VI
IFF?
Late that night, Staff drifted into the smoking-room, which he foundrather sparsely patronised. This fact surprised him no less than itsexplanation: it was after eleven o'clock. He had hardly realised theflight of time, so absorbed had he been all evening in argument withAlison Landis.
There remained in the smoking-room, at this late hour, but half a dozendetached men, smoking and talking over their nightcaps, and one table ofbridge players--in whose number, of course, there was Mr. Iff.
Nodding abstractedly to the little man, Staff found a quiet corner andsat him down with a sigh and a shake of his head that illustratedvividly his frame of mind. He was a little blue and more than a littledistressed. And this was nothing but natural, since he was still in thethroes of the discovery that one man can hardly with success play thedual role of playwright and sweetheart to a successful actress.
Alison was charming, he told himself, a woman incomparable, tenderlysweet and desirable; and he loved her beyond expression. But ... hisplay was also more than a slight thing in his life. It meant a good dealto him; he had worked hard and put the best that was in him into itsmaking; and hard as the work had been, it had been a labour of love. Hewasn't a man to overestimate his ability; he possessed a singularly saneand clear appreciation of the true value of his work, harbouring noillusions as to his real status either as dramatist or novelist. But atthe same time, he knew when he had done good work. And _A Single Woman_promised to be a good play, measured by modern standards: not great, butsound and clear and strong. The plot was of sufficient originality tocommand attention; the construction was clear, sane, inevitable; he hadmixed the elements of comedy and drama with the deftness of a sure hand;and he had carefully built up the characters in true proportion to oneanother and to their respective significance in the action.
Should all this then, be garbled and distorted to satisfy a woman'spassion for the centre of the stage? Must he be untrue to thefundamentals of dramaturgic art in order to earn her tolerance? Couldhe gain his own consent to present to the public as work representativeof his fancy the misshapen monstrosity which would inevitably result ofyielding to Alison's insistence?
Small wonder that he sighed and wagged a doleful head!
Now while all this was passing through a mind wrapped in gloomy andprofound abstraction, Iff's voice disturbed him.
"Pity the poor playwright!" it said in accents of amusement.
Looking up, Staff discovered that the little man stood before him, afurtive twinkle in his pale blue eyes. The bridge game had broken up,and they two were now alone in the smoking-room--saving the presence ofa steward yawning sleepily and wishing to 'Eaven they'd turn in and give'im a charnce to snatch a wink o' sleep.
"Hello," said Staff, none too cordially. "What d' you mean by that?"
"Hello," responded Iff, dropping upon the cushioned seat beside him. Hesnapped his fingers at the steward. "Give it a name," said he.
Staff gave it a name. "You don't answer me," he persisted. "Why pity thepoor playwright?"
"He has his troubles," quoth Mr. Iff cheerfully, if vaguely. "Need Ienumerate them, to you? Anyway, if the poor playwright isn't to bepitied, what right 've you got to stick round here looking like that?"
"Oh!" Staff laughed uneasily. "I was thinking...."
"I flattered you to the extent of surmising as much." Iff elevated oneof the glasses which had just been put before them. "Chin-chin," saidhe--"that is, if you've no particular objection to chin-chinning with aputative criminal of the d'p'st dye?"
"None whatever," returned Staff, lifting his own glass--"at least, notso long as it affords me continued opportunity to watch him cooking uphis cunning little crimes."
"Ah!" cried Iff with enthusiasm--"there spoke the true spirit ofSociological Research. Long may you rave!"
He set down an empty glass.
Staff laughed, sufficiently diverted to forget his troubles for the timebeing.
"I wish I could make you out," he said slowly, eyeing the older man.
"You mean you hope I'm not going to take you in."
"Either way--or both: please yourself."
"Ah!" said the little man appreciatively--"I am a deep one, ain't I?"
He laid a finger alongside his nose and looked unutterably enigmatic.
At this point they were interrupted: a man burst into the smoking-roomfrom the deck and pulled up breathing heavily, as if he had beenrunning, while he raked the room with quick, enquiring glances. Staffrecognised Mr. Manvers, the purser, betraying every evidence of adisturbed mind. At the same moment, Manvers caught sight of the pair inthe corner and made for them.
"Mr. Ismay--" he began, halting before their table and glaring gloomilyat Staff's companion.
"I beg your pardon," said the person addressed, icily; "my name is Iff."
Manvers made an impatient movement with one hand. "Iff or Ismay--it'sall one to me--to you too, I fancy--"
"One moment!" snapped Iff, rising. "If you were an older man," he saidstiffly, "and a smaller, I'd pull your impertinent nose, sir! As thingsstand, I'd probably get my head punched if I did."
"That's sound logic," returned Manvers with a sneer.
"Well, then, sir? What do you want with me?"
Manvers changed his attitude to one of sardonic civility. "The captainsent me to ask you if you would be kind enough to step up to his cabin,"he said stiltedly. "May I hope you will be good enough to humour him?"
"Most assuredly," Iff picked up his steamer-cap and set it jauntily uponhis head. "Might one enquire the cause of all this-here fluster?"
"I daresay the captain--"
"Oh, very well. If you won't talk, my dear purser, I'll hazard a shrewdguess--by your leave."
The purser stared. "What's that?"
"I was about to say," pursued Iff serenely, "that I'll lay two to onethat the Cadogan collar has disappeared."
Manvers continued to stare, his eyes blank with amazement. "You've gotyour nerve with you, I must say," he growled.
"Or guilty knowledge? Which, Mr. Manvers?"
A reply seemed to tremble on Manvers' lips, but to be withheld atdiscretion. "I'm not the captain," he said after a slight pause; "go andcheek him as far as you like. And we're keeping him waiting, if I may bepermitted to mention it."
Iff turned to Staff, with an engaging smile. "Rejecting the guiltyknowledge hypothesis, for the sake of the argument," said he: "you'lladmit I'm the only suspicious personage known to be aboard; so it's notsuch a wild guess--that the collar has vanished--when I'm sent for bythe captain at this unearthly hour.... Lead on, Mr. Manvers," he woundup with a dramatic gesture.
The purser nodded and turned toward the door. Staff jumped up andfollowed the pair.
"You don't mind my coming?" he asked.
"No--wish you would; you can bear witness to the captain that I dideverything in my power to make Miss Landis appreciate the danger--"
"Then," Iff interrupted suavely, "the collar has disappeared--we're tounderstand?"
"Yes," the purser assented shortly.
They scurried forward and mounted the ladder to the boat-deck, where thecaptain's quarters were situated in the deckhouse immediately abaft thebridge. From an open door--for the night was as warm as it was dark--awide stream of light fell athwart the deck, like gold upon black velvet.
Pausing _en silhouette_ against the glow, the purser knocked discreetly.Iff ranged up beside him, dwarfed by comparison. Staff held back at alittle distance.
A voice from within barked: "Oh, come in!" Iff and Manvers obeyed. Staffpaused on the threshold, bending his head to escape the lintel.
Standing thus, he appreciated the tableau: the neat, tidy littleroom--commodious for a steamship--glistening with white-enamelledwoodwork in the radiance of half a dozen electric bulbs; Alison in asteamer-coat seated on the far side of a chart-table, her colouringunusually pallid, her brows knitted and eyes anxious; the maid, Jane,standing respectfully behind her mistress; Manvers t
o one side and outof the way, but plainly eager and distraught; Iff in the centre of thestage, his slight, round-shouldered figure lending him a deceptiveeffect of embarrassment which was only enhanced by his semi-placating,semi-wistful smile and his small, blinking eyes; the captain loomingover him, authority and menace incarnate in his heavy, square-set,sturdy body and heavy-browed, square-jawed, beardless and weatheredface....
Manvers said: "This is Mr. Iff, Captain Cobb."
The captain nodded brusquely. His hands were in his coat-pockets; hedidn't offer to remove them. Iff blinked up at him and cocked his smallhead critically to one side, persistently smiling.
"I've heard so much of you, sir," he said in a husky, weary voice, verysubdued. "It's a real pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Captain Cobb noticed this bit of effrontery by nothing more than a growldeep in this throat. His eyes travelled on, above Iff's head, and Staffwas conscious of their penetrating and unfriendly question. He boweduncertainly.
"Oh--and Mr. Staff," said Manvers hastily.
"Well?" said the captain without moving.
"A friend of Miss Landis and also--curiously--in the same room with Mr.Iff."
"Ah," remarked the captain. "How-d'-you-do?" He removed his right handfrom its pocket and held it out with the air of a man who wishes itunderstood that by such action he commits himself to nothing.
Before Staff could grasp it, Iff shook it heartily. "Ah," he saidblandly, "h' are ye?" Then he dropped the hand, thereby preventing thecaptain from wrenching it away, and averted his eyes modestly, therebyescaping the captain's outraged glare.
Staff managed to overcome an impulse to laugh idiotically, and gravelyshook hands with the captain. He had already exchanged a glance with thelady of his heart's desire.
An insanely awkward pause marked Iff's exhibition of matchlessimpudence. Each hesitated to speak while the captain was occupied with avain attempt to make Iff realise his position by scowling at him out ofa blood-congested countenance. But of this, Iff appeared to be whollyunconscious. When the situation seemed all but unendurable for anothersecond (Staff for one was haunted by the fear that he would throw backhis head and bray like a mule) Manvers took it upon himself to ease thetension, hardily earning the undying gratitude of all the gathering.
"I asked Mr. Staff to come and tell you, sir," he said haltingly, "thatI spoke to him about this matter the very night we leftQueenstown--asked him to do what he could to make Miss Landisappreciate--"
"I see," the captain cut him short.
"That is so," Staff affirmed. "Unfortunately I had no opportunity untilthis afternoon--"
Alison interposed quietly: "I am quite ready to exonerate Mr. Manversfrom all blame. In fact, he has really annoyed me with his efforts toinduce me to turn the collar over to his care."
"Thank you," said Manvers bowing.
There was the faintest tinge of sarcasm in the acknowledgment. Staffcould see that Alison felt and resented it; and the thought popped intohis mind, and immediately out again, that she was scarcely provingherself generous.
"It's a very serious matter," announced the captain heavily--"seriousfor the service: for the officers, for the good name of the ship, forthe reputation of the company. This is the second time a crime of thisnature had been committed aboard the Autocratic within a period ofeighteen months--less than that, in fact. It was June, a year ago, thatMrs. Burden Hamman's jewels were stolen--on the eastbound passage, Ibelieve."
"We sailed from New York, June 22," affirmed the purser.
"I want, therefore," continued the captain, "to ask you all to preservesilence about this affair until it has been thoroughly sifted. I believethe knowledge of the theft is confined to those present."
"Quite so, sir," agreed the purser.
"May I ask how it happened?" Staff put in.
The captain swung on his heel and bowed to Alison. She bent forward,telling her story with brevity and animation.
"You remember"--she looked at Staff--"when we met in the saloon, abouthalf-past five, and went on deck?... Well, right after that, Jane leftmy rooms to return the hat you had been showing me to your steward. Shewas gone not over five minutes, and she swears the door was locked allthe time; she remembers locking it when she went out and unlocking itwhen she returned. There was no indication that anybody had been in therooms, except one that we didn't discover until I started to go to bed,a little while ago. Then I thought of my jewels. They were all kept inthis handbag"--she dropped a hand upon a rather small Lawrence bag oftan leather on the table before her--"under my bed, behind the steamertrunk. I told Jane to see if it was all right. She got it out, and thenwe discovered that this had happened to it."
She turned the bag so that the other side was presented for inspection,disclosing the fact that some sharp instrument had been used to cut agreat flap out of the leather, running in a rough semicircle from claspto clasp of the frame.
"It wasn't altogether empty," she declared with a trace of wonder in hervoice; "but that only makes it all the more mysterious. All my ordinaryjewels were untouched; nothing had been taken except the case that heldthe Cadogan collar."
"And the collar itself, I hope?" Iff put in quietly.
The actress turned upon him with rising colour.
"You hope--!" she exclaimed.
The little man made a deprecatory gesture. "Why, yes," he said. "Itwould seem a pity that a crook cute enough to turn a trick as neat asthat should have got nothing for his pains but a velvet-lined leathercase, worth perhaps a dollar and a half--or say two dollars at theoutside, if you make a point of _that_."
"How do you happen to know it was a velvet-lined leather case?" Alisonflashed.
Iff laughed quietly. "My dear lady," he said, "I priced the necklace atCottier's in Paris the day before you purchased it. Unfortunately it wasbeyond my means."
"A bit thick," commented the purser in an acid voice.
"Now, listen"--Iff turned to face him with a flush of choler--"you keepon that way and I'll land on you if it's the last act of my gay younglife. You hear me?"
"That will do, sir!" barked the captain.
"I trust so, sincerely," replied Iff.
"Be silent!" The captain's voice ascended a full octave.
"Oh, very well, very well. I hear you--perfectly." With this the littleman subsided, smiling feebly at vacancy.
Staff interposed hastily, in the interests of peace: "The suppositionis, then, that the thief got in during those five minutes that Jane wasaway from the room?"
"It couldn't have happened at any other time, of course," said Alison.
"And, equally of course, it couldn't have happened then," said Iff.
"Why not?" the woman demanded.
"The girl was gone only five minutes. That's right, isn't it?"
"Yes, sir," said Jane.
"And the door was locked--you're positive about that?"
"Quite, sir."
"Then will anyone explain how any thief could effect an entrance, pull aheavy steamer trunk out from under a bed, get at the bag, cut a slit inits side, extract the leather case--_and_ the collar, to besure--replace the bag, replace the trunk, leave the stateroom and lockthe door, all in five short minutes--and without any key?" Iff wound uptriumphantly: "I tell you, it couldn't be done; it ain't human."
"But a skeleton-key--" Manvers began.
"O you!" said Iff with a withering glance. "The door to Miss Landis'suite opens directly opposite the head of the main companionway, whichis in constant use--people going up and down all the time. Can you seeanybody, however expert, picking a lock with a bunch of skeleton-keys inthat exposed position without being caught red-handed? Not on your vividimagination, young man."
"There may, however, be duplicate keys to the staterooms," Alisoncountered.
"My dear lady," said Iff, humbly, "there are; and unless this shipdiffers radically from others, those duplicate keys are all in thepurser's care. Am I right, Mr. Manvers?"
"Yes," said Manvers sullenly
.
"And here's another point," resumed Iff. "May I ask you a question ortwo, Miss Landis?" Alison nodded curtly. "You kept the handbag locked, Ipresume?"
"Certainly."
"And when you found it had been tampered with, did you unlock it?"
"There wasn't any need," said Alison. "You can see for yourself theopening in the side is so large--"
"Then you didn't unlock it?"
"No."
"That only makes it the more mysterious. Because, you see, it's unlockednow."
There was a concerted movement of astonishment.
"How do you make that out, sir?" demanded the captain.
"You can see for yourself (to borrow Miss Landis' phrase) if you'll onlyuse your eyes, as I have. The side clasps are in place, all right, butthe slide on the lock itself is pushed a trifle to the left; which itcouldn't be if the bag were locked."
There was a hint of derision in the little man's voice; and hissarcastic smile was flickering round his thin lips as he put out onehand, drew the bag to him, lifted the clasps, and pushing back thelock-slide, opened it wide.
"The thot plickens," he observed gravely. "For my part I am unable toimagine any bold and enterprising crook taking the trouble to cut openthis bag when the most casual examination would have shown him that itwasn't locked."
"He might 've done it as a blind...." Manvers suggested.
"Officer!" piped Iff in a plaintive voice--"he's in again."
The purser, colouring to the temples, took a step toward the little man,his hands twitching, but at a gesture from the captain paused,controlled himself and fell back.
For a few moments there was quiet in the cabin, while those presentdigested Iff's conclusions and acknowledged their logic irrefragable.Staff caught Alison staring at the man as if fascinated, with a curious,intense look in her eyes the significance of which he could not fathom.
Then the pause was brought to an end by the captain. He shifted hisposition abruptly, so that he towered over Iff, scowling down upon him.
"That will do," he said ominously. "I'm tired of this; say what youwill, you haven't hoodwinked me, and you shan't."
"My dear sir!" protested Iff in amazement. "Hoodwink _you_? Why, I'mmerely trying to make you see--"
"You've succeeded in making me see one thing clearly: that you know moreabout this robbery than you've any right to know."
"Oh, you-all make me tired," complained Iff. "Now you have just heardMiss Landis declare that this collar of pearls vanished between, say,five-thirty and five-forty-five. Well, I can prove by the testimony ofthree other passengers, and I don't know how many more, to say nothingof your smoke-room stewards, that I was playing bridge from four untilafter six."
"Ah, yes," put in the purser sweetly, "but you yourself have justdemonstrated conclusively that the robbery couldn't have taken place atthe hour mentioned."
Iff grinned appreciatively. "You're improving," he said. "I guess thatdoesn't get you even with me for the rest of your life--what?"
"Moreover," Manvers went on doggedly, "Ismay always could prove acopper-riveted alibi."
"That's one of the best little things he does," admitted Iff cheerfully.
"You don't deny you're Ismay?" This from the captain, aggressive anddomineering.
"I don't have to, dear sir; I just ain't--that's the answer."
"You've been recognised," insisted the captain. "You were on this shipthe time of the Burden Hamman robbery. Mr. Manvers knows you by sight;I, too, recognise you."
"Sorry," murmured Iff--"_so_ sorry, but you're wrong. Case of mistakenidentity, I give you my word."
"Your word!" snapped the captain contemptuously.
"My word," retorted Iff in a crisp voice; "and more than that, I don'task you to take it. I've proofs of my identity which I think willsatisfy even you."
"Produce them."
"In my own good time." Iff put his back against the wall and loungednegligently, surveying the circle of unfriendly faces with his odd,supercilious eyes, half veiled by their hairless lids. "Since you'vedone me the honour to impute to me guilty knowledge of this--ah--crime,I don't mind admitting that I was a passenger on the Autocratic whenMrs. Burden Hamman lost her jewels; and it wasn't a coincidence, either.I was with you for a purpose--to look out for those jewels. I shared aroom with Ismay, and when, after the robbery, you mistook me for him, henaturally didn't object, and I didn't because it left me all the freerto prosecute my investigation. In fact, it was due to my efforts thatIsmay found things getting too hot for him over in London and arrangedto return the jewelry to Mrs. Hamman for an insignificant ransom--not atithe of their value. But he was hard pressed; if he'd delayed anotherday, I'd 've had him with the goods on.... That," said Iff pensively,"was when I was in the Pinkerton service."
"Ah, it was?" said the captain with much irony. "And what, pray, do youclaim to be now?"
"Just a plain, ordinary, everyday sleuth in the employ of the UnitedStates Secret Service, detailed to work with the Customs Office toprevent smuggling--the smuggling of such articles as, say, the Cadogancollar."
In the silence that followed this astounding declaration, the little manhunched up his shoulders until they seemed more round than ever, andagain subjected the faces of those surrounding him to the stare of hisimpertinent, pale eyes. Staff, more detached in attitude than any of theothers present, for his own amusement followed the range of Iff's gaze.
Captain Cobb was scowling thoughtfully. Manvers wore a look of deepestchagrin. Jane's jaw had fallen and her eyes seemed perilouslyprotrudant. Alison was leaning gracefully back in her chair--her posestudied but charmingly effective--while she favoured Iff with a scrutinyopenly incredulous and disdainful.
"You say you have proofs of this--ah--assertion of yours?" demanded thecaptain at length.
"Oh, yes--surely yes." Iff's tone was almost apologetic. He thrust ahand between his shirt and waistcoat, fumbled a moment as if unbuttoninga pocket, and brought forth a worn leather wallet from which, with greatand exasperating deliberation, he produced a folded paper. This hehanded the captain--his manner, if possible, more than everself-effacing and meek.
The paper (it was parchment) crackled crisply in the captain's fingers.He spread it out and held it to the light in such a position that Staffcould see it over his shoulder. He was unable to read its many closelyinscribed lines, but the heading "Treasury Department, Washington, D. C."was boldly conspicuous, as well as an imposing official seal and theheavily scrawled signature of the Secretary of the Treasury.
Beneath the blue cloth, the captain's shoulders moved impatiently. Staffheard him say something indistinguishable, but of an intonationcalculated to express his emotion.
Iff giggled nervously: "Oh, captain! the ladies--"
Holding himself very stiff and erect, Captain Cobb refolded the documentand ceremoniously handed it back to the little man.
"I beg your pardon," he said in a low voice.
"Don't mention it," begged Iff. He replaced the paper in his wallet, thewallet in his pocket. "I'm sure it's quite an excusable mistake on yourpart, captain dear.... As for you, Mr. Manvers, you needn't apologise tome," he added maliciously: "just make your apologies to Captain Cobb."