Chapter Thirty-Six
I didn't go in. I couldn't. Instead, I walked around Onslow through the night with no purpose, no clear direction.
Toby and Angela Vickers. I was numb. The numbness was so debilitating, all I could sense were my rapid, shallow breaths. Had I been walking for minutes, hours? I couldn't be sure. All I knew was I had backed out of Toby's drive and walked and walked, as far away as I could. I didn't allow myself to think, to feel anything. I put up a wall to everything except my breathing, the rhythmic sound that drove me away, as far as I could go.
Random strobes of lights pierced the darkness as Saturday-night joy riders passed me on the main strip. It was only when a flick of a high beam from behind and a frantic sounding of a car horn caused me to pause and shield my eyes.
A window rolled down, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust, for my mind to clear as I peered into the car to see Ringer's girlfriend, Amanda, behind the wheel, Sean beside her. He leaned across her, peering out at me.
"There you are. You went AWOL. What are you doing roaming around on your own?"
"N-nothing," I croaked out.
"We're heading to the Point, wanna come?" Amanda asked.
Before I could decline, I heard the click of a car door.
Sean was out of the car, holding the front passenger door open for me. "Hop in the front, Tess, I won't subject you to the torture of sitting with these goons."
His gaze dipped to the back seat. Amanda's brother, Ben, and Ringer sat there, exchanging insulted glances. I hadn't even noticed they were there.
"I would hop in if I were you, it's not every day Sean gives up a front seat for someone."
Before I could object, Ben passed a West Coast Cooler through the window.
"Here, hope you like wine."
I eyed the bottle, grateful it wasn't beer. "What's with you and the girly drinks?"
He shrugged. "They're Amanda's."
"Oh, whatever, Ben. Don't hide your love for chick drinks behind me." Amanda cast a dark look in the rearview mirror.
I unscrewed the top and skulled half the bottle in one go. I wanted to feel a different kind of numb. When I finally dipped my bottle, four sets of eyes rested on me with a mixture of surprise and respect.
Sean frowned at me. "You alright, Tess?"
I took another swig and snapped my lips in a gasp of appreciation.
"Yep! Let's go!"
By the time we reached the Point, I had downed two West Coast Coolers and was handed my third with a lecture to slow down from Sean. He half laughed about it, but I could tell he was serious.
But I didn't care. I just needed to forget. Forget Angela's car in the driveway and most certainly forget Monday night ever happened.
I felt sick.
The Point had filled out to a respectably sized gathering. Someone pushed an old metal drum out the back of their ute and they filled it with twigs, newspaper and a dash of lighter fluid, and it wasn't long before a circle of people stood and sat around it.
"A bonfire in this heat?" I mused.
Sean shrugged. "Feels pretty stupid standing around in a circle without one."
"What, like fire creates ambiance?" I scoffed.
"Amongst other things. You don't think it does?"
By now I was a little buzzed, the alcohol chilling me out somewhat. This was what I was after, but it wasn't enough, so I followed Ben and Ringer as they towed the esky toward the fireside. A chilly breeze blew in over the tops of trees and penetrated the Point, dropping the temperature within minutes. I guess the drum wasn't as ridiculous as I first thought. I went to crack the lid of the esky when it slammed back into place. Sean sat his arse down on the cooler.
"Do you mind?" I said.
"Oh sorry, did you want a drink?" He batted his eyes at me innocently. Like hell.
"Yes, Grandpa," I said, "move."
Sean nodded gracefully and lifted so he could delve his hand into the icy recess, only to pull out a can of Coke, which he slapped into my palm. I snatched it out of his hand and threw it over the cliff towards the flickering lights of Onslow. I stared at Sean in my best death stare.
"Geez," he said, "I hope that doesn't break a window." Sean curved his brow.
I held out my hand again with a 'don't mess with me' look on my face. Sean handed me a Cooler, his face unreadable.
Sure, he probably thought I was crazy, but what did I care? Judge away. The opinion of the Onslow Boys meant bugger all to me at this point, and all I cared about was working on my alcoholically fuelled buzz.
I squeezed onto the esky next to Sean. As I took a deep swig, I could feel his eyes burning into the side of me.
"What?" I snapped, glaring at him, challenging him. The light of the fire accentuated the twinkle in his eye as he fought not to smile.
"Your lips are swallon," he said. "Looks like pash rash."
There was no danger of that, I thought. Lips hadn't touched mine in six whole days, and those particular lips never would again. I thought about Toby's lips on Angela's and wanted to throw my drink. I wanted to start walking again, away from here, away from these people, away from everything. I was so angry I couldn't bear it. The wine fueled my fire instead of numbing it.
Not-too-distant laughter broke me out of my thoughts. I noticed two snickering idiots, Carla and Peter, two of Scott's friends from school. How did they get up here? Was no place sacred? They had always taken great delight in making me miserable. They walked by, and Carla elbowed Peter and laughed behind her hand at me.
"Friends of yours?" Sean asked.
I looked down at my drink and started picking the label off. "Doesn't matter where you go in this town, you always run into someone you don't want to."
My voice was lower, calmer. I was weary. It seemed like I'd rolled through anger; I could only guess I was spiraling into self-pity as I let the judgmental snickers affect me.
Sean leaned in and spoke quietly into my ear.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" His brows were furrowed in concern. I looked around the people at the Point, including Carla and Peter, and I decided that it was exactly what I wanted to do.
"Grab me another drink, okay?"
Sean sighed. "Yes, ma'am."
We trudged through the darkness and navigated the rocky terrain far enough away that the sounds of laughter and music from a car stereo grew faint. A cylinder of light and sparks shone into the sky from the fire. We walked in the opposite direction at the base of sloping rocks behind the shack of the fire lookout. The moon was full and high enough in the sky for me to make out Sean's broad back as I carefully followed him.
Sean effortlessly wove down the path in a fast stride, my drink dangling from his fingers. I stopped and leaned against a boulder to catch my breath.
"Wait," I huffed, "slow down."
Sean paused, turning back.
"One of your steps is equal to, like, six of mine." I could make out the brilliant white of his teeth. He tilted and looked at my legs.
"Sorry, I forgot."
I reached out for my drink. He held it towards me but just as I was about to take it he lifted it out of my reach.
"Don't be a dick." I jumped but he held it up and away.
With hands on my hips, I glared at him and hoped there was enough moonlight to show my murderous look. Sean lowered the bottle and just as I reached for it, he lifted it again with a laugh.
"You're such a fucking child!"
"Am not times infinity, no returns."
I tried not to laugh but couldn't help it and leaned against the rock, arms crossed, refusing to play the game. Sean handed me my drink and joined me against the rock as I twisted the top off. The metallic snap and hiss of bubbles from his can as he opened it pierced the silence.
We both took a swig.
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Sean flicked the ring of his can away into the darkness.
I followed suit and threw my bottle top. "I guess." I suddenly felt uneasy.
"What's going on with you and Toby?"
Any momentary light mood Sean had put me in was overshadowed by a searing pain as my mind flashed back to Angela's red Lancer behind Toby's ute. I turned away, hoping he hadn't noticed my reaction.
"Nothing, why?"
"Just wondered."
I looked back at him. "Yeah, well, there's absolutely nothing going on."
Sean's eyes narrowed in thought, looking at me as if he was weighing something up in his mind, his expression unreadable as he took in my answer.
"Fair enough." We were quiet for a moment. "Can I ask another personal question?"
I sighed and tilted my head at him in annoyance. It made him smile.
"Can I kiss you?"
Wait ? what? All thoughts, good and bad, evaporated from my mind. Sean gazed up at the stars, as if he hadn't said a word, hadn't asked me that bonkers question. An outrageous question, a question that had me thinking, and then moving and him looking down at me. And then the next thing I knew I was kissing Sean Murphy.