That betrayal was emblazoned on me by the time I returned to Adam. All I could think was that it was obvious, right there in my eyes for him to see and read. Even saying that I would only consider it would be enough to make him say I was not loyal, and then there was no saying what he would do. As Paul tied me back to the tree beside him, I avoided Adam’s searching gaze.
“Don’t let it happen again.” Paul told me firmly, and I nodded, knowing he was trying to lead Adam to believe that our conversation had simply been a reprimand.
“Are you alright?” Adam asked me softly, and I nodded again, suddenly feeling small there next to him; the full weight of that betrayal was laid so heavily and so glaringly on me, and as a result, I could not even look him in the eye.
“What happened, sweetheart? Tell me what happened.”
“Nothing.” I said, “He just told me that if I keep this up, they will kill us both. Same as you. Same as you, just more… forceful.”
“Did he hurt you, Brynna? Tell me now…”
“No. He just told me that we are running out of time. That’s all.”
Now, I was lying. I was making it worse by lying. There against that tree, I had my one chance to tell him the truth from the beginning, and I chose to lie. Despite the fact that I did not believe Paul’s story, I was still lying to protect the possibility of seeing my mother again. My mother, for whom I did not care in the slightest… My mother, whom I had left behind…
I closed my eyes and rested my head against Adam’s shoulders. The feeling of his lips kissing my forehead, down my nose, and on my cheek made the guilt that was tugging in my chest amplify; there he was trying to comfort me, when I had promised to think over Paul’s treacherous plan.
If we wanted to survive, we would have to remain unified. If we were to remain unified, I had to put it out of my mind. I could not tell him all Paul had said, because then I would have destroyed my one chance to see her again. Later, when we arrived at the village, I would tell him what had occurred between Paul and me and ask for his advice. But in the meantime, I had to keep it together, because Paul had promised to discreetly free us if only I agreed to his plan.
“I am fine. I just…” I stopped, trying to formulate an explanation for my strange behavior. When I settled on that explanation, I acknowledged to myself that I was not altogether lying.
“I was just afraid they were going to hurt you while I was gone. I thought that maybe he was leading me away so I would not witness it, though why he would want to save me from seeing that, I do not know. Or I was afraid that I would come back, and your infection would have progressed, and you would have died as a result of its progression.”
“I will not allow death to take me. Not while we are here, Brynna. Not while we are fighting together to survive this. I will hold on to the very last breath for you, and hopefully, by the time I arrive at that last breath, we will have been saved.”
“I hope so, Adam. Because we are running out of time here.” I repeated Paul’s words almost verbatim, “It is only a matter of time before they lose control and kill me. Or you. Or both of us.”