I stood beside her every morning to make sure she said thank you and didn’t miss the bus, so I knew what she had to eat and drink and what she didn’t.
Turned out, she’d watched me closer than I thought whenever I’d steal something. She’d become a perfect little thief, and when the school provided extra juices to ward of dehydration during recess, she’d grab three. One for then, and two for later.
I warned her she’d get caught and wouldn’t be allowed to go to school anymore.
But every day, she returned home and smugly gave me her pilfered juice box, proud and happy. She said she thought about me even when I wasn’t there and wanted to make sure I had enough liquid while working out in the heat.
The fact that she cared and thought about me when I was so sure she’d be enthralled by new friends and teachers and forget all about me made my heart burst.
I couldn’t believe I’d ever thought I didn’t want her.
I couldn’t stand remembering how I’d left her behind, if only for a few days.
My life wouldn’t be nearly as rewarding if she’d never stowed away in my backpack and become my most favourite thing in the world.
And just like Della was my one and only, she was loved by each Wilson just as much. Liam would often search her out after he came home from school, and they’d play tag or swim in the river that cut through the Wilson’s back paddock. Cassie took her under her wing and taught her how to be around horses safely, how to brush them, feed them, and even, on a muggy summer night, helped her climb aboard and led her around the paddock where Cassie jumped and schooled her horses.
Della had fallen asleep that night with the biggest grin on her face, legs and arms star-fished under the blankets in utter bliss. I’d watched her sleep for a while before sneaking from the bedroom and going to thank Cassie.
Her bedroom window was above a goldfish pond with pretty lily pads and noisy frogs. I often wondered if the position of the quaint pond directly beneath Cassie’s window was to prevent her from easily scaling the flat roof and shimming down the ivy growing on the brick.
The more I got to know her, the more I learned who she was, and she had a rebellious streak. She might love her parents and brother, but she didn’t necessarily like rules. She’d already tried dope, drank with her friends when she said she was staying the night to do homework, and generally acted like an adult when really, she was still a girl.
In many ways, Della seemed older than her with her serious attitude, utmost concentration on learning new things, and almost magical way she retained everything.
Where Cassie favoured sarcasm for laughter, Della preferred wit and a dry sense of humour. Where Cassie protected Liam and got angry with him over the slightest thing, Della cared for me as deeply as I cared for her, and we never had stupid arguments.
When we had arguments, they were never stupid, but hell, they were loud and long and drained me until all I wanted to do was kneel before my tiny ribbon and beg her to forgive me, even if it wasn’t my fault.
That night, as I stood by the pond and threw a small pebble at Cassie’s window, I knew I was crossing the friendship boundary that we’d danced around ever since that first kiss a few months ago.
She hadn’t tried to kiss me again, and I was too much of a wimp to try myself.
Yet here I was about to do something that made my legs quake and belly knot, and in a way, it was thanks to Della.
It was her happiness that made me want to make Cassie just as happy because I was so damn grateful she’d befriended her. The fact that she let Della ride her prized pony was one of the most selfless things I’d seen her do.
Her window slid up on the third pebble, her brown hair mused from her pillow and one cheek red from lying on her side. “What gives? What’s happened?”
“Meet me at the kitchen door,” I whispered, keeping a close eye on her parents’ blackened bedroom three windows away.
Not waiting to see if she’d obey, I jogged around the farmhouse, avoiding the perfect flower beds that Patricia Wilson spent hours tending, and waited nervously as soft footsteps sounded on the flagstone floor then the rattle of a lock and opening of the door.
“It’s past midnight. Why am I out of bed?” Cassie blinked with blurry eyes. “You do realise Dad asked you to get up at dawn to do the first cut of the season, right?”
I nodded. “I know.”
“That’s in…I dunno, four hours or so.”
“I know that, too.”
“Well, how about you tell me what you’re doing here, so I know if you’ve gone insane or not.”
I smiled, climbing the small stoop so we were eye level. She was shorter than me but not by much. Her arms weren’t as strong. Her legs not as fast. Her smile not as pure as Della’s.
Funny how I compared the two.
Strange that I found both perfect in their own way.
“You’re staring,” she murmured, her voice dropping into the husky undertones that never failed to make me hard.
Clearing my throat, I said softly, “Thank you for letting Della ride your horse today.”
She tilted her head so thick hair rivered over her shoulder. “That’s what you woke me up to say?”
I shrugged. “I needed to say it.”
“Well, I needed to sleep.” She smirked, her cheeks pinking with pleasure instead of annoyance as she pretended.
“I also…” I coughed, doing my best to get up the courage. “I also wanted to do something.”
“What something?”
Why was this so hard? How had she kissed me that night in the barn? It took a hell of a lot of guts, and it made me respect her that much more for being the first to do it.
“I—” Gripping the back of my neck, I squeezed hard. Doing my best to suck up my fear, I leaned toward her. “I wanted to kiss you again.”
She gasped just as I closed the distance and pressed my lips to hers.
We stood frozen and awkward, her in the kitchen, me on the stoop, and my heart roared in my ears. I didn’t know what to do next. I’d done this all wrong.
Cursing myself, I pulled back only for her arms to shoot around my neck and her mouth to seek mine. She yanked me to her, making me stumble against the doorframe and brace myself on the wood.
Her lips weren’t innocent like last time. They’d had practice and now had a brave assurance that mine lacked.
Her tongue didn’t flutter shyly, it didn’t dance or ask. It pierced my lips and entered my mouth with a flavour of mint and teenage need.
Her arms tightened, deepening the kiss and wedging her body against mine.
And that was all I could take.
I’d come to give a heartfelt thank you and deliver a courteous kiss, yet Cassie turned it into a clawing, drawing need for more.
My hands left the doorframe and wrapped around her waist, jerking her against me, groaning at the delicious friction of her against every hard ridge of me.
She moaned as I spun her out of the house and crashed her against the porch wall. Our mouths never separated as our breathing turned quick, and our hands roamed with no direction.
Her tongue fought mine, adding another element to the kiss, turning it sloppy and violent. I didn’t care about technique or learning how to do it better. I let her guide me, following her lead, kissing her as savagely as she kissed me.
And when her leg cocked over my hip—the very same one with a cattle brand and so many memories attached to it—I snapped out of the stupor she’d put me in and fell backward, breathing hard.
Stumbling down the steps, I stared at her, almost buckling and returning for more.
She stood in cute cotton shorts and a nightshirt with bright pink flamingos, hair wild, lips red, chest panting, and eyes begging me to come back.
It was thanks to her blatant invitation and the fact I knew exactly what she was asking that gave me the power to walk away.
The night sky was my salvation from temptation as I put one foot in front of the other and
dared let my hand wander and squeeze the excruciating ache between my legs.
Just before I reached the garden path, a sultry voice fell like starlight. “Della can ride my horses anytime she wants. I’ll share everything with her…as long as you continue to kiss me like that, Ren Wild.”
I didn’t turn around as the kitchen door closed quietly.
* * * * *
The rest of summer was filled with late afternoon swims with Della, Liam, and Cassie; cold lemonade and barbecues thanks to Patricia and John, and a sensation of rightness as Della excelled at school and I indulged in my calling to work the land.
My hands were never fully clean from dirt. My skin was always browned from the sun. My body lean and strong, no matter how much Patricia tried to feed me.
I never saw a penny for the many hours I worked. It didn’t matter if I started at dawn and finished long past dusk, John never gave me a dollar.
But it didn’t mean he wasn’t keeping tally.
During the busiest time of the year, when we had countless equestrians and fellow farmers coming to buy lucerne and meadow hay, and my life was a never-ending loop of cutting, fluffing, raking, baling, loading, and sowing, strange new possessions started appearing.
Patricia often stole Della to go with her and Cassie on shopping trips into town, and Della would return with sugar still rimming her pretty lips and her hands full of bags. She’d force me to sit on the bed as she tried on outfit after outfit, giving me a fashion show of colourful summer dresses, practical winter jackets, and frankly far too revealing swimsuits.
It was odd that the one-piece daffodil coloured swimsuit she wore whenever we’d swim in the river annoyed me more than skinny-dipping ever did.
There was something about the way it made Della switch from uncaring natural child to fledgling young woman who copied Cassie’s every move that made me look away as if I’d breached some sort of code by looking at her.
As Cassie prowled around in her black bikini with toned legs and perky breasts, Della would puff out her flat little chest and sunbake on flat rocks with her legs crossed in perfect imitation.
It made me uncomfortable but also indulgent.
I didn’t like to think of her trading innocence for whatever Cassie dabbled in, but I also couldn’t ignore that she was almost six years old—maybe already six years old, seeing as I didn’t know her birthday—and time was speeding up.
Every morning, she seemed to look different with a wiser glint to her gaze and harsher pinch to her lips if I annoyed her. She kept me on my toes—almost as much as Cassie did.
I struggled most days around Cassie, and my body was in a total flux of pain whenever we’d swim together. She’d pin me with an inviting stare, her body lithe and tempting and I’d have to turn my back to avoid revealing just how much she affected me.
Little Liam was the easiest to hang out with because all he cared about was lizards and helping his mother in the garden. He wasn’t growing up too fast or trying to lead me directly into sin.
Despite my growing awareness and steadily growing desire for what Cassie tempted, I loved working for the Wilsons. They were true to their word and among the many kindnesses they did for Della, they also ensured I had a treat now and again, too.
I did my best to ensure their farm ran as smoothly and productively as possible, and I guessed they appreciated it because one night, after a particularly gruelling day hauling hundreds of hay bales from the paddock and stacking them in the barn for winter feed, I lugged my tired, aching body to the one bedroom I shared with Della and heard music and voices coming from within.
A man’s voice.
My heavy steps turned quick as I barrelled into the room only to find Della sprawled on her belly with her chin in her hands, watching a comedy on a brand new flat-screen TV.
“Where did that come from?” I plopped exhausted beside her on the end of the bed, laying my arm over her shoulders and playing, like I always did, with the blue ribbon trapped in her ponytail.
“Patty and John.” She shuffled closer, uncaring that her clean skin pressed against my hay-covered sweat.
“Wow.”
“I know.” She nodded importantly. “I made sure to say thank you.”
“I think they deserve multiple thank yous.”
“Cassie let me ride her horse today after school, too.” Her face split into the biggest grin. “I got a gold star in class, got to ride a pony, and we have a TV again! Best day ever!”
I kissed her head, inhaling the sweet milk and honey shampoo she favoured and ignored my skipping heart. “I’m going to get clean.”
“Okay.” She flashed me a smile then turned back to the TV. As her attention fixed on the ridiculous show, I dragged myself to the shower and stripped.
I stood under cold water, trying to wash away heatstroke and prickly grass while doing my best to inject energy into tired muscles because I wouldn’t be crawling into bed to fall asleep beside Della.
Not yet, anyway.
Della had ridden Cassie’s horse.
And that meant I owed someone a kiss.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
REN
* * * * * *
2006
I COULDN’T REMEMBER when I’d taken Della to the diner for our shared birthday lunch, but today was my only day off, and I wanted to spend time with her just the two of us.
The exact date didn’t matter because it wasn’t the right one anyway. All that mattered was marking the calendar of her turning six and me turning sixteen.
Instead of stealing a wallet to pay for a single lunch, I politely asked Patricia if I could pack a wicker basket of fresh ham sandwiches and some of her banana and raspberries muffins freshly baked and steaming on the windowsill, and head to one of the boundary paddocks where willow trees dragged long fronds on the ground.
Once there, I laid out a plaid blanket, served Della our birthday picnic, and when our fingers were sticky with muffin crumbs, I pulled out the only thing I could give her.
I had no cash as everything I made went to making her life easier. I had no income because I trusted the Wilsons to spend it better than I ever could.
All I had were my hands and snippets of time while Della slept softly beside me.
“That’s for me?”
I nodded. Guilt that it wasn’t something better and uncertainty that she might not like it rolled my shoulders. “It’s not much but—”
“It’s awesome.”
“You haven’t even opened it yet.”
“Right.” She smirked, stroking the orange striped dishtowel and baling twine I’d used to wrap it. “Can I open it?”
“It’s yours. Of course, you can.”
With her lip stuck between her teeth, she undid the bow and let the material fall away.
Inside, the carved horse gleamed from the hours I’d spent polishing it with saddle conditioner. The tiny girl atop the horse could’ve been anyone if it wasn’t for the long ribbon trailing behind from her long hair.
It’d taken me hours and multiple attempts after snapping the delicate ribbon so many times while carving.
No one knew I’d done it even though I’d borrowed John’s tools to make it happen. It wasn’t perfect, and I hated a lot of it with my clumsy cuts and annoying mistakes, but it showed how much I cared. It revealed just how proud I was of her learning to ride and how terrified I was of her getting hurt. She’d taken a tumble a couple of times, and my heart literally quit beating until I knew she was okay.
My fear of her falling off a horse was nothing compared to the sudden terror drenching me as Della switched from chatty live wire to quiet, subdued seriousness beside me.
Silence fell, interrupted only by the breeze whispering through the willow leaves. I waited for as long as I could, my skin prickling with unease, my heart racing with dread.
Her fingers trailed over and over, stroking the carved mane, touching slightly too long legs, and studying not quite perfect nostrils.
I co
uldn’t wait any longer.
Pinching it from her hands, I shoved it behind my back. “Forget it. I knew I should’ve asked John to buy you that laptop the school requests everyone to have. I’ll-I’ll tell him tonight. You might have to wait a few months while he saves up my salary to buy it, but I’ll make sure you have something of use instead of—”
She sprang into me, bowling me over, slamming both of us to the blanket below. “Give it back.”
My elbows bent awkwardly, my spine jabbed by the carved willow-wooden horse in my hands. “Wha—”
“My horse. Now. Give it back, Ren.”
I wriggled beneath her as she sat on my chest, her shorts riding up suntanned thighs and lavender t-shirt right in my face. The sun silhouetted her, showing a faceless girl with curling white-blonde hair with her hand straight out and reckless determination bristling all around her.
“Now, Ren.” Her voice turned sharp in the way she’d mastered from listening to Cassie telling me off.
Untangling my arms from behind my back, I lay flat and gave it up as a peace offering.
She continued to straddle my chest, snatching the horse and rider, the long ribbon sticking out between her fingers. “You can’t give it to me then take it away. That’s not how gift giving works.”
Propping my head up with my hands, I tried to tame the clenching in my belly and did my best to accept that she liked it. Liked it enough to attack me to take it back, anyway. “It’s not very good—”
“Zip it.” She grabbed my lips between tight fingers, forcing my mouth closed. “I love it. It’s better than all the shopping trips and all the ribbons.” She squished my lips harder. “If you say one more bad thing about it, I’ll…I’ll—” She pouted, looking over my head toward the forests and fields. “I’ll leave you here for something to eat.”
I shook my head, dislodging her hold. “And here I thought you loved me.”
“Not when you’re being a moron.”
“Hey, I just gave you a birthday present.”
“And then took it away again.” She scowled. “Not cool, dude. Not cool.”