Jogendra said, ‘The two of you have stopped venturing out of the house completely, Baba. Is it good to stay home all the time?’
Annada-babu said, ‘Listen to you! We have spent all our lives sitting in the corner. I had to implore Hem to step out.’
‘Why are you blaming me, Baba?’ said Hem. ‘Where would you like to take me? I’m happy to come along.’
Although it meant going against her grain, Hemnalini wanted to prove emphatically that she was not clinging to the house out of suppressed grief – that her curiosity about the world around her was alive.
‘There’s a meeting tomorrow, Baba, why don’t we take Hem there?’ said Jogendra.
Annada-babu knew that Hemnalini was always reluctant and full of reservations about going to crowded meetings. So he looked at her instead of responding to Jogendra.
Displaying unusual enthusiasm, Hem said, ‘A meeting? Who is speaking, Dada?’
Jogendra said, ‘Nalinaksha. The doctor.’
Annada-babu exclaimed, ‘Nalinaksha!’
‘He speaks marvellously. And besides, his life story is astonishing. The sacrifices he has made! Such determination! It is rare to come across such a man.’
And yet even an hour or two ago Jogendra knew nothing about Nalinaksha except what he had heard vaguely from people.
With a show of interest, Hem said, ‘Very well, why don’t we go and hear him speak, Baba?’
Annada-babu was not entirely taken in by her response. Still, he was pleased, reflecting that even if Hem forced herself to go out and meet more people, her heart would heal soon. It was the company of other people that was the most powerful medicine for psychological problems. He said, ‘All right, Jogendra, take us along to the meeting tomorrow. But tell us what you know about Nalinaksha. People say many things.’
Jogendra began by hurling invectives at these people who said many things. He said, ‘Religious humbugs believe that they have been born with a signed document from God to criticize other people at every opportunity and be unfair to them – there isn’t another critic of the world as small-minded as the one who trades in religion.’
Jogendra worked himself up into a frenzy.
To calm him down Annada-babu kept repeating, ‘That is true, that is true. Constantly discussing the shortcomings of others breeds meanness and suspicion, robbing the heart of its tenderness.’
‘Are you talking of me, Baba?’ said Jogendra. ‘But my nature is not that of the religious fanatic’s – I can praise as well as criticize, and I say it all to people’s faces, there and then.’
‘Are you mad, Jogen?’ protested Annada-babu. ‘Why should I be talking of you? I know your nature, don’t I?’
Jogendra proceeded to tell the story of Nalinaksha’s life, embellishing his account with lavish praise. ‘To please his mother, Nalinaksha lives a restrained life with her in Kashi. This is why the people you refer to are saying things, Baba. But I for one think highly of Nalinaksha for this. What do you think, Hem?’
‘So do I,’ said Hemnalini.
‘I knew Hem would approve,’ said Jogendra. ‘I know that Hem would be relieved to make some sort of sacrifice for the sake of Baba’s happiness.’
Annada-babu looked at Hem with an affectionate smile – and she lowered her blushing face.
41
It was not yet evening when Annada-babu returned home with Hemnalini after the meeting had ended. As they sat down with their cups of tea, Annada-babu said, ‘I had a wonderful time today.’
He did not say more; he was moved by something within himself.
Hemnalini went upstairs as soon as they had finished their tea, but Annada-babu did not notice.
Nalinaksha, who had spoken today at the meeting, was extraordinarily young and graceful in appearance. Even as an adult, he had not lost the untarnished innocence of the child, and yet his soul seemed to radiate a meditative gravity.
The subject of his oration today was ‘loss’. He said that the man who had lost nothing in life had gained nothing either. When something comes to us without any effort on our part, we do not get it in its entirety. Only what we get through sacrifice becomes our inner wealth in the truest sense. The man who loses his riches as soon as they are out of sight is truly unfortunate. Truly, the human self is capable of owning something more securely by giving it up. When one loses something, if one can say with bowed head and palms joined in deference, ‘I offer this, the fruit of my sacrifice, my sorrow, my tears’, the small becomes large, the rare becomes regular, and what was merely an object of daily use becomes an object of worship, finding its place among the jewels in the prayer-room within ourselves.
These thoughts rang in Hemnalini’s mind today. She sat in silence on the terrace under the starlit sky. Her heart was full; the entire sky, the entire world was complete.
On their way back from the lecture, Jogendra said, ‘What a groom you have found, Akshay! This man is a saint! I couldn’t understand half the things he said.’
Akshay said, ‘The medicine must be based on the patient’s condition. Hemnalini is still under Ramesh’s spell. Only a saint can break that spell, not ordinary people like us. Did you not observe her while he was speaking?’
‘Of course, I did. She was obviously enjoying the speech. But it does not stand to reason that enjoyment of the lecture is tantamount to a desire to marry the one giving it.’
‘Do you suppose the same lecture would have been as attractive if delivered by any of us? You have no idea, Jogen, women are drawn to those who give up things. Uma led an ascetic life to seek the love of a holy man, as Kalidasa wrote. I assure you that Hemnalini will compare any prospective groom you present to Ramesh, a comparison that no one else will survive. But Nalinaksha is not an ordinary man, and it will not even occur to her to make the comparison. If you were to bring some other young man to meet her, she would see through your plan at once, and her heart would rebel. But if you can lure Nalinaksha with a ruse, Hem will harbour no doubts. It will not be particularly difficult to induce her to travel along the path from respect to acceptance as husband.’
‘I am not very adept at ruses – I prefer force. But I do not approve of this groom.’
‘Look, Jogen, don’t ruin everything with your intransigence. You cannot have every convenience. Unless you can somehow rid Hemnalini’s mind of thoughts of Ramesh, the future does not augur well. Do not imagine you can achieve this through force. If you follow my advice, there might still be a happy ending.’
‘The fact is that Nalinaksha is beyond my understanding. I am afraid of dealing with such people. We might go from the frying pan to the fire.’
‘You yourselves are to blame for being burnt, and now the sight of fiery clouds terrifies you. You were blind about Ramesh from the outset. There isn’t another like him…Ramesh doesn’t know the meaning of the word deception…when it comes to philosophy, Ramesh is practically Shankaracharya II, and as for literature, he is none other than the goddess of learning reincarnated as a nineteenth-century male. I did not care for him from the moment I met him – I have seen hundreds of such people with lofty ideas. But I was not allowed to speak my mind, all of you knew that a worthless wretch like me without any talents of his own, was only capable of envying great souls. Still, finally you have realized that great mean can be revered from a distance, but it is not safe to arrange a match with them for one’s sister. But you must use a thorn to pluck a thorn. Since this is the only way, stop finding fault with it!’
‘Look, Akshay, even if you tell me so a thousand times, I do not believe you saw through Ramesh before any of us did. You couldn’t stand the sight of him out of sheer jealousy – I shall not accept it as proof of your extraordinary sagacity. Anyway, if a ruse is necessary, you have to create it, I am incapable. Everything said, I do not care for this Nalinaksha.’
When Akshay and Jogendra entered the room for a cup of tea, they discovered Hemnalini leaving the room. Akshay realized that she had spotted them through the window. With a
smile, he sat down next to Annada-babu and while filling his cup, he said, ‘Nalinaksha-babu speaks from the heart, which is why what he says enters our own hearts so easily.’
‘An able man,’ said Annada-babu.
‘Not just able, he’s saintly too,’ said Akshay.
Although Jogendra was part of the conspiracy, he couldn’t stop himself from saying, ‘Please don’t talk about saintly dispositions; may God save us from the company of saints.’
Only yesterday Jogendra had heaped encomiums on the same Nalinaksha’s saintly ways, berating those who spoke ill of him as jealous critics.
Annada-babu said, ‘No, Jogendra, don’t say such things. I would prefer to believe that those who appear to be good people are good at heart too – even if I am proved wrong. But I am not prepared to be suspicious of goodness in order to protect the glory of my limited intelligence. What Nalinaksha-babu said was not borrowed from other people – I gained something new from what he revealed today as the findings of his own spiritual experiences. How can a cheat offer anything genuine? Just like gold, these things cannot be made up. I wish to meet Nalinaksha-babu and congratulate him in person.’
Akshay said, ‘I fear for his health.’
‘Why? Is he not well?’ asked Annada-babu anxiously.
‘He should not be, by rights. He lives only for his learning and for discussing the scriptures, he has no time to look after himself.’
Annada-babu said, ‘That is completely wrong of him. We do not have the right to throw our health away. I would have improved his health very quickly if only he were within reach. Actually, there are a few simple rules for this, the first of which is—’
Jogendra interjected impatiently, ‘Why are you worrying for him, Baba? I found Nalinaksha-babu in splendid health, the life of a monk is a healthy one. I am inclined to try it for myself.’
‘No, Jogendra, Akshay may be right,’ said Annada-babu. ‘Great men often die young in our country. By ignoring their health, they cause harm to the nation. This must not be allowed. Jogendra, Nalinaksha-babu isn’t what you think he is, he is possessed of real power. He needs to be warned at once!’
Sensing his cue, Akshay ventured, ‘I shall bring him to you. It would be wonderful if you could get him to understand. And I think that the root extract that you gave me during my examinations is extraordinarily potent. There is no better elixir for a man who slaves away day and night. If you could just—’
Jogendra jumped out of his chair. ‘Really, Akshay, you try my patience! This is too much. I’m going.’
42
Whenever he fell ill earlier, Annada-babu would constantly use allopathic and ayurvedic pills of all kinds. But now he had lost interest in medicines, and did not even broach the subject of his illness – on the contrary, he kept it secret.
Today, while he was asleep at an unusual hour in his armchair, Hemnalini put her embroidery down on hearing footsteps on the stairs and went off to alert her brother. She discovered that Nalinaksha-babu had arrived along with Jogendra. As she was about to run away to another room, Jogendra called out to her. ‘Nalinaksha-babu is here, Hem, let me introduce him to you.’
Hemnalini stopped abruptly, greeting Nalinaksha without glancing at him.
Waking up, Annada-babu called out, ‘Hem!’ Going up to him, Hem said softly, ‘Nalinaksha-babu is here.’
Annada-babu welcomed Nalinaksha effusively when he entered the room, accompanied by Jogendra. ‘It is a matter of great fortune that you have visited my home,’ he said. ‘Where are you running off to, Hem, come and sit here. Nalinaksha-babu, this is my daughter Hem – both of us enjoyed your lecture thoroughly the other day. That one statement you made – we do not lose what we have got, we only lose what we don’t have – runs deep. Do you agree, Hem? Indeed, the true test of what we have succeeded in making ours comes when it goes out of reach. We have a request of you, Nalinaksha-babu. We would be benefited if you could visit us occasionally to discuss these things. We do not go out very often – you will always find my daughter and me in this room whenever you choose to visit.’
With a glance at the embarrassed Hemnalini, Nalinaksha said, ‘Do not consider me a man of profound thoughts just because of the grandiloquent things I say during a lecture. I agreed to speak the other day only because of the pleas of my students. I am simply unable to turn down requests – but I made sure to deliver a lecture that rules out any possibility of an encore. The students told me clearly that three-quarters of my lecture was unintelligible. You were present that day too, Jogen-babu – do not assume that my heart remained untroubled when I saw you glancing eagerly at your watch.’
Jogendra said, ‘It is a failing of my intelligence that I did not understand clearly, please do not be perturbed.’
‘You cannot understand everything at your age, Jogen,’ Annada-babu remarked.
‘I do not even see the need to understand everything,’ said Nalinaksha.
‘But there is something I should tell you, Nalin-babu. God has sent people like you to earth to perform a mission, but that does not mean neglecting your health,’ Annada-babu said. ‘Givers always have to be reminded not to destroy their capital, for then they will lose their capacity to give.’
‘If you ever have the opportunity to know me well, you will see that I do not neglect anything. I came here as a beggar, with great effort and by the grace of a great many people, my body and mind have slowly repaired themselves. I cannot afford the indulgence of destroying anything by ignoring it. He who cannot build does not have the right to break.’
‘You are right. You said something similar in your lecture the other day.’
At this point, Jogendra said, ‘I have to deprive myself of your company – some business to attend to.’
‘But do forgive me, Jogen-babu. You must understand that it is not my nature to harass people,’ Nalinaksha said in response. ‘Let me take my leave today. We can walk a part of the way together.’
‘Oh no, do stay. Pay no attention to me. I cannot stay in one place very long.’
‘Do not worry about Jogen, Nalinaksha-babu,’ Annada-babu added, eager to keep his guest for longer. ‘He comes and goes on his whims, it is difficult to tie him down anywhere.’
After Jogendra left, Annada-babu continued, ‘Where have you put up, Nalin-babu?’
Smiling, Nalinaksha said, ‘I cannot claim to have put up anywhere in particular. I know many people here, all of whom insist that I stay with them. I do not mind this. But a man also needs silence sometimes. That is why Jogen-babu has arranged for me to stay in the house next to yours. This lane is indeed quite secluded.’
Annada-babu expressed joy at this news. But had he observed carefully, he would have noticed Hemnalini turning ashen for a moment. The house next door was where Ramesh used to live.
Meanwhile, the information that tea was ready made them all congregate downstairs. Annada-babu said, ‘Please pour Nalin-babu a cup of tea, Hem.’
‘No, thank you, Annada-babu, no tea for me,’ said Nalinaksha.
‘What do you mean, Nalin-babu! A cup of tea – or at least some sweets?’
‘Please, you must excuse me.’
‘You are a doctor yourself, what can I teach you? Some hot water on the pretext of having a cup of tea three or four hours after luncheon is extremely beneficial. If you are not in the habit, let them make you a very light cup of tea.’
A fleeting glance at Hemnalini told Nalinaksha that she had come to some sort of conclusion about his hesitation over a cup of tea, and was working up a storm in her head. Turning to her at once, Nalinaksha said, ‘What you are assuming is not entirely true. Nor must you imagine I am indifferent about having a cup of tea here. I have had plenty of tea in the past and its aroma still makes me eager – the sight of all you having your tea gives me great pleasure. But perhaps you are not aware that my mother is utterly devoted to rituals – she has no one of her own except me. I cannot appear in her presence with a feeling of guilt. That is why I eschew tea e
xcept in her company. But I am sharing your pleasure – I am not deprived of your hospitality.’
This appeared to upset Hemnalini. She was aware that Nalinaksha was not being candid with them, trying to hide behind an excess of words. What Hemnalini did not know was that Nalinaksha could never overcome his bashfulness at the first meeting. That was why he often turned uncharacteristically loquacious in the company of strangers. Any attempt to speak his heart struck a discordant note, sounding jarring to himself. So when Jogendra left in impatience, Nalinaksha tried to escape along with him.
But when he referred to his mother, Hemnalini could not but look at him with respect in her eyes. Her heart softened at the expression of deep reverence on his face. She felt the desire to talk to him about his mother but her hesitation held her back.
Annada-babu said at once, ‘Of course! Had I known I would never have requested you. Pardon me.’
Smiling, Nalinaksha said, ‘Why should I be deprived of your affectionate request only because I could not keep it?’
When he had left, Hemnalini went upstairs with her father, reading to him from a Bengali monthly magazine. Annada-babu fell asleep shortly. Such signs of fatigue had been evident in him for some time.
43
Nalinaksha’s acquaintance with Annada-babu’s family deepened within days. Hemnalini had initially expected nothing but weighty advice on spiritual matters from him. She had not even considered the possibility of everyday conversations. Nalinaksha maintained a distance through all the pleasant exchanges.
An agitated Jogendra appeared one day during a conversation between Nalinaksha, Annada-babu and Hemnalini, saying, ‘Can you imagine, Baba, people have started referring to us as Nalinaksha-babu’s acolytes. I have just had an argument with Paresh over this.’
Smiling, Annada-babu said, ‘I see nothing to be ashamed of. I am more embarrassed to join groups where everyone is a teacher and no one a disciple; the rush to impart education provides no opportunity to absorb any.’