“This is a mistake,” I said breathlessly. “I should not be here.” I went to stand up but Sebastian grabbed hold of my arm.
“Wait. What’s wrong?” He asked. “Is it because you saw your teacher? It doesn’t matter, you know. We’re not in school. We aren’t doing anything wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You don’t understand,” I pleaded. “It’s okay for you. You’re not the one who has to wear this.” I tore at my headscarf. “You’re not the one whose friend is taken away from you because she’s having a baby. You don’t live in ghettos and get treated like second class citizens… no, not even that. We aren’t even citizens, we’re Blemished.” My legs began to shake and I felt a tingle in my fingers, the table top bounced a fraction, spilling the mochas. “Don’t you see? We can never be friends. I can’t even look at you. We are doing something wrong. This… this is all wrong. I can’t be here.”
I fled from the café. Sebastian called after me but I didn’t stop.
19
I couldn’t decide what I was the most upset about: Mrs Murgatroyd seeing us through the glass, embarrassing myself so completely, Sebastian calling me a friend or my own stupidity for agreeing to meet him in the first place.
Why did I even care? It wasn’t like there could be any future between us. No relationship between a Blemished and a GEM ended well. We weren’t supposed to mix. It was illegal for a start. I stomped through the town, ignoring the market sellers, the giggling GEM girls and the low murmur of electric cars. I was so blinkered to the world that I walked straight into Elena Darcey, knocking us both to the ground.
She picked herself up, dusting the dirt from her pretty denim dress, and I clambered to my feet with a lot less grace. I nodded as if to apologise and went to walk away but she stopped me.
“Wait, Mina,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said curtly without meeting her eyes.
She moved in front of me, blocking my path and for a moment I thought she was about to start bullying me again. But instead she reached into her handbag, a small pastel pink clutch bag, and pulled out a packet of tissues. “You’re crying.”
“I am?” Confused, I reached up and touched the skin beneath my eyes to find them damp. She was right. I took the tissues and dabbed my eyes. “I didn’t realise.”
“I do that too, sometimes,” she said. And then she smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, not the kind of sneer I was used too, and her eyes lit up.
“Thank you,” I said.
“No problem, Blem,” she said. The insult didn’t feel like an insult this time, more like a nickname. There was affection behind it. Her Plan-It bleeped and words flashed over her eyes. “Oh! Gotta go!”
I stared as she walked away, the tissue crumpled in my fingers. Just when I thought I understood the world and the way things worked, something changed my mind. Before Area 14 I understood that I was Blemished and the GEMs were more important. I understood that I was here to serve them and not to be their friends or their girl-friends. I’d been happy to resent them, even hate them. But now I liked two GEMs. I liked Sebastian and I wanted to know more about him. I even liked Elena and could see us as friends in another life. The lines were blurring. The world was confusing. I went home with thoughts buzzing through my mind.
*
Walking into school on Monday morning I tried to focus on Sebastian’s words. I repeated over and over in my mind – I didn’t do anything wrong. We were not in school. We were just two friends talking. We hadn’t broken any laws. We were just friends. It kept my feet walking.
But then I thought of her at the glass and it made me want to turn back and run for my bed. I closed my eyes and saw the sneer and all my reassurance disappeared. I took a deep breath as I entered the school gates, dreading the day ahead.
“Hey, Mina.” Angela greeted me at the lockers.
I forced a smile. “Hey.”
Monday mornings meant Sex Education, which was the only class we needed textbooks for. Angela and I opened our lockers side by side in the long hallway and pulled out books on genetics.
“It seems quiet today,” Angela said, slamming her locker shut. She cringed at the noise.
“I guess it’s the first day back since Emily was… taken,” I replied. “Poor Billie. She must have had the weekend from hell.”
We made our way down the hallway and a heavy nausea grew in my stomach. I tried to ignore it and think about Emily instead. My suffering was nothing in comparison.
“Are you okay?” Angela said as we made our way into the classroom. “You had quite a weekend yourself.”
Angela didn’t know about my meeting with Sebastian yet so I presumed she was talking about my dad. “I’m fine. I’ll tell you all about it later in gardening, I promise.”
I was shocked to see Billie in class. She didn’t say a word to any of the students, or Mrs Murgatroyd. Her eyes were ringed with angry red skin and she looked smaller somehow, thinner already. I wanted to console her, but I didn’t know how.
Once everyone was seated the lesson began. Mrs Murgatroyd’s eyes lingered on me before she addressed the rest of the class. She wore a tight suit ensemble with a grey jacket and pencil skirt. The bland colour contrasted starkly with her red curls.
“What hell has Murder-Troll got in store for us today?” Angela mumbled next to me. I didn’t laugh.
“Open your books to page 150, please,” the teacher instructed. She stalked the classroom like a hunter stalks the jungle.
I opened my book and tried to shake away the bad feeling in my stomach. At the top of the book, underlined, was the heading Faulty Genes. I suppressed a laugh and thought how typical of the Ministry not just to remind us we were Blemished but to underline it and put it in bold.
“Obesity. Diabetes. Deformities. Mental illness.” Mrs Murgatroyd listed the ailments slowly and deliberately – taking pleasure from them. “All human afflictions that can be cured through cloning. All of these are human afflictions in your genes.” Her high-heels clicked towards me. She ran her finger along the edge of my desk, so close to my arm that I shivered. “This is why it is illegal for any of you to pass on your genes.”
She moved to the front of the classroom and turned towards us all. I hesitantly glanced at Billie, in disbelief that Mrs Murgatroyd was broaching this subject just days after Emily’s ordeal.
“Let me tell you all a story,” she continued, “a story about a world where everyone is beautiful and healthy. There are enough resources for everyone. The world is no longer crowded. Every single person in this story has the right to exist, to be happy and share their happiness with children.”
Billie’s face was a mask of anguish. She sat up straight and stared through Mrs Murgatroyd at the whiteboard behind her. She had not even opened her textbook.
“This is why your sacrifice is so important,” Mrs Murgatroyd continued her story. “When you take the Operation you stop the world being full of people like you – Blemished by your genes. Your very existence stops the story becoming true. You see… when you die, so do all the nasty things in the world. People won’t get sick anymore. They will live long lives together. They will have an appropriate number of offspring. Everything will be perfect.” She almost breathed the last word.
Mrs Murgatroyd clapped her hands together. “Now girls – I want you to learn how you behave around other boys, especially,” this time she looked straight at me and I quivered, “GEM boys.”
She wrenched her eyes away from me and turned to the whiteboard. With a black marker pen and in large, capital letters, Mrs Murgatroyd wrote:
NO EYE CONTACT
DO NOT TALK
DO NOT TOUCH
DO NOT REVEAL YOUR HAIR
“Say them aloud,” she demanded.
All together we repeated the words on the whiteboard as though they were a prayer or a mantra. When we finished Mrs Murgatroyd made us say them again. I looked across at Bil
lie and saw she had her head in her hands.
“None of you are special,” she said bitterly. “You need to stop believing that you are.” She flipped her hand dismissively. “Take a break before canteen duty. Miss Hart, I want to see you.”
Angela turned to me with wide eyes. “What did you do?”
“I’ll tell you later,” I said hurriedly.
I handed her my textbook, she offered a sympathetic smile and disappeared from the classroom along with the rest of the girls. I was alone with Mrs Murgatroyd. I walked hesitantly to the front desk, feeling like a criminal about to be sentenced.
“Miss Hart,” she said as though I were an old friend. “Shall we take a walk in the grounds?”
20
Mrs Murgatroyd placed a pair of dark glasses over her eyes to protect them from the mid-morning sun. Next to me she was intimidatingly tall in her heeled shoes and I wiped my sweaty palms against my tunic. My shorter legs struggled to match her long stride, but I forced them to quicken, determined to keep up.
“Was there something you wanted to talk about, Mrs Murgatroyd?” I asked boldly. The silence and anticipation was killing me.
“I don’t know what it is about you, Miss Hart, which seems to attract trouble. Trouble of the opposite sex, it would seem.” She pushed the dark glasses further up her nose, closer to her taut skin. “You must listen to what I am about to say. I won’t repeat it.” She paused for dramatic effect. “I reiterate, Miss Hart, this is of the upmost importance.”
“What are you talking about?” I said, trying to keep the tremble from my voice.
“The game you are playing with the boys in this Area… I see it in you like I saw it in Emily Green.” She frowned. “What happened on Friday was… unfortunate. Contrary to popular opinion I take no pleasure from that kind of situation. I pity the Green family. They are now tarnished for life. Thanks to that little incident––”
“––little incident!” I interrupted.
She laughed. “You have a temper – something else that will no doubt cause more trouble. You bring it all on yourself, Mina, you really do. You aren’t the kind of girl to sit back and take it and you seem to think that makes you special. You’re always watching, noticing, wanting to learn, and I have to tell you that that kind of attitude is just not tolerated at St. Jude’s.” She shook out her mane like a lion. “This is your first warning.”
“But what have I done?” I demanded.
She stopped and turned to me. “What have you done? Is that what you are asking? You met That GEM boy in a café. You let him touch you. You parade around with the Blemished boy from the carpenters. You remove your headscarf and run through the fields. You talk back––”
“You’ve been following me?” I asked.
She laughed, throatily. “Don’t flatter yourself, my dear. I do have eyes though, I have eyes throughout the Area, and they tell me things. They tell me who I need to watch.” She stopped walking and faced me. “You have been identified as one of those people.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I snapped.
“Like I said, Miss Hart, I don’t like incidents. They are bad for everyone involved, including the school. That is why I like to stop these incidents before they have even happened.”
“You think I would get pregnant like that?” I had trouble even saying the word pregnant. “You’re a dinosaur. Don’t you see that the world is changing around you? I don’t go out of my way to make friends with GEMs, they come to me. Your stupid little perfect world is false. No one wants to live in it, not even the clones––”
“Don’t call them that!”
“That’s what they are,” I replied. “And what you don’t understand is that they are bored with who they are. Why else would they be so fascinated with us? You think you have the future figured out but it doesn’t belong to you, old woman.” I stopped talking and stepped back, shocked and surprised at my own outburst. I put my hands to my face. My cheeks burned.
Mrs Murgatroyd yanked her glasses from her face. She leaned forward and scowled at me. “Listen to me you little bitch. You may think this is all some sort of a joke but I have standards to meet in my school. Now you do as I say or your Operation will be scheduled early and I’ll make it a living hell for you and your father. Do you understand?”
I nodded, struck dumb.
The teacher smoothed her suit, replaced her glasses and re-fixed her hair. She smiled sweetly. “I’m so glad we managed to clear up that little misunderstanding.”
*
“So… are you going to tell me what happened with Murder-Troll?” Angela looked at me expectantly.
It was later in the day, during gardening duties. I sighed and wiped soil from my cheek.
“She saw me talking to Sebastian,” I said.
“When were you talking to him?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said miserably. “I can’t see him now anyway.”
“Why not? She doesn’t know what you get up to after school,” Angela said. “Can’t you just meet in secret? Oh that would be so romantic!” She clutched at her bosom, imitating the over-dramatic love scenes in GEM soap operas. “Oh Sebastian, I’ve missed you.” She put on a deep voice. “Oh, Mina! Kiss me!”
“This isn’t funny,” I snapped. “She threatened me. She threatened my dad. She said that she has ‘eyes’ who tell her things outside school. She said she’d move my Operation forward. This is bad, Angela.”
“Woah, that’s heavy. You think she follows you?”
“Maybe,” I said. “I saw her yesterday in town.”
“You went to town without me?”
I glared at her. “This is serious.”
Angela pouted. “I’m just trying to cheer you up.” She glanced guiltily over to Billie. “Things are so miserable today.”
“What do you expect?” I said, a little too harshly. I lowered my voice. “A girl was taken away in labour on Friday. It takes more than a weekend for most people to get over something like that.”
Angela fell silent. “I’m not over it. I just don’t want to think about it.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out.”
She smiled. “It’s okay, I get it. I’d be stressed out if a gorgeous GEM boy fancied me.”
“Shhh!” I said, but I laughed along with it.
Billie appeared by my side. “What are you laughing at?”
I felt myself blush with embarrassment. “Billie, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t care.” She stared at a spot by the trestle table. “That’s where they took her.”
I thought back to how we had been forced to clean up the mess from the upturned trestle table just moments after Emily was snatched.
“I’m sorry, Billie,” I said.
We fell silent. It was a time for reflection, not a time to try and forget. Even Angela got back to work, her head down. I saw her sniff. She mourned too, in her own way.
“Billie, tell me about her,” I said eventually, breaking the silence,
“What?” Billie said.
“Tell me about Emily. I never got to know her.”
Billie froze, but then her expression softened and she even smiled. “Once, she got a penny stuck up her nose.” She laughed. “She cried and cried.”
“How old was she?” I said. The other Blemished girls all stopped and watched, listening and smiling.
“I dunno, maybe eight or nine.” Billie’s eyes were lost in memory now. “She loved strawberries. On her tenth birthday I saved my pocket money up and bought a huge punnet from the market. Her birthday was in May. The sun always shone. Last year we went for a picnic.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “That was just before…” She wiped away another tear. Then she looked up at me, more life in her face. “She loved him. She was so happy. I think for a while she really thought she could keep the baby, that we would all be a happy family. She was so stupid.” Billie covered her face in her hands and sobbed.
/>
I put my arms around her shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.”
“No, it isn’t,” she said bitterly. She pulled away from me. “I’ll never know if she is alive or dead. We’ll never be able to put her body to rest.”
I glanced across at the fresh soil waiting for bedding plants. “Billie,” I said. “I have an idea.”
I took her hand. I grabbed a few packets of Daffodil bulbs and pulled her over to the flower bed in the corner.
“We’re going to plant flowers for Emily,” I said. I turned to the rest of the group. “All of us. We’re going to plant these Daffodils and watch them grow and flourish and all the time think of her. Okay?”
Billie squeezed my hand and nodded. The class gathered around us and together we turned the soil, pressed in the bulbs and watered the ground. I imagined the pretty yellow trumpets that would flower in their place and smiled.
21
The following weeks came and went with Mrs Murgatroyd’s warning never far from my mind. I no longer went to Angela’s after school. I no longer found myself at the field. I kept my headscarf firmly wrapped around my hair, covering my modesty. I worked hard to stay out of trouble. I worked hard to stay safe; to keep my dad safe.
We worked on my gift and I learned how to aim. I lifted heavy objects. Once I even lifted my dad a few feet from the ground which terrified him and set me off in a fit of giggles. One day, Dad received a parcel of our old things from the house in Area 10. With a smile he told me to open it.
“Our books!” I gasped. I removed a paperback and ran my fingers over the spine. “I thought we would never get them back. Shall I put them in the basement?”
“Yes, but be careful in front of the screen,” he said in his Professor voice.
I nodded. The Blemished were not permitted to read any texts other than those approved by the school board. My dad did not agree with the Ministry and he decided to improvise with my education. He had managed to keep many of the books he used as a Professor, books about the history of our Country before the GEM project, about the history of the world. He even had fiction books and books of poetry about love and sex and everything we were not supposed to know about. I handled them with care, as though they would break from my touch.