I got home from the office late the second day that Holly was living with me to find multiple boxes of Chinese food, enough to feed an entire family sitting on the dining room table with a note that said:
“I hope you had a nice day. I didn’t know what you liked so I ordered a variety. Sleep well, Holly.”
I smiled, because it was sweet, but I also had to grimace. Was I making a mistake with this naïve young lady? She’s only been here two days and it already seems as if she’s treating this as some kind of domestic partnership. Were my intentions so incredibly selfish that I failed to consider the emotional ramifications that this would have on her? I understood clearly that this was a business deal, and she said that she did, but did she really? A lot of women would be happy to do this for a large sum of cash and walk away. Holly didn’t seem like that type and ironically that was one of the reasons I picked her. I liked that although she seemed to be struggling and I knew she was taking care of her alcoholic mother, she didn’t seem overly attached to the money or the luxury that she suddenly found herself surrounded by. She still refused to let the driver run her around town and instead took a cab everywhere she went. She cooked and she cleaned up her mess. She made her own bed. To me, those were astounding qualities in a woman who was suddenly and completely relieved of the responsibility of doing any of that.
I can tell when we’re having sex that to her it is more than just the act of conception. She looks at me with real emotion in her eyes and sometimes my guilt runs so deep that I can’t look back. The sex is phenomenal, the best that I’ve ever had…and I’ve had more than a few. Afterwards, she always snuggles into me, and damn it feels good but I wait for her to go to sleep and then I go back to my own room. Spending all of our nights together would add to her confusion. I don’t want to lead her on, that’s why I’d put everything into the contract and made sure that she understood all of it before we agreed to any of this.
I went down the hall to her room. The door was left open a crack so I peeked inside. I could see her in the moonlight and the lights of the city coming in through her windows. She was lying on top of the bed with her long hair fanned out around her. She was wearing a night shirt that came to her knees and I could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. I felt something stirring in my stomach; it was more than just desire…I ignored it. I’d had those feelings before, once. I’d acted on them and given away my whole heart, only to have it trampled and broken. I wouldn’t go through that again, for anyone. I wasn’t looking for a permanent hookup or even a long-term lover. The last thing I want now or likely ever again in my life is a permanent hook up with someone. I don’t want to give someone that much power and control over me…ever again, and most especially, I don’t want anyone to have the power to walk away with my child.
I had spent a significant amount of time searching for the right woman. She had to be beautiful, intelligent, kind and of course, healthy. When I first saw Holly I was instantly aroused by her beauty and I hoped that she fit all of the other bills. I sat in that café for two months, finding out what I could, but the selection of my child’s biology required more than I could learn about her in an hour or two at the café. So of course, I had an extensive background check done on her. That was how I found out that she’d turned down several offers to colleges because of her high GPA in high school. That seemed curious so I delved deeper and found out about her mother’s alcoholism and how many times dear Holly had to bail her out over the years. Holly seemed to drink very little, have sex only when in a relationship, and only visited the doctor once yearly presumably for an annual check-up. I hadn’t cared about her mother’s problems once I had all of the facts.
The fact that I was extremely attracted to her was going to help as well. She was not only gorgeous, but something about her just drew me in to the point of where I just had to have her. Even if she had said no to the proposition I would have still tried to bed her. I’m so glad she said yes, and that she wanted to try and conceive the old fashioned way. It’s exciting to me to know each time we could be creating life…my child’s life, not to mention how fabulous the sex is.
I’ve done my best other than the sex to keep this relationship strictly business. I hope I’ve succeeded. I try to view her as just another of my thousands of employees. She has the most important job of course, so I want to reward her handsomely. I need to remember when I’m feeling overwhelmed with emotion, if we’re not fucking…to get the hell out of there.