‘No need for you to do that, Tamara,’ Rosaleen said brightly, shoving the envelopes into the front pocket of her apron.
‘I don’t mind. I was only picking them up, Rosaleen. I wasn’t going to read them.’
‘Of course you weren’t,’ she said as though the thought had never crossed her mind. ‘You just relax and enjoy yourself,’ she smiled, and rubbed my shoulder.
‘Thanks,’ I smiled. ‘You know, you should let somebody do something for you for once.’ I followed her to the kitchen.
‘I like doing it,’ she said, getting to work on the breakfast. ‘Besides, Arthur is good at a lot of things but he’d be boiling an egg till September if you let him at it,’ she chuckled.
‘Speaking of September, what’s going to happen?’ I asked finally. ‘The plan was for us to stay for the summer. It’s July now, and well, nobody’s talked about September.’
‘Yes, and it’s almost your birthday.’ Her eyes lit up. ‘And we need to talk about what you’d like to do for that. Have a party? Go to stay with some friends in Dublin?’
‘Actually, I might like a few friends to come stay with me here,’ I said. ‘I’d like them to see where I live now, see what I do everyday.’
Rosaleen looked a little shell-shocked by that. ‘Here? Oh…’
‘It was only a thought,’ I back-tracked quickly. ‘It’s so far for Laura and Zoey to come, and it would probably be too much hassle for you…’
I waited for her to jump in and reassure me, but she didn’t.
‘Anyway, I’d rather talk about my future than about my birthday.’ I changed the subject. ‘If we’re still here in September, which is looking like what’s going to happen, how am I going to get to St Mary’s from here? There aren’t any buses, or at least none that pass by here. I doubt Arthur would want to drive me to and from school every day…’ I waited for her to tell me that’s exactly what was going to happen. But again, she didn’t. She started getting breakfast ready, taking out the pots and pans that usually served as my wake-up call.
‘Well, that’s something you’ll have to discuss with your mother, I suppose. I can’t tell you the answers.’
‘But, Rosaleen, how am I supposed to discuss anything with Mum?’
‘What do you mean?’ Clatter, clatter, bang, crash. All systems go in the kitchen.
‘You know what I mean.’ I jumped up and stood beside her, but she still wouldn’t look at me. ‘She doesn’t talk. She’s completely catatonic. I don’t get why you refuse to admit this.’
‘She’s not catatonic, Tamara.’ She finally stopped and looked at me. ‘She’s just…sad. We need to give her space and time and let her figure it all out herself. Now, will you be a good girl and fetch me the eggs from the fridge and I’ll show you how to do a nice big omelette this morning,’ she smiled. ‘How about I put a few peppers in it for you?’
‘Peppers,’ I said perkily and her face lit up. ‘Lovely juicy problem-solving peppers,’ I said happily, then dragged my feet to the fridge to fetch them, as her face fell. I took out a green and a red one. ‘Oh, look, hello, Mr Green Pepper. How’s about you solve the problem for me? Where am I going to go to school in September?’ I held it to my ear and listened. ‘Oh, no, it mustn’t be working.’ I shook it. ‘Maybe I’ll try the red one. Hello, Mr Red Pepper. Rosaleen seems to think you can solve the problem about my life. What do you think is going to happen? Shall we send Mum to a madhouse or should we leave her upstairs for ever?’ I listened again. ‘No. Nothing.’ I tossed the peppers down on the counter. ‘Looks like the peppers can’t help us out today. Maybe we should try some onions,’ I said, faking excitement. ‘Or grated cheese!’
‘Tamara,’ I heard Arthur say, warning in his tone, and I stopped. I trudged out and sulked in the living room. Even though we’re not allowed to eat in the living room, Rosaleen brought the omelette in to me. A decent kind person would have apologised, instead, I asked for salt.
At ten o’clock I watched Rosaleen scurry out of the house with the tray loaded with enough food to feed an entire family, and among all of my worries about the day, one of them was that her mother would reveal my visit to her. Just because I hadn’t written about it, it didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. At ten fifteen, Dr Gedad’s car pulled up outside the house. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
‘You must be Tamara,’ he beamed, while walking up the path. He immediately made me smile. He was tall, slender, fit-looking. His hair was greying and was tight on his head. He had high cheekbones and soft eyes, which gave him a slightly feminine look, but yet he was masculine and handsome. I welcomed him in and shook his hand.
‘Well good morning to you. Isn’t it a great summer we’re having.’ He spoke from the back of his throat, as though he’d a piece of bread stuck there, slightly muffled, but in a lovely singsong way. His Madagascan accent was mixed with some words that were spoken with a pure Irish blÁs. It was a lovely, peculiar sound. I liked that I felt somebody from outside of here was going to freshen things up, shake things up, fix them.
‘Can I take your briefcase?’ I was nervous, jittery, unsure what to do. I looked anxiously at the door.
‘No, thank you, Tamara. I’ll need this with me,’ he smiled.
‘Oh yes. Of course.’
‘I believe I’m here to see your mother?’
‘Yes, she’s upstairs. I’ll show you the way.’
‘Thank you. Tamara. I’m very sorry to hear about your father. Weseley shared the sad news with me. It must be a very difficult time for you both.’
‘Yes, thank you,’ I smiled, and tried to swallow that lump that always arrived whenever anybody mentioned Dad.
I made to lead Dr Gedad upstairs and I was almost beginning to believe that I was going to get away with it, was hopeful about getting Mum back, but was devastated about losing Weseley, when the front door opened. Rosaleen stepped into the hall with a tin-foil-covered plate in her hands. She looked at Dr Gedad as though he was the grim reaper. Her face went white.
‘Good morning,’ Dr Gedad said pleasantly.
‘Who…?’ She looked from the strange man in her hall to me, then back to the man again. Her eyes narrowed. ‘You’re the new doctor.’
‘I am indeed,’ he said cheerfully, going back down the stairs.
No! I shouted at him in my head.
‘It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs—’
‘Rosaleen,’ she said quickly, glancing at me then back to him. ‘Rosaleen will do fine. Well, welcome to the town.’
They shook hands.
‘Thank you very much. And I must thank you and your husband for giving young Weseley a job here.’
Rosaleen glanced at me, the discomfort all over face. ‘Well, yes, he’s a great help,’ she brushed him off. ‘Doctor,’ she said looking confused, ‘what’s…why…Tamara, are you sick?’
‘No, I’m fine, thank you, Rosaleen. If you’ll just follow me, Dr Gedad,’ I said quickly, going upstairs.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To my mum’s room,’ I said as politely as possible.
‘Oh, you won’t want to disturb her, Tamara,’ she said with a smile to me and a little frown to Dr Gedad, hinting to him as though I was some kind of weirdo. ‘You know how important her sleep is to her.’ She looked at the doctor. ‘She hasn’t been sleeping much, which is understandable, of course, under the circumstances.’
‘Of course,’ he nodded gravely. He looked at me then. ‘Well, perhaps I should let her have her rest. I can come back another time.’
‘No!’ I interjected. ‘Rosaleen she’s been sleeping non-stop most days for the past week.’ I couldn’t control my voice, shrieking like a squeaky violin.
‘Because of her restless nights, of course,’ Rosaleen said firmly. ‘Won’t you have a cup of tea, Doctor? You wouldn’t believe it but it seems I used salt in the baking rather than sugar. My mother almost fell over,’ she laughed. ‘Though she shouldn’t have been having pie for breakfast, I know that
,’ she said apologetically.
‘How is your mother?’ he asked. ‘I hear that she’s unwell.’
‘I’ll tell you over a cup of tea,’ she said chirpily, and he laughed and made his way back down the stairs again. ‘You’re a difficult woman to say no to Rosaleen.’
I stood on the stairs, my mouth agape at what was occurring. I had read it but didn’t believe that the doctor would so easily obey her when an apparently sick patient was upstairs.
‘I’ll just give your mother a little more rest, Tamara,’ Dr Gedad said, ‘and then I’ll see to her.’
‘Okay,’ I whispered, trying to hold back my tears, because I knew that whatever Rosaleen was going to say to Dr Gedad, he wouldn’t make it up those stairs. Despite knowing the outcome, I tried to join them in the kitchen but Rosaleen stopped me at the door.
‘If you don’t mind, Tamara, I’m going to have a few private words with the doctor about my mother. Just to make sure everything’s okay. She’s been slightly off for the last few days.’
I gulped, initially guilty that my visit to her had made her worse but as soon as the guilt arrived, it disappeared and the anger returned. I really didn’t care about her mother, I was so angry about her taking the doctor from Mum.
‘Yes, of course I understand, Rosaleen. I was just trying to do exactly the same thing for my own mother,’ I replied bitchily. I turned my back on her before she had a chance to respond and I stormed upstairs. I heard the door close and I went into Mum’s room. She was still asleep, curled in a ball as though still in the womb.
‘Mum,’ I whispered gently, falling to my knees and pushing back her hair.
She groaned.
‘Mum, wake up.’
Her eyes fluttered open.
‘Mum, I need you to get up. I called a doctor for you. He’s downstairs but I need you to go down to him, or else call him. Please, do that for me?’
She groaned and closed her eyes again.
‘Mum, listen, this is important. He’ll help you get better.’
She opened her eyes again. ‘No,’ she croaked.
‘I know, Mum, I know you miss Dad more than anything else in the world. I know you loved him so much, and you probably think that nothing in the whole world can ever make you feel better, but it can get better and it will get better.’
She closed her eyes again.
‘Mum, please,’ I whispered, tears welling. ‘I need you to do this for me.’
Mum’s breathing was slow and deep again as she fell back asleep. I kneeled beside her, crying.
Below the bedroom, I heard Dr Gedad and Rosaleen’s muffled conversation. Then the kitchen door opened and I wiped my tears away and shook Mum again to wake her.
‘Okay Mum, he’s coming. All you have to do is go as far as your door. That’s all, no further.’
She looked alarmed, seeing as I’d just woken her.
‘Please, Mum.’
She seemed confused. I swore and left her side to run downstairs just as Rosaleen was opening the front door.
‘Ah, Tamara, I had a few words with Rosaleen and I think it’s best that I leave your mum for the time being and return again if she needs me. If you feel any need to call, here’s my card.’
‘But I called so you’d see her today.’
‘I know, but after speaking with Rosaleen I realise that it is not necessary. There’s really nothing to worry about. Your mother is indeed going through a difficult time but there is little cause for you to worry so much for her health. I’m sure she’d just want you to relax and have a clear mind,’ he said in a fatherly tone.
‘But you haven’t even seen her,’ I said, angrily.
‘Tamara…’ Rosaleen had a warning in her voice.
Dr Gedad looked uncomfortable, then uncertain about his decision. What reason had he not to trust Rosaleen, I could see him asking himself. Rosaleen could too, and she moved quickly.
‘Thank you so much for calling around, Doctor,’ she said gently. ‘Please pass on my regards to Maureen and your boy…’
‘Weseley,’ he said. ‘Thank you. And thank you for the tea and buns. I did not taste a bit of salt in it.’
‘Oh, no, that was in the apple tart.’ She laughed like a child.
And he was gone. She closed the door and turned to face me but I marched past her to the front door, opened it and slammed it loudly behind me. I charged up the road. Outside the air was warm and smelled sweet with cut grass and cow manure. I could hear Arthur’s lawnmower in the distance, the noise of the engine blocking the reality for Arthur as he concentrated on remedial tasks. I spotted Sister Ignatius to my left in the far distance on the other side of the grounds; a navy and white thing in the middle of green. I ran to her, the anger rushing through my blood like a Soda-Stream. She had set up an easel and stool in the middle of the grasslands in front of the castle, which was a quarter of a mile away, and she stood directly in front of one of the swan lakes, in the shade of a giant oak tree. The morning was already hot, the sky perfectly indigo without a cloud visible. She must have been concentrating intently, her head close to the page, her tongue moving around her lips as she moved the brush around.
‘I hate her,’ I shouted, breaking the silence and sending a flock of birds up from a nearby tree into the sky where they tried to regroup and relocate. I stomped across the scorched grass in my flip-flops.
Sister Ignatius didn’t look up as I neared. ‘Good morning, Tamara,’ she said brightly. ‘Another lovely morning.’
‘I hate her,’ I said louder, coming close, my voice still raised.
She looked at me then, eyes wide in panic. She shook her head quickly, and waved her arms about as if she was in the middle of a railway track trying to stop an oncoming train.
‘Yes, that’s right, hate her,’ I kept shouting.
She put her finger in front of her lip, jiggling around like she needed to go to the toilet.
‘She is Satan’s spawn,’ I spat.
‘Oh Tamara!’ she finally exploded, and threw her hands up in the air, looking distraught.
‘What? I don’t care what he thinks. I want him to strike me down. Get me out of here, God, I’m fed up and I want to go home,’ I whinged in frustration, then fell back onto the grass. I lay on my back and looked up at the sky. ‘That cloud looks like a penis.’
‘Oh, Tamara, would you stop it,’ she snapped.
‘Why, do I offend you?’ I asked sarcastically, just wanting to hurt absolutely everybody I came into contact with, no matter how good and gentle they were.
‘No! You chased off the squirrel,’ she said, the most frustrated I’d ever seen her. I sat up, shocked, and listened to her long vehement speech. ‘I’ve been trying to get him all week. I laid out some treats on a plate and finally got him—he didn’t want nuts so all those stories about a squirrel and its nuts need to be changed. He wouldn’t touch the cheese, but he loves the Toffee Pops, would you believe. But now look, he’s gone and he’ll never come back and Sister Conceptua will eat me alive for taking her Toffee Pops. I think you and your dramatics gave him a heart attack,’ she sighed, calmed, then turned to me. ‘You hate who? Rosaleen, I suppose.’
I looked at her painting. ‘That’s supposed to be a squirrel? It looks like an elephant with a bushy tail.’
Sister Ignatius looked angry first. Then, as she examined it further, she began to laugh. ‘Oh, Tamara, you really are the perfect dose, you know that.’
‘No,’ I huffed, getting to my feet. ‘Apparently I’m not. Otherwise I wouldn’t have to call a doctor for Mum. I could just fix her all by myself.’ I paced up and down before her.
She turned serious then. ‘You called Dr Gedad?’
‘Yes, and he came this morning. I planned it for when Rosaleen was over at her mum’s stuffing her with food—and by the way, I’ve seen her mum and there’s no way in the world she’s putting away all that food everyday unless she’s got worms. But Rosaleen came home early before Dr Gedad even got up the stairs because??
?stop the press—she put salt in her apple tart instead of sugar and yes, you’re right to look at me like that because I did it and I don’t care and I’d do it again tomorrow and I’ll know soon enough whether I do or not actually.’ I took a breath. ‘Anyway, she came back to get the apple pie that was supposed to be for me and Arthur, not that I care because all her food makes me fart fifty times a day, and she managed to talk the doctor out of seeing Mum. So he’s gone now and Mum is still in the bedroom, probably drooling right now and drawing on the walls.’
‘How did she send him away?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know what she said to him. He just said that right now Mum just needed to rest and if I needed him again for an emergency or whatever, I should call.’
‘Well the doctor would know,’ she said uncertainly.
‘Sister, he didn’t even see her. He just listened to whatever Rosaleen said.’
‘So why shouldn’t he trust Rosaleen?’ she asked.
‘Well, why should he? I’m the one that called him, not her. What if I’d seen her try to kill herself and I never told Rosaleen?’
‘Did she try?’
‘No! But that’s not the point.’
‘Hmm.’ Sister Ignatius went silent as she dabbed her brush in a mucky brown colour and applied it to the paper.
‘Now it looks like an inbred animal who’s just eaten a bad nut,’ I said.
She snorted and laughed again.
‘Do you ever, like, pray? All I see you do is make honey, or garden or paint.’
‘I enjoy creating new things, Tamara. I’ve always believed the creative process is a spiritual experience where I cocreate with the Divine Creative Spirit.’