But Sarah still had to know. "What happened to the sweater you made for him?"
"At first, I held on to it because it was my only true link to him. But then after he died, it wasn't something I could give away to anyone else. I thought about unraveling it a thousand times, but I just couldn't. Because first loves are something special. And even though I found love again with your grandfather, I still believe that if you can make that first love work, you should give it everything you've got."
Olive's words rocked through Sarah. She'd had a second chance at first love, but she'd been scared--too scared to realize just how precious it was.
"I know you're looking for answers, honey. But maybe all you really need to know is that you left Summer Lake a girl--and came back a woman. Strong and loving."
Sarah looked down at the wedding veil on Olive's lap, then at the sweater on her own, at the precise way she had wrapped her dark hair around the blue yarn, making sure it would never come unthreaded from the sweater. So many strands woven together. Alone, they could easily be broken, but together they were strong.
And when her cell phone rang again, she knew she was finally strong enough to answer it.
*
"Hello, Craig." Sarah had given her grandmother one more big hug, then put a jacket on over the antique nightgown and left the cottage to take the call.
"I got a call from Mr. Klein," Craig said in a hard voice, "and it sounds like things are going off the rails in that little town of yours." She could hear his irritation. "Look, I don't know what happened tonight, but we're going to need a bulletproof plan to fix it. There's no room for error this time, no second chances to try to get it right."
With every word he spoke, it became more and more clear to her that of all the things that had gone wrong tonight, trying to keep the Klein Group on board was not the thing she needed--or wanted--to fix first.
"I can't leave my family's store," she said. "Not with my grandmother still recovering from pneumonia. And not without a good manager in place." But even as she spoke, she knew that she was doing it again. Trying to take the easy way out, refusing to make any declarations about her real feelings because she was afraid of disappointing her boss. Because she was afraid of being a failure. "Actually, the truth is that my heart's not in the game anymore. And I think we both know it hasn't been for a very long time."
"What the hell could you be heading off to do that's better?"
"I'm going to manage my family's yarn store."
Sure, she could get another job in the city, but not only did her family need her to run the store--she also didn't want to leave Summer Lake. Even though it would be so much easier to run from Calvin again, to go back to the safety of her city life.
"You're serious, aren't you?"
Sarah found herself smiling as she said, "I am."
*
She tossed and turned for a couple of hours in her old childhood bed before she gave up on sleep. She'd gotten too used to Calvin's warm body beside her, to his arms wrapped around her waist, to feeling his warm breath against the small hairs of her neck as she spooned into him.
The rain had stopped. She slipped on her shoes and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Now that the storm had cleared, it was one of those perfect full-moon autumn nights, the kind they put in movies and posters that made people want to come to the Adirondacks to forget their cares. The same people that the Klein Group hoped would buy a condo on the waterfront.
Picking up a flashlight, she left the porch and headed for the dock. After uncovering the rowboat and putting on her life vest, she used the oars to push away from the shore. The lake was empty and slowly, surely, Sarah rowed out into the middle of it. She had never needed a gym while she'd lived here, just the grass and mountains and lakes as she'd grown up running and hiking and swimming and sailing.
She shipped the oars, then leaned back to look at the stars, and as the sky darkened, they appeared before her one by one. She took a deep breath of the sweet, cool air, then another and another, and then she finally rowed herself around to face the opposite shore to see if there was a light on across the lake.
And if someone was out there missing her as much as she missed him.
But there was only darkness.
Shivering, Sarah knew she needed to get back to the dock before her frozen fingers were unable to hold on to the oars. She had the rowboat halfway turned around when from the corner of her eye she saw something flicker on Calvin's porch.
A single light came on.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The next morning, Sarah sat down across from her client in the inn's dining room. Christie's eyes were full of concern as she placed steaming teapots on the table. Sarah was glad to know she had made a new friend in town, one she could count on. And one she hoped could count on her too.
"I'm glad you're here, Mr. Klein, so that I can give you the news in person that I have resigned my position with Marks & Banks as of last night. I will no longer be working on your project."
Strangely, he didn't look as surprised as she'd thought he would. "I'm very sorry to hear that. Although your mother was telling me that you've been a great help at her store."
"I've really enjoyed it. And I'm looking forward to working with my mother and grandmother to help what they built continue to flourish." But while she was excited about her new role at the store, she needed to get to the main reason for speaking with him this morning. "Although I won't be working with you any longer, I still feel compelled to give you my honest opinion about your plans to renovate the historic buildings. Businesses like my family's store that are in historic, preserved buildings, along with the old carousel in the park, are all extremely important to small towns like Summer Lake that thrive on community. That is why I cannot endorse your newest plan to continue your development into the historic buildings."
Again, Mr. Klein didn't look upset by what she was saying. In fact, he looked more thoughtful than anything. "Do you know what I did this morning? I woke up early and spent some time walking down Main Street, looking into the windows of local shops. You see, you sold me so thoroughly on the allure of the Adirondacks that I had to come and see it for myself. Had to come see what I was missing." He looked out the window toward the blue water of the lake and the green mountains that surrounded it. "Last night I sat in that barn and listened. Really listened. What I didn't understand about the workings of a small town, your mother explained. The conclusion that I came to, by the time I got back to my room at the inn, was that the only way our project could work for all parties involved is if all parties actually are involved." Sarah could see the excitement in his eyes as he said, "I want this to be a first for our company--a community-based project that will set the stage for future growth that benefits real people, not just the corporate bottom line."
"I'm thrilled to hear you say all of this." And she was, even if she wouldn't be working on the project anymore.
"I thought you might be. I had the utmost faith in you to lead us into a brand-new way of doing business, Sarah. I still do." He gave her another smile. "Is there any chance I could convince you to do one more project? I know you're needed at your mother's store, but perhaps since you'll already be here, there would be a way for you to oversee our project. A new one. Something that will be good for everyone. For the locals who need to downsize, for the city folks like me who desperately need a quiet place to go, for my company, and for you too."
"Honestly, your offer sounds wonderful, but I've got to give my all from now on to my family, to the store, to the people I love in this town."
"I understand that. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious that you get to stay here while I have to head back to the city." His expression changed slightly. "Although I'm hoping to come back for a visit in the very near future."
Sarah immediately understood what he was asking. "I'd like that very much. Just be sure to let me know you're coming next time. My mother is a wonderful cook, and there's nothing she li
kes more than to make people feel welcome."
A grin lit up his face. They stood up and shook hands. "I'll be seeing you very soon, I hope."
"I'll be looking forward to it, Mr. Klein."
"John, please."
Noticing that the glow in his eyes mirrored the one she'd seen in her mother's just last night, Sarah was glad to move beyond formalities. "John it is."
*
Sarah left the inn and headed out through the waterfront park. Unlike last night, when she'd run blindly from the town hall meeting, today she knew exactly where she was going.
The carousel.
She didn't just climb aboard and sit on one of the horses this time; instead, she really studied the merry-go-round that had been such a big part of so many lives at Summer Lake.
The red-and-white-striped awning was matched by red paint all along the trim. The carousel animals were graceful, realistic. The carvers had obviously paid enormous attention to detail--the painters' renderings of every nuance of the animals' coloration were exquisite. The three-row platform carried twenty-nine horses and a chariot behind a matched pair. There were also giraffes, goats, deer, a lion, and a tiger.
Walking around the carousel, Sarah ran her fingers over the horses, stopping behind the chariot where her grandmother had her first kiss with Carlos. She wanted so badly to find something important, some sort of sign or secret message that Olive's first love had left for her before he disappeared. If there had ever been a message there, it was now covered in decades of paint.
But Sarah now knew that her grandmother didn't need a secret message from her lost love to be happy. Olive had made her peace with the past, knowing that everything that had happened had only made her stronger.
And just as her grandmother didn't need to find a secret message to be happy, Sarah now realized that she didn't need that either. Because with Calvin's love, through spending time with the knitters at the store, by observing her mother and her grandmother and finally talking to them the way she always should have, she had finally learned just how much strength and fortitude it took to be the one who stayed. To be the one who kept the home fires burning.
All her life she'd given her all to whatever goal she was shooting for. Now she realized all that hard work had been practice, training her for the ultimate goal, for the ultimate achievement.
For love.
With one of the horses giving her something that looked like a smile, Sarah knew exactly what she had to do. And this time she was going to follow her own heart all the way there.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
For the next several days, Sarah was either on the phone, sending e-mail, knocking on doors, or gathering answers and papers and official stamps from government offices. Her mother and grandmother helped with her plan where they could, but mostly it was a matter of digging into old papers at the library, at the courthouse, or on the Internet.
Absolutely exhausted by Monday morning, she was glad to spend a few hours in the store surrounded by the busload of women that had arrived on their annual yarn crawl.
Sarah was warmed by the knowledge that she was finally in the right place. After all these years of searching, she had managed to find her home right where she'd started. Her family, her friends--they were all a part of Lakeside Stitch & Knit. They always had been; she'd just been too blind to see it until now.
She and Jenny were beginning to set up the store for the Monday night knitting group when the UPS truck parked outside. A minute later, Sarah had the certified letter she had been waiting for in her hands. Hands that were shaking.
Jenny told her, "I can handle the rest of this."
Sarah looked up at her friend. "I've never been this nervous." Because nothing had ever been this important.
Jenny gave her a hug. "For courage. Now go."
*
Calvin had spent more time with his ax in the forest behind his house this week than he had in the past several years. He and Jordan now had a pile of firewood that would last them practically into the next decade.
It was times like this when he wished he was a drinker. But that was exactly what his father had done--and when trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol hadn't worked, his father had opted for a bullet instead.
After a weekend of too much hard physical labor and not enough sleep, Calvin felt worse than he had since that weekend when he'd lost everything but his sister. He also felt guilty for walking into Betsy's house Thursday night, for giving her any hope at all that he might come around. She'd poured him a glass of wine, but he hadn't stayed to drink it. Instead, he'd grabbed his sister and gotten out of there as quickly as he could.
Jordan walked into his office on Monday afternoon without knocking. "Don't you have after-school art today?"
"It was canceled." She sat on the couch against the far wall and started playing with her shoelaces. "Mrs. Riggs threw up."
A pang of guilt hit him as he realized his sister was upset about something. He'd been so wrapped up in his own misery that he hadn't paid enough attention to her lately. "Everything okay?"
She shrugged. "Sure."
Uh-oh. He knew that shrug. Knew that sure. Trying to pull it together for his sister, he got up out of his chair and walked over to the couch, trying to figure out what she might be upset about. "Did you give Owen the scarf you made for him?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm not going to give it to him."
"Why?"
"He's not going to stick around. If I really let myself like him, I'll just feel bad when he goes back to California. I was thinking it would be better if I just kept it."
Suddenly, Calvin knew why he'd been chopping wood until his palms started to bleed, why he'd been unable to sleep. And it wasn't because Sarah had hurt him by not having the guts to claim him as hers during the town hall meeting. She'd asked him to forgive her afterward. She'd explained her momentary panic from standing in front of her client. And she'd begged for a chance to do it over and get it right this time.
No, it wasn't her behavior that made it so he couldn't look at himself in the mirror in the morning. The reason he couldn't live with himself was because he had screwed up again.
Sarah had made one mistake--a mistake plenty of people would have made if their jobs had been on the line--and he'd lost his mind, then come up with a hundred ways to justify it. Just like he had ten years ago.
"Owen might be leaving next fall, but he's here now," he said. "Do you like him?"
"He's pretty cool."
"Then give him the scarf. Because you know what I keep having to learn the hard way?"
She blinked up at him, her green eyes so big and innocent. "What?"
"There's a chance you might regret listening to your heart now, but you'll one hundred percent regret it later if you don't."
*
"Hi, Cat."
Catherine was clearly surprised to see Sarah entering Calvin's domain. Concern was only a beat behind. "How are you doing? I would have been over to the store before now, but I left town right after the meeting on Thursday and only got back a couple of hours ago."
"It means so much to me to know you care," Sarah said, meaning every word, more glad than she could ever say that their friendship had managed to survive the years after all. "And I promise I'll talk your ears off about everything soon, but right now I really need to see Calvin."
"I think he really needs to see you too. Jordan's in with him."
Sarah took a deep breath and gripped her slim package tighter in one hand as she turned the doorknob with the other. Brother and sister were sitting on the couch together, but as soon as Calvin saw her, he stood. "Sarah?"
She drank in the beautiful sight of him, the way his hair was sticking up on one side as though he hadn't remembered to comb it, the dark stubble on his jaw. The urge to apologize all over again for screwing everything up--and to beg for another chance--hit her so hard her knees almost buckled from the force of it.
Swallowing hard, she made herself take a
step toward him. She held out the slim package, waited for him to take it from her shaking hand. "It's yours now."
He looked down at the express envelope, then back up at her. "What is this?" But he was already reaching inside and pulling out the official notarized sheet. "The carousel?" He looked down at the document again, then back at her. "You're giving the town the deed to the carousel?"
Jordan grabbed the page from him as Sarah explained, "When I was doing my research, I learned that the carousel wasn't already owned by the town like I'd always assumed. A company in Rochester owned it, along with the land around it. I knew that if they ever realized they still owned a patch of prime Adirondack waterfront, they'd put it on the market. Something Jordan said one of the nights we all drove to the hospital made me realize that I couldn't live with the risk of someone coming in and buying it."
"Where did you get the money for this?"
"It isn't important." And it wasn't. He didn't need to know that she'd emptied her bank account. "All that matters is that the carousel--and the land it's sitting on--is safe now."
She knew she should leave before she started pleading with him to take her back, knew she couldn't possibly expect him to still love her after all the chances she'd already had, knew that even giving the carousel to the town wasn't a big enough gesture to win him back. But it was so hard to go. Not without saying just one more thing to him while she knew he was listening. And even though Jordan was in the room with them, this time Sarah didn't use his sister as an excuse to hold anything back.
"Over the years we were apart, I went back to eighteen all the time. And I always swore that if I had the chance to love you again, I'd love you right." She couldn't stop her tears from falling, wasn't sure she'd ever be able to again. "You'll never know how sorry I am that I didn't."
Running had never been the answer; she knew that now. But when Calvin didn't say anything, when he simply stood and stared at her as if he were seeing her for the very first time, there wasn't a single thing she could do but turn.