Victoria had volunteered to be Avian’s apprentice. It made sense considering she had been our seamstress. They had been spending a lot of time together the last few days.
I swallowed hard as I turned and walked the other way.
I had to consider then the fact that had never seemed important until now. Avian was older than me. Had the world not fallen apart, we would be in different places in our lives. There was a good chance Avian might be married, might even have a son like Brady.
Maybe he should be with someone like Victoria. Maybe he should have a family. Maybe he should be with someone who could give him a life I never could.
But could I handle seeing him with someone else? I’d never had to face that thought before.
The light burned away with the blazing heat of the day, a violent colored sky painted above our heads. Dinner was quiet as we quickly ate our small portions and set about our evening activities. Fires were built as the last of the day’s light faded away. I stood on the edge of the lake against the tree line, just watching.
Morgan, the woman who took care of our horse, walked to her husband Eli, placed a kiss on his forehead as she sat beside him. Gabriel wandered out of his tent, joining his wife Leah at the dining table where she talked to a few other women. Under the table he rested his hand on her knee, a brief moment of affection flashing in their eyes as they looked at each other.
Was that what love was? Brief touches and physical assurances of another’s presence? Or was it what that touch made you feel inside? Was it the impression that it left inside of you and stayed with you for as long as you would remember?
Would I ever understand what that word meant?
I was too aware of the lack of Avian’s presence. He and Victoria made a brief appearance at dinner before disappearing back into the lamp-lit medical tent. Brady scampered around with Wix, laughing at the jokes his babysitter made. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together with Victoria being so preoccupied with medical training.
My eyes found a lone figure, sitting hunched against the light of a small fire. My feet were moving toward it without my head thinking about it.
I sat on the log next to West, close enough my shoulder brushed his as I settled. He glanced over at me briefly. He held a long stick in his hands, stirring the coals that fell of the larger logs.
“Tell me about where you came from, West,” I said as my eyes fixed on the flames. Something inside of me felt hollow again and I craved something to fill it back in. “What happened after the evolution? How did you come back into my life after I left yours?”
He stared into the coals and I could envision the images that flashed before his eyes. But what things had he seen that I couldn’t imagine?
“My father evolved first,” he said, his voice low and rough. “It wasn’t any surprise I guess, working and operating on them like he did. He changed the second week of the spread. I was kept in solitary when my grandfather realized what has happening. He locked me away in our apartment. I was there by myself for two whole weeks.
“A few men broke in through the locked door,” West said as he shifted positions, resting his forearms on his knees. “They were wearing biohazard suits. As if that would have stopped TorBane. They said that my grandfather had been infected but that he had told them to come and get me and transport me away. I grabbed my grandfather’s notebook before I was shoved out the door. They took me and a few others to a van and then we just drove. For days.”
I tried to bring up the images that I knew must be in my brain. Somewhere inside there must have been a record of NovaTor, of the scientists’ faces, of West’s. But there was nothing.
“I slept most of the drive but I could tell we were a long way from home. Finally, we were let out at a camp. It was very different than this one,” he said with his jaw suddenly stiff. “That camp was filled mostly with military personnel and government officials. I was the only teenager there.
“Everyone had a duty to perform. I suppose like here, but there it was your only reason for existing. They all knew who I was, who my family was. They never said it but they hated me for it. People didn’t talk to me and I spent a lot of time alone. I scrubbed the dishes three times a day until my hands were raw and bleeding. For three years.”
The heat of the day finally gave way to the mercy of the night. A breeze picked up, ruffling my tied-back hair. My eyes ascended to the star dusted sky, resting on the moon as it shone with furious intensity.
“I couldn’t take it anymore,” West continued. “I gathered provisions and just left. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, but I thought that even getting infected was almost better than being treated the way I had been.”
I looked over at West with hard eyes. How could real life ever be worse than getting infected? What had they done to him for him to say that?
“I spent probably close to a month traveling on my own. I didn’t see another soul, not a single Bane. It nearly drove me mad, being alone like that.
“And then I met two men who had been out hunting. They took what little food I had and brought me back to their camp. There were twenty or so of them. They were survivors but they weren’t a family like here. It was every man for himself first, help your fellow man stay alive second.
“But they knew how to survive. They taught me how to hunt, to survive in the woods. I owe them a lot I guess. They could have just killed me on sight out wandering in the woods,” he glanced over at me with awkward hints of a smile. I saw scars behind that smile. He dodged away from my probing stare, looking back down at the fire.
“Victoria found us there. She was beaten and could barely stand. She had Brady with her, not even able to walk yet. Brady had to grow up in the middle of that group. No child should ever have to learn to live in that setting.
“The group was out on a scouting duty, different from how we do it here. We were sent out in groups, all of us, to collect any food we could find and bring it back. Victoria and Brady were in my group, along with another man. That’s when the attack happened. We heard the blast, even from a few miles away. But it wasn’t the Bane, it was one of our group. Stupid enough to toss a grenade at one of the Bane. Our camp was gone. Soon we heard the helicopters and we knew the others were gone too.
“The man who was with us, he heard something coming up on us. He told me to take Victoria and Brady and run. He went back to keep them off our trail.”
West was quiet after that, his eyes resting in the dirt at our feet. I knew the fate of the man who had saved them.
Life had never been easy for West. In a way he had been shunned his entire life. When he was a child, he had been shut out because of the fact that he was one. And then because everyone had known who he was. I couldn’t blame him for keeping his knowledge and information to himself anymore.
The next night I stayed silent as I crept to the medical tent. Its flaps were tied back again even though today had been much cooler. Avian and Victoria were inside, slowly eating as they sat side by side. They talked quietly in easy conversation, no awkward or tense silences between them.
They looked…happy.
I walked away, an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I didn’t even realize where I was going until I was at Sarah and Avian’s tent. A lamp softly glowed from within and I pushed aside the flap.
To my amazement, Sarah was propped up slightly, a plate of food in her lap. It was double portions to what the rest of us had been getting.
“You’re alive,” I said. I had had doubts if I would find her to be so.
She gave me a weak smile and a glare as she forked some canned carrots into her mouth.
“I’ve been worried,” I said as I sat down on Avian’s cot across from her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” she said. Her voice sounded terrible.
I stared at Sarah while she ate. She was nothing more than a skeleton now, her skin too loose on her frame. Her hair was a matted m
ess and truthfully, she smelled off.
“What is the matter, Eve?” Sarah said as she finished the last of her dinner and set her plate aside. “Something is bothering you.”
My eyes stared at nothing as I tried to collect my thoughts. She was right, something was wrong, but I didn’t know where to start. It felt like everything was wrong.
“Is Avian in love with Victoria?” I suddenly blurted.
“Victoria?” Sarah sounded startled. “Have they been spending time together?”
“Quite a bit,” I said quietly. “He has been training her.”
Sarah watched my face for a moment. “You’re jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“You don’t like him spending time with her, do you?” she said with the tiniest hint of a smile.
“No,” I said with a relieved sigh before I could think to be more tactful. It was freeing in a way, to finally be able to vocalize what I felt.
“Do you know what you feel for Avian?” she asked, her voice soft and kind.
I bit my lower lip and shook my head. “I wish I did.”
“How does Avian make you feel?” she asked.
I looked up into Sarah’s eyes. How did Avian make me feel?
“Avian makes me feel safe, even though I can keep myself safe,” I finally said, feeling like my chest was swelling. “He makes me feel normal, like I’m me. He knows me. He matters, far more than he should, to me.”
“And how does West make you feel?”
“Alive, I guess,” I said, an almost frustrated sigh escaping my chest. “I feel like I grow when I’m with him but not always in a good way. He pushes me to be more human but then he also brings out the Bane in me.”
Sarah looked at me, silent with contemplation. I hoped almost violently that she was thinking of the answers to give me. If only she could lay things out clearly, tell me exactly what I needed to hear.
“I don’t know which one is going to be right for you. You are going to have to learn that for yourself. But I think there is going to be a time that eventually comes when you’re going to realize it in an instant and there’s going to be no question in your mind.”
“Can’t that be right now?” I said wistfully.
She chuckled, shaking her head slightly. That brought on a round of coughing. I helped her lay down and tucked her blankets up under her chin.
“I’d better go. Got to keep prepping for the trek,” I said as I moved to the flap of the tent.
“Trek?” she questioned, her brow furrowing.
I was about to explain when I suddenly stopped myself. “Never mind,” I said. “Just get some rest.”
Sarah only nodded, too tired to question me further. She rolled to her side and was almost immediately asleep.
I stepped out of the tent and started for my own. I wasn’t even halfway there when a figure moved toward me in the darkness. I was familiar enough with his gait to know it was Avian.
“Hi,” I said, my voice rising in pitch a bit and I stopped a little too suddenly.
“Hi.” He stopped just a few feet from me. We stood there in momentary awkward silence. I wanted to walk away because just then I didn’t want to be around Avian for a reason I didn’t understand. But at the same time I didn’t think I could walk away. I was so relieved to see him, to have him notice me again.
“How is the training going?” I asked, taking a hard swallow.
“Very well,” he said, a smile instantly filling his face. “Victoria catches on quickly.”
I took another swallow, only able to nod my head.
“You haven’t told Sarah we’re leaving,” I said.
“No,” he said simply, his voice catching in his throat.
It felt as if my insides had hardened and I could only nod my head again. My eyes dropped to the dirt at our feet and my arms wrapped around my midsection.
Avian closed the distance between us and placed his warm hand on my cheek. I squeezed my eyes closed as relief flooded my system. I craved more.
“Things are going to be okay,” he whispered.
My eyes rose to meet his. “I don’t see how,” I said.
“Somehow they will be.” His eyes burned as he stared back at me.
There were a million things I wanted to say to Avian in that moment. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to know it was him that I wanted. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want to be alone tonight. I wanted to tell him that in a way I wished it was just him and I that were leaving to go into the unknown.
But how could I say those things when I didn’t even know if he felt the same way anymore?
“Goodnight, Avian,” I said quietly as I took a step away from him.
“Goodnight, Eve,” he whispered back, his burning eyes following me as I walked away into the dark.
TWENTY-FOUR
Two days later, the flap of my tent was opened in the dead of night. Avian stepped inside, his face grave and sharply illuminated by the lantern in his hand.
“Can you come with me?” he asked. I had never heard his voice sound so rough. There were red rims around his eyes. I nodded once and followed him through the dark without a word.
Somehow I knew before we even left my tent that we were going to his. The darkness felt heavy and cold, despite the summer heat. My hands were clammy and my insides hollow.
We stepped inside and I felt myself freeze up in despair.
Sarah lay on her cot, her eyes closed, lined with a frightening shade of red. Her face was covered with a sheen of sweat and her entire frame trembled slightly. Her breathing came in terrifying gasps.
“She’s been unconscious for more than twenty-four hours,” Avian said, his voice sounding as if it were being dragged over rocks. “I can’t wake her up.”
I knelt at her side, pushing the hair back from her face. Her torso twitched violently as her body fought for air.
“Sarah?” I said quietly, taking one of her bony hands in mine. “Sarah?” I said again, my lips pressed into her clammy skin.
Avian sank to his cot, resting his face in his hands. In a few moments his shoulders started to shake as the tears consumed him.
I knew then why Avian had asked me to come. He had wanted me to be able to say good-bye.
I closed my eyes as I pressed my lips to her hand again. Every time Sarah had gathered me up in her arms, every encouraging word she had spoken to me as a young teenager reverberated in my mind. Flashes of her smiling face swam through my head. I recalled all the squabbles she and Avian had gotten into, remembered all the days they wouldn’t talk to each other afterwards, and then the awkward apologies that followed.
West, Bill, or even Gabriel might say that I had never had a mother, never known a sister. But they were wrong. I’d had Sarah.
“I will always miss you,” I whispered, surprised at how rough my own voice sounded. Avian’s sobs became all the louder. “I will always remember you. I don’t know that I would have turned out as human if it wasn’t for you. You gave me a family when I didn’t have one.
“Thank you for everything, Sarah.”
Avian gave a heart-wrenching cry, his shoulders shaking violently.
The sound of Sarah’s labored breathing became all the more terrifying over the next hour. Her skin started turning a grey-purple and her hands grew cold. I squeezed her hand all the tighter.
Just before dawn, Sarah’s body was finally still.
We buried her by the lake. Bill and Graye had found a perfectly smooth salmon colored rock and had somehow managed to carve her name into its surface. Gabriel snapped out of his stupor just enough to speak, to give honor and remembrance to her name. Avian hadn’t said a word since he had come to get me the night Sarah died. I held his trembling frame the rest of that day and all through the night.
TWENTY-FIVE
I rolled the blue barrel up the ramp and it settled at the front of the truck bed with a small sloshing sound. I hopped down and West helped me roll the next one in. The rest of the first group
started packing in the remaining water, then loaded the supplies and our food stores.
The boxes I grabbed rattled as I picked them up and I suddenly realized just how valuable all of our ammunition had become. We couldn’t grow ammunition; we couldn’t scavenge it out of the woods. Ammunition had to be found in civilization and it had become nearly impossible to go into the cities. We were going to have to be more careful than ever.
Sarah’s death seemed to have woken something back up in Gabriel. I had talked to Avian about it. He’d explained that more than likely, Gabriel had just snapped. He’d been trying to keep everyone alive for so long and finally, after recent events, he just couldn’t take anymore. But he was back to his old self, taking charge and making sure things were taken care of. It was he that had come up with our future means of leaving messages, just twelve hours before we were to leave.
“What are the Bane?” Gabriel asked.
“The Bane?” I asked, confused at his question.
Gabriel nodded. “The Bane. What are they?”
“Robots,” West said. I hadn’t heard him approach us and jumped at his voice.
Gabriel nodded again, bending down to pick up a rock. “And what are they made of? What makes them tick?”
“Metal,” I said, watching him pass the rock from hand to hand. “Nanites. Pulses and currents. I don’t get what you are…”
“Exactly.” Gabriel interrupted. “They aren’t organic. Not anymore. They don’t see the world. The Bane don’t notice nature, not in the way we do. We’ll use nature to hide our messages.” He crouched to the ground, gathering stones that had any size to them. Carefully, he started stacking them, one on top of the other. “The Bane won’t notice them. They will just see the rocks. But we, Eden, we will see the messages. They’re called cairns.”
“We could leave notes at the bases of them,” West said, his voice excited as he observed Gabriel’s work. “The things we’ve found, any warnings. If we place them under the stones the Bane will never see them.”