He had already made it his business to tell Dar—pointedly, confronting him in front of Zia—that he was in charge of this expedition and Dar was not to do anything without permission. The command was delivered in Quince’s usual dispassionate, calm manner but with an edge underlying the words. Dar could have pointed out how foolish this proclamation sounded, but he decided Ruis was just marking his territory. So he simply nodded and resolved, as always, to do whatever the situation dictated whether he had permission to act or not.
Zia, unfortunately, wasn’t much friendlier toward him than Ruis, which was more troubling. She was still angry after their last conversation; she continued to assume he had been poking around in her private affairs. Already Dar was regretting he had ever agreed to go on this expedition, much less try to find out if either Ruis Quince or Zia was scheming in some way against Balronen or the Druids. He still found the idea nonsensical. What plans could either possibly have that would matter to the High Druid?
So he kept himself to himself, even in the company of his companions, and carried out his responsibilities for flying the airship and commanding its crew. That was all he cared about anyway, so it wasn’t difficult. The Troll guards, on the other hand, who sensed things in a much more intuitive way than most would give them credit for, exhibited signs of uneasiness that were unmistakable. Dar guessed that if asked they would have told him they wished they were anywhere else but here.
The day wore on toward evening and the storm closed swiftly on their airship. Dar was forced to give his entire attention over to keeping the airship steady while searching for a place to set down. If they were aloft still when the full force of the weather struck, they would be in serious trouble. By now they were across the backside of the Dragon’s Teeth and into the Jannisson Pass, pointing toward the eastern edge of the old Skull Kingdom, following a route that would take them squarely between the craggy mountains of the Skull Kingdom on their left and the towering peaks of the Charnals on their right. The corridor was wide enough to let them pass safely if good weather held, but not if the winds blew hard enough crosswise.
When he found a broad stretch of land that opened below the southern edge of the Malg Swamp, Dar dropped the airship toward a clearing on the lee side of a high rocky slope where they could anchor for the night without worrying about the winds battering their vessel. Already members of the crew were setting the mooring lines, and by the time the ship was down to within six feet of the ground they were over the railing and anchoring them in place. The wind continued to howl overhead and the skies to darken almost completely, but the ship rocked only slightly as the storm passed east and rolled on toward the Charnals.
When dinner was consumed and the Trolls had set a watch rotation and rolled into their bedding, Dar found a spot near the stern that was sheltered enough to offer a bit of comfort from the weather. By now the rains were easing off, and he did not care to go below with Ruis and Zia. He did not care to be anywhere in the vicinity when they were together. His feelings about Zia might have been tamped down by practical concerns, but they were not in the least diminished.
So instead of going below, he sat wrapped in his great cloak and looked out into the darkness with nothing but his thoughts for company.
Because his mood of earlier had not changed appreciably and his current view of his future as Blade to High Druid Ober Balronen was just as dark as ever, he found himself considering a change in professions. It wasn’t as if he had no other skills or life choices. He could always go back to what he had been doing before Drisker had recruited him. His brothers would be willing enough to welcome him back into the airship transport business; his skills were no less than they were before. They might even have real need of him if business was as good as they had led him to believe.
The trouble was, of course, he really didn’t want to return to the family business. It was never what he’d wanted to do with his life. He had always been too restless, too anxious for something more challenging. He had a craving for excitement, and his position as Blade had given him that. But his enjoyment was being crushed by his dissatisfaction with Balronen’s lack of ability to serve as High Druid. Compared with Drisker Arc’s, Ober Balronen’s leadership bordered on incompetency. That Dar felt he knew what needed doing better than his employer was deeply worrying—especially when so much was at stake. If a High Druid guessed wrong or made bad decisions, the consequences could prove fatal.
Dar was increasingly certain this was what he was facing by coming here, deep in the Northland, on this fool’s errand.
A cloaked figure appeared out of the darkness and sat down beside him. Zia’s rain-streaked face looked over.
“You look less than happy,” she observed.
He nodded reluctantly. “Probably because I am.”
“This whole business is a mess.” She scooted closer, as if to be better heard. “We’re on our way to getting ourselves killed.”
“That’s a bit stark, isn’t it?”
“Story of my life.”
“I don’t like to see you like this.”
“Really? Since when? Why would you care?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I still think there is something good between us.”
“I suppose. I just have trouble thinking of what that something is.”
He paused. “What are we talking about here? Is this about you and me? Or is this about something else?”
She held his gaze, her eyes fixed on him. “You and I, we had something special. I don’t know where it was going, and I really didn’t think it important enough to worry about. I just enjoyed having you as my friend and lover. But it wasn’t enough for you. I don’t understand it.”
He took a deep breath. The ache of her unhappiness was palpable. “We’ve discussed all this, Zia. I don’t know what else to say. I felt I wasn’t being fair to you. I felt I was leading you on.”
“You don’t fix things by shoving them aside.” She leaned in. “You decided all on your own that things weren’t going to work out; you never discussed it with me. I didn’t even know you were troubled! You just walked away. You broke my heart. Do you know how that felt?”
He started to speak and then stopped. “Not good, I guess.”
“Try ‘terrible.’ I was devastated. You treated me as if I was worthless. You didn’t make me feel better by trying to spare me. That wasn’t what happened! It felt like you were doing it for yourself. I was just something in your way.”
“I didn’t…”
“You didn’t what? Think? Agreed; you didn’t. Behave like a grown-up? Agreed again. Handle it in a compassionate and reasonable way?” She shook her head. There were tears in her eyes. “I thought you loved me. I thought we meant something to each other, something important. I guess I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong. But I didn’t want you tied to someone who was at risk every time he left Paranor on an expedition. It didn’t feel fair to ask that of you. I thought it was better to break it off. You would forget me. You would find someone else, someone who led a less dangerous life.”
“We don’t pick and choose who we love, Dar! Don’t you know anything? We love people for all sorts of reasons, some of which we can’t even explain. It isn’t a shopping trip with a list all written up.”
He exhaled in frustration. She would never accept his reasoning. All they were doing was tearing pieces off each other’s hearts. He wanted this conversation to be over. “I’m not saying it is. But we have to be reasonable about it as well as emotional.”
She stared at him. “You want to know why I went from you to Ruis? He was convenient and willing. I can tell you that now because it doesn’t matter anymore. I can even tell you he was a poor substitute. I told him we were done just before we left Paranor.”
“You left him?” He felt an unexpected jolt of happiness.
“I did. Just like you left me. And I can tell you this: It doesn’t feel all that satisfying.”
“Look,” he said, resting his h
and momentarily on hers. She jerked away as if he had burned her. He shook his head. “Zia, we have to let it go, both of us. We have to bury the past. Going over it every time we meet won’t bring it back.”
“Not that it matters to you!”
“But it does matter!” His voice rose, edged with a bitterness that surprised him. “I loved you, too! As much as you loved me!”
She drew herself up. “Nice to hear you say so. You forgot that part of it when you told me you were leaving. Well, better late than never, I guess. Maybe one day it will mean something to me again.”
There was nothing to be gained by responding or by pursuing the matter further, so he simply looked off into the darkness and waited for her to leave. But she didn’t move. She just sat there next to him.
Finally, he said, “I asked about you and Ruis that day not because I was being nosy but because I was worried about you. Ober seems to think the two of you planned this expedition for reasons that might not be in his best interests. He told me to watch you and report back. I didn’t say anything, and even if there was something to tell I wouldn’t.”
She gave him a look of disbelief. “He told you he thought Ruis and I might be doing something behind his back? That’s a laugh! Do you know what he’s really worried about? He wants me in his bed!”
“He thinks you and he…?” He flashed on a picture of it and dismissed it immediately.
She stared at him, realizing what he was thinking. “There wasn’t any possibility of that happening before, and there isn’t any possibility of it now. So you can tell him whatever you like.”
He shook his head. “I guess I understand his feelings. I loved you, too, you know.”
She gave him a smirk. “So you say. Just not enough, I guess.”
“No, it was enough. More than enough. So much so that I was afraid of it. I didn’t know what to do!”
The pain he was experiencing at hearing her tell him how much she had loved him and how much losing him had cost her was reflected in his unguarded response. He didn’t stop to think about what he was saying.
She laughed. “Oh, well if you were clueless, then I guess it’s okay!” Her expression hardened. “Shouldn’t I have had a part in making this decision? Wasn’t the choice of separating, of ending everything, as much mine as yours? Didn’t you consider it important enough?”
“Yes!” he snapped. “I did consider it important enough. But I didn’t want to give you a chance to make me change my mind. Listen to me. My family history is bleak. Leahs have always been at risk as swordsmen. Whole handfuls of them have died because of it. I’m just one more example of a potential repeat of history. I didn’t want that for you!”
“I wasn’t asking that you make a life for us! I was asking for your companionship and love. Anyway, how is what you do so different from what I do? I risk myself, too, every time I use magic, every time I am sent out to face a new threat. That didn’t stop me from wanting to love you! That wasn’t enough to force me to tell you we couldn’t go on!”
He leaned back against the deck wall. His pain was overwhelming. He felt every argument he had once believed solid, every bit of reasoning he had once relied on, slip through his fingers as he tried futilely to hold on to it. He could no longer make himself justify any of it.
“All right. I understand that now. I handled everything badly. No excuses. I threw away something I should have held on to. I probably gave up the best chance at having someone love me I will ever find. I miss you, too, Zia. I hated it when you were with Ruis. I thought about you all the time after I left you, but I didn’t see how I could come back. I still don’t. Because now it’s too late.”
She studied him a moment and then got to her feet. “I’m going below where it’s warm. You think some more about all this. When this expedition is over, maybe we can talk again.”
She started away, but then she turned back. “The trouble is, Darcon Leah, I don’t know if you matter enough to me anymore.”
Her smile, as she turned away, was filled with sadness.
—
They continued flying north at sunrise. The weather improved and the sky offered glimpses of the rising sun, a pale and elusive orb through layers of cloud covering. Dar had slept badly, and he was heavy-eyed and irritable. He wanted to keep to himself, and mostly he was able to. Once or twice, Ruis Quince appeared to give him perfunctory orders; mostly it seemed it was just to reaffirm that he was still in charge. As if something might have changed during the night, Dar thought. As if the order of things might have somehow shifted.
And perhaps for Quince they had. He was no longer Zia’s bedmate and partner. He was no longer much of anything to either of them—just another member of the Druid order. Dar had no illusions about what this meant. Quince would blame him for Zia’s leaving and would be slow to forgive. Few words were exchanged as the day wore on, and it became clear that this was unlikely to change. Dar began to grow anxious. If there was no communication among them, the chances for mistakes in carrying out their assignment increased. Their plan for finding their quarry was shaky at best. They were flying to where the most recent massacre had taken place. From there they should be able to track whoever was responsible until they caught up to them. Even in rocky, barren country their passage should be visible.
But none of the highlander’s concerns proved to be relevant. They traveled on for a second day, and it was just reaching midday on the third when a large body of soldiers appeared directly below them. One minute there was only mist and emptiness and the next the leading edge of this horde hove into view. There was no mistaking what they were. Their banners and insignia were unlike anything the Druids or Dar had ever seen. Some carried eight-foot spears and some swords. All were armored and wore helmets that concealed their faces, disguising their features. There were at least a thousand of them. They traveled in formation, yet there was a loose order to their columns that suggested they felt comfortable in their ability to react swiftly to any perceived threat.
Heads glanced up as their airship passed overhead, but beyond that there was no apparent concern for their presence.
“Bring her around!” Ruis Quince ordered suddenly as they passed over the rear lines of the army and flew out onto the empty plains beyond.
Because the Druid was standing right below the pilot box, Dar had no trouble hearing the order—just trouble believing it. Quince wanted to make another pass when the invaders had no reason to think them anything but another airship? What was he thinking? A second pass would surely betray their interest and expose their intentions to even the most obtuse.
Zia, who was standing a few feet away, was quick to challenge the order.
“What are you doing, Ruis? If we pass over them again, they’re bound to notice! Are you trying to draw their attention?”
“What would you have us do, Zia? Sneak up on them? See if we can trick them into talking to us?” Quince made it sound like he was lecturing. “Blade, do what I said. Turn around. Fly back so they can see us clearly. Land the airship a quarter mile in front of them. We’ll wait for them there.”
Still Dar hesitated. “We know nothing about what these people can do. If they get us on the ground, they will have us at their mercy.”
“Shouldn’t we take the time and trouble to find out a little more about them?” Zia was standing right in front of him. The Trolls looked around to see what was happening. “A little caution might have value!” she snapped.
Ruis Quince turned away. “You have no right to question me, Zia. You threw that privilege away.” He glanced at Dar. “Do what I said, Blade. Or would you rather I had you removed from your command and charged with treason!”
Dar stared at him without flinching. “I won’t put my airship and crew in danger.”
“Your airship and crew?” Quince laughed openly. “You have no airship or crew, highlander. Everything you have belongs to the Druids! Even this infatuated girl who cannot seem to realize the importance of who she beds and who
she—”
Zia slapped him so hard that Dar could hear the crack of it over the rushing of the wind. Quince rocked back on his heels, his expression one of shock. Zia shoved him hard, pinning him back against the wall of the pilot box. A long knife appeared in her hand as if by magic and pressed up against his throat. “If you ever say anything like that again, Ruis, I will cut out your tongue and take my time doing it. I will make you sorry you were ever born!”
Her words were a hiss of warning that lingered momentarily in the ensuing stillness. She waited a moment to be sure he had heard, ready to act if he should choose to respond. The knife remained at his throat, and her eyes never left his.
But Quince merely rubbed his cheek. “Turn the ship around, highlander,” he said one time more. He spoke the words very deliberately, his voice devoid of passion. “That is an order.”
He held Zia’s gaze until she released him and backed away.
“This is a mistake, Ruis.”
“If so, it’s mine to make.”
She hesitated. “All right. But if anything goes wrong, you’ll have to answer for it.”
Dar did not find this very reassuring. If he was wrong, they were likely dead. He thought about refusing, thinking this decision ill made and dangerous, worried about what would happen if he obeyed. But there was a limit to what he could do, even as captain of this airship. He engaged the starboard thrusters and felt the vessel begin to turn.
“Chutin!” he shouted in Troll speak to his Captain of the Guard. “Unhood the flash rips and ready them for firing. If we are attacked, you may respond. Put men at all four.”
The big Troll nodded and repeated the orders to his men. The flash rips were readied, and the gunners took their positions.