“Condom?” I asked as he began to stroke his cock.
“On the dresser.” He gestured but didn't take his eyes off of me. “Will you leave the skirt on?”
“Sure.” As long as he was fine with me being on top, I'd keep on whatever clothes he wanted me to keep on. I picked up the package and tossed it to him. “Get on the bed.”
He climbed onto the bed and I followed. Neither one of us said a word as I moved up toward his head, settling my knees on either side. I pulled up my skirt and lowered myself down until his questing tongue found my pussy. I made a pleased sound and dropped my head, taking his half-hard cock between my lips.
His mouth was busy, lips and tongue working around my clit and pussy while I sucked on his hardening flesh. He tasted salty and musky. Not bad, but not exactly appealing either. I shifted my weight onto one arm, balancing me so I could use the other hand to play with his balls. I wanted him hard because I wasn't getting anything from what he was doing. He was trying, but couldn't quite get me there. I wasn't a quick trigger, but after a couple minutes, I could usually tell if I was going to get off from oral. It didn't look like it would happen for me tonight.
Finally, he was hard enough and I climbed off of him. I picked up the condom, tore the wrapper open and rolled it on. I grinned down at him as I straddled his waist, pulling my skirt over to cover us both. I slid down, grimacing a bit as he entered me. He'd gotten me wet, but I wasn't nearly wet enough for it to be easy going. Fortunately, he was on the thinner side so there wasn't any pain.
His hands went to my breasts as I began to move, riding him with a slow, steady rhythm. My body reacted to the friction and to his fingers playing with my nipples, making him slide more easily in and out of me. I leaned forward slightly, hoping that some friction on my clit would get me out of my head and into the sex.
The problem was, all I could keep thinking was all the ways Daniel wasn't like Rylan. His body. The way he touched me. There was none of the intensity or confidence I'd felt with Rylan. Daniel wasn't exactly bad, but he didn't seem to know my body the way Rylan had. The instincts that Rylan had displayed when we'd been together, knowing what I wanted without me having to ask. Daniel didn't have any of those, despite how hard he was trying.
“I'm close,” Daniel grunted. “Are you?”
I appreciated that he asked, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. It wasn't his fault that I wasn't feeling anything beyond a bit of pleasant friction. Honestly, I'd gotten more out of masturbating before. It looked like I would have to fake it if I didn't want to hurt his pride.
I nodded and began to ride him faster, contracting my muscles the way I'd been taught. I started to moan, making sounds of pleasure I wasn't truly feeling. I was convincing. Considering all of the practice I'd had, it wasn't surprising.
After just a minute or so, Daniel groaned and his hips jerked up against me. As he came, I cried out, my body tensing as I pretended to join him. I stayed where I was for a moment, giving myself a few seconds to maintain the lie. Then I climbed off of him and started to get dressed. I waited for Daniel to say something, but he didn't. When I glanced back, I saw he'd fallen asleep.
“Typical,” I muttered. I wasn't annoyed though. Not at him. I was angry at myself.
And, honestly, at Rylan. Why had he needed to tell me all of that emotional shit? I was grateful that he hadn't taken me to the hospital, but if it had meant avoiding everything else, maybe it would've been better if I'd gone. I hadn't asked him to care about me, and I certainly hadn't asked to know about it. He should've just let it go, moved on, found someone better.
Emmaline's face popped into my head, those glittering turquoise eyes, lips twisted into a sneer. I shook my head. Not Emmaline. I didn't know her well, but I didn't like her, especially not with Rylan.
I glanced down to make sure my clothes were all adjusted and then smoothed my hand over my hair. I headed for the door, my thoughts returning to Rylan.
If he'd only kept his mouth shut, everything would've been fine. I'd be going about my business today, taking advantage of the day off and thinking about going to a club over the weekend. Why had he ruined it? I'd been happy. I scowled at the voice in my head that questioned that particular statement. It was the truth, wasn't it? I'd been happy not knowing, going about my business the way I always had, the way I couldn't seem to do it now.
I went home, my entire body throbbing with unfulfilled need. It hadn't been much, but it had been enough to get me wound up, to want to finish things off. I wasn't going to though. I didn't masturbate often and when I did, it was always some nameless, unknown fantasy man. Tonight, however, I had a feeling if I tried to get off, Rylan's would be the only face I'd see. I didn't want that. I didn't want him in my head any more than he already was.
I showered and climbed into bed although it was still early. It had been a long day and I had work tomorrow. Which meant I was probably going to see Rylan, whether I wanted to or not. I needed to clear my head and prepare myself for the questions that would inevitably come my way. Of course, all that busyness in my head meant it took me hours to get to sleep, but when it came, it came fast and hit me hard. I didn't even remember when I started dreaming.
“It's okay, Jenna.” His voice was gentle. “Trust me.”
“I trust you.” I looked into the blue-violet depths of his eyes. “I trust you.”
The restraints around my wrists and ankles were secure, but not overly tight. They held me, spread eagle on the bed, every inch of me exposed. My nipples were hard pink points, the flesh around them marked from Rylan's mouth. He'd made me come so many times already that I was dripping, and we weren't done yet.
He knelt between my legs, his cock sticking straight out, hard and swollen. I licked my lips and smiled as it twitched. He'd already gone in my mouth once and the taste of his cum was still on my tongue. It was mixed with my own flavor, thanks to the deep kisses that he'd shared after going down on me.
“Roll over.”
I did as he said, the leather tying me up disappearing before I could pull too hard on it. I laid on my stomach, feeling no fear as I lost sight of him. I meant what I'd said. I trusted him, completely.
I felt his hands on my ass, palming the firm muscles. Then his tongue was there and I began to writhe and moan. Every inch of me felt like it was on fire, all of my nerve endings singing with pleasure. I'd enjoyed sex before, but never like this. I'd never known that giving myself over to someone so completely would make it so much better. It was everything I'd always heard it was supposed to be, but had never truly believed it could be. Two people connecting in ways that defied physics, becoming one and all that.
Then he was pulling up my hips and pushing inside me. The feel of skin against skin should've freaked me out, but it didn't. I wanted nothing between us. Wanted to feel every delicious inch of him as he filled me. He pounded into me, each thrust making my nipples rub against the sheets in a way that chafed in the most enjoyable way.
When his finger teased my asshole, I moaned, pushing back against him. He chuckled, a low sound that made things low inside me twist and turn.
“That's my greedy girl.”
He never missed a beat as he put his other hand on my back, holding me down against the mattress even as he worked his finger into my ass. My eyes rolled back in my head and then I squeezed them shut. It was so intense, the pressure in my ass, then the burn as he alternated strokes with his cock, keeping one part full while the other emptied. My hands opened and closed convulsively, needing something to hold on to.
“Look at you,” he said. His middle finger teased at the ring of muscles fluttering around his first digit. “I love seeing your pussy stretched wide around my cock, love the way you beg for me to do what I want with you.”
I whimpered. It was true. All true. I had begged him. Begged him to spank me. Use the flogger and the crop on every sensitive inch of me. He'd used a variety of nipple clamps, each one offering their own unique version of pain.
He’d even attached a chain to a pair of them and then taken me from behind, holding the chain while he fucked me. We'd tried dozens of different positions. He'd spent hours making me come until it hurt. Denied me until I was crying with the need for release.
“And you're going to let me fuck your ass tonight, aren't you?”
“Yes,” I moaned. The pressure inside me was building again and the thought of his cock where his fingers were just made me hotter.
He groaned. “Your pussy is so fucking tight, but your ass is going to be like a vice. I'm going to love being balls deep inside you, fucking you until you scream.”
I shuddered as I came, my muscles tightening around him. He swore, but kept fucking me, driving me into the most explosive orgasm I'd ever had. Then he was on top of me, stretching his body out over mine, his front flush against my back. He put his mouth against my ear even as his hand moved beneath me to rub my throbbing clit.
“I love you, Jenna Lang,” he breathed the words even as he came, pulsing and spurting inside me, filling me. “I love you.”
I came again, crying out his name and an agreement. “I love you too.”
I jerked awake, breath coming in pants, heart racing. My pussy was pulsing, the insides of my thighs slick. Had I come in my sleep? I'd never done that before. Hell, I'd never had a dream like that before.
I stared up at the ceiling. I knew that sex dreams were completely normal, that even climaxing during one of those dreams wasn't entirely unusual. I'd just never experienced either one before. The only kind of sex I'd ever experienced in my dreams had been of the nightmare variety. Terror-inducing half-memories of only pain and violence, never pleasure.
I ran my hands through my hair. Why did the only sex dream I'd ever had have to be about Rylan?
I sighed. Fuck it. I knew the answer. I'd known it all along, ever since we'd slept together, maybe even before that. I'd known he was different the moment he'd come to my apartment to apologize for startling me instead of pressing charges for me hitting him. I'd felt something in that first kiss and there'd been an attraction from the first moment I'd seen him. Sleeping with him had just made it worse. Then, seeing that non-sexual side of him when he'd taken care of me last night had solidified it.
I was still absolutely petrified by what I was feeling, by the possibilities it represented. But, I hadn't overcome a horrific childhood of abuse and become a college graduate with a successful career by lying to myself or hiding from things. I didn't dwell on my past, but I didn't pretend it hadn't happened either. I owed it to myself and Rylan to give this the same attention.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.
“Dammit!”
The word sounded loud in the otherwise silent room, but it didn't stop me from asking my question the same way.
“Why the hell did I have to fall for him?”
Chapter Seventeen
With my decision made, I found it surprisingly easy to fall back asleep. My alarm woke me a couple hours later. As I showered and dressed, I tried not to think about what I would do when I got in to work today. If I thought about it too much, I'd start to second-guess my decision. Not because I wasn't sure of what I wanted, but because it would be one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. And it would be only the beginning. What came after would certainly be harder than anything I'd experienced in a long time. I'd come to the conclusion years ago that losing trust was much easier than regaining trust in someone.
When I walked into work, I half-expected there to be rumors flying as to why both Rylan and I had been out yesterday, but no one gave me a second look. One of the things I'd liked about Archer Enterprises from moment one had been that, after the first glance, no one had seemed to care about my appearance. Not anyone whose opinion I cared about anyway.
I'd come in early so I could speak with Rylan before I started without looking like I was trying to take advantage of whatever this was going to be. One of the things I would address is how we interacted at work. I didn't want this to affect the company.
I took the elevator all the way up, pausing when I stepped off so I could knock on the wall to announce my arrival. While I liked how open Rylan was with his employees, it did sometimes get a bit inconvenient, him not having a door.
“Come in,” he called from the back of his office.
I'd come a few feet when he turned and saw me. I watched myriad expressions pass across his face. Happiness. Joy. Fear. Anxiety. Something that could turn into love... and then it was all hidden behind a professional mask.
“Jenna, please, sit.” He gestured toward the chairs we'd sat in before when we'd been in here.
Instead of going where he told me to, I walked over to a long leather couch against the far wall. I suspected this was where he slept sometimes when he worked too late to bother going home. He looked puzzled, but followed me and sat down as well. He was careful to keep distance between us, but I noticed he was still within arm's length.
“I have to tell you a few things.” I decided that he deserved to know everything that had happened yesterday before we went any further. “Yesterday, when I left your house, my head was a mess. That's not an excuse, but I just want you to know where I was mentally.”
“Okay?” Now he really looked confused.
“I decided I needed to get you out of my head, prove to myself that what I was feeling wasn't real.” I forced myself to keep my head up. “I slept with a guy. Not someone I knew. It was just like the other times I'd found someone to fuck. Sex, nothing else.” I paused, waiting for him to get angry, to tell me to get the hell out and that I was fired. Or, at the very least, tell me it changed how he felt about me.
“Did it?” he asked quietly.
“What?” Now it was my turn to not understand.
“Did having sex with a stranger clear your head? Convince you that what you felt was fake?”
“No.” I shook my head. “If anything, it made matters worse.”
He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.
“The sex was bad,” I admitted. “I kept comparing him to you, how you touched me, how you knew what I wanted without me asking.” I heard him catch his breath, but he didn't interrupt. “Then, after I went home, something happened that's never happened to me before.” I took a deep breath and wondered if he'd understand the significance of what I was going to say next. “I dreamed about you.”
Both of his eyebrows went up now, but he still didn't speak.
“About us. Making – having sex.” I couldn't say the 'l' word. “Things I'd never done before, not with anyone. Because I've never… never trusted anyone enough.” My eyes fell. “When I woke up, I had to admit what I knew.”
“And what was that?”
I could hear the cautious hope in his voice and that gave me the courage to look at him. I reached out and laced my fingers between his. “I care about you too. I can't – I don't know what it means, because this isn't something I've had to deal with before.”
His fingers tightened on my hand and he slid closer, still not invading my personal space, but at the edge of it. The intensity in his gaze made me flush.
“Before any of this.” I made a gesture between us. “Before we can see if this can be anything, I need to tell you...” I took a deep breath. “You deserve to know the truth. All of it. Yesterday, when I said I'd been abused–”
“You don't have to tell me anything until you're ready.” He lightly rested his hand on my cheek and I leaned into his touch. “I may ask you things that you don't feel comfortable telling me, but I'll never push if you say you're not ready.”
I turned my head and pressed my lips against the palm of his hand. I smiled as I heard him make a sound in the back of his throat. A thrill went through me that I'd caused that sound. I'd had men tell me they wanted me. I’ve had them talk about the things they wanted to do to me, but I'd never wanted someone to want me. Not like this.
“Thank you,” I said sincerely.
Silenc
e fell and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I didn't know what was supposed to happen next.
“Rylan.” I decided honesty was a good idea here. “You're going to have to take point from here. I've never done this before.”
He looked startled by the admission. “But, the other night...you weren't...I mean...”
I didn't need him to ask the question. “No, I haven't been a virgin for a while.” I was purposefully vague. That wasn't a conversation that would lead anywhere pleasant. I continued on with the explanation. “The whole relationship thing. That's what I haven't done before. The other guys I've slept with, it's all been one time things. Maybe twice. Never anything more than fucking.” I chose the word deliberately.
“All right then.” He smiled at me. “What do you say we make this simple instead of going through all of the shit normal couples go through when they're first working things out? No games.”
I nodded. I liked that idea. With my trust issues, I always preferred honesty over games. That was one of the reasons I'd always preferred my little flings to trying for a relationship. The men I'd fucked always knew where they stood and I'd never expected anything from them.
“Okay, first thing then,” he said. “Always the truth between us. No matter what it may mean.” He smiled and reached up to take my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Like right now, I honestly want to kiss you.”
A flush of desire went through me. “I want you to.”
His eyes lit up and he leaned forward. Instead of something deep and passionate, however, it was the lightest of touches, his lips brushing against mine.
“If I did any more than that,” he said as he sat back. “I'm not sure I'd be able to stop there.”
I warmed at the thought.
“And maybe that's a good place to go next.” He seemed to gather himself as he took my hand again. “Stopping.”