“Jack told me,” Sara said. “He didn’t tell me she was pregnant, but he told me she died a couple years ago.” She looked down at the picture and ring in her hands. “I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean to upset you or go through your things. I saw something in the side of the bag and I opened it and—”
“It’s okay.” Logan walked over to her and plucked the mementos from her hands.
“He did this, didn’t he?” she asked again.
“He did,” Logan whispered.
Sara’s eyelids fell and her face scrunched up. She covered her mouth and nose with her hands and leaned forward.
Logan’s hand landed on her shoulder. “Sara—”
“How did I not know?”
“Know what?”
She strode away from him and gestured wildly. “He killed your wife and baby, he hired someone to kill me.” She turned around to face him. “How did I not know that he was so… evil? What did I miss seeing all those years? I should have known. I should have seen something, anything that would have clued me in to who he really is. Maybe if I had paid more attention, maybe if I had listened to my instincts, I could have discovered what he was doing and stopped him somehow.”
“Sara, it’s not your—”
“You keep saying that it’s not my fault, but it sure as hell feels like it is.”
Logan remained quiet.
“I’m going to take a shower.” She brushed past Logan, raced out the door, and went into the bathroom across the hall. She turned on the hot water and tugged up the diverter. As the water streamed through the shower head, she sat on the edge of the tub and buried her face in her hands.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Logan lifted his balled-up fist to knock on the door, but lowered it before his knuckles connected with the wood. He frowned and stared at the white in front of him, wondering what Sara was doing behind the door. She had shut herself in her room after her shower and spent the last two hours in a self-imposed quarantine. The faster the clock ticked down the minutes, the more Logan wanted to help ease her pain. He understood more than anyone the harm Langston brought into the lives of those around him, and seeing Sara tormented by that monster was too much for him.
The door swung open and Logan stepped back.
Sara jumped. “I was just coming out to talk to you.”
“And I was just coming up to talk to you.”
She pulled the door back and gestured for him to come in the room. “I wanted to apologize… again.”
“There’s no need to apologize.”
“But there is. I guess a lot of what I’m learning is catching me off-guard and I don’t know what to do or how I should feel.”
“I’ve lived with what he can do for years now. You’ve had an atomic bomb dropped on your life and you’re dealing with the fallout.”
“I never knew how horrible of a person he was until now,” she said, lowering herself onto the edge of the bed. “What he did to you was just awful.”
Logan sat next to her on the bed and turned to the side. “I put myself in a position where I could get hurt. I know I was just doing my job, but I also knew that by going undercover and working for him I could lose my life. At the time, I didn’t know Karen and I didn’t think about what the future would hold. I certainly didn’t plan on getting married and starting a family.”
“You have told me over and over that it’s not my fault. You should listen to yourself a little more. It’s not your fault, either.”
“But my story’s different than yours. My job endangers me and anyone around me. I should have known better than to let someone into my life.”
Sara sat sideways on the bed and crossed her legs. “You just said you didn’t know her and you didn’t plan on meeting her. So it’s not your fault. Are you supposed to deny yourself any kind of happiness because you’re helping out others?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, then by your reasoning, I also shouldn’t look to ever be happy because he just so happens to be my father.”
Logan opened his mouth to argue, but stopped. Sara’s logic could not be denied. He couldn’t keep telling her that she wasn’t responsible for her father’s actions and then hold himself responsible for those same misdeeds. For the first time, he considered the strong possibility that the blame for Karen’s death rested elsewhere.
“I’ve spent the last couple hours wondering about my role in this whole mess,” Sara continued. “When it comes down to it, I can’t blame myself. I was never around him and I had no idea what he was doing. The thing that gets me, though, is all the damage he has done. He has hurt so many people, destroyed lives, and that’s just what I know about. What else has he done that I don’t know? How many other people are suffering or have suffered because of him?”
“You can’t torture yourself thinking about that. The only thing you can do, now that you know who he is, is stop him somehow. That’s why the FBI wants to get you on their team. You have knowledge about him that no one else does. They can use what you know in conjunction with evidence they’ve collected to put him away for the rest of his life.”
“And then we both get some closure and peace.”
“That’s the plan,” Logan said.
Sara sighed. “Then I guess it’s in my best interest to cooperate with the feds. So, tell me. What happens when I go into witness protection?”
“The FBI will provide you with a new identity, take you to a secret location, and you’ll stay there for the duration of your time in the program. If your identity is compromised in any way, they will move you.”
“How long will I be there?”
“Until it’s safe for you to come out again. That might be the rest of your life.”
“I won’t be able to talk to Mary anymore, or any of my friends, will I?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do I at least get to pick out my new name?”
Her sad eyes and downturned mouth made Logan want to give her some hope. “I can’t promise anything, but Schaffer might be able to get that worked out for you.”
Sara’s expression dropped and her eyes lowered to her hands in her lap. “Will you come see me?”
Logan hesitated, wanting to give her any answer but the truth. Settling on being honest, he said, “I can’t, Sara. They won’t let anyone know where you are, especially not me, not with Langston still coming after me. They can’t—I can’t risk your life like that.”
She took a deep breath. “I was hoping Schaffer would have you come with me. You know, so I would know someone.”
Logan had hoped that himself. He considered asking Schaffer to assign him to her security, but reminded himself that he couldn’t put his own selfish desires over Sara’s safety. “That’s not the way it works,” he told her. “Once this job is over, my part will be done.”
“I keep forgetting this is just another job for you.”
His fingertips grazed her shoulder. “If I go with you, I would put you in danger. That’s the only reason I’m not going with you to watch over you.” His fingers trailed down her arm and covered her hand. “But you’re not just another—”
A noise from downstairs stopped his words. He whipped his head to the side, eyes narrowed. Voices drifted up the steps and into the room.
He looked back at Sara’s frightened face. “The cubby.”
They climbed off the bed, and Logan grabbed his bag. He guided her to the wall and he pushed open the door. He wrapped his arm around Sara and forced her into the cubby with him. He shut the door behind them and set his bag down beside them on the floor, careful not to make a sound. His hand cradled her back and she pressed into him.
Squeezed together in the tight, dark space, Logan couldn’t ignore her trembling body touching his. Her cheek rested against his chest, with her arms pinned between their bodies and her fingers curling into his shirt. He stared at the top of her head for a moment before raising his eyes to look into the darkness. He focused instead on the noises coming f
rom down the hall and prayed the men didn’t know about their hiding place.
Sara moved her head. He glanced down to see her looking up at him.
“Logan—”
He touched her mouth to silence her whisper. As soon as his fingers caressed her soft lips, a dam broke inside of him. He drew back his hand as if bitten, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. They remained still, as voices came from the other side of the door, accompanying the sound of the men ransacking the room.
Logan tried to listen to the voices, but Sara held him captive. She extended her arm upward, touching her shaking fingertips to his cheek. He took her hand and he lowered his head, as she rose on her toes to meet him. Their lips met in a soft, tentative kiss. Her mouth lingered next to his, their eyes studying each other, as if neither of them were sure of the next move.
He let go of her hand, which reconnected with his face. His palm slid around to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair. Her chin lowered just a bit, enough to force Logan to take action before he lost the moment. His mouth crushed hers in a fierce kiss, one that she reciprocated. Sara freed her other arm from between them and threw it around his waist. Her fingers tugged at his shirt while her other hand latched onto the back of his neck.
Another voice came from the room, reminding Logan of their company. Every sane part of him screamed that continuing to kiss Sara would lead down a dangerous path for them both, but he couldn’t help himself. While Allie only succeeded in awakening his physical needs, Sara aroused every part of him, waking him up for the first time since Karen died, something he never thought he would experience again. Now that he tasted her, fueling a new addiction, he wasn’t about to stop.
Logan ignored the warnings and lost himself in his almost frantic desire. No sound came from either of them, their forced restraint building his need for her to uncontrollable heights. His mouth never strayed from hers and they could barely move in the cubby, but the tight quarters didn’t stop him from exploring the sensual curves of her body through her clothing.
He didn’t know how much time passed before he realized the men had long since disappeared. He did not want to let go of her, but they also could not stay in the closet. Breaking away from her, he ran his thumbs over her cheek.
“Stay here,” he whispered.
She moistened her lips and nodded.
Pushing the door open, he squeezed past her, into the room. The harsh daylight seeping through the curtains seared his eyes, reminding him of his priority to keep her safe. Without looking at her, he closed the door behind him. He crept into the main hallway and waited, but heard nothing. He opened a small slit in the blinds covering the window at the end of the hall. Looking down, he saw no cars in the driveway or on the street near the house.
Once he searched the house and confirmed the men had left, he went back upstairs to get Sara. His heart grew heavier with each step. He had crossed the line with her, a line he had managed to stay clear of since the first time he saw her. He couldn’t take back what happened, but he also couldn’t ignore it.
He opened the door to the cubby. “It’s safe.”
She stepped out, but avoided his gaze. After putting several steps between them, she asked, “Do we need to leave?”
He had wondered that himself, but the lateness of the hour made him reconsider getting back on the road to move her again. “We’ll be fine for tonight. There’s no need for them to return again tonight since they already ruled out this house for our location. In the morning, I’ll contact Schaffer. He will let us know if we’re staying here or moving somewhere else.”
“Would he have us go to the Church tomorrow?” Her innocent sounding question held hidden meaning, one he recognized. As soon as they were back at the Church, they would be separated and she would be whisked away by the FBI. Everything that just happened would soon be a memory, an unfulfilled desire.
“I don’t know yet,” he said. “He wants us to come in, but I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.”
“Oh.”
Her eyes shifted around the room, and Logan tried to find something to look at other than her. Reminders of the closet filled every second of silence, and he regretted his actions. He knew better and could have displayed more self-control, if only he had tried.
“We should—”
“What if—”
Their words came at the same time and they chuckled. He turned his head and seeing her in his peripheral vision caught his attention. Though her eyes pointed at the floor, her flushed cheeks and timid fidgeting hypnotized him. His job no longer mattered. He took a step in her direction. She blinked and looked up. Their eyes locked and everything he felt in the closet rushed back into him at once.
Sara moved toward him, but stopped just before she reached him. She crossed her arms at the wrist, grabbed the hem of her T-shirt, and pulled it over her head. As she dropped the shirt to the ground, his eyes roamed over her skin and heat filled every inch of his body. She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. It fell loose at the sides, but stayed in place.
He closed the gap between them and lifted his palm to her cheek. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“You’re not.”
His thumb traveled over her parted lips, and she closed her eyes. His hand moved down her neck to her shoulder. He slipped his fingers between her bra strap and shoulder.
“I also don’t want to stop kissing you.”
“Then don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t ever stop.”
Chapter Thirty-nine
Lying on the soft carpet, Sara rolled toward Logan and slid her hand across his contoured torso. The scars scattered across his skin mesmerized her. Though she had seen them before, in the aftermath of being with him, they had a much different impact on her. He accumulated each one of them doing his job, protecting someone, saving someone from evils of which she knew nothing. Now she was his job, the one he protected, the one he saved time and again, in more ways than one.
Her stomach bottomed out with the rush of memories of him kissing her, of clothes flying off, of him picking her up. Her face flushed with thoughts of her legs wrapped around his hips and her back slamming into the wall, both engrossed in a never-ending kiss while her fingernails dug through the layers of skin on his back. Sex had never been so intense with Stephen. She wondered if it was always like that with Logan or if it was only because of the circumstances. She really wanted to find out.
Logan raised his head. Wrapping his arm around her, he brought her body in close to him. With her cheek resting on his warm shoulder, he kissed the top of her head. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his fingers combing through her hair.
“I’m sorry, Sara.”
She angled her head so she could see his face. “Why are you sorry?”
“I never meant to…” His gaze wandered away from her face. “I tried hard not to—”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m not."
“You’re not?”
Emboldened by their encounter, she inched up his body until her face floated above his. “Not at all.”
“Then I’m not either.” His hand pressed down on the back of her head, bringing her lips to him.
Sara lost herself in his kiss again, as if something possessed her body and mind. Having only been with one man before now, she didn’t know how to distinguish normal from extraordinary. Stephen and Logan were day and night in every comparison, and she very much preferred the night.
Desire stirred in her and she lifted her head away from him. He took her face in his hands, his thumbs moving over her skin. Her eyelids dropped at his stimulating touch.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he said, as he brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek.
She opened them again and smiled. “Why not?”
“You have the most beautiful eyes.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I have dull, brown eyes, the same as millions of other people.”
“No, you
don’t. I love your eyes. I’ve always thought that, since the first time I saw you.”
“Are you kidding? Your eyes are the ones that are worth mentioning. They were the first thing I noticed.” Even now, she slipped away into a hypnotic state as she stared into them. “I don’t know what to call them. Ice blue, translucent, incredible.” She folded her arms on his chest and rested her chin on her hands, still captivated by him.
The corners of Logan’s mouth twitched and turned upward. In the few days she had known him, he had only given a couple hints that his lips could move in that direction. As his smile grew, it lit up his eyes and warmed Sara’s heart.
“You’re smiling,” she said, her own mouth evolving into a large smile. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
He laughed and his lips parted, his smile now fully formed. “I know how to smile,” he said.
“You should do it a lot more often.”
Something in his eyes flickered and his smile died down. The sudden change in his expression reminded her of reality. They were still in danger and would be until he got her into the hands of the FBI, who would make her disappear for however long it took to put her father in prison for life. Tomorrow could be the last day she ever saw Logan, something that passionate sex and sweet exchanges would not change.
Logan gently rolled her over onto her back and hovered several inches over her. “Sara, nothing about our situation is good,” he said, as if reading her mind. “Even if it was, I don’t…” His words drifted off and he tucked strands of her hair behind her ear.
Pain clenched her heart. She had become attached to a man she barely knew in a complicated scenario. More than that, she was still engaged to another man. By sleeping with Logan, she cheated on Stephen. Lying with Logan now, his naked body covering hers like a blanket, the desire to be with him again surged through her veins, refusing to be ignored. All of it, cheating. There was no taking back what happened between them, though she wouldn’t change it if she could.