1-22-09
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” This is one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Seuss, one of America’s most famous children’s book authors; also known as Ted to family and friends. Oddly enough, he never had children of his own. What does this mean to you?
Simply put...celebrate you every day. Wait a minute, let me be perfectly clear. ‘Celebrate’ doesn’t mean beer and pizza. It means, be happy with who you are every day, all day! Dickens, we all have things we’d like to change. For instance, I am not a natural light brown with blonde highlights. Who knew?
And since we’re on this journey of self-discovery we need to start with who we are right now and accept ourselves for the sake of ourselves. We all have differences that make us unique, but beyond those differences we are all the same. Think about it…blood flows through our veins. Our lungs breathe, stomachs digest and each of us has a mind to utilize to the fullest extent of possibilities. I believe in possibilities, don’t you?
Webster states it best: Pos-si-ble: 1. that can happen. 2. that can exist. 3. that can be done or chosen. Wowzer, chosen! Let’s think about that word. ‘Chosen’ makes possibilities possible. See, you have a choice to be, or do, or have whatever you want. Right now though, let’s keep it simple and choose to accept ourselves and embrace it!
Remember, we’re not here to seek perfection. We’re here to enjoy be-ing! Being alive, being here, being in love, being a mom, being a dad, being with friends…folks just be-ing is reason enough to get excited. Wouldn’t you agree? Wait…I know what you’re about to say. “But, I don’t like my…” Stop right there! I really want to make sure you get this week’s message.
Accept yourself. All of you…your weight, height, health, age (you’re never as young as you were yesterday), financial status, marital status (not being married is its own status), job, bald spot, false teeth, dimpled chin, IQ…even the things you don’t like. Whatever it is that makes you, you! Accept it. Right here, right now. The point is…we have to start here. Because as soon as you accept yourself and where you are right now in your life...you can begin to move forward. And moving forward is what taking this journey is all about this year.
In fact, our lives are in a constant forward motion whether we realize it or not. For example, let’s say you’ve have had the same job for ten plus years. Even so, you are not who or where you were ten years ago. We are constantly moving forward. And each tick of the clock is an opportunity to make a choice. Today’s choice is to accept ourselves then move forward…one choice at a time…one acceptance at a time…one ah-ha moment at a time. So, accept yourself right now and let the journey begin!
Can you imagine…being happy with yourself right now?
Size Matters
Column #142, Published 3-26-09
Life is not one-size-fits-all. And folks, it never will be. However, life is the size you make it. Big or small, it’s ‘size’ is determined by how much you contribute to it. Little effort…little return. Huge effort…huge return. In other words, if you add a lot of happiness, love, optimism, kindness, gratitude, compassion, enthusiasm, or joy, just to name a few positive aspects. These will be bestowed upon you in return.
What? Were you expecting a miracle? Someone waving a magic wand then ‘poof’ your life is all laid out the way you want it? Obviously uttering ‘A-bra-ca-dab-bra’ doesn’t work or we’d all be walking around muttering to ourselves. And since Genies are in short supply it’s totally up to you. Remember, you are the conductor of your own orchestra, the screenwriter of your own movie, the director of your own Broadway musical, the keeper of your own bees, the CEO of your own Fortune 500 Company. The point is, you are in charge of the size of your life!
You are your attitude. You are what you allow yourself to think. You are how you allow yourself to behave. You are in charge. You are your life. And you can change your life!
You can change the way you feel, think or act toward something or someone. You can change your behavior by changing your thinking, which in turn becomes your actions. So right now, take an inventory of your life by examining all aspects. Does it fit who you ‘think’ you are? Great! But if you’re life doesn’t fit, changing your thinking is the first step to making it fit who you want to become.
For instance, are you as patient as you’d like to be? If not, think…“I will be more patient,” and practice it until it fits. Are you as kind as you would like to be? Well then, start thinking about being kind to others until it becomes automatic.
Do you have an attitude of gratitude on a daily basis? Folks, this is one of the easiest ways to change your life quickly. If you can’t think of anything to be thankful for right now, just be thankful to be alive. Soon, you will be able to think of a lot of other things to be thankful for as the days go by.
I know it’s so easy to get caught up in the stresses of daily living that we tend to forget to be grateful to have a home, even if the mortgage or rent is due…again! We forget to be thankful we have a job when traffic is at a standstill…again! We sometimes wish we could trade the kids in when they are bickering about who gets to sit where at the table…again! We might forget to be grateful, but we can change.
The point is…you think and make decisions daily. You may not realize it, but when you wake up in the morning, you set the precedent for your day. You make a decision (consciously or unconsciously…if you’re still half asleep) as to whether it’s going to be a ‘good’ day or a ‘bad’ day.
So starting tomorrow, we are going to wake up and think optimistically about our day, because we can. We are going to focus our energies on the ‘right now’ and work on our life from that vantage point. Besides, it’s the best seat in the house…your life…in your face…right now! And I’m here to officially tell you the secret to life is you! Size matters…make your life fit.
Can you imagine…a wonderful and amazing life?
The Three F’s
Column #148, Published 5-7-09
Forgive, Forget and Forward are the three F’s I refer to because when they are brought together, those three F’s can alter lives.
A friend of mine and I were talking on the phone one day and they said ‘forgiveness’ meant to forget. I begged to differ and said ‘forgiveness’ meant a person is able to recall the incident without anger, or any other negative emotion.
Webster’s Dictionary states to forgive is: to cease to blame or feel resentment about (an offense or offender). And the ability to Forgive is one of the most ‘freeing’ things you can do for yourself, or someone else. Forgiving someone frees you from holding grudges, laying blame, and becoming resentful or angry. It also gives you peace of mind, contentment and deflates any negative emotions you would have been feeling toward that person.
Forgiveness also frees the other person from feelings of guilt or even shame, in some cases. We’ve talked about forgiveness before, but the act of forgiveness is very powerful. Learning to forgive is a great life lesson, but it comes with some responsibility. You really have to mean it. Going through the motions doesn’t count. Forgive fully.
Now, it’s time to Forget. After all…the ‘offense’ is now in the past. In fact, as soon as it happened it was over and now survives only in your memory. To forget doesn’t mean taking drastic measures to eradicate any traces of the event from your gray matter…like electroshock therapy, for instance.
On the contrary, to forget means to put it behind you. It’s in the past anyway; where all memories, good or bad reside. So tuck the ‘offense’ away and don’t keep reliving it. Basically forget until a time when you may need to recall the incident. Then remember at will if you desire, however, don’t dwell on an unpleasant memory. Live in the present.
Next move Forward, always keeping the future within reach. Friends I’ve said for years, “You can’t read the book unless you turn the page.” In other words, moving forward is the only way to live life. Nothing you ‘want’ is in the past anyway, because the past can’
t come back and be the future. It’s not possible.
Friends, when you truly Forgive someone for an unpleasant encounter, you can then Forget by putting the incident behind you, clearing away the obstacles of ‘blame, holding grudges and resentment’ allowing you to move Forward…where the rest of your life is waiting.
Ask yourself, have I been holding a grudge far too long? Have I not allowed so-and-so to forget what they said/did to me? Have I carried the weight of hate for so long I don’t remember why I hate? Have I been slow to forgive, making my life miserable? Have I blamed everyone else for my mistakes?
Now ask yourself, can I forgive? Will I forgive right now so I can start enjoying my present and look forward to my future? Will I forgive, forget and move forward today?!
Friends, forgiveness is unique in the fact that you can forgive someone in person or in private. And by private I mean write them a letter and tell them they are forgiven. You don’t have to mail it, just the act of forgiving frees them and you. Isn’t that alone worth it?
Can you imagine…finally freeing yourself from the past?
Destination NOW!
Column #149, Published 5-14-09
What does it mean to live ‘in the moment’, to be ‘present’ or in the ‘NOW’? Motivational speakers everywhere are touting the advice, “Live in the moment!” But what does it mean? I hear people saying, “I am IN the moment. My stuff is here. My friends are here. My 1.5 pets are here. Therefore, I must be in the moment!” Sorry friends, but that’s not entirely true.
Let me elaborate. Picture this: a small child at play…totally absorbed with the game they are playing. Their thoughts and actions are completely consumed by what they are doing at that particular moment...their now. What they had for breakfast does not cross their mind. What they are having for dinner doesn’t deserve even a brief thought. What the teacher might teach in school the next day isn’t even up for consideration. They are simply enjoying the game…totally in the moment…totally in the now.
During my seminars I ask folks to tell me what they ‘feel’ like when they get up in the morning and ‘put their life on’ (figuratively speaking). Are they stressed about what needs to be done that day? Is it…meeting with the boss, getting the kids ready for school, worrying about bills, laundry, what’s for breakfast, or a doctor’s appointment? The list of possibilities is endless.
I then suggest that they don’t “put their life on” when they first get out of bed. Instead, use those precious first ten to fifteen minutes and make it all about them. Relaxing by listening to music, writing in a journal, meditating, sitting outside to watch the world wake up, taking a walk, or anything else that focuses entirely on them; and not the events that will soon unfold as the day progresses.
Too many of us wake up with work on our minds…meetings, clients, customers and all the constant distractions. And if it’s not work, it’s family…children, breakfast, school clothes, what to fix for dinner, parent meetings, Suzie’s dentist appointment, can my spouse pick up Tommy from baseball practice and everything else that goes along with having a family. Or worse, they wake up thinking about yesterday or last week upset or worried about something in the past.
If you wake up worrying about everything you need to do that day you’ve completely missed your now. And you will continue to miss the sheer pleasure and joy of being present in the now if you constantly ignore it. And I have news for you friends…NOW doesn’t go away. It’s always NOW! And if you don’t stop to enjoy it, you’ll wake up some day and say, “Hey, where did my life go?”
A great example of how to realize you’re in your now, or in the moment, is to think of your passion. The ‘thing’ you do that gives you the most peace and enjoyment. Is it painting, gardening, music, tinkering in the garage, reading, watching movies, fishing or some other activity you enjoy? You can tell your ‘passion’ because when you are involved in that activity, time becomes a lost concept. Hours fly by without you realizing it; that’s when you know you are in the now. And friends, life is fuller and more vibrant in the NOW.
A personal example for me is dancing. As my body absorbs the rhythm of the music, I close my eyes and allow myself to be in the moment; totally and blissfully lost in the pure joy and passion of dancing. Thinking about anything else is not an option. The music takes me wherever it needs to and I follow without hesitation…becoming fully absorbed in the now.
This week friends, concentrate on making NOW your destination. Whatever you are doing, cooking, reading, working on a project, or playing with your children, fully engage yourself in it. Be present. Be in the moment. Don’t think about anything except the activity that needs your undivided attention, even if it’s a conversation with your spouse or child. Be completely in the moment. Make NOW your destination!
Can you imagine…wondering where your life went?
Good Day, Bad Day
Column # 150, Published 5-21-09
Lets’ talk about your day; shall we? Are you having a good day or a bad day? Only you can decide which one it is. Realizing, if you will, that what affects most of us is change. No, I’m not dwelling on the media’s interpretation of the less than desirable economy either. Instead, let’s just agree that there are folks facing change (challenges) every day regardless of the state of the economy.
Personally, I feel change is good…sometimes really good...sometimes really, really good. (Okay, I’m done. Point made.) Some people, however, dread change of any kind, for any reason. Change becomes a four-letter-word to them and the smallest amount of change feels like a catastrophic event. And change comes in so many ways too.
For example, your alarm clock didn’t go off and you got up twenty minutes late. You’re rushing around trying desperately to speed up your ‘normal morning routine’ and end up with toothpaste on your shirt. This is obviously a change. So, which is it: Good day? Bad day
Or, let’s say you get to work and your boss tells you the company has reevaluated your position and you are being transferred to another department. Yet another change…but the bigger question is: Good day? Bad day?
How about the phone call you received that day from your child’s school, informing you that little Johnny got expelled. Meaning, you need to make arrangements for him to stay caught up on his school work. This will certainly mean change. But ask yourself: Good day? Bad day?
These are obviously very mild examples of things that, can, and do, happen to people every day. I’ve chosen not to mention the heavy hitters such as: car accidents, health crisis, or a death in the family because these events are too traumatic and a person could realistically expect to have bad days during those times. So, we’ll just stick to smaller, minor events.
So what determines if it’s a good day or bad day? One word…ego. In other words, your ego is your internal ‘vantage point’ of an external event. (Figuratively speaking, of course.) Let me clarify that with some questions. Do you see the glass as half full or half empty? Are you an optimist, or a pessimist? Do you seek to find the positive or the negative in a situation…a person? Can you see the silver lining through the thunderstorm? Answering any one of these questions will clue you in as to how your ego views events in your life; because in reality, all events are neutral.
Some folks close their eyes screaming, “I hate change!” Obviously, their tendency is to view the glass as half full and they dread anything that upsets what they consider their ‘routine.’ This approach, however, cannot sustain itself very long without causing other issues because life is ever changing. Growing and expanding. Beginning and ending. In other words, life is in constant change. There’s simply no way around it.
So, when your boss tells you you’ve been reassigned, in most cases, you automatically respond and that dictates whether it’s a good day or a bad day. And if you live life with a positive attitude, then you view this change in the form of a challenge, or new experience. And you welcome it, focusing on the positive aspects and maintaining a proactive approach...leaving you a
happier person in the process. In contrast, a negative response is your ego reacting to a preprogrammed belief and will cause stress, anxiety, anger, or worse, depression.
Remember, you are the one who decides if it’s a good day or bad day. So, if your internal vantage point needs to view the glass as half full more often, work on that aspect of yourself this week as we take this journey of self-discovery. And trust me when I tell you, you can always have a good day. Always!
Can you imagine…what you’ll say the next time someone asks you, “How’s your day?”
Kindness Reflex
Column 151, Published 5-28-09
Have you ever had a doctor check your reflexes? Typically, they use a small rubber-headed hammer and lightly tap on certain points on the knees, elbows, wrists or ankles. The slight impact of this tap typically causes an instant reflex action in the form a slight jerking motion. You don’t even think about it. It’s automatic, and you couldn’t stop it if you tried.
Now, think about that ‘instant reflex’ action you couldn’t stop it if you tried and consider a Kindness Reflex that ‘kicks in’ instantly whenever we’re dealing with each other. If you knew me well enough, you’d know I’m an advocate for a ‘kinder, gentler’ world. In fact, if scientist discovered a ‘Kindness Reflex Gene’ and figured out how to activate it in humans, kindness levels across the globe would increase exponentially. And if I knew it were possible, I’d find a way to fund that project. Wouldn’t you?
One of my favorite movies is “Pay it forward.” Briefly…a social studies teacher asked his students to come up with a project that could change the world and then put it into action. Young Trevor McKinney, played by Haley Joel Osment, came up with an idea to pay a favor forward instead of backward. In other words, he planned to do a good deed for three people, and each, in turn, would not do something to pay him back. But instead, would find three people to do good deeds for also. In essence…pay it forward. What a concept!
And since science hasn’t discovered a kindness gene yet, we humans are just going to have to get off our duffs and start exercising our own ‘Kindness Reflex.’ The simplest way is to just do kindness! Yep, start being spontaneously kind whenever you see a need. And trust