The things Avian told me about seemed so foreign. It was like he was reading to me out of a fairy tale book and I barely even understood the terminology he used. I would never go to a prom.
“You might have had a boyfriend. The two of you would go on special outings, just the two of you or with friends. You might try and sneak out of your parent’s house to try and see him. Boys always get girls into trouble.”
“I can’t imagine you getting me into trouble,” I said as I glanced over at him. “Is that what you were like?”
Avian smiled and looked at the ground. “I was the guy that couldn’t get up the nerve to ask the girl I wanted out. I would have stayed home by myself, burying my head in my latest medical book.
“I would have wanted to ask you but you would have said no.”
I looked over at Avian and really looked at him. He was tall, at least six feet. He wasn’t built as big as Bill or even West, but he wasn’t small. He had the lean frame of a man who worked hard and had lived on a rations diet for the last five years. His dark, short hair accented the tanned color of his skin, his surprisingly blue eyes piercing. “I highly doubt that.”
He smiled and squeezed my hand.
“Problem would have been that while you would still be in high school, I would have still been in the Army, hopefully going through real medical school. People wouldn’t have liked the age difference. You would have barely even been legal.”
There was meaning and weight behind Avian’s words that I didn’t really understand. I pushed the feeling aside.
I considered what I might have been like if I hadn’t grown up the way I did. I was as mature as any of the other women in Eden, at least I thought so. They didn’t look down on me and I didn’t consider any of the others superior to myself. But maybe if I hadn’t been experimented on and grown up in a world of running and raids I wouldn’t have been that way. Maybe all I would have cared about would have been jewelry and what boy was asking me to the prom or what dress I was going to wear.
The world we lived in made me grow up. I didn’t know what it was like to be a real teenager.
We walked at a swift pace for another two hours before signs of life were detected. We stopped at the tree line, looking out over the tents and bustling people. I glanced at Avian. He gave a weak smile, the smile of knowing the tiring, endless work that was before the both of us. I returned his smile, let go of his hand, and went to help reassemble Eden.
ELEVEN
With as little as we possessed it didn’t take long to put everything back together. Everyone helped, no one was left in distress about what needed to be done. We were a family, a unit that worked as one.
Things were different though. With Sarah’s newfound medical condition, she had moved into Avian’s tent permanently. The seizures were infrequent but happened enough that Avian insisted. I was on my own now.
The sun shone down on us as we worked on the rows of vegetables in the gardens the next day, the temperature rising slowly. Graye worked silently two rows behind me. We had talked little since I realized what he had done for Avian. In a strange way, I felt like I should apologize to him but at the same time, it wasn’t me that had asked him to grab the necklace.
Terrif directed people soundlessly to the areas they should work on. I could tell he was getting flustered with Wix, who had pulled up a section of carrots, thinking they were weeds. It was hard to stay mad at him though when he started eating the green stems as a way of apology.
West worked in the opposite corner, never looking up as he weeded in the potato patch. We had kept up a careful pattern of avoidance ever since I had discovered the notebook. I had a million questions, but I wasn’t ready to face him and ask them.
I pulled a massive weed out of the patch of peas I was working on, and tossed it into a wheelbarrow. My eyes scanned the tree line for the fiftieth time since we had arrived. Even though all the scouting parties, including my own, had found no signs of the Bane, I felt uneasy. They had to still be out there somewhere. The Bane were persistent.
The afternoon shift arrived and I bolted out of the garden as soon as I handed my gloves off. I wasn’t ready to have to talk to West yet. I wasn’t sure what I should say or how I would even react. Apparently he wasn’t ready to talk to me either since he never made any attempts. That was just fine with me.
Upon arriving back at camp, I looked for Sarah. I’d had little chance to talk to her since she had gotten sick. I didn’t want her to feel like I was avoiding her.
Just as I was about step inside their tent, Avian came out, our bodies bumping into each other unexpectedly. He grabbed my shoulders to steady the both of us and his vivid blue eyes looked down at me, a small smile coming to his lips. A hint of a smile crept into the corner of my lips as well.
“Sorry,” I said. “I just came to see Sarah.”
“She’s inside resting,” he said. “She had another seizure a few minutes ago.”
“Is she going to be alright?” I asked.
“I think so,” he said as he smiled at me again, warmth spreading through his eyes.
“I’m not deaf, you know,” Sarah called from inside the tent.
Avian chuckled, placing a hand on my arm again. “I’ve got to go. Victoria is having troubles with her foot again.”
“Bye,” I said as he walked away.
I stepped inside Avian and Sarah’s tent. It was dark, the air stuffy and warm.
“Tie it back, would you?” Sarah said through the darkness as I entered. “I think he’s trying to suffocate me. I feel like I’m living in a cave these days.”
I tied the flap of the tent back as she asked, light flooding the cramped space. I then sat on Avian’s bed.
Sarah’s hair was tousled, her dark curls sticking out in every direction. Her eyes were reddened and tired looking.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, hoping she didn’t notice the way I scrutinized every inch of her.
“I’d be better if everyone would stop asking me that question,” she said with a tired tone.
“Everyone is concerned.”
“I know,” she sighed as she lay back down. “I’m just tired of being the frail, sick one. I’m as fine as I can be I guess. I’m handling it. Whatever this is.”
“There’s nothing he can do?” I asked.
“If he had access to an MRI machine, a pharmacy full of drugs, and a neurologist, maybe. But we just have to be careful now.”
“We can get drugs,” I said. “I can go on another raid. I got the shots Avian needed before. If he tells me what you need I can get it.”
Sarah shook her head, a smile creeping onto her face. “He would never ask you to do that, to go into danger like that again.”
“He wouldn’t need to ask me,” I said as my brow furrowed, my blood boiling just a little.
“He wouldn’t tell you what to look for to prevent you from trying. You’re too important to him.”
An awkward silence hung in the air after she stopped talking. Something was changing between Avian and me.
“Don’t be angry with him for keeping the secret from you,” she said softly, her eyes hesitating to meet mine.
“You knew too?” I asked, my voice accusing.
“No, but Avian told me after you came back. How are you handling that information?”
“The fact that I’m a robotic-human hybrid?” I said. “Just great.”
“I’m serious, Eve.”
I didn’t say anything for a second as I looked down at my weathered hands. “I’m trying not to think about it too much. The fact that my shoulder has already healed up isn’t helping that much though.”
“He said you were hurt pretty badly.”
“You should see the scar,” I joked half-heartedly. “I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t even know it was there until West told me.”
I felt it before I even saw the sly grin that crept onto Sarah’s face. “Running off to the city with the new man in Eden, huh? Never would hav
e pegged you for that type.”
“What?” I asked. “What are you talking about? He just…came with me.”
“And you had no desire to get a little close and cozy along the way with a face and body like that?”
“I’m going to go now,” I said as I suddenly stood. “Take it easy.”
Sarah just chuckled as I stepped outside.
Evening settled and the camp started to grow quiet. The stars seemed more intense than usual as they reflected off the surface of the lake.
I had tried to insist on taking the night guard but apparently Bill had already beaten me to it. A new watchtower had been erected and everything was nearly back to business as usual. With nothing else to do, I found myself around the fire with Avian and Sarah. Recalling Sarah’s comments earlier, I made a new resolve to not be distracted by anything or anyone. I sat as far away from Avian as I could.
“Is Victoria alright?” Sarah asked, pulling her blanket tighter around her shrinking frame.
“It’s a small infection. It just needed a little cleaning out,” Avian replied.
I heard someone walk up from behind us and turned to see West hesitantly approaching. “Do you mind if I join you?” he asked to no one in particular.
Avian shook his head.
With little elsewhere to sit, he sat just to the right of me. He was close enough I could smell the earthy scent of him.
“Have they seen any more signs of the Bane?” Sarah asked. I was grateful for her insight and tactic to keep awkward silences away.
I shook my head. “Not since we left our last site.”
“Maybe they’re giving up,” she said as she gazed into the flames.
“I doubt that,” Avian said as he stared at the fire.
“Will they ever?”
No one said anything for a moment. That was what we had all wondered for the last five years.
“It’s something in their engineering,” West suddenly spoke. “The infection craves more human flesh. It mutated to spread. It’s trying to keep reproducing.”
“That’s why the Bane keep looking,” Avian said, neither a statement nor a question exactly.
West nodded. “It’s looking to assimilate more.”
“There’s got to be a way to stop them,” Sarah said as she shook her head. “Like making a large CDU. Why haven’t we done that, Avian?”
“We don’t have the resources,” he said as he too shook his head. I knew he’d thought about this idea before. We all had. “Everything we need is in the city. And we can’t just take the materials and bring it back here. We’d need massive amounts of electricity to make it work. And besides, none of us know how exactly the CDU even works, how it’s engineered. It’s some very complex technology.”
“So basically, we’re all just waiting around to be infected,” Sarah said, her voice falling. “As long as there are still people out there, the Bane will keep coming.”
“And we’ll keep fighting,” I said harshly, my tone coming out more sharply than I meant it to.
Sarah looked at me with cold eyes that surprised me. Without her even saying it, I knew what she was thinking. I didn’t have to worry about being infected. I was already immune by essentially being one of them.
“Maybe we should all get some rest,” Avian suggested, feeling the tension that was building around the fire.
Without saying anything, Sarah stood and walked back inside the tent.
“Goodnight,” Avian said.
I stood, pushing my hands into my pockets as I stared into the fire. West stood too, and together we slowly walked away from Avian and Sarah’s tent.
“I want to look through the notebook,” I blurted out and stopped walking not ten seconds later. West took a few more steps before stopping. I stood watching his back, my hands still pushed into my pockets against the cold.
He didn’t say anything for a while as he stood with his back to me. I could almost see the gears in his head turning as he considered my request and what it would mean.
Slowly, he turned and took three steps toward me to close the gap. He stared into my eyes, intensity burning in his own. He reached his right hand into his jacket and pulled the tattered notebook out.
“The pages in the middle are the ones about you,” he said, keeping his voice quiet. “And don’t lose it. If you do…” he squeezed his eyes closed, his lips forming a thin line as he considered the horrifying possibility.
“I won’t,” I promised as I went to take it. West opened his eyes, holding onto the notebook for another heavy moment before finally letting go.
“Goodnight, West,” I said as I stared back into his eyes.
“Goodnight,” he whispered. He hesitated just a moment longer before he stepped away and ducked into his tent.
Armed with the answers to my past, I returned to my own.
TWELVE
The notebook lay on my chest, my fingers clenching it tightly. I looked up blankly at the dark ceiling. I hadn’t been able to will myself to open it. All the things I couldn’t remember, all the dreams that haunted me, the answers were all inside and I couldn’t make myself look at them.
I squeezed my eyes closed as I remembered smelling the steel beneath me, of hearing the drill. Feeling my head and realizing all my hair had been shaved off. I had dreamed of running endlessly. Dreamed of a pair of earthy eyes watching me through an observation window. It was West, I knew that now. He had seen everything they had done to me. The only person I had actually known my whole life, and I couldn’t remember him.
I didn’t sleep that night. I just stared up at the ceiling, trying to dredge up memories I couldn’t recall, memories that were recorded by someone else’s hand on the pages I held.
Morning came, casting a grey hue to the space around me. I didn’t leave my tent, couldn’t make myself even get out of my bed. But it was one of those very rare days I didn’t have any duties.
As I heard Eden begin to stir, a plate of food was pushed under the flap of my tent and then I heard footsteps retreating. I reached for it, eating what was there without realizing what it even was.
The food in my system seemed to boost my commitment to unlock the past and I finally opened the pages.
The notebook seemed thinner than it should have been, like there were pages missing. It was in pretty poor shape though, many of the pages barely clinging to the metal spiral that kept them all bound together.
West was right, the pages about me were located in the middle. The notes in the beginning of the notebook may as well have been written in another language. It was scientific and talked about a lot of different alloys, programming, words I didn’t understand. I could only guess that they were about the design for making me what I was.
The first entry was dated from when I would have been roughly four-years-old.
It feels so impossible that my last entry was only six months ago. Given last week’s visit from the military, it seems the past few years were so distant and so much easier.
I assumed this was where the pages went missing from. The pages previous to this entry were of the mathematical, formula type.
NovaTor has been approached by a branch of the military to develop some new technology. The government has been kept aware of what we have been researching in regards to TorBane the last few years. But no one is supposed to officially know about the Eve project.
Last week three men came to us with a separate project. They themselves had been working on something to make soldiers stronger, faster. It is a chip. It would be implanted in the brain and it overrules tiredness, pain, and emotion. You couldn’t ask for a better soldier if you could take out those factors. I suppose maybe the last one is debatable.
They have been doing human testing with the technology. They had five subjects. But they are running into complications. Where these soldiers don’t feel pain and don’t get tired, they either collapse from exhaustion because their bodies become depleted, because their body is still functioning normally, their b
rain just doesn’t tell them to slow down, or they break and injure themselves and don’t realize it until they are completely immobilized or dead.
But they heard about the Eve project. About the regenerative capabilities. About the ability to heal.
They want us to combine the two technologies.
And they’re offering money that is hard to refuse.
What concerns me is the blocked emotion. I know what it could do to a young girl’s development. And I question what a life without emotion would be like.
They don’t want just one test subject. But how can I in good conscious give them more than that?
I never understood the concept of blackmail fully until recently. Such a dark, malevolent thing.
After digging around and questioning my staff, they discovered the full details about the Eve project. How it wasn’t exactly approved or fully documented. They threatened to report us and get the entire TorBane project shut down. But they’ll keep quiet if we do their testing.
I have no choice but to turn the Eve project over to them.
I was a blackmailed science project. I was a freak.
Had I been with my family before that? Had I even had one, ever? Maybe they had picked me out of an orphanage. They could have found me in the trash for all I knew.
The next entry was dated two months later.
Our entire team has been working with the military on the chip. The development and technology is good, but it isn’t fully ready. It isn’t quite fine-tuned. A person’s emotions are bound to develop around their blocks and eventually the block will become undone. They need the ability to do adjustments without having to physically go back into the brain each time.