(OS) KEITH
I’ll be done soon.
HELEN
Keith, I need you now!
KEITH enters.
KEITH
You sure you’re okay, Helen? You seem on edge.
JEANINE
(Whispering) Over the edge is more like it.
HELEN
Dr. Devereau here wanted to show me more of her hypnosis tricks.
KEITH
Is that so?
DEVEREAU
Yes.
KEITH
I was wondering why you came over. Not that I mind or anything. You’re always welcome here.
DEVEREAU
Thank you very much. Would you please lie down?
KEITH lies down on the sofa.
KEITH
Sure. Helen, you really want me to do this a second time? I'll do anything you want, but I didn't know you were so...interested in this hypnosis stuff.
HELEN
I'm very interested. Just this one more time, and I'll have enough courage to do it myself. Okay?
KEITH
Cool. (to DEVERAU) So what’s it this time? More of me pretending to be two years old? I don’t really remember any of it, but Helen says she got a kick out of it. Too bad you didn't get to see it, Jeanine.
JEANINE
Oh, that's alright, Mr. Wilcox. I'm watching a pretty good show as is. Although, I wish you'd rub off on a few people here rather than them just rubbing up against you.
HELEN
Let the doctor do her work.
KEITH
Okay. After this, we’ll all go outside and look at the sun. Deal?
DEVEREAU
It’s a deal.
Beat.
JEANINE exits, almost chased as HELEN exits.
DEVEREAU opens HER briefcase and prepares HER notepad again.
DEVEREAU (CONT.)
So…Keith. Why this sudden interest in astronomy?
KEITH
I don’t know. It’s cool?
DEVEREAU
I mean why such a strong interest? This seems like it could easily be a hobby, but you’re turning it into an obsession. Why is that?
KEITH
I guess because…it’s something new? Maybe it’s that anyone can do it. Anyone can look up into the skies and call in stuff. You can see a comet that’s going to wipe Earth off from the map before any doctor sees it. It’s cool.
DEVEREAU
You feel like you can include yourself in its discoveries.
KEITH
Yeah, that’s it! I’m not smart enough for college, but I can do this. Read a few books, know what you’re talking about, and you’re on your way to becoming a big shot.
DEVEREAU
Hmm.
DEVEREU writes some notes down before putting down the pad. KEITH lies down on the couch.
KEITH
I guess I'm ready.
DEVEREAU
Good. Close your eyes. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
Slow fade to black.
SCENE V
Lights up.
All the astronomy books and star charts are gone. In their place are candles, bottles of oils, and a stereo ready to play. JEANINE is placing flowers neatly on the bed.
(OS) BRENDA
You lost! You lost! You lost!
BRENDA and HELEN enter, putting their tennis rackets on the books again.
(OS) HELEN
Congratula--
HELEN notices the romance items.
HELEN (CONT.)
…tions. Jeanine, what the hell is going on?
Beat.
JEANINE
Just following Mr. Wilcox's orders. He said to help him prepare this room for Ms. Crabtree--
HELEN
Ms. Crandall-Crabtree!
JEANINE
Yes, yes, you...To get it ready and he'd be back very soon.
HELEN
Damnit! Can’t he leave me alone for one minute?
BRENDA
Wow. Keith’s pulling out all the stops for you, isn’t he? What’d he do?
All of HELEN’s muscles are sore as SHE investigates the love paraphernalia that JEANINE is organizing.
HELEN
Nothing. Actually, I wish he’d stop doing anything…over and over and over and…over.
BRENDA
You can say “no”, can’t you?
JEANINE
Hah!
HELEN
I’ve said and screamed no, but he can’t help himself.
BRENDA
He’s not a dog, Helen. Say no and mean it.
HELEN
I try, but then he gives me massages or whispers poems in my ear, and I feel guilty.
BRENDA
Guilty? You?
JEANINE
Really?
Beat.
HELEN
Why did you give me that doctor’s name?
BRENDA
Dr. Devereau?
HELEN
Yes, that fraud! You know what I’ve gone through because of her: emotionally and physically?
BRENDA
This is…you mean…
BRENDA laughs.
HELEN
Enjoying yourself?
BRENDA
I don’t know about me, but I know you sure are!
HELEN
You’re such a comedian.
JEANINE
I thought it was funny.
BRENDA tries to stop laughing.
BRENDA (CONT.)
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You poor thing.
JEANINE
You should have seen her yesterday. Ms. Crabtree couldn't even walk down the stairs. She had to use one of Mr. Crabtree's old canes!
BRENDA and JEANINE laugh together.
HELEN
Really? You think this is helping me?
BRENDA
I'm sorry. I'll stop. Just...let me breathe a little.
HELEN
Brenda, have I ever lost a game to you before?
BRENDA
Almost forever ago.
HELEN
That’s how much pain I’m in right now.
BRENDA
Then call the vet and have her neuter the pup.
HELEN
I have a man for a boyfriend for a reason? (to JEANINE) Where is Keith?
JEANINE
He said it was a surprise.
HELEN yells out to the rest of the house.
HELEN
Keith?!?
JEANINE
Ooh, and just when I thought the screaming had stopped.
(OS) KEITH
Just a sec! I’m almost done!
BRENDA
Oh pray tell, with what?
HELEN
Quit it.
(OS) KEITH
Okay, I’m ready.
BRENDA
So are we!
KEITH enters dressed as a sexy pirate usually found on the front of cheap romance novels. He gives a good “Argh!” before realizing HELEN isn’t alone. BRENDA can’t help but laugh. JEANINE can't help but stare.
KEITH
Oh, I’m sorry Brenda. I thought you’d finish by the time I got dressed. Who won?
JEANINE
Ms. Ralston.
KEITH
Way to go, Brenda!
BRENDA
Thank…thank…
BRENDA laughs again.
JEANINE
My, my...my! I'm feeling a little warm. How about you girls?
HELEN
Why are you dressed like that?
KEITH
You said you were getting bored, so I thought we might try a little role-play.
BRENDA
Oh, how cute!
KEITH
Thanks.
HELEN
And the candles and the flowers?
KEITH
I was going for a theme.
HELEN
Where did y
ou get all of this?
KEITH
Jeanine helped me.
HELEN
(to JEANINE) Really?
JEANINE
I...whoo! I better...check...the guest bathrooms upstairs. I'm sure they're in need of a good rubbing...polishing...cleaning! Yes, a good, good cleaning.
JEANINE exits.
BRENDA
Well…I should leave you two alone.
HELEN stops BRENDA from exiting, pinning BRENDA between HELEN and KEITH.
HELEN
No! Stay! Uhh…it’s been a long time since the three of us has spent time together. Brenda, please, please stay.
KEITH
I was kind of doing this all for you Helen, but if you’re into that…I guess we all could do this together. I never thought you and you were that close, but I can share.
BRENDA
No, no! I’m not one to get in the way of true love. Helen, I’ll see you later.
HELEN
(Whispered) No, don’t leave me alone with…
KEITH
Have a nice day.
BRENDA exits.
(OS) BRENDA
Don’t forget to use protection.
SFX: door closes.
KEITH
I was willing. Oh well. So…
KEITH starts to massage HELEN.
KEITH (CONT.)
…are you ready for your tall, dark, seafaring warrior from the depths of the Caribbean Sea?
HELEN moves away.
HELEN
No, I am not! Have you been reading my romance novels?
KEITH
I had to figure out how to spice it up somehow. I’m not very smart on these things, so I read some books.
HELEN
How many?
KEITH
All of them.
HELEN
All of them?!?
KEITH
Didn’t take me too long.
KEITH moves towards HELEN, but HELEN moves away.
HELEN
No, stay back!
KEITH chases HER.
KEITH
I’ll get me lady prisoner now! Argh!
KEITH chases HELEN around the furniture.
HELEN
Wait!
KEITH stops.
HELEN (CONT.)
You know what gets me really hot?
KEITH
No. What?
HELEN
You really want to know?
KEITH
Oooooh yeah.
HELEN
Bondage.
KEITH
You’re kinky.
KEITH gets a bag out from hiding and pulls out some rope.
KEITH (CONT.)
Good thing I am too. We can pretend they’re shackles.
KEITH moves to tie up HELEN.
HELEN
On you!
KEITH
On me?
HELEN
Yeah…I love to beat my men into submission.
KEITH
Okay, okay. I can roll with this.
HELEN
Tie yourself up sweetheart and let’s get this show on the road.
KEITH sits down and ties the rope around HIS legs.
KEITH
I bought the good kind of rope. Japanese passion bondage rope. It doesn't burn your skin when you tug at it. Can you help? I can’t tie up myself.
HELEN quickly helps, but KEITH gets a few kisses in before SHE pulls back.
HELEN
And you can't escape?
KEITH
If I could, I’d be on you right now.
HELEN
Good point.
HELEN gets her cellular phone and dials.
KEITH
Bondage and phone sex? Whatever does it for you babe.
HELEN
(to KEITH) Shhh! (to DEVEREAU) Dr. Devereau?...It’s Helen…You know who I am! Come over here now!
KEITH
The doctor? Man, you really want this threesome.
HELEN
Yes, that’s him now…He won’t leave me alone. All he wants is sex, sex, sex!...You think that’s normal, do you? He’s tied up and wearing a Halloween costume...
KEITH tries to get her into the mood.
HELEN (CONT.)
...and he’s still trying to have sex with me…I don’t care if that’s what you think I asked for, it’s not what I wanted.
KEITH
What are you talking about, babe?
HELEN
Get here now!!!...I’ll pay the fee, just get here quick!
HELEN hangs up the phone.
KEITH
So what fun tools is the doc bringing over?
HELEN
Oh!
HELEN exits.
KEITH
Helen? Babe? Where’d you go?
KEITH stands up and hops out of the room.
Quick fade to black.
SCENE VI
Quick lights up.
KEITH is patiently waiting on the couch as HE is tied up with even more rope. JEANINE is putting up all of the candles, oils, and all into trash bags.
HELEN practically pushes DEVEREAU into the room.
HELEN
Look at him! Look what you did to him.
KEITH
Hey, doc.
JEANINE
Hello, doctor.
DEVEREAU puts down HER suitcase.
DEVEREAU
What did you do to him?
HELEN
I couldn’t take it any longer. I lost at tennis against Brenda. I never lose!
KEITH
I’m sorry to hear that babe. Come over here and I’ll make you feel better.
JEANINE swats KEITH.
JEANINE
Stop it.
DEVEREAU
Simple exhaustion is to be expected considering what you asked me to do.
HELEN
You don’t understand. I was getting sick. Physically ill we were doing it so much. I thought he was getting normal again, but then he jumps out wearing a costume and asking Brenda if she’s into ménage à trois.
KEITH
I was only asking for you, babe.
JEANINE
Not the first time I've heard that one.
HELEN grabs DEVEREAU by the collar.
HELEN
I can’t take much more of this. You fix him now. For good!
DEVEREAU
Helen, please calm down and let go of me.
HELEN lets go.
DEVEREAU (CONT.)
Can you please allow me to defend myself?
KEITH
You don’t have to apologize for anything doc. You didn't do anything wrong. I’m just as I--
DEVEREAU
Keith, sleep now.
DEVEREAU snaps HIS fingers, and KEITH falls asleep on the couch.
JEANINE
How did you do that?
DEVEREAU
It’s a failsafe. Please listen to me, Helen. The majority of the human population is moderately susceptible to subliminal messaging, but there are exceptions. Some might not be hypnotizable at all, while others can be extremely so, or "extremely suggestible". Take Keith for example.
HELEN
Yes.
DEVEREAU
Every suggestion I’ve given him so far has been taken to the extreme. I ask him to take an interest in astronomy, it becomes an obsession. I ask him to be more physically accommodating, and he becomes a sex addict.
JEANINE
And how!
Beat.
JEANINE
I'll go start throwing this stuff away. (Whispered) Maybe there's some unfortunate sex addicts living out back in the dumpsters.
JEANINE takes some trash bags and exits.
HELEN
Look, I don’t care why he does what he does. It’s your job to make him do exactly what I want him to do. That’s what I paid for, and so far I’m not satisfied. Con
fidentiality be damned, I bet the police will arrest you once I show them you’ve broken my boyfriend!
DEVEREAU
Look…alright. Let’s settle this as adults. I will waive my fee for tonight.
HELEN
That’s not good enough. I want you to come back and hypnotize Keith as many times as it takes to get him how I want him.
DEVEREAU
I’m afraid that’s impossible.
HELEN
Why?
DEVEREAU
My main office is located in Quebec, and I have to return there tonight.
HELEN
What?!?
DEVEREAU
I only come to LA when I’m called by very high-paying clients.
HELEN
How high?
DEVEREAU
Higher than you’re capable of affording if my current fees are troubling to you.
HELEN
How…how are you going to help me if Keith comes out wrong again?
DEVEREAU
Here.
DEVEREAU opens HER briefcase and hands HELEN an envelope.