Sarah?” Jane continued.
“Yes. She wanted Sarah to settle down,” Jason said.
“Yes. Well, you can imagine how furious Sarah was. To be told whom she was to marry. She was livid,” Jane told him.
“I am sure.” Jason twirled the tip of his mustache.
The familiar gesture brought tears to Jane’s eyes. “Oh, Jason, I have missed you so. More than I even knew, if that makes any sense.”
“I think I understand,” he responded. “But please go on. You must tell me everything.”
“Well …” Jane pulled up a tuft of grass and let the green blades fall from her fingers. ?
??I was about to leave on my trip to London with my chaperone.”
“Mrs. Manderlay,” Jason added.
“Yes. In any case, the whole thing was my idea. I was going to London to find a husband. Sarah had already found one. Only she didn’t want him. It just seemed to make so much sense.”
“What did?” Jason asked, sounding confused.
“You see, I was terribly envious of Sarah. Because she was about to start a marriage. What an adventure! When I confessed my jealousy, it only made Sarah laugh, of course. Sarah was envious of me because I had the opportunity to travel. She hated the idea of marrying Thomas.”
Jane glanced over at Jason, then stared down at the ground. “So one night I suggested we simply switch places.”
“But how could you ever expect to pull off such a scheme?” Jason demanded.
“But we did pull it off,” Jane said proudly. “You see, it was all so perfect. Sarah’s grandmother, Althea, was too old to make the trip to Shadyside for the wedding. I barely survived the trip myself. Four days in the ladies’ coach of a train is enough to kill anyone.”
“The men’s cars are not much better, I assure you,” Jason grumbled.
“Dear Jason,” she said.
“Continue!” he ordered.
“Well, that’s about it. No one in Shadyside had laid eyes on Sarah Burns before. How would they know if I was Sarah or not?”
“But your life back in New York, your friends—”
“The only person I would miss was Jane. But I would have been separated from her in any case. And you. Of course, I knew I would miss you, too.”
“You’re a liar, but a sweet one. But wait a minute. What about Mrs. Manderlay? Surely she wasn’t so old that she couldn’t tell the difference between you and Sarah?”
“Of course not. But Sarah sent Mrs. Manderlay a message telling her the boat was sailing a week later than it really was,” Jane explained.
Jason shook his head. “I am amazed. I am simply amazed.”
“It wasn’t an easy stunt,” Jane admitted. “The whole trip here I had to tell myself over and over that I was Sarah. Sarah Burns. Sarah Burns.”
“Astounding,” Jason said. “You haven’t changed. You’re the same as you were when you were seven. I remember when you came to live with me and Mother. You broke every rule.”
“It’s true. Your mother probably began to regret taking me in after my mother died,” Jane answered.
“Maybe once in a while,” Jason admitted. “But I loved having a younger sister.”
Jane leaned over and gave Jason a peck on the cheek.
Then she shuddered. She felt as if an icy finger had just traced a line down her spine.
“What is it?”
“Oh, Jason,” she murmured. “I just realized.”
“Realized what?”
“Don’t you see? It is too ghastly.”
Jason groaned. “You’re as frustrating as ever. See what? What is ghastly?”
“That ocean crossing. The accident. It should have been me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I should have died on that ship, not Sarah.” She clutched his arm. “Oh, Jason! I should be dead right now.”
Chapter
9
“You mustn’t think that way,” Jason said sternly. “Not ever.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. I should be dead. I should be!”
“Jane, stop that,” Jason ordered. “The accident was not your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. There was a horrible storm. The ship capsized. It’s a tragedy. But you don’t need to make it any worse by feeling guilty.”
Jason was right. She had not made that ship sink. There was no way she could have known that would happen. She would never have done anything to hurt Sarah.
But somehow these thoughts did absolutely nothing to lessen her pain. She and Sarah had switched places. And look what had happened.
Jane glanced over at Jason. She found him studying her with a strange expression on his face.
“What is it?” she demanded, instantly nervous.
“There is something I must ask you,” he said. He gazed down at the ground, obviously embarrassed. “I came to Shadyside to see Sarah because— Well, to put it bluntly, I was stunned by her behavior.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know that Sarah and I had our differences. But I couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t even bother to write after learning of your death.” Jason cleared his throat. “Why didn’t you contact me after you learned that Sarah drowned? Didn’t you realize how I would feel if I thought you were dead?”
“I only got your letter—the letter you wrote to Sarah—today, right before I saw you,” she explained. “Thomas slipped it into the pocket of his robe and forgot all—”
She stopped short.
Thomas.
The shock of seeing Jason had made her forget her husband for a moment.
Her name had been a fiction, but her marriage was real. And Thomas needed her now.
Jane looked toward the house. She couldn’t see it from here. The woods were too thick.
Suddenly she had the worst feeling. A terrible premonition. Thomas was worse. She knew it. Jane jumped to her feet.
“Now what?” Jason asked, alarmed.
She began to run down the trail.
“Where are you going?” he called after her.
“I have to be with Thomas!” she called back. “I must not leave his side again!”
She ran all the way back to the house.
When she burst into the kitchen, she found two maids chatting over steaming mugs of tea. They stared at her, looking surprised and a bit guilty.
“Who is with Thomas?” she cried.
“I think Dr. Pierce is still with him,” Clara assured her.
“You think?” Jane cried.
“Do not worry, ma’am,” Clara added. “If Dr. Pierce has left, then your husband is sleeping, I am sure.”
“He needs his rest more than anything,” the other maid, Susannah, agreed.
Jane didn’t listen. She ran from the room. Up the stairs.
Halfway up the staircase, she stopped.
The bell she had placed beside Thomas’s bed. It was tinkling.
Again and again.
“Thomas!” she cried.
She flew up the rest of the stairs. Down the hall. She flung open the door. Rushed into the room.
The small gold bell fell from Thomas’s hand. It clattered to the floor, rolling around and around in slow, lazy circles.
No!
Jane felt her stomach clench.
She ran to the bed.
Thomas’s mouth was open. His eyes stared at the ceiling.
“Thomas!” she shrieked. “Thomas!”
It couldn’t be! He couldn’t die now!
“Thomas!” she cried. “I love you! Do you hear me? I love you, Thomas!”
She hadn’t said those words to her husband in a long time. But they were true.
Thomas turned his head ever so slightly. It was as if her shouts had brought him back from the brink of death.
His eyes rolled to meet hers.
He was trying to say something.
His lips formed a single word.
She couldn’t be sure. But she thought the word was “danger.”
Then his face turned dark red. His mouth contorted into a horrible grimace as he began to choke. His whole body shook violently.
Jane held him. Held him tight.
“No, Thomas!” she cried. “No, no! Don’t leave me! You must never leave me!”
She felt something warm and wet on her neck. She lifted his body away from hers. His head lolled to the side.
Dark red blood gushed from his mouth.
The blood stained his silk robe, and the white nightshirt underneath.
He fell against her.
Jane closed her eyes.
She could have sworn she felt it. His soul.
Felt
it leave his body. Like a tiny bird, softly flapping its wings and flying away. And a moment later—
Her husband lay lifeless in her arms.
Chapter
10
“You just need to rest.”
“You will get better soon.”
“Don’t get up, ma’am. I only wanted to bring these flowers.”
“She looks so pale. It is a shame to see it.”
The voices floated in and out. Most of the time Jane didn’t even know who was speaking to her. Or care.
Faces came and went, swimming up at her like creatures emerging from a dark sea.
“Thomas,” Jane cried. Where was Thomas? Where was her husband?
Then she remembered. Thomas was dead. She went to his funeral.
Jane began to shiver. She needed more blankets. Couldn’t the nurses see she needed more blankets?
Before Jane could ask for them, she drifted off to sleep.
When she woke up, Dr. Pierce stood next to her bed.
Jason stood beside him.
Jason. What was Jason doing here?
Jane started to speak to him. But she felt too weak. Too tired.
She fell asleep again, and when she awoke it was dark.
How long had she been sick? She had no idea.
Dr. Pierce arrived. He gave her something to drink. It tasted foul. It made her stomach cramp. Why wouldn’t he leave her alone?
She felt hot. As if there were a furnace raging inside her. As if she were burning her own flesh for fuel.
She needed a drink of water. Where were her nurses?
They wouldn’t help her anyway, Jane thought. They were angels of death. She wanted them to stay away from her. But they kept coming back.
Jane’s eyelids felt so heavy. She couldn’t stay awake.
When she woke up, it was dark again.
What day was it? She didn’t know. The days floated by so quickly.
“Thomas!” Jane cried.
She knew he was dead. Knew it was pointless to yell for him. And yet she could not help it, could not believe he was really gone.
Oh, if only he could hear her. Answer her. Come to her.
“Thomas!” she shouted again, sitting bolt upright in bed.