Breakfast was on the table promptly at seven o'clock, and there was verylittle of it, too; for it was an excellent day for short rations, thoughMrs. Ruggles heaved a sigh as she reflected that the boys, with theirIndia-rubber stomachs, would be just as hungry the day after thedinner-party as if they had never had any at all.
As soon as the scanty meal was over, she announced the plan of thecampaign: "Now, Susan, you an' Kitty wash up the dishes; an' Peter,can't yer spread up the beds, so't I can git ter cuttin' out Larry's newsuit? I ain't satisfied with his clo'es, an' I thought in the night of away to make him a dress out o' my old red plaid shawl--kind o' Scotchstyle, yer know, with the fringe 't the bottom.--Eily, you go find thecomb and take the snarls out the fringe, that's a lady! You little youngones clear out from under foot! Clem, you and Con hop into bed withLarry while I wash yer underflannins; 'twon't take long to dry'em.--Yes, I know it's bothersome, buy yer can't go int' s'ciety 'thouttakin' some trouble, 'n' anyhow I couldn't git round to 'em lastnight.--Sarah Maud, I think 'twould be perfeckly han'som' if you rippedthem brass buttons off yer uncle's _po_liceman's coat 'n' sewed 'em in arow up the front o' yer green skirt. Susan, you must iron out yours 'n'Kitty's apurns; 'n' there, I come mighty near forgettin' Peory'sstockin's! I counted the whole lot last night when I was washin' of 'em,'n' there ain't but nineteen anyhow yer fix 'em, 'n' no nine pairs matesnohow; 'n' I ain't goin' ter have my childern wear odd stockin's to adinner-comp'ny, fetched up as I was!--Eily, can't you run out and askMis' Cullen ter lend me a pair o' stockin's for Peory, 'n' tell her ifshe will, Peory'll give Jim half her candy when she gets home. Won'tyer, Peory?"
Peoria was young and greedy, and thought the remedy so out of allproportion to the disease, that she set up a deafening howl at theprojected bargain--a howl so rebellious and so entirely out of seasonthat her mother started in her direction with flashing eye and upliftedhand; but she let it fall suddenly, saying, "No, I vow I won't lick yeChristmas Day, if yer drive me crazy; but speak up smart, now, 'n' saywhether yer'd ruther give Jim Cullen half yer candy or go bare-leggedter the party?" The matter being put so plainly, Peoria collected herfaculties, dried her tears, and chose the lesser evil, Clem havinghastened the decision by an affectionate wink, that meant he'd go halveswith her on his candy.
"That's a lady!" cried her mother. "Now, you young ones that ain't doin'nothin', play all yer want ter before noontime, for after ye git througheatin' at twelve o'clock me 'n' Sarah Maud's goin' ter give yer sech awashin' 'n' combin' 'n' dressin' as yer never had before 'n' never willagin likely, 'n' then I'm goin' to set yer down 'n' give yer two solidhours trainin' in manners; 'n' 'twon't be no foolin' neither."
"All we've got ter do's go eat!" grumbled Peter.
"Well, that's enough," responded his mother; "there's more'n one way ofeatin', let me tell yer, 'n' you've got a heap ter learn about it, PeterRuggles. Land sakes, I wish you childern could see the way I was fetchedup to eat. I never took a meal o' vittles in the kitchen before Imarried Ruggles; but yer can't keep up that style with nine young ones'n' yer Pa always off ter sea."
The big Ruggleses worked so well, and the little Ruggleses kept from"under foot" so successfully, that by one o'clock nine complete toiletswere laid out in solemn grandeur on the beds. I say, "complete;" but Ido not know whether they would be called so in the best society. The lawof compensation had been well applied: he that had necktie had no cuffs;she that had sash had no handkerchief, and _vice versa_; but they allhad shoes and a certain amount of clothing, such as it was, the outsidelayer being in every case quite above criticism.
"Now, Sarah Maud," said Mrs. Ruggles, her face shining with excitement,"everything's red up an' we can begin. I've got a boiler 'n' a kettle'n' a pot o' hot water. Peter, you go into the back bedroom, 'n' I'lltake Susan, Kitty, Peory, 'n' Cornelius; 'n' Sarah Maud, you take Clem,'n' Eily, 'n' Larry, one to a time. Scrub 'em 'n' rinse 'em, or 't anyrate git's fur's yer can with 'em, and then I'll finish 'em off whileyou do yerself."
Sarah Maud couldn't have scrubbed with any more decision and force ifshe had been doing floors, and the little Ruggleses bore it bravely, notfrom natural heroism, but for the joy that was set before them. Notbeing satisfied, however, with the "tone" of their complexions, andfeeling that the number of freckles to the square inch was too many tobe tolerated in the highest social circles, she wound up operations byapplying a little Bristol brick from the knife-board, which served asthe proverbial "last straw," from under which the little Rugglesesissued rather red and raw and out of temper. When the clock struck fourthey were all clothed, and most of them in their right minds, ready forthose last touches that always take the most time.
Kitty's red hair was curled in thirty-four ringlets, Sarah Maud's wasbraided in one pig-tail, and Susan's and Eily's in two braids apiece,while Peoria's resisted all advances in the shape of hair oils and stuckout straight on all sides, like that of the Circassian girl of thecircus--so Clem said; and he was sent into the bedroom for it, too, fromwhence he was dragged out forgivingly, by Peoria herself, five minuteslater. Then, exciting moment, came linen collars for some and necktiesand bows for others,--a magnificent green glass breastpin was sewed intoPeter's purple necktie,--and Eureka! the Ruggleses were dressed, andSolomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these!
A row of seats was then formed directly through the middle of thekitchen. Of course, there were not quite chairs enough for ten, sincethe family had rarely wanted to sit down all at once, somebody alwaysbeing out or in bed, or otherwise engaged, but the wood-box and thecoal-hod finished out the line nicely, and nobody thought of grumbling.The children took their places according to age, Sarah Maud at the headand Larry on the coal-hod, and Mrs. Ruggles seated herself in front,surveying them proudly as she wiped the sweat of honest toil from herbrow.
"Well," she exclaimed, "if I do say so as shouldn't, I never see acleaner, more stylish mess o' childern in my life! I do wish Rugglescould look at ye for a minute!--Larry Ruggles, how many times have I gotter tell yer not ter keep pullin' at yer sash? Haven't I told yer if itcomes ontied, yer waist 'n' skirt'll part comp'ny in the middle, 'n'then where'll yer be?--Now look me in the eye, all of yer! I've of'entold yer what kind of a family the McGrills was. I've got reason to beproud, goodness knows! Your uncle is on the _po_lice force o' New Yorkcity; you can take up the paper most any day an' see his name printedright out--James McGrill,--'n' I can't have my children fetched upcommon, like some folks'; when they go out they've got to have clo'es,and learn to act decent! Now I want ter see how yer goin' to behave whenyer git there to-night. 'Tain't so awful easy as you think 'tis. Let'sstart in at the beginnin' 'n' act out the whole business.Pile into the bedroom, there, every last one o' ye, 'n' show me how yergoin' to go int' the parlor. This'll be the parlor, 'n' I'll be Mis'Bird."
"I WANT TER SEE HOW YER GOIN' TER BEHAVE"]
The youngsters hustled into the next room in high glee, and Mrs. Rugglesdrew herself up in the chair with an infinitely haughty and purse-proudexpression that much better suited a descendant of the McGrills thanmodest Mrs. Bird.
The bedroom was small, and there presently ensued such a clatter thatyou would have thought a herd of wild cattle had broken loose. The dooropened, and they straggled in, all the younger ones giggling, with SarahMaud at the head, looking as if she had been caught in the act ofstealing sheep; while Larry, being last in line, seemed to think thedoor a sort of gate of heaven which would be shut in his face if hedidn't get there in time; accordingly he struggled ahead of his eldersand disgraced himself by tumbling in head foremost.
Mrs. Ruggles looked severe. "There, I knew yer'd do it in some sech foolway! Now go in there and try it over again, every last one o' ye, 'n' ifLarry can't come in on two legs he can stay ter home,--d' yer hear?"
The matter began to assume a graver aspect; the little Ruggleses stoppedgiggling and backed into the bedroom, issuing presently with lock step,Indian file, a scared and hunted expression on every countenance.
"No, no, no
!" cried Mrs. Ruggles, in despair. "That's worse yet;yer look for all the world like a gang o' pris'ners! There ain'tno style ter that: spread out more, can't yer, 'n' act kind o'careless-like--nobody's goin' ter kill ye! That ain't what adinner-party is!"
The third time brought deserved success, and the pupils took their seatsin the row. "Now, yer know," said Mrs. Ruggles impressively, "thereain't enough decent hats to go round, 'n' if there was I don' know's I'dlet yer wear 'em, for the boys would never think to take 'em off whenthey got inside, for they never do--but anyhow, there ain't enough goodones. Now, look me in the eye. You're only goin' jest round the corner;you needn't wear no hats, none of yer, 'n' when yer get int' the parlor,'n' they ask yer ter lay off yer hats, Sarah Maud must speak up 'n' sayit was sech a pleasant evenin' 'n' sech a short walk that yer left yerhats to home. Now, can yer remember?"
All the little Ruggleses shouted, "Yes, marm!" in chorus.
"What have _you_ got ter do with it?" demanded their mother; "did Itell _you_ to say it? Warn't I talkin' ter Sarah Maud?"
The little Ruggleses hung their diminished heads. "Yes, marm," theypiped, more discreetly.
"Now we won't leave nothin' to chance; git up, all of ye, an' tryit.--Speak up, Sarah Maud."
Sarah Maud's tongue clove to the roof of her mouth.
"Quick!"
"Ma thought--it was--sech a pleasant hat that we'd--we'd better leaveour short walk to home," recited Sarah Maud, in an agony of mentaleffort.
This was too much for the boys. An earthquake of suppressed gigglesswept all along the line.
"Oh, whatever shall I do with yer?" moaned the unhappy mother; "I s'poseI've got to learn it to yer!"--which she did, word for word, until SarahMaud thought she could stand on her head and say it backwards.
"Now, Cornelius, what are _you_ goin' ter say ter make yerself goodcomp'ny?"
"Do? Me? Dunno!" said Cornelius, turning pale, with unexpectedresponsibility.
"Well, ye ain't goin' to set there like a bump on a log 'thout sayin' aword ter pay for yer vittles, air ye? Ask Mis' Bird how she's feelin'this evenin', or if Mr. Bird's hevin' a busy season, or how this kindo' weather agrees with him, or somethin' like that.--Now we'll makeb'lieve we've got ter the dinner--that won't be so hard, 'cause yer'llhave somethin' to do--it's awful bothersome to stan' round an' actstylish.--If they have napkins, Sarah Maud down to Peory may put 'em intheir laps, 'n' the rest of ye can tuck 'em in yer necks. Don't eat withyer fingers--don't grab no vittles off one 'nother's plates; don't reachout for nothin', but wait till yer asked, 'n' if you never _git_ askeddon't git up and grab it.--Don't spill nothin' on the tablecloth, orlike's not Mis' Bird'll send yer away from the table--'n' I hope shewill if yer do! (Susan! keep your handkerchief in your lap where Peorycan borry it if she needs it, 'n' I hope she'll know when she does needit, though I don't expect it.) Now we'll try a few things ter see howthey'll go! Mr. Clement, do you eat cramb'ry sarse?"
"Bet yer life!" cried Clem, who in the excitement of the moment had nottaken in the idea exactly and had mistaken this for an ordinarybosom-of-the-family question.
"Clement McGrill Ruggles, do you mean to tell me that you'd say that toa dinner-party? I'll give ye one more chance. Mr. Clement, will you takesome of the cramb'ry?"
"Yes, marm, thank ye kindly, if you happen ter have any handy."
"Very good, indeed! But they won't give yer two tries to-night,--yerjust remember that!--Miss Peory, do you speak for white or dark meat?"
"I ain't perticler as ter color,--anything that nobody else wants willsuit me," answered Peory with her best air.
"First-rate! Nobody could speak more genteel than that. Miss Kitty, willyou have hard or soft sarse with your pudden?"
"Hard or soft? Oh! A little of both, if you please, an' I'm muchobliged," said Kitty, bowing with decided ease and grace; at which allthe other Ruggleses pointed the finger of shame at her, and Peter_grunted_ expressively, that their meaning might not be mistaken.
"You just stop your gruntin', Peter Ruggles; that warn't greedy, thatwas all right. I wish I could git it inter your heads that it ain't somuch what yer say, as the way you say it. And don't keep starin'cross-eyed at your necktie pin, or I'll take it out 'n' sew it on toClem or Cornelius: Sarah Maud'll keep her eye on it, 'n' if it turnsbroken side out she'll tell yer. Gracious! I shouldn't think you'd everseen nor worn no jool'ry in your life.--Eily, you an' Larry's toolittle to train, so you just look at the rest an' do's they do, 'n' theLord have mercy on ye 'n' help ye to act decent! Now, is there anythingmore ye'd like to practice?"
"If yer tell me one more thing, I can't set up an' eat," said Petergloomily; "I'm so cram full o' manners now I'm ready ter bust, 'thout nodinner at all."
"Me too," chimed in Cornelius.
"Well, I'm sorry for yer both," rejoined Mrs. Ruggles sarcastically; "ifthe 'mount o' manners yer've got on hand now troubles ye, you'redreadful easy hurt! Now, Sarah Maud, after dinner, about once in sooften, you must git up 'n' say, 'I guess we'd better be goin';' 'n' ifthey say, 'Oh, no, set a while longer,' yer can set; but if they don'tsay nothin' you've got ter get up 'n' go.--Now hev yer got that int' yerhead?"
"_About once in so often!_" Could any words in the language be fraughtwith more terrible and wearing uncertainty?
"Well," answered Sarah Maud mournfully, "seems as if this wholedinner-party set right square on top o' me! Mebbe I could manage my ownmanners, but to manage nine mannerses is worse 'n staying to home!"
"Oh, don't fret," said her mother, good-naturedly, now that the lessonwas over; "I guess you'll git along. I wouldn't mind if folks would onlysay, 'Oh, childern will be childern;' but they won't. They'll say, 'Lando' Goodness, who fetched them childern up?'--It's quarter past five, 'n'yer can go now:--remember 'bout the hats,--don't all talk teronce,--Susan, lend yer han'k'chief ter Peory,--Peter, don't keepscrewin' yer scarf-pin,--Cornelius, hold yer head up straight,--SarahMaud, don't take yer eyes off o' Larry, 'n' Larry you keep holt o' SarahMaud 'n' do jest as she says,--'n' whatever you do, all of yer, neverforget for one second that yer mother was a McGrill."