CHAPTER XXVIII
JUDITH BINDS HERSELF
Judith was alone, waiting for Mather, and wrestling with the questionwhich at the discovery of her father's body had rushed upon her. Was hisdeath her fault?
Had she accepted Ellis, or had she recalled her refusal when her fatherbegged her, the Colonel would now be living. She might have guessed thedesperate resolve that he had taken. What would have been her duty, hadshe understood? Or what should she have done, had he appealed to her?And not understanding, not having foreseen, how much was her fault?
There was here a chance for speculation to drive a weaker woman wild.But Judith had not the nature to yield to such a danger. Essentiallycombative, naturally active, her habit was to put the past behind,accept the present, and look the future in the face. This instinct stoodby her now, and even though her shuddering mind still dwelt upon thecatastrophe, something within her called her to stand up, controlherself, look forward. And one more mental trait, which was in somerespects the great defect in her character--namely her almost masculinefashion of judging herself and others--here stood her in good stead, andserved her by showing her father's action in the proper light.
Though she perceived that she had led him into this entanglement, shesaw more. The Colonel had had not only his own but also his wife'sfortune: where had the money gone? Strong as were Judith's grief andpity for him, abundantly as she acknowledged her part in his error, shecould not fail to see how selfish had been his actions, how cowardlythis desertion!
But remembering her own great error, she could not blame. How deeplythey had both been at fault! She began to sympathise with the Colonel'smistakes, to understand him better, to wish that in their relations theyhad not been so aloof. He must have been many times in doubt, pain, thedeepest of trouble, and she had never suspected. Judith began to bestirred by more daughterly feelings than since childhood; her grief andpity grew stronger, unavailing regret seized her, and when George Matherarrived he found her in tears.
He had never imagined such a sight, nor had he met such sweet dignity asthat with which, controlling herself, she rose and welcomed him. Shetold him of her father's death. Mather had not admired the Colonel; hewas not surprised at such a weak end; and while she spoke all his sensesdwelt on her--on the wonderful fresh charm, which, springing from thenew humility, made more of a woman of her. Stoically but stupidly hepaced the room, remembering that he was not there to consider himself,but to do what he could for her. There were things which must be done;as gently as he could he reminded her of them, and going to thetelephone called up the doctor and asked him to bring the medicalexaminer. And while Mather did this, cursing himself that he could notconsole her, all the time a new sensation was occupying her--the comfortof having, for the first time in her life, a man to depend on.
Then Beth arrived, with Pease who had met her in the street--Beth, wildof eye, the very foundations of her nature shocked, in one evening twicebetrayed. The poor little thing still maintained a false composure,checked from time to time the tears that would spring, and fought withall her force against the thoughts which were ready to engulf her. Shewent straight to Judith and rested at her side, feeling that there wasstrength, and that with George in the house, and with Pease there,silent and steady, no more harm could come to her.
Judith sent the two men to her father's study, where they saw theevidence of his one resolute deed. They took the letter, the result ofhis only wise one. Again in the parlour, they opened and read the lettertogether; their brows clouded as they read, and at the end their eyesmet in a look of inquiry.
"Read it aloud," demanded Judith.
"I think we had better," said Pease, and Mather assented. And so thegirls learned the full extent of their calamity, for with unusualbrevity the Colonel had written:
"I have nothing left, not a stock nor a bond. The furniture is mortgaged, so is the house; Ellis, through brokers I suppose, has bought me up completely and threatens to turn me out on Monday. He can do it; besides, I owe him fifteen thousand dollars. The girls don't own anything but their clothes and knick-knacks, and Judith's typewriter.
"I don't see any way out of this, and I'm tired of thinking. You two are young and clever; I turn the problem over to you.
"Take care of my girls."
And with these words the Colonel had handed his burden over to others.Tears sprang to Beth's eyes as she understood. It was natural that evenso soon his selfishness should force itself to notice. Ah, if men couldbut guide themselves by the consideration of what will be thought ofthem after they are gone, how different would be their lives! Not thereligion man professes, nor even the love he actually bears, can teachhim to overcome caprice or to sink himself in others. Yet since it maybe that the punishment after death is to see ourselves as others see us,let us not belabour the poor Colonel with words, but leave him in thatpurgatory where the mirror of souls will teach self-understanding.
Judith was stunned. The real meaning of her father's statements cameupon her like a blow, the room vanished from before her eyes, and sheclutched the arm of the sofa where she sat, to keep from falling. Thehouse mortgaged! The furniture pledged! And the great debt besides! Thecalamity overpowered her.
"Judith!" cried Mather in alarm.
She groped with her hands before her face and cleared the mist away. "Itis nothing," she said. "I am--strong."
"I hope," said Pease, "that you will let Mr. Mather and me assume yourfather's trust."
"Tell me this," Judith requested, trying to command her voice. "We haveno property at all--none at all. But there is that debt to Mr. Ellis.What is my liability to him?"
"Nothing whatever," Pease replied.
"I do not understand," she said. "I--I am responsible. If the debt weresmall, I should wish to earn the money to pay it. And though it islarge, I think I ought to try to do the same."
"Impossible!" cried Pease. Judith listened while he protested andexplained, but the matter became no clearer. Her own great fault hadbrought all this about: the debt was hers. She tried to make himcomprehend.
"I----" she said, and faltered. "There are things you do not know."
"Judith," began Mather, "first let me understand, Mr. Ellis broke withyour father?"
"And with me," she added simply.
"Then let me ask what object he had in lending money to your father?"
"Oh, don't you see," she cried, "that only makes it worse? If I--led himon, if on my account father supposed----It all comes back to me. It's myfault, my fault!" She was almost wild.
"But you did not know," he pointed out. "This debt cannot bind you."
"It is all my fault," she repeated.
"What does your sister think?" asked Pease. "What would Mr. Wayne say?"He spoke with the hope of new influence; but Beth dissolved in suddentears, and holding out her hand, showed her finger bare of its ring andred with the rubbing which all this time she had been giving it, toremove even the mark of Jim's pledge.
"Do not speak of him!" she sobbed.
Judith gathered her in her arms; the men walked into the next room. AsJudith sought to comfort unhappy Beth she felt mounting in herself anunknown tenderness. In this crisis all selfishness was impossible, allworldliness was far from her thoughts. Her heart spoke naturally inmurmurings, softened the hand which gave the sweet caress, yet lent thestrength that held her sister to her breast. It was a blessed minute forthem both, for Judith learned new kindness, and Beth found, in place ofa reserved sister, one who seemed to have a mother's gentleness. And yettheir communion was brief, for the outer door--earlier left unlatchedfor Beth's return--opened and then shut, steps were heard in the hall,and a voice said inquiringly, "Colonel Blanchard?" It was Ellis!
Judith rose quickly to her feet, dashing the tears from her eyes; Bethalso rose, astonished and alarmed. Scarcely had they made an attempt tocompose themselves before Ellis appeared in the doorway. He slowlyentered.
"Excuse me," he said; "I did not ring becau
se I was afraid you would notreceive me. I came to beg your pardon."
"It is granted," Judith answered coldly.
"I did not know what I was doing," he went on. "I--I hope we can go backto where we were. No," as she made a gesture of denial, "hear me out. Ididn't mean what I said about the debt and mortgages--you know I didnot. Let the mortgages run. And two of your father's notes are overdue.Look, I have written another to supersede them all, giving time forpayment. Let him sign this, and I destroy the others. Will you tell himthis?" He held out the note.
Her eyes glowed as she took it. "Have you a pen?" He drew out a fountainpen and gave it to her.
"What are you doing?" asked Beth, alarmed.
"I will sign it," Judith answered.
"You?" Ellis cried.
"My father is dead," she replied. Quickly she went to the table andcleared a space at its corner.
"Judith!" protested Beth. But Judith's eyes were bright with excitement,and she did not hear. Beth turned and sped into the adjoining room.Astonished, yet holding himself quiet, Ellis listened to the scratchingof the pen, and watched Judith's eager face as she signed the note. Shegave it to him, with the pen.
"There!" she said, in the tone of one who has fulfilled a duty.
Then Mather entered, too late. Ellis had torn the Colonel's notes andhanded them to Judith. "What have you done?" Mather cried.
She faced him proudly. "I have assumed my father's debt."
To Pease, who had followed him, Mather cast one look of impotence; thenhe strode to the promoter's side.
"Mr. Ellis, give me the note!"
But Ellis put it in his pocket. "It is mine."
"I will pledge myself for it," offered Mather, "at what terms youplease."
"It is not for sale," said Ellis doggedly.
"I will bring cash for it on Monday."
"Thank you," sneered Ellis, "but I mean to keep it."
"Mr. Ellis," Mather cried, "on what terms will you part with the note?"
"I will part with it," he replied, "only to Miss Blanchard herself, asyou must admit is proper, and the terms I will arrange with her alone."
He looked his defiance into Mather's face. The tense and shaking figureof his rival towered above him, and Pease started forward to prevent ablow. But Mather controlled himself and pointed to the door. "Go!"
Ellis bowed to the sisters. "Good-night." No one made answer as he wentaway.
* * * * *
Beth, exhausted, was asleep at last; Judith sat by her side. The medicalexaminer had come and gone, her father lay in peace, and the house wasquiet. Downstairs Mather was watching: he had offered to stay; Beth hadbegged that he might. Judith would not allow her thoughts to dwell onhim, or on the comfort of his neighbourhood. She would not think ofEllis, nor of those obligations, the extent of which she did notunderstand. Of her father she did not dare to think except to promise totake his place toward Beth, and to pay his debt even if the struggleshould bring her to face the world's worst. Yet no fear troubled her,for a new self, an awakening soul, was stirring within her, calling forcontrition, self-examination, and for new resolves. Musing andconfessing her faults, Judith went to the window and looked up at thestars; through them she looked into the unalterable and true. She hadbeen wrong; she understood the falseness of her standards. Then she sawmore, and awe began to come over her as she perceived so much where oncehad appeared so little. Life held love: her sister was left to her. Lifeheld duty, and work to be accomplished. That work called her.
Yet how different it was from what she had expected! She had desired tomix with affairs; now in truth she would become part of them, but onlyas a wheel in the great machine. She was not disappointed nor dismayed.Seen thus near at hand, life had rewards, giving vigour, not ennui; andgiving reality, not that artificiality of the past. She did not regret,for she saw greater heights to the new life which she faced than to theone dead level of the old conception.
It was also new to Judith that without reasoning she felt all this, andknew, as never before. She would give herself to this wonderful life,would follow it to whatever end was waiting for her, confident that,having acted right, that end could not be evil. And so feeling, herheart moved within her, again to her eyes came the tears, and another ofthose barriers melted away which stood between Judith and her truewomanhood.