Chapter Eleven
"SHUT UP!"
This was Ellie's usual reply to things that she was dumbfounded by, and my afternoon (okay, so it wasn't an entire afternoon) spent in Toby Morrison's ute was something to be dumbfounded about.
"You total slut!" Another term of endearment from Ellie.
I just smiled and stirred my iced chocolate.
"So what did you talk about?"
Milk spilt over the rim of the tall glass as I faltered at the inevitable question.
"Umm ?"
Superheroes, guns and dirty sheets! Superheroes, guns and dirty sheets, my head screamed.
I shrugged. "You know ? stuff."
Ellie slumped back in her seat and folded her arms. "You lucky biatch!"
Yes I was. I straightened, trying not to smile like the Cheshire Cat.
"And the girlfriend?"
And there went my smile.
I knew about the girlfriend alright, painstakingly so. Last night was my first actual exchange with her other than brushing by her in the halls of Onslow High.
I sighed. "Yeah, he's still with perfect Angela."
"We totally hate her, right?" Ellie said.
The worst thing was I didn't hate her so much as I envied her. The way she walked in and captivated a room, how she completely owned it. She ordered a glass of house wine with grace. Stood and chatted, even flirted with ease with Sean as her designer sunnies held back her sun-bleached fringe. In fitted jeans and killer heels she presented a cool, casual style all of her own. What little did it matter if she had snake eyes and a matching reptilian personality. Everybody loved her. Toby loved her.
Sensing the change in my mood, Ellie set down her own iced chocolate after a long draw.
"Spill. I want every single detail."
Ellie half choked on her drink when I mentioned the first aid incident. As I waited for her to catch her breath, she sipped more, with a frantic wave of her hand for me to continue, hanging on every word. I could see her mind ticking over frantically and knowing Ellie as well as I did, it was unnerving.
I tried not to even let myself feel giddy as I thought back on every look, every smile, every touch. He had a girlfriend. It had meant nothing more than Toby being a nice person. He'd only done what anyone else would have done, which kind of took the buzz out of the moment.
"This is huge!" Ellie said, nodding.
Oh no, no, no ? just as I had come to the conclusion that it was nothing, she was going to read all sorts of stuff into it. I watched Ellie, her mind whirring as she plotted and schemed in front of me.
I needed an exit strategy. "So did you get a chance to speak to Stan on Sunday night?"
I relayed his effort of sticking up for me when Angela called me 'bar-keep'. Her scheming eyes clouded over with a dreamy, swoon-like quality as she melted in her chair before my eyes.
"He's so sweet."
Too easy.
"He is really nice, I think Operation Stan is a goer," I said, adding fuel to the fire. "So the fact that Stan is older doesn't bother you?"
Ellie straightened. "Pfft, no! Think of all the idiots I have dated that were the 'appropriate age'. They sucked."
She was right; Ellie didn't have any problems landing boys, but finding a nice, respectful one was a whole other story. Maybe she did need someone older; someone that would treat her with respect and tame her wild ways. Then I wouldn't have to worry about sitting on bonnets of cars with her latest conquest's grotesque best friend. It would be a win-win situation.
"Why? Does it worry you?" Ellie asked.
"Age difference?"
I thought of Scott, his clumsy fondling hand under my shirt, greedily grabbing at me. I never enjoyed any of his touches. I usually steered them away so as not to go too far. I wonder what he would have done if I had ever needed him, like today? I couldn't even imagine him being anything other than grouchy and put out, like he had been whenever I had my period and wouldn't let him put his hands down my pants. He was too dense to figure it out, but I had my period a lot when we were together.
I thought back to Toby; he was a boys' boy, sure, he could rough house and swear like the rest of them, but I could never imagine him being cruel. He never even seemed to get loud or obnoxious, not even with a few beers around his mates. Instead, he was always quiet and understated. And the guys seemed to respect him for that. But he was twenty-two. Five years my senior. That had worried me as recently as yesterday. But now ? although he was older and his mere presence turned my mind to mush, I didn't feel anything other than really safe with him. How could that be bad?
"No," I decided, "no, it doesn't bother me."
The gurgling slurps of Ellie's iced chocolate were loud in the caf? (and embarrassing) as she finished.
"That's settled then. Operation Stan for me, and Operation ?"
"No!" I cut her off.
"What?" she tilted her head innocently.
"Don't even think about it."
She blinked at me, like she didn't have a clue what I was talking about.
"What I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, was Operation Summer Fun!"
I didn't believe a word of it. I folded my arms and curved my brow in disbelief.
"Fine! Have it your way ? Operation Dull and Boring." She slumped back in her seat.
"Why do we need to be Operation anything?"
Ellie gasped in mock horror. "What are you saying? You mean just ? go with the flow?"
I shrugged "Why not?"
She smiled sardonically. "Could be fun?"
"With you in tow, I have no doubt."
Operation "Go with Flow" had us pick up our pays from Uncle Eric at the hotel, followed by stalking the clothes racks at Carters. I held up a pale green summery halter that I had had my eye on for weeks. I pressed it against me, tilting my head in the mirror and admiring the sheer fabric. I shouldn't buy it. I needed the new bike chain. But it was so pretty ? surely I could have both? I checked the price tag and gulped. No, no I couldn't have both. My heart plummeted as I placed the halter back onto its rack.
"What are you doing?" Ellie asked. "You have been mooning over that for weeks!" She passed me on her way to the changing room, her arms piled high with clothes.
"I don't have to have it. I can get more for my money with other things." Other less expensive things, less beautiful things.
We shopped in mind for the next weekend's shift, knowing that we didn't have to wear our Guinness tops anymore. Instead of the gorgeous halter, I bought a boat neck style top that was a bit clingy for my taste, but Ellie squealed and insisted that I had to wear it Saturday night. I also wanted to buy a new Lip Smacker lip balm, and some Impulse body spray. Our afternoon of blowing our wages actually perked me up for the weekend to come, and I was even surprised at the disappointment of realising it was only Monday.
I had ten bucks left over, allocated to Operation Bike Chain, though I didn't know if it was even nearly enough. What do I know about bike chains? And once my parents found out it had, in fact, taken me a mere three hours to blow my first pay, there would be no sympathy for my cause. My bike would be garage bound for another week until the next pay day. So I would be pounding the pavement as I didn't think it would be a good look to have Ellie dink me on her handlebars. We weren't thirteen anymore.
When I got home I lay all my purchases out on my bed, planning for a fashion parade. I had a thought that had me going into the lounge room and rummaging through dad's tape deck, all segmented in order. I shook my head at some of his rather disturbing choices in music but then I found what I was looking for. I padded barefoot back to my room, popping the cassette into my tape deck.
Don Henley started to blare out of the small speaker and I smiled to myself. I hung out in my room for the rest of the day, trying on different outfits, adjusting hairstyles, experimenting with make-up, all whilst dreaming the day away. I allowed myself this small luxury in the privacy of my own heart, because I knew that as soon as I s
tepped out into the real world, all my wants didn't count.
To: tessmcgee
Are you ready for your mind to be fully blown?
Something so big, so EPIC it will change your life forever?
Sender: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
To: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
You're coming Home???? :)
Sender: tessmcgee
To: tessmcgee
What if I am?
Have you fainted? Do you need to sit down??
I know how your life has been barren and lonely without me.
Sender: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
To: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
I cry myself to sleep every night.
WHEN?????????
Sender: tessmcgee
To: tessmcgee
Soon my pretty. Soon!
Don't know the full details yet, but I think they might be releasing me for a weekend for good behaviour. It's a small mercy. But I will take whatever I can get.
Excited much?
Sender: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
To: Adam I can jump puddles Henderson
I wait with bated breath.
Let me know! xox
Sender: tessmcgee