Not when I didn't know where things stood between us.
Or rather, I was pretty sure I knew where we stood, and I didn't want to have to face it.
The sound of a door closing caught my attention. Mikala was in her room playing, but it wasn't her who came into the kitchen and went straight to the coffee pot. As I watched, Tiffany poured two mugs of coffee and then came over to where I was sitting. She put one mug down in front of me, sat down, and took a long drink from her mug.
“What's your deal?” she asked.
I sighed. No point in hiding it from her. She'd get it out of me eventually. “I'm stressed out about work.”
She frowned, confusion showing in her eyes. “Really? I thought you loved your job.”
“Well, I've never loved it, exactly,” I tried to explain. “I mean, it's a good job, but it's not like this was my dream or anything. I know how good I have it, and this promotion is going to be great. It's just...” I sighed.
“Just...?” Tiffany reached out and popped a Cheerio into her mouth.
I wrinkled my nose and smacked her hand. I hadn't eaten my breakfast, but it was the principle of the matter.
“But I spent half the weekend having the best sex of my life, and the other half thinking about him but not hearing from him. And...” I winced. “And I think I screwed up.”
“How so?”
I closed my eyes and made the confession. “I let myself get attached to Dorian. I mean, look at me,” I sighed, gesturing to the bunny pajamas I hadn't changed out of yet. “Don’t you think it’s a little pathetic?”
Tiffany chewed thoughtfully on another Cheerio. “Okay, so the situation's not ideal, but what can you really do about it?”
I knew the answer to that, but it wasn't one I wanted to even consider. But I couldn't lie to Tiffany about it.
“I don't think I should see him anymore,” I said hesitantly. “I...I think it will only make things harder for me when he leaves. Which he will because he has a life. And I'm not part of it.”
Just saying it out loud hurt.
“So end things,” Tiffany said simply. “If that's what's best for you, then it should be an easy choice.”
I wasn't sure whether she was deliberately oversimplifying, or if she just didn't get what I was going through. Either way, it frustrated me.
“It's not that easy,” I argued.
“Why not?”
“Because it's not.”
“How come?” she pressed. “He's not good for you, so break up with him. Simple.”
“He is good for me!” I snapped. “He's been the only thing keeping me from turning into a literal ball of stress these past few days. He makes me smile. Even just thinking about him makes me smile. I love being with him. I love–”
I clapped a hand over my mouth before I said something I didn't mean. Because I didn't mean it Couldn't mean it. And besides, since I hadn’t told her about Elroy’s threat on Friday, she wouldn’t understand why it was so important to me to have Dorian around to ease my stress.
“Girl, you are in trouble with a capital T,” she said, shaking her head. The glint in her eyes told me that she saw deeper than I wished she would. “And while there's a lot I can help you out with, this isn't on the same level as looking after your kid a few days.” She patted me on the back and rose from the table. “You need to figure out what it is that you want from Dorian. And when you figure out what that is, you need to ask for it.”
“What?” My eyes widened at her suggestion. I shook my head, knowing I couldn't even consider it. “That's stupid. I can't just ask for what I want.”
“No, you're right,” she agreed. “You should demand it.”
Tiffany left me to chew on that thought. I'd never seen her so serious, but she had a point. If I didn't know what I wanted from Dorian, then I couldn't know to ask him for it. And if I never asked for it...well, I wouldn't get hurt, but I'd never get anywhere either.
Everything I had in my life, I'd fought for, but I'd never fought for something I wanted. Something for me. For more than six years, it'd been about doing everything in my power to make a life for my daughter. And now, for the first time, I had to decide if I was willing to fight just as hard for myself as I had for her.
It was late in the afternoon, and I was conducting the first of my rounds of the casino floor. I checked in with a few of the guests that I was familiar with, making sure they were all having a good time. Of course they were, because our customer service was nothing but top notch, but keeping it that way was my job. Despite my maudlin mood a few hours prior, I was in a good mood when my phone rang, and I saw it was Earl.
“Hey, boss, what's up?”
“Hey, Briana, sweetheart. You're out on the floor, aren't you?”
“I am.” I took a step sideways to move behind a wall that blocked some of the noise surrounding me.
“I've just had a request come in from one of the high roller guests. He asked for you specifically to come up to his suite, says he needs some special attention.”
I rolled my eyes, glad that Earl couldn't see me. I very much doubted that whoever this guy was had asked specifically for “special attention,” but Earl seemed determined to make it clear at every opportune moment that he was on board with me sleeping with the guests. Not a requirement, of course, because that wouldn't fly with HR, but if I was amenable to it, he wouldn't be opposed.
He gave me the man's suite number and the name K. Myers. As I rode the elevator, I wondered if Dorian had gotten another room and used a pseudonym to request my company, so it didn't look like what was happening between us was because of my job.
But it wasn't Dorian who answered the door.
Shit.
“Oh,” I said quietly. “Um, hi.”
“It's funny when you get all flustered like that.” The words came out in a lazy drawl, the familiar eyes raking down my body and then back up again.
K. Myers. I hadn't heard his last name when I saw him in Hawaii, and I doubted I'd ever known it when he'd been a customer all those years ago. Now I knew that Earl hadn't been making up the special attention part of things. I had no doubt Kendall had said exactly that.
“What are you doing at the Rock Bay, Mr. Myers?” I asked, trying to keep my tone as professional as possible. “And what can I do to help accommodate you during your stay?”
He swept his arm toward the suites' grand interior. “Why don't you come in, doll?”
I wrinkled my nose behind his back but followed him into the room. I couldn't make a pre-emptive assumption that his intentions were as bad as I thought they were. There was always a chance that he was here to apologize for our confrontation.
“I don’t want to waste either of our time,” Kendall said, turning on his heel. “So I’ll get to the point.” He smirked. “I want you to give me the same quality service you give my cousin.”
A wave of emotions buffeted me from all sides. Shock. Anger. Hurt.
Fear.
“I think there’s been a misunderstanding…” I murmured. I could barely hear my own words over the pounding of my heart.
He chuckled. “I don’t think there has. I know it’ll cost more now than it did with that loser boyfriend of yours in charge, but as you can see, I’m not short on funds.” He spread his arms wide, displaying his expensive suit and watch.
I pushed back everything I was feeling. I needed to get out of there.
“And I’m not for sale,” I said stiffly. “Goodbye, Mr. Myers.”
I didn’t slam the door behind me because I was still technically working, but I stomped all the way to the elevator. Then I turned sharply to the right and took the stairs instead. I needed some time alone, and nobody ever took the stairs from these floors. My anger was fizzling out, and the emotions riding in to replace it were going to be harder to control.
By the time I had my back against the cement wall of the stairway, the tears were coming hard and fast. I was powerless to stop them, my whole body shaking with
sobs. I couldn’t tell whether I was more upset with Dorian or myself. How could he have told his cousin about what happened between us? I knew we hadn’t made any promises to each other about exclusivity or anything like that, but I didn’t think he’d just hand me off to other men like I was...property.
But, then again, it was my own stupid fault. I never should have fooled myself into thinking there was more going on between the two of us than sex. How could I have been so blind? So reckless? I'd imagined feelings from him that clearly weren’t there. I hadn't been stupid enough to think he loved me, but I'd thought there was a kind of fondness between us. Something special.
I was wrong. One day I would have to get used to the fact that my instincts were completely off when it came to men, and that chasing happiness would always lead to inevitable ruin.
Tiffany was wrong. There was nothing here to pursue. The only real question was whether or not I could continue seeing Dorian knowing that he didn't see me the way I thought he did.
27
Dorian
The Fourth of July had always been a big deal in my family, and they were pissed that I was missing it for some unimportant business errand in Vegas. Only Enzo suspected the real reason I was there. Or, at least, Enzo was the only one who made his suspicions known. Everyone else was huffy that I wasn’t at the barbecue but didn’t question my motives. Not that I would have cared if they had, anyway. I was on another planet.
I spent almost every day trying to squeeze in as much time with Briana as she had to spare. I knew that her boss would want to keep me entertained as long as I was spending money, so I spent an obscene amount. I gambled at the tables with the highest limits, and while I didn't drink a lot, I made sure what I did drink was the best.
I hung out by the pool, and I did it with Briana more often than not. Sometimes, she had other work that she had to attend to, but I understood. I was just glad she had a job where pleasing guests like me was part of the work in the first place.
All the time we spent together, though, I was careful not to be too affectionate in public. Even though all I wanted to do was kiss her after a good throw in craps, or have her sit on my knee while I played poker, I couldn’t. I didn’t want anybody getting the wrong idea, either about me or about Briana. If it had been a few weeks ago, it wouldn’t have bothered me to know that the people around me knew or at least suspected that the woman I was spending time with was paid to be there. I wasn't embarrassed to have paid for sex because I knew I paid for escorts to have strings-free sex. And at least half the men in Vegas did it.
But Briana couldn’t be bought. Her affection was something I was happy to earn. Each smile I elicited from her made me feel like I’d won the jackpot, even if I just lost thousands of dollars. And I didn’t want to cheapen that by drawing the wrong kind of attention.
And I sure as hell didn't want anyone else thinking they could have her.
Except something had changed since Monday. I couldn’t tell what was on her mind, but she was acting differently, a bit standoffish. I wanted to assume it was the same kind of thing. She didn’t want to be confused with a prostitute, especially not in her own hotel.
Much as her boss was clearly trying to brand her as one. He practically threw her at me when I suggested that my time at the casino would be more enjoyable with her at my side, no questions asked.
I hadn’t gotten her out of my system yet, and I was starting to worry I never would. The fact that I wasn't terrified by it was enough to keep me from asking her, flat-out, what was wrong.
Late in the afternoon on the fourth, as my family on the east coast were already celebrating with fireworks and beer, I met Briana in the hallway leading to her office with intentions to spend the rest of the evening together. Her roommate had the night off and was watching her daughter, which meant Briana and I would finally get some alone time together outside of her work.
Not for the first time in the last couple days, I wondered if it'd be out of line for me to offer her a new job. One where she'd be at my beck and call...that thought wasn't going to end anywhere good.
“So what do you want to do today?” Briana asked, taking my offered arm. “Earl gave me a free pass for the rest of the day, so I’m all yours.”
I knew the words weren’t intended to be so seductive, but pretty much anything she said turned me on.
“I booked us in for dinner at a snazzy place near Fremont. There’s a limo waiting for us out front. And after that, I thought we could find somewhere to relax and watch the fireworks together. How does that sound?”
“Like a dream,” she replied though she still sounded a bit more distant than I was used to.
Though we started off walking with our arms linked together, I couldn’t resist threading my arm around her waist and pulling her against my side. The more physical contact we had, the better. It was almost painful being near her and not being able to touch her.
“How was your day?” I asked.
She sighed. “Long. Busy. Fourth of July, huzzah.” Angling her head to look up at me, she smiled again. “And yours?”
“Better now.”
Briana looked away suddenly, blinking like our almost-domestic exchange had disoriented her. I frowned. Wasn’t that supposed to be my move?
We made it out to the limo, and I poured us both a glass of champagne. She was quiet for most of the ride. Again, I wanted to ask her what was on her mind. And again, I held off for fear that I’d have to confront my own feelings. It was a fairly comfortable quiet anyway, and I enjoyed just having her snuggled into my side. Her body was warm, and her hair smelled like vanilla and coconut. I drank her in like a fine wine. And, like a fine wine, she made my head spin.
Briana started warming up to me again during dinner. I had no idea what had brought on the change in her in the first place but was happy to see that a couple hours of wine and conversation were apparently all we needed to get back to normal.
Not that anything about this was normal.
“I’m so glad Earl let me go early,” she said, eyes roaming the busy and chaotic interior of the restaurant. We’d just finished dessert, and the bill was on the way. After this it would be back to the Rock Bay...and maybe a little dessert of another kind.
“I’m glad too,” I replied. “Though I’ll admit that I likely had something to do with your early dismissal.” I winked. “I may have suggested that I would be lonely this evening without your company.”
“You scoundrel.” The tilt of her lips told me she wasn’t all that upset.
I drained my glass, running my tongue along my top lip to collect the remaining drops of wine. She watched with interest, and I didn't think she realized how sexy she looked with her half-lidded eyes fixed on the motion of my tongue. A zing of arousal went through me. I needed to get her alone. And soon.
I dropped a stack of cash on the table when the bill came back around and inclined my head toward her. “Ready?”
She nodded, eyes suddenly bright. “Where to?”
“Back to my suite.” I curved my lips into a mischievous grin. “Unless you have another idea?”
She shook her head. “That sounds like perfection.” Her forehead suddenly furrowed, taking her expression from dreamy to serious in a heartbeat. “Shit. I forgot to turn my phone onto voicemail. Do you mind if we stop by my office really quick on the way up to your room?”
“Not at all.”
We headed out into the warm evening air. Darkness was only just starting to creep in from the horizon, spreading a rich navy over the cloudless sky. The big show of fireworks would start soon, and I was glad that we'd be watching from inside. The heat was oppressive. I was pleased to slip back into the air-conditioned interior of the limo.
Going to Briana's office was only a quick detour, but one that seemed like it took a million years because of how eager I was to get her to my room. Still, I didn't mind. I liked getting to see the other side of her, the side with the job and the responsibilities. It made me feel
closer to her. Even though I knew I shouldn't be close to her at all.
We entered the long hallway leading to the offices when she suddenly froze. I started to ask what was wrong when I saw a man leaning against the wall near the end of the hall. He was tall, only about an inch shorter than me, and had a sour expression on his face before he even saw us. And when he did, I knew for sure that he was the reason Briana had stopped because he looked pissed.
“Elroy,” she said, her tone flat. “What are you doing here?”
The man – Elroy – pushed off from the wall and stalked toward us. “What am I doing here? Like I don't have a fucking right to be here? I want to talk to you.”
I stepped forward, placing a protective hand in front of Briana. I didn't know this guy from Adam, but he looked dangerous.
“I’m sorry,” I said curtly. “We haven’t been introduced. Who the fuck are you?”
He sneered at me. “I’m her husband, asshole.”
28
Briana
This was worse than anything I'd imagined. I thought Elroy might show up at the house, harass and threaten me a bit, but this wasn't a scenario that had crossed my mind at any point in time.
“He's not my husband,” I snapped. Even though I was speaking to Dorian – mostly – I kept my eyes on Elroy, not trusting him to not do something even more moronic. Like take a swing at Dorian. “He's my ex.”
“And the father of your child,” Elroy reminded with a smug smile. “Don't act like you're some virgin mother or something. I know for a fact that ain't the case since I popped that cherry myself.”
Heat flooded my face, half from embarrassment, half from anger.
“Don't talk to her like that,” Dorian said, the warning clear.
I noticed that Dorian had put himself ever-so-slightly in front of me, and while I loved the protective gesture, I knew that also meant Elroy would take anything Dorian said as encroaching on his territory. Because that was how Elroy had always seen me. As property.