Aiden’s behavior improved over the next week. I suppose he got past the initial disappointment. It took me a while to get over the image of him throwing his briefcase and having a tantrum like a small child. We were still having our nightly sessions of baby-making sex, and he’d gone back to being friendly and warm and having meals with me. But I’d seen the other side to him, and the more I saw the more I was beginning to regret this entire thing and beginning to wonder if I might be able to take care of a baby on my own. I actually knew I could do it on my own, I guess I was wondering more if I had the nerve to just walk out on him, never letting him know the child even existed.
On Saturday he called from his meeting or wherever he was that day and asked me if I wanted to do dinner and the Opera that night. I was ecstatic and hoped that it would be as wonderful as the first time that I went with him. I went out shopping for a dress to wear as soon as I’d hung up. Aiden had told me to go back to the same boutique I’d gone to before and they would be expecting me. While I was out I went into the pharmacy to pick-up my prenatal vitamins. As I listened to the pharmacy tech give me verbal directions on taking them I felt someone walk up behind me. I didn’t think anything of it until the young girl put my vitamins in a bag and I turned around to face Myra.
“Hi,” she said with a grin.
“Myra, oh my goodness! It’s so nice to see you.”
“You too, girl. Imagine my surprise seeing you here, picking up prenatal vitamins.”
“Myra, about that…please don’t tell anyone.”
“Why not, girl? Is it Aiden Scott’s baby? Of course it is, you’re a one-man woman, I know that. Honey, you don’t have to be ashamed that you’re not married…I bet he’s going to ask you soon anyways, right?”
I laughed, I had forgotten how fast Myra talked and how quickly she could change tracks. “I’m not ashamed; but I do have an issue or two,” I said, trying to laugh it all off. I suddenly felt the need for someone to talk to. Do you have a few minutes? Can we get a cup of coffee?”
“Yes and yes, I’d love to,” she said. “Let me just pick-up my prescription and I’ll be set.” Ironically, Myra was there to pick up her birth control.
Myra and I walked down the street arm in arm to a coffee shop on the corner. We made small talk about the café and all the people I missed, and a few that I didn’t. She claimed that Joe was even grumpier with me gone and some of the creepy old men had even stopped showing up. I knew she was trying to make me feel good and I appreciated it.
When we got our coffee we took a seat outside. It was a gorgeous day and it felt good to be out with a friend. It had been too long for me.
“So, tell Mama what’s going on,” she said with a smile. “I can tell there are some heavy things sitting on your shoulders my love.”
I knew Aiden and I hadn’t talked about whether or not I was supposed to share our situation, but nothing in my contract forbade it and I really needed to just unburden my soul to someone who I knew loved me and wouldn’t tell me I was a complete idiot. I also needed some advice.
“I’m not sure where to start,” I said.
“At the beginning, honey,” she said with a grin.
“Well, yes. I’m pregnant and yes the baby is Aiden Scott’s. But it’s not what you would think.”
“Are you still working for him?” She had “sexual harassment” written all over her face.
“Yes, but not as his assistant, the truth was harder for me to say, so I made up that story. I’m sorry that I lied. He approached me a couple months back with a proposition…” I told Myra the details, most of them anyways. She already knew about my mother so she knew what my financial obligations were and how tight things had been for me. When I finished talking she looked like she was trying to take it all in.
“Now that you’re pregnant, have things changed for you? I mean I know you said you gave this a lot of thought, but thinking about what if’s and seeing that blip on the screen are so different. Are you wishing at all now that you hadn’t agreed to all of this?”
“Yes and no,” I told her. I’m actually excited to be pregnant. I’m just starting to have some concerns. I mean, I guess they were there all along, but like you said, reality is different.”
Myra smiled sadly and said, “The thought of walking away from your child has gone from a future fantasy to a sudden reality, right? I have read things and watched on television about surrogates. The one thing that I’ve noticed is that they’re usually older and have their own families. They also usually carry someone else’s egg. It’s very unusual to be asked to use your own, I think.”
“Yes, I always knew it would be hard, but now that I know he or she is in there…growing…a part of me…that and the fact that I have concerns about Aiden’s emotional health and how that would affect his ability to raise a healthy child. I’ve tried really hard to think of this as only his child, but lying to myself is impossible.”
“What’s wrong with him?” she asked. “I knew that boy was too good to be true when he used to come in the café.”
I smiled, “It’s not really that anything is wrong with him…he’s been hurt, badly. He grew up without his parents, he has an almost non-existent relationship with the rest of his relatives, he’s shut down his emotions to protect his heart and he looks at everything as a business deal, that way it’s all in black and white and it doesn’t leave room for heartache. I don’t know all of the details but his ex-wife hurt him pretty badly as well.”
“Oh honey, heartache is part of life. We’ve all been hurt. You have to learn to suck it up and move on. He can’t live in a bubble, especially if he’s going to raise a healthy child. Nothing makes you see things in the world unlike you’ve ever seen it before than looking at it through the eyes of a child.”
“I do know that, Myra. I was hoping, subconsciously mostly that I could change him, that this whole situation would change him. I had delusions that he and I would end up together, but I don’t see it happening.”
“Can you get out of this contract? I mean, what would happen if you just took what was in your own body and left? He can’t sue you…I mean he can, but what do you have for him to take?”
“The child I promised him,” I said. “The one that I signed a legal contract giving up already.”
“Yes, but let me tell you something, and I know this because I’ve been there with my sister. Her ex tried to take her babies just because he’s meaner than a junk yard dog. There was an investigation, but my sister was told by her attorney that unless you’re a despicable person the courts will be very hesitant to take a baby from its mother. At the worst, you might have to share custody.”
“Even though he has so much more money than me?”
“It’s just what I think, honey. I don’t know any of this for a hundred percent. But if you decide to walk away be very sure that you can live with that, okay? Otherwise it will be your emotional health in jeopardy.”
I nodded. It was good to finally have someone to bounce things off of. I needed to say so much of it out loud. I left there that day still unsure of what to do, but at least feeling like my soul was lighter. I went to the boutique where Aiden has an account and got my dress and shoes for the opera. I decided on the way home that I would let us have tonight to enjoy and tomorrow I would tell him. I would also talk to him about all of my concerns and from there, decide what to do.