“Of course,” I said.
We walked together in silence. Billie carried a green plastic watering can. When we reached the corner where we planted the Daffodils she tipped the water ceremoniously over the bulbs.
“Have you heard anything?” I asked.
She shook her head. “But I didn’t expect to. No one ever hears.” She sniffed. “It’s Twitching Sunday this weekend.”
“Don’t think about it,” I said.
“I can’t help but,” she said with a shrug. “I’ll have to watch. I’ll just have to.” The watering can emptied and she placed it on the grass at the edge of the lawn. “Mina, I need to tell you something. I go walking at night. I have done every night since Emily was taken. I don’t sleep you see.” She paused. “I saw you.”
I felt my blood run cold in my veins. “What do you mean?”
She moved closer to me. “You know what I mean. You and that GEM.” Her eyes darted around us and I swallowed dryly. “That’s how it started, with Emily. She got involved with one of them and then it happened. You can’t trust them, Mina, it’s all an act. He’ll take you to that Café, in the back room.”
I gulped because I knew exactly which Café she was talking about. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t,” she said. “I’m just telling you this because you’re my… friend. I don’t want you to end up like my sister. I really don’t.” Billie broke eye contact and stared behind me; she shook her head and walked away.
I turned. It was Sebastian.
“What are you doing? Anyone could see,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he said. His eyes pleaded with me. “I just needed to give you this.” He pressed a folded piece of paper into my hands. I quickly tucked it into my headscarf.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw familiar red curls – Mrs Murgatroyd approaching. “You have to leave, now.”
Sebastian smiled at the teacher. “I’m sorry,” he said smoothly without any indication he was lying, “I saw this Blemished get her tunic caught as I was passing and stopped to help. It won’t happen again.”
“Thank you Mr Cole, you should head back to your class,” the teacher said with a hint of venom in her voice. “Miss Hart, would you accompany me to my office?”
*
“Step in, Miss Hart,” she said with forced sweetness, holding open the door to a meticulously tidy room.
I obeyed.
“Take a seat.” She gestured to a plastic chair opposite a large wooden desk. Mrs Mugatroyd casually walked around the desk and took residence in a plush leather recliner.
Aside from a laptop and a small pot plant there was very little on her desk. She had no photographs of family. The walls were bare and painted a stale grey.
“Do I need to remind you of the code of conduct at this school?” She raised a pencilled eyebrow and smiled, somehow making the action look threatening.
I shook my head feebly.
Mrs Murgatroyd placed both hands on the desk, the action deliberate and measured, almost practised.
“What you need, Miss Hart, is discipline.” She chuckled. “It is actually what all of you Blemished need. You see, some of you don’t seem to know your place. You don’t understand that you are here to serve the rest of us because you have no right in this world. You are Blemished. Your genes are useless. You carry inside you all the things that make this world dirty.” She sneered, disgusted. “Disease ridden. You’re worse than rats.”
She spat her words and I jumped. Panic built in my chest and I felt claustrophobic, wanting nothing more than to run out of the room. Sweat formed in between my shoulder blades despite my body feeling cold and shaky.
Mrs Murgatroyd sighed. “I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, that you would heed my warning. I actually thought that you were clever enough to know when you are beaten, Miss Hart, and when you need to back down to the victor. But it would seem I was wrong, and it pains me very much to have to do this.”
Her hand moved very slowly to the edge of the desk and disappeared from view. I heard the scrape of wood against wood as she pulled open a drawer. There was a fumbling noise. Her hand reached inside. Throughout all of these actions she maintained my eye contact. Her hand withdrew containing an object. It was a long, thin and flexible – a whip. She flicked it down onto the desk and I flinched.
26
I tried not to cry. I held it together for the first two strokes but as she brought the whip down onto the fleshy part of my hand for the third time – I sobbed. I had twenty lashes in total. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t look at her – not until the end. When it was over I dared to meet her eyes, expecting an expression of triumph. I found none. She seemed just as beaten. She collapsed into her chair and stared at my hands.
“I didn’t think you’d cry,” she said quietly. “I thought you were tough.”
I sniffed. “So did I.”
Mrs Murgatroyd leaned forward, moving quickly enough to startle me, and grabbed hold of my hand. I winced and pulled away. She flinched.
“Look, you brought this on yourself.” Her voice had lost conviction. “A Blemished girl like you cannot get involved with a child of the GEM project. It isn’t right.”
“Why?” I blurted out. At this point I didn’t care if she beat me again. I wanted answers. “Why can’t the Blemished fall in love?”
“Because then it will all have been for nothing. My…” She stopped herself. I thought I saw water in her eyes but then she blinked and it was gone. “Because we have something better than you now! And if you spread your ugly, diseased, seed around it will ruin everything.” She paused. “Why can’t you be like the rest of them? Why can’t you sit down and shut up like everyone else? Just accept your fate and be done with it, Miss Hart. Things don’t have to be as complicated as you seem to make it for yourself. You are just months away from the Operation and then you can go out and do what you want.”
Mrs Murgatroyd opened the desk drawer and replaced the cane. But before she shut the drawer she hesitated. Then, after a moment of indecision she pulled out a glass bottle containing a clear fluid, unscrewed the lid and took a swig. I recognised it as alcohol from the bitter fumes.
“I told them to sterilise the last generation from birth, but they didn’t listen. I knew this would happen. You stupid girls with your raging hormones. It’s in your nature to be dirty.”
“Who is ‘them’?” I asked.
“Get out of my sight,” she snapped. “If I ever see you with that GEM boy you will take more than a beating.”
Mrs Murgatroyd appeared ragged and tired. I didn’t waste any time getting out of there.
*
“What happened?” Angela asked. She was waiting for me at the school gates.
I showed her my hands and her eyes widened.
“Does it hurt?”
I nodded fervently, hoping the tears wouldn’t come back.
“Come on,” she said, gently taking hold of my elbow, “let’s take you home.”
We walked in silence through the ghettos. The sky threatened rain, with the March sun fading in the shadow of the clouds. I imagined the look on Dad’s face when I show him the welts on my palms. He would want to know why Mrs Murgatroyd had punished me and I didn’t know what to tell him. If I said it was because a GEM boy spoke to me he would want to know who and why.
When we reached the corner of my street I stopped and turned to Angela. “I’ve been meeting Sebastian Cole at night.”
She dropped her hand from my elbow. “You’ve what? For how long?”
“Just this week.”
“The week that your dad banned you from even seeing me? What the hell were you thinking?”
I frowned. “I know. I just wanted to get to know him.”
“You don’t sneak out in the middle of the night because you want to get to know someone. What else have you been doing?” She looked at me and I saw the accusations in her eyes.
“Nothing,
I swear. We talk.” I paused, feeling offended. “Do you really think I would do more?”
Angela sighed. “No, I suppose not. But this is bad, Mina. Really bad! Is that why Mrs Murgatroyd thrashed you? Does she know?”
“No, but she did see me in a Café with him a few weeks ago. And then today when he came to the garden. He gave me a note.” I reached up into my headscarf. With the caning I had forgotten all about it. I pulled out the small square of paper and unfolded it.
“Well, what does it say?” Angela asked anxiously.
“It says that he is leaving soon. And he wants us to meet before he leaves.”
“Where is he going?”
I faltered. Part of me wanted to tell Angela everything, to completely empty myself of all the secrets I’d been carrying with me, but I couldn’t betray Sebastian. “I don’t know,” I lied. I knew they would be moving into the farmhouse.
“I can’t believe you kept all this from me, Mina,” Angela said meekly. I heard the edge of disappointment in her voice. “Don’t you trust me?”
“I just didn’t want to get you into more trouble. But now, I don’t know what to tell my dad.”
Angela thought for a moment. “Why don’t you just tell him that you talked back to Elena? At least then you don’t mention Sebastian and there aren’t any, you know, boys involved.”
I laughed. “Angela, you’re a genius. I feel so much better for talking to you.”
It was true, my footsteps were lighter. When we reached my home I opened the door without hesitation. Dad looked up from his newspaper on the kitchen table and frowned as Angela walked in. I gestured to Angela to take a seat and did the same.
“Mina, I thought we had a discussion,” he said.
“Dad, there’s something I have to tell you, well two things actually, the first one is this.” I held up my hand, displaying the angry red welt on my palm. My Dad’s face fell. “So if you’re going to have a go at me please don’t, I’ve had about as much as I can take today. The second is that we need your help––”
“I need your help,” Angela corrected. “My mum is ill and I don’t know what to do.”
My dad looked at us and sighed. “That’s a lot of information to take in.” He removed his glasses and leaned back on the chair. “First things first. Who did that to your hands and why?”
“It was a teacher,” I said without pause. “And she did it because I had an altercation with a GEM girl called Elena. The girl who bullied me when I first came to Area 14.”
“Oh, Minnie,” he said sadly. He took my hands in his, cradling them like a child. “Has it really come to this? Beatings at school? One day I will get you out of here.”
“Dad, I’m okay.” I gently removed my hands, embarrassed at his sudden display of affection in front of my friend. “Honestly, you don’t need to get me out of here. I actually like it better here than Area 10. At least here I have friends who I can be myself around. People I can trust. People who you have let me trust.”
He nodded. “That is true. And I have been wrong to keep you away from them. You need them around you, I see that now. I just wish you would stay out of trouble.”
I thought about my secret meetings with Sebastian. He didn’t know the half of it.
“The problem is that you are so much like your mother,” he continued. “You have so much life, my dear…” he trailed off, shaking his head and looking older than I had ever seen him. He then turned to Angela. “How can I help with your mum?” He smiled warmly and I breathed a deep sigh of relief, feeling that everything would be okay now.
*
Angela tearfully told Dad everything. It was only then that I understood that my dad wasn’t just my dad. He was Angela’s dad too – and Daniel’s. He’d taken them all under his wing ever since we built the basement together, and it wasn’t just me that Angela and Daniel came to see when they visited. For the first time in a while I was so proud of my dad that I felt as though I might burst. He listened quietly and intently, waiting for Angela to finish her story.
At the end he put a hand on her arm. “I think it’s time for me to come and meet her. Now, don’t worry, this will all be sorted. I think I have an idea. But there is a chance that you won’t like it.”
27
Theresa made us tea and chatted. She was charmed by Dad and enjoyed the company. After half an hour of idle chit-chat the cracks began to surface and I saw my dad take notice. We sat around the kitchen table. Daniel was there and for some reason that made me feel embarrassed. I tried not to make eye-contact with him but all the time I felt his gaze on me. When I got up to fetch a glass of water he followed me.
“Can I talk to you?” he whispered quietly. “In the lounge.”
I followed him, hoping that my dad didn’t notice our absence. Daniel was different today, almost itchy. He messed with his hair and his clothes, never remaining still for even a second. There was a gleam to his skin as though he was sweating even though it wasn’t particularly warm.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked. I found it difficult to meet his eyes, because when I did I realised just how much I’d missed him. I missed the three of us in the basement and the way his eyes unfocussed when he talked about his mum. I missed looking over and seeing him, just watching. That connecting thread we had created had never gone away and now he was here everything somehow felt better; complete.
“Angela told me,” he said eventually. “About you and the clone.”
My mouth formed an “oh” but I didn’t say anything. Shame travelled like heat up my body.
“I don’t mind,” he said softly. “As long as he likes you and treats you well.” He took a deep breath.
“Okay,” I said.
“Are you happy? Do you like him?”
“I…,” I began. I thought back to his accusations in the field. Daniel was asking the same thing and yet it felt different, more reasonable and mature; less jealous. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
He nodded. “Just be careful, okay.” He reached into his pocket, shifting from one leg to the other. “I have something for you.”
I watched, wondering what was going on, when he pulled out a silver chain with what looked like a small wooden pendant. He awkwardly held out his hand. “Here.”
Confused, I took the chain from his sweaty palm and turned it over in my hand. The wooden pendant had been carved into a delicate oval shape and stained so that it was glossy. On the oval, in perfect handwriting, and executed with exquisite precision, a word had been carved. The word: Mina.
“Did you make this?” I asked.
Daniel nodded. “Yes. Do you like it?”
“Like it? I love it. It’s… beautiful.” I tore my eyes from the necklace to Daniel who glowed with pride, or maybe just relief. “You made this for me? But… why?”
He shrugged. “I just want you to have it.” He pushed his hands back in his pockets and looked down at his shoes. “I missed you.”
I took the chain and placed it around my neck. “I missed you too.”
He exhaled loudly. “It’s been tough around here. I’ve wanted to visit you and the Prof so many times but I didn’t want to get you into trouble, you know. And there’s something else.” He hesitated. “About the Slums. You’ve looked at me differently ever since then. I should never have taken you there. And I only ever went there for the Resistance, I swear.”
I smiled. I couldn’t believe that all this time he had been worrying about what I thought of him because of that night. “Daniel, stop it. I wanted to go to the Slums and I only ever blamed myself, never you. You saved me that night. How could I be mad?”
“You should never have been in that position.” He took my hand and stared at the welts on my palms. “You should never be hurt like this, not by anyone, and not for any reason.”
His eyes grew so fierce that I struggled to meet them. I didn’t know what to say. My body burned from his touch. I wanted to fold myself into him, feel his warmth. But then I
remembered Angela. And then I remembered Sebastian. I pulled away. My fingers trailed the bulge of the pendant under my tunic.
“Thank you for the necklace,” I said, trying to keep my voice measured. I struggled to control the emotions overflowing inside me.
His eyes searched my face as though looking for something – a different reaction. His face fell. “It’s no problem. It didn’t take me long.”
I turned and walked back into the kitchen with wobbly legs and my brain feeling like someone had pushed their fingers through my skull and mushed everything up. Daniel and Sebastian could not be any more different from each other.
Sebastian was easy to be around. He was interesting and funny and friendly and when I was with him it felt nice. I felt safe with him. Daniel was awkward and terse. He was dangerous. He knew about a world that I wasn’t sure I wanted to get more involved in. But then he did things so thoughtful and kind that it completely blew me away. With Daniel I felt as though I shared something that went beyond words. We both knew the pain that came along with being different. I wasn’t sure if Sebastian would ever understand that.
I sighed and fumbled with the bulge of the necklace under my tunic. All of this was stupid. If I had the Operation I wouldn’t care about anything. I would either be a zombie going through the motions of everyday life, or I would lose my mind like Theresa. Either way I would struggle to maintain a relationship with anyone. I’d probably drink myself to sleep every night and become addicted to the screens like everyone else in the ghettos. I shook myself, I couldn’t think like that. I had to have hope that one day I would get out, away from the Ministry and their Operations.
“Mina, are you listening?” said Dad with a very irritated voice. “This is the future of your friend we are talking about.”
My cheeks warmed and I sat up straight in my chair. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” I turned to Angela and smiled guiltily. I hadn’t even noticed Daniel take her mum out of the room. “What did you discuss?”
Dad changed his voice to a more gentle tone. “I was explaining the options to Angela. It’s clear that Angela and Daniel cannot look after Theresa alone. I’m sorry, my dear, but this is the fact. And we all know that the Ministry do not provide any after care for Blemished families. However, I have a lot of money saved away for a rainy day and I believe I can help. There is a possibility that within the Blemished community there are trained nurses who can be sought out and offered a position. Or, and I’m afraid I think this might be better for you, Angela dear, there is a home set up especially for people with problems. It is not widely known in the ghettos because of the price, but it does accept Blemished people. It is not too far from here.”